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Full Version: [OOC][PLOT] The Fifth Thread of Planning for Arc 1 - Arrivals
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(10-14-2019, 06:54 PM)Labster Wrote: [ -> ]Taking the Wolkenritter into the Labyrinth really cool to me!  But I seriously need to watch Labyrinth again.

Glad that you like it!  Smile

Now that I'm thinking of it, the Alicia-Witch might just be unhinged enough to actually send the Wolkenritter after Alicia... Leaving her only with with the BoD itself and it's Ultimate Defense Program to protect her.

And that is exactly what our heroes want.

And then I can do a side-story about the Wolkenritter in the Labyrinth.  Here, at first, I was worried about not having ideas because it'd be boring just to rehash the movie... (Though the Bog of Eternal Stench will be an absolute must for the gag factor.  Wink  )

And then I realized that the Labyrinth is really, in truth, an epic-level dungeon crawl - the kind you only ever read about on D&D forums - with traps and/or puzzles at every single turn, and this is to say nothing of the monster encounters!  ( ♪ Chilly down with the fire gang! ♫ )

To that end, I think this resource should be of great help.

(10-14-2019, 06:54 PM)Labster Wrote: [ -> ]
Quote:A little known secret where the laymen default to mesquite, the pecan wood imparted a smoother, richer, and more buttery flavor that was reminiscent of the delicious nuts they provided.
Thank you for not making the whole party smell like shit.  Mesquite is terrible.
That's mainly because of novices that fancy themselves as pitmasters aren't maintaining the fire properly. The lignin content in Mesquite makes if very difficult to burn - it only hits it's stride at a very high temperature, and then that must be carefully moderated. It's a very difficult wood to smoke with. The bad smell is from poorly maintained Mesquite-fueled fires not burning hot enough, and producing a thick black "Dirty Smoke". This is highly undesirable to true pitmasters as it deposits far too much soot on the food and not enough of the better flavor compounds.

This is why Pecan is more prevalent in many Texas smoke houses - while it is not as "smokey" as a properly done Mesquite smoke, this means that the flavor is much more mellow. It's also far easier to work with.

Ironically, the heat at which Mesquite burns properly makes it fare more suitable for grilling as opposed to smoking. Once you have a good bank of Mesquite embers in your grill, you can turn out wonderful steaks that have a bit of the Mesquite flavors that are desirable.

(10-14-2019, 06:54 PM)Labster Wrote: [ -> ]And really, I was planning on talking to my kids about Halloween earlier.  I have stories running October 14 to 19, any time in there would be good, and I could reference it in my story.  With less lead time, it will be entirely in your story.

Sounds good to me. I think this will serve as a lesson to us to plan our stories better by using shorter, preceding stories to help set up the longer stories in the future.
D-13.

Well, the framing sections of the big fight scene are nearly complete - I just have to write the bit where Mikoto and Sosuke agree on having the combat exercise in an urban environment. And I have the very basics of the fight blocked out in general terms. I think this scene just might not kill me.

But Labster pointed out a bit where Kuroko was out-of-character, so I had to fix that first (before I forgot about it).

As for the costume competition... First, unless somebody's already working on it, I suspect we won't have it ready before the deadline. Who's writing this? Second, if it's happening, it needs to happen earlier in the story - I'd like to place it after the trick-or-treaters return but before Ben meets Jareth.

EDIT: Maybe have Nanoha and Fate arrive in the middle of the costume contest?


One unwritten scene that I'm requesting help with:
Quote:Sakura and Shaoran are both electric magic users. They'd probably both appreciate a demonstration of things you can do with electricity from people who are better at it.
Labster, would you write the part where Sakura and Shaoran approach Makoto and Mikoto about this, please? After I finish the fight scene, I'll do a longer demonstration than what we have now:
Quote:"V!" Electricity ran up Mikoto's fingers as if they were a Jacob's Ladder.


We need a few more filler scenes - things to put between the longer scenes. Here's an example:

Quote:Maya dropped herself into a chair, careful not to crease River's dress, a bottle of Freetail Bourbon Barrel Aged Local Coffee Stout in her hand. She looked at Ritsuko, sighed, and took a long drink.

Beside her, Kaorin dropped herself into a chair, not caring whether she creased the costume that she was wearing, a bottle of C. C. Lemon in her hand. She looked at Sakaki, sighed, and took a long drink.

"You, too?"

"Yeah. I just can't tell her."

"I know the feeling."

That's the entire scene - the only thing it's missing is a quick mention of what Kaorin's costume is. (The list on the wiki doesn't say.)

We need a few more scenes this length that I can drop in anywhere.
D-10.

Time to strip this down to its essentials, since people keep getting sidetracked.

Labster, please give me Brent's reaction to Ben's invitation to the party.

Rajvik, please give me James's reaction to Ben's invitation to the party.

Me, write the sparring match. Keep it short.

The story is already too long. We have multiple scenes where BA explains the horror that was his childhood to somebody else. Which one are we keeping? I'm tempted to jettison the one between Ben and Rei Hino, since (a) we have other scenes that cover the same ground, (b) it slows the story flow, and (c) it's the longest scene with repeated info. We leave in the setup and the reaction, we just don't show the scene here. Keep it as an omake.

Everybody, please give me in point form some party stunts Mikoto and Makoto can show Sakura and Shaoran while explaining electric combat to them. Keep them short. The impromptu class won't be described in detail - these are just be what folks who aren't part of the session see from halfway across the courtyard.

Is anybody aware of a character who is in attendance but doesn't have any screen time yet?
Argh.  Okay, I'm going to go ahead and strip out the bits involving my character that are not essential to the plot here.  That should trim things down.

I'm absolutely exhausted; I got family visiting, I've got school, medical procedures, and Murphy bit me in the ass yet again by having two people puke in my car, and necessitating a $300 cleanup that Uber only wanted to comp me half of because they're being pricks, and I had to take out a payday loan just to make the cleanup happen before that shit could permanently ruin my car.  My depression and anxiety are in high-gear right now and the meds are just barely keeping me in a state that is functional only in appearance.

Please be understanding here.  This is just yet another matter of everything happening at that absolute worse time for me.  As usual.

God, I wish I could catch a break.
And done.

That's removed over 7,500 words from the Halloween story that don't really do much to move the plot forward. I can put the content into a side story instead.

Rest assured, it's saved on my computer. Besides, if you really want it in there, you can just revert the changes I made. But I think this is the better way to go. The Halloween Party Story shouldn't be where I dump my own personal issues.
Rob, i thought we had the invitations/reactions to them in the chatlog thread?
i could be wrong, and i'll try and check it later today.
(10-19-2019, 10:59 PM)Black Aeronaut Wrote: [ -> ]And done.

That's removed over 7,500 words from the Halloween story that don't really do much to move the plot forward. I can put the content into a side story instead.

Rest assured, it's saved on my computer. Besides, if you really want it in there, you can just revert the changes I made. But I think this is the better way to go. The Halloween Party Story shouldn't be where I dump my own personal issues.

I've put a little bit back in, but only the bare minimum to make stories that are already posted here still make sense.


(10-20-2019, 05:45 AM)Rajvik Wrote: [ -> ]Rob, i thought we had the invitations/reactions to them in the chatlog thread?
i could be wrong, and i'll try and check it later today.

I don't remember them... Thanks for checking.

Dartz, I need the 33-Stars' reply to the invitation, too. I assume it would come from Data...?

I'll have to do the Montreal apartment's reply myself, unless somebody else writes it first.

Speaking of the Montreal apartment, Saber now has a costume defined. My thanks to Blade for the suggestion.
Data may not have been discovered yet - he didn't find the Stars until after they started going public.
I checked and I was wrong, it was your marriage discussion that was talked about and having New Years on the Gulf Coast.

Give me a bit, something is percolating
Your SI would take the call, then.




BA has suggested a costume contest. Who wins?

Categories:
  • Best Idea / Most Original
  • Most Elaborate
  • Best Clothing Swap
  • Best Group Costume
  • Best Costume, Non-humanoid "Beast Costume"
  • Best Costume Overall (the winner)

Since you can't tell the (cos)players without a scorecard, here's a list of who's dressed as who. At this point, I think we'll have to assume anyone who still has a blank line instead of a costume listed didn't make anything sufficiently memorable to win.


Appartements Mont-Royal Sud
  • Terry Chambly: ___
  • Gon Freecss: ___
  • Killua Zoldyck: ___
  • Alluka/Nanika Zoldyck: ___
  • Kurapika Kurta: ___
  • Leorio Paradinight: ___
  • Emiya Shirou: ___
  • Artoria Pendragon: the royal British lion
  • Tohsaka Rin: ___
  • Emiya Shirou (Servant): ___
  • Matou Sakura: ___
  • Medusa: ___
  • Souichirou Kuzuki: ___
  • Medea of Colchis: ___
  • Kojirou Sakaki: ___
  • Illyasviel von Einzbern: ___
  • Heracles: ___
  • Bazett Fraga McRemitz: ___
  • Cú Chulainn: ___

Aria House
  • Brent Laabs: Mamoru Chiba
  • Alicia Florence: Snow White
  • Akira E. Ferrari: Rose Red
  • Athena Glory: The Little Mermaid
  • Alice Carroll: Alice in Wonderland
  • Aika Granzchesta: Cinderella
  • Akari Mizunashi: Scheherazade
  • President Aria: Carmen Miranda
  • Tomo Takino: Utena Tenjou
  • Koyomi Mizuhara: Anthy Himemiya
  • Chiyo Mihama: cheerleader
  • Kagura: Kei
  • Sakaki: Yuri
  • Maya: Mughi
  • Osaka: ___
  • Kaorin: ___
  • Sakura Kinomoto: Belldandy
  • Tomoyo Daidouji: Skuld
  • Mira Kinomoto: Urd
  • Shaoran Li: Thor
  • Sonomi Daidouji: ___
  • Fujitaka Kinomoto: ___
  • Kerberos: Pikachu

Blossom Apartments
  • Rob Donaldson: "Agent R", a Man In Black from Men in Black
  • Usagi Tsukino: Sarah Williams from Labyrinth, at the ball
  • Mamoru Chiba: Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth, at the ball
  • Usagi "Chibi-Usa" Chiba: Hikaru from Angelic Layer
  • Luna: as herself, in her uniform from the Silver Millennium
  • Artemis: Elric
  • Diana: Hayate Yagami in Unison form
  • Ami Mizuno: Mami Tomoe
  • Minako Aino: "The Girl" from The Seven Year Itch
  • Rei Hino: Hatsune Miko
  • Makoto Kino: Mikoto Misaka
  • Mikoto Misaka: Makoto Kino
  • Kuroko Shirai: as herself (she's far too "rational" for Halloween)
  • Ruiko Saten: Yomiko Readman
  • Kazari Uiharu: does an alternate reading of her own name, 初春, and gets Hatsuharu from Kantai Collection
  • Mii Konori: a Playboy Bunny

(The Misaka Sisters join the party too late to take part in the contest. Accelerator doesn't show up at all.)

Gulfside Rest
  • James Bostwick: The man in black (Yul Brenner's character) from The Magnificent Seven
  • Shinji Ikari: Hoban Washburne
  • Asuka Soryu: Zoe Washburne
  • Rei Ayanami: Yuki Nagato
  • Toji Suzuhara: Simon Tam
  • Kensuke Aida: Jayne Cobb
  • Hikari Horaki: Kaylee Frye
  • Misato Katsuragi: Inara Serra
  • Kaji Ryogi: Malcolm Reynolds
  • Ritsuko Akagi: Shepard Book
  • Maya Ibuki: River Tam
  • Malcolm Reynolds: Kaji Ryogi
  • Inara Serra: Misato Katsuragi
  • Hoban Washburne: Shinji Ikari
  • Zoe Washburne: Asuka Soryu
  • Simon Tam: Toji Suzuhara
  • River Tam: Rei Ayanami
  • Jayne Cobb: Kensuke Aida
  • Shepard Book: Ritsuko Akagi
  • Kaylee Frye: Hikari Horaki

Westwoods Apartments
  • Benjamin Rhodes: A young version of Edward Teague, the father of Captain Jack Sparrow.
  • Tenchi Masaki: ___
  • Ryoko Hakubi: ___
  • Ayeka Masaki-Jyurai: ___
  • Sasami Masaki-Jyurai: Pretty Sammy
  • Mihoshi Kuramitsu: ___
  • Washuu Hakubi: ___
  • Ryo-Ooki: herself
  • Noike Kamiki-Jyurai: ___
  • Sousuke Sagara: ___
  • Kaname Chidori: ___
  • Teletha Testarossa: ___
  • Kurz Weber: ___
  • Melissa Mao: ___
  • Chihiro Fujimi: ___
  • Nanoha Takamichi: ___
  • Fate Testarossa: Usagi Tsukino

The Megami and close friends
  • Keiichi Morisato: Bob from ReBoot
  • Sora Hasegawa: ___
  • Megumi Morisato: The Fonz
  • Belldandy: Dot Matrix
  • Urd: Mouse from ReBoot
  • Skuld: AndrAIa (young)
(10-06-2019, 08:18 PM)robkelk Wrote: [ -> ]For your consideration: Live Oaks Manor, yet another NPC residence. Thoughts?

Location:

Just outside Vicksburg, Mississippi, USA

History:

The building itself is a displacee. While General Ulysses S. Grant did set up a field command in the area after the Battle of Vicksburg, he was not assisted by an aide-de-camp named James West... at least, not in our history. The episode "The Night of the Lord of Limbo" of The Wild Wild West tells us a different history: that's where Gen. Grant set up his field command in that universe, cutting off a smugglers' route between Texas and the Confederacy, and in the 1870s the house was the terminus for the show's only time-travel story.

So, there's a history of time shenanigans at that location in one universe. When the building itself showed up in the Metacontinuity, that history caused it to snap back all the way to September 11, 2016, the day the first character associated with guarding time appeared in the Metacontinuity. Once it did, in the words of our illustrious concept-creator, "The Goddesses locked that shit down faster than flies on stink"... also locking down other temporal portals including the Time Gates. Thus was Setsuna Meioh / Sailor Pluto knocked out and Hotaru Tomoe / Sailor Saturn needing to use her own healing powers to keep Sailor Pluto alive.

<snippage>
Just tossed this onto the wiki, to get it out of my way for a couple of weeks.

Also mentioned the DeLorean in the stable / garage.
The first draft of the fight scene is done. Here's hoping I'll have time to polish it.

EDIT: And a quick vignette for the after-party, now that I can look at other parts of the story:

Quote:"What's the old phrase? Poke the bunny? I wouldn't mind poking that bunny." Jayne grinned.

"It's 'poodle', not 'bunny', and the phrase doesn't mean what you think it does," replied Kurz. "But I know what you mean."

Where neither they nor Mii could see, Rob glared at both men for a quick moment.
Just did another pass through the story, and got the gaps down to the bare essentials that need to be filled in. On the wiki, most of these can be found by searching for the string "stuff."


Setup

Quote:Mamoru, Chibi-Usa, Artemis, Luna, and Diana turning up at the Westwoods doorstep (possibly on their own, possibly brought by Sasami, Chidori, or both, possibly some other way). And are Hotaru and Setsuna with them, or are they still hiding in a bolthole with the opening pulled in behind them?

BA: "I'm going to need to throw in a few smaller bits myself – namely Ben conceiving the idea and pitching it to his residents before pitching it to the other apartment managers."

Rob: Maybe Mamoru &c. showing up is why Ben decides to hold a party? – No, that won't work. Nobody's so evil as to keep Usagi away from her family. Mamoru &c. would have to show up while Ben's doing the smoking the day before.

"stuff" – selling the party to the displacees


Quote:"stuff." – inviting Dublin, Montreal, and Pensacola, not necessarily in alphabetical order. Inviting Ottawa can go in the middle of the list, if desired.

Quote:"stuff." Describe a party canopy/gazebo and its decorations here

Cue Tomo referencing the tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo. She brought a wooden sword, right? (Later, cue Rob hearing about it, and complaining because he missed it.)


Trick-or-Treating

Quote:"stuff." "Trick or Treat!" at $house.

Need to show a non-wacky, non-plot-important house, as setup for the whole "Prince Tomo" scene.


During the Party

Quote:"stuff".
Quote:"stuff".
Quote:"stuff".

Random scenes, to break up other scenes and establish characters' presence in San Antonio while the younmgsters are trick-or-treating. Especially characters from Dublin, Pensacola, and Montreal, please.


Quote:Nanoha and Fate had just arrived on Ben's heels because the Takamachis followed them in their own car.

BA: "We should probably have a bit in there for a costume contest.
Categories:
Best Idea/ Most Original
Most Elaborate
Best Clothing Swap
Best Group Costume
Best Costume, Non-humanoid "Beast Costume"
Best Costume Overall (the winner)

A loser can say "This contest was rigged – a total Rig!" (this is 2016 after all)
* Any loser in particular? Maybe Tomo complaining as a joke?
** Possibly Brent, saying this is totally in character for me.
In fact I have said this at a costume contest before (though I was dressed as our President at the time). -BL

Tomoyo as one of the judges? She'd know what to look for regarding technical and esthetic matters.
* It's kinda cruel not to let a kid compete in a contest like this.
I'd suggest the Norns as they have millennia of experience weaving
(And so Belldandy doesn't win automatically) -BL


Quote:Sakura and Shaoran are both electric magic users. They'd probably both appreciate a demonstration of things you can do with electricity from people who are better at it.

...

"V!" Electricity ran up Mikoto's fingers as if they were a Jacob's Ladder.

...


Quote:"stuff". Sakura would be happy to learn magic from anyone, and she's a quick learner. Minako becoming interested in Rin's gem magic. Bling as arsenal?

Tomoyo filming the party, occasionally non-Sakura people even

(The "learning magic" scene can be jettisoned if necessary... but it is a requested scene. Can't move it to one of those earlier random scenes because it involves trick-or-treaters.)


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, to immediately follow a long scene and break the tension.


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, to immediately follow a very long scene and break the tension, and so that Washuu doesn't take Mikoto into the lab for emergency medical treatment and immediately come back out.


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, so that Washuu doesn't take Brent into the lab for a medical experiment and immediately come back out.


During the After-Party


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, so that Washuu doesn't take Kazari into the lab for a prop rebuild and immediately come back out.


(I think Washuu has enough scenes in this fic.)


Quote:Mao, Urd, and Ryoko polishing off a case keg of beer between them.

Though I'd be more concerned about what happens to Kurtz once he gets a few drinks in him and makes a pass at both Urd and Ryoko. Ben: "Awww shit. Guys, eyes up just in case we need to take cover."

Am I the only one seeing a drinking contest between Urd, Mihoshi, Ryoko, and Jayne?

One of our heavier drinkers, please write (or offer ideas for) this scene or scenes.


Quote:DARTZ: [the morality of having sex with any of the 33-Stars] Would be an interesting conversation with Inara, if someone dares to go there.

"Inara and Sylvie sharing pointers in her private chambers?"

----- cut

"Emotionally, that can lead to insecurity and dependance, something that could be dangerous,"


The Next Morning


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, so that Kurz and Akira don't show up for breakfast immediately after Brent asks Washuu to wait until everyone's awake.


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, so that Kurz and Akira can get some breakfast before Akira leaves.
(10-20-2019, 12:55 PM)robkelk Wrote: [ -> ]Also mentioned the DeLorean in the stable / garage.
heh, I suppose there's also a Hot tub in the backyard, maybe an old payphone booth, and various odds items scattered/displayed around the building (like a certain dagger)
Alright, question, when and how were the invitations sent out for the Halloween Party?
Phone call from Ben on Sunday October 16, two weeks in advance. Look at the other phone calls, maybe you'll get an idea.
Submitted for your consideration...

(10-14-2019, 06:43 AM)Black Aeronaut Wrote: [ -> ]When Benjamin runs errands, he does not do things by halves.  He is a stone-cold killer when he has a list of objectives and a lot of driving to do.

Of course, with San Antonio being such a sprawling city, you had to be smart about how you run your errands.  That was why he already had an itinerary completely plotted out, with each stop allotted in the calendar app in his iPhone, addresses included, so all he had to do was hit the link to navigate to the next “appointment”.

And the day before the party, there was a great deal to accomplish.

Food to be purchased.  Supplies.  Booze.  So much booze.  Beautiful booze.  You’re gonna love this booze.  Benjamin actually had to make several stops just to get it all, loading up Scrappy’s cargo bed with multiple kegs and a great many cases.  The orders had all been placed and paid for in advance - Ben only needed to pick it all up.

He left nothing to chance.  He wrapped everything in moving pads he picked up at the nearby U-Haul to insulate them, keeping the precious booze cold even as the unrelenting Texas sun turned the cargo bed, covered by the faded-silver camper shell, into an oven.

He went back right away, storing everything in the coolers in the wet bar that had been set up in one of the 3-Bedroom units - of which there were only two, so Ben kept them in reserve for when they REALLY needed it.
Sasami, Noike, Tenchi, Kaname, and even (surprise!) Sousuke had been busy preparing treats, snacks, and entrees for the buffet line.  Benjamin remembered a fun trick from a Halloween party from years past.  Grape juice in a clean latex glove, tied off and left in the freezer.  This, along with a few pucks of dry ice, were left in the punch bowl.

Meanwhile, everyone else helped with the decorations.  Sousuke got called from the kitchen to help Mao, Kurt, and Ryoko put up the sun screens that would provide much-needed shade.  Several fans were also set up - no misters though.  This was not California.  This was Subtropical Texas.  Misters did little to abate the humid heat.  But the sun screens would be enough - cutting out the worst of the glaring sun’s heat while the fans provided convection cooling.

Even with that, Benjamin had set aside several units for activities in air conditioned environments.  One he set up as a theater that would show Halloween-appropriate films.  Labyrinth and Spirited Away early on for the younger ones.  The Lost Boys and Army of Darkness later for the older crowd.

Another unit he set aside as a sort of “Chill Room”.  The two bedrooms had several board games and party games for a more low-key and introverted kind of fun.  The living room had several comfy couches, coffee tables with interesting picture books, and low-key music playing.  The kitchen held a variety of refreshments - most of the non-alcoholic drinks were here.

Outdoor activities had been planned as well.  Boccie ball, badminton, and volley ball - with the last two sharing the same space.  There was also a jumbo-sized Jenga tower made from two-by-fours.  A stage had been set up for 33 Stars to play on.  There was also a podium set aside so someone could DJ when the band wasn’t playing.

Indeed, the residents of the Westwoods Apartments had been very busy in the last day, though some preparations had been going on for much longer.

It had taken Ben only a phone call to his mother, and she gladly imparted to him the secret Farmer Family Barbecue Sauce Recipe.  This he prepared quietly in his own kitchen en masse two weeks before the party.  And then he prepared the meat and tofu (yes, barbecued tofu is a thing!) to marinate.  Briskets, pork loins, pork ribs, chicken - wings, legs, and even whole chickens, all marinating in the bright-red sauce for a week.

He requested advice from his uncle - the man who, right after his dearly departed grandfather, had been up to his elbows in making this very same sort of barbecue for the family's eating and drinking establishment.  Several large smokers were rented out, and Ben had gone to the old Farmer family homestead for the secret weapon - fallen branches from the many pecan trees on the family plot, carefully kept dry, but not too dry.

A little known secret where the laymen default to mesquite, the pecan wood imparted a smoother, richer, and more buttery flavor that was reminiscent of the delicious nuts they provided.  Benjamin made sure he was on his preferred 4am-to-noon sleep cycle in order to be up through the night, tending to the smokers, only going to bed in the early morning once Noike came to relieve him.

Everything had a set amount of time they had to spend in the smokers.  The briskets went in first.  Being a very tough cut of meat, they required a bare minimum of eight hours until they tenderized.  Longer was better - the more time they spent in the smokers, the closer they got to that much sought-after melt-in-your-mouth tenderness.

The pulled pork and pork ribs needed less time, the fatty meat already having everything it needed to turn into a juicy and tender mass of meat.  And then the chicken - four hours being plenty of time to get to the point where the meat simply slid off the bones.  The tofu needed the least amount of time, spending only a scant two hours in the smoker, but it would be no-less delicious for that.  The Vegetarians would not be disappointed.

He'd brought Sasami along because she'd expressed an interest in learning how to smoke meat properly. That was the only reason she was outside and looking in the right direction when two people walked past the apartment. "Rodesu-san... are they who I think they are?" She gestured where only he could see.

Ben looked at them. They were Asian, and looked to be related to each other. The male was older than the female, so Ben guessed they were brother-sister or possibly father-daughter. He was tall for an Asian, and wearing a green jacket and black slacks. Is he a Lupin wannabe - or maybe Lupin himself? No, he has the wrong hairdo. Then he turned his attention to the girl. Ben couldn't help but notice her pink hair, and he wondered what sort of parents would let somebody that young dye her hair that color. The he noticed the cats that were with them - one black, one white, on either side of a gray kitten. The pieces fell into place. "They might be. Do you have Rob Donaldson's phone number?"

"I didn't bring my phone. And it would look suspicious if I go get it. It looks like they're thinking of coming in," commented Sasami. She was right - after a moment of conversation among themselves, they turned and walked into the courtyard, headed for Ben and Sasami.

Or, at least, the man walked in. The girl took three steps in, looked at Sasami, and stopped in obvious surprise. Then she asked, loudly enough for Ben and Sasami to hear, "Is that girl who I think she is?"

"So many strange things have happened lately that another one wouldn't surprise me at all," the man said to the girl. Then he turned to Ben and Sasami. "Please forgive us for entering unannounced. We're looking for whoever here would be able to rent us a place to live."

"That would be me. Benjamin Rhodes, but my friends call me Ben."

"Mamoru Chiba. Pleased to meet you. This is my daughter."

Sasami grinned. "Yep, they're who I thought they were! And your cats are named Artemis, Luna, and Diana, right?" Before they could respond, she bowed slightly and continued. "I'm Sasami Masaki Jurai. Pleased to meet you."

The girl looked up at Mamoru. "I never thought I'd meet an anime character in the flesh." Then she turned to Sasami. "But how did you know our cats' names?"

"Usa, it's called 'cosplay'."

"Well..." Ben grinned to lighten the mood. "Usually it is, but not this time. Sasami really is from 'Tenchi Muyo', and I'm one of a group of people whose job it is to help people who've been dropped into this universe - at least to the extent of maintaining places for you to stay. And as for how we know who you are -" May as well dump everything on them all at once, he figured. "- Usagi, Ami, Rei, Makoto, and Minako asked us to keep an eye out for you."

"Thay're here?" asked all five visitors in excitement - immediately followed by the cats putting their paws over their mouths in the same "I shouldn't have said that" maneuver.

Sasami answered before Ben could. "No, but they'll be visiting us tomorrow."
Slight topic change: I just sent an email to somebody I know who's at least somewhat interested in getting back into writing fanfic. We'll see whether anything comes of it.
D-7.

Recap time.

Things that have been done have been crossed out. If you're working on anything that's left, please tell me now so that I don't duplicate your work.


(10-20-2019, 05:16 PM)robkelk Wrote: [ -> ]Just did another pass through the story, and got the gaps down to the bare essentials that need to be filled in. On the wiki, most of these can be found by searching for the string "stuff."


Setup

Quote:Mamoru, Chibi-Usa, Artemis, Luna, and Diana turning up at the Westwoods doorstep (possibly on their own, possibly brought by Sasami, Chidori, or both, possibly some other way). And are Hotaru and Setsuna with them, or are they still hiding in a bolthole with the opening pulled in behind them?

BA: "I'm going to need to throw in a few smaller bits myself – namely Ben conceiving the idea and pitching it to his residents before pitching it to the other apartment managers."

Rob: Maybe Mamoru &c. showing up is why Ben decides to hold a party? – No, that won't work. Nobody's so evil as to keep Usagi away from her family. Mamoru &c. would have to show up while Ben's doing the smoking the day before.

"stuff" – selling the party to the displacees


Quote:"stuff." – inviting Dublin, Montreal, and Pensacola, not necessarily in alphabetical order. Inviting Ottawa can go in the middle of the list, if desired.

Quote:"stuff." Describe a party canopy/gazebo and its decorations here

Cue Tomo referencing the tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo. She brought a wooden sword, right? (Later, cue Rob hearing about it, and complaining because he missed it.)


Trick-or-Treating

Quote:"stuff." "Trick or Treat!" at $house.

Need to show a non-wacky, non-plot-important house, as setup for the whole "Prince Tomo" scene.


During the Party

Quote:"stuff".
Quote:"stuff".
Quote:"stuff".

Random scenes, to break up other scenes and establish characters' presence in San Antonio while the youngsters are trick-or-treating. Especially characters from Dublin, Pensacola, and Montreal, please.


Quote:Nanoha and Fate had just arrived on Ben's heels because the Takamachis followed them in their own car.

BA: "We should probably have a bit in there for a costume contest.
Categories:
Best Idea/ Most Original
Most Elaborate
Best Clothing Swap
Best Group Costume
Best Costume, Non-humanoid "Beast Costume"
Best Costume Overall (the winner)

A loser can say "This contest was rigged – a total Rig!" (this is 2016 after all)
* Any loser in particular? Maybe Tomo complaining as a joke?
** Possibly Brent, saying this is totally in character for me.
In fact I have said this at a costume contest before (though I was dressed as our President at the time). -BL

Tomoyo as one of the judges? She'd know what to look for regarding technical and esthetic matters.
* It's kinda cruel not to let a kid compete in a contest like this.
I'd suggest the Norns as they have millennia of experience weaving
(And so Belldandy doesn't win automatically) -BL


Quote:Sakura and Shaoran are both electric magic users. They'd probably both appreciate a demonstration of things you can do with electricity from people who are better at it.

...

"V!" Electricity ran up Mikoto's fingers as if they were a Jacob's Ladder.

...


Quote:"stuff". Sakura would be happy to learn magic from anyone, and she's a quick learner. Minako becoming interested in Rin's gem magic. Bling as arsenal?

Tomoyo filming the party, occasionally non-Sakura people even

(The "learning magic" scene can be jettisoned if necessary... but it is a requested scene. Can't move it to one of those earlier random scenes because it involves trick-or-treaters.)


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, to immediately follow a long scene and break the tension.


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, to immediately follow a very long scene and break the tension, and so that Washuu doesn't take Mikoto into the lab for emergency medical treatment and immediately come back out.


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, so that Washuu doesn't take Brent into the lab for a medical experiment and immediately come back out.


During the After-Party


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, so that Washuu doesn't take Kazari into the lab for a prop rebuild and immediately come back out.


(I think Washuu has enough scenes in this fic.)


Quote:Mao, Urd, and Ryoko polishing off a case keg of beer between them.

Though I'd be more concerned about what happens to Kurtz once he gets a few drinks in him and makes a pass at both Urd and Ryoko. Ben: "Awww shit. Guys, eyes up just in case we need to take cover."

Am I the only one seeing a drinking contest between Urd, Mihoshi, Ryoko, and Jayne?

One of our heavier drinkers, please write (or offer ideas for) this scene or scenes.


Quote:DARTZ: [the morality of having sex with any of the 33-Stars] Would be an interesting conversation with Inara, if someone dares to go there.

"Inara and Sylvie sharing pointers in her private chambers?"

----- cut

"Emotionally, that can lead to insecurity and dependance, something that could be dangerous,"


The Next Morning


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, so that Kurz and Akira don't show up for breakfast immediately after Brent asks Washuu to wait until everyone's awake.


Quote:"stuff".

Random scene, so that Kurz and Akira can get some breakfast before Akira leaves.


EDIT: Don't make me be so desperate as to use this in the story:

Everybody looked at what had been added to their bags or bins.

"I got a box of choco-mints!"

"I got a pack of Twinkies!"

"I got some licorice whips!"

"I got a roll of smarties!"

Ben double-checked his bag. Yep, that's what he saw the first time. "I got a rock."
Quote:(The "learning magic" scene can be jettisoned if necessary... but it is a requested scene. Can't move it to one of those earlier random scenes because it involves trick-or-treaters.)
Dropping that request entirely.  It makes more sense later on for plot reasons. It still would make some sense here, but not important enough to be a blocker.

We may just want to rearrange existing scenes into those blocks where a scene is needed to break flow.  I've written everything I've thought I could throw in at this point.

Except... I have another idea for Saber.  It may not work because I think I'm basing the idea more on the romantic legends of Arthur than on the more Welsh stories she resembles.  But eh, I suppose it's worth a try.  I'd try writing more of them in, but sorry Saber is the one and only character I identified with in Fate and probably only then because I'm conflating her with other versions of her character.

We should also considering tell-not-show scenes at this point because we're really down to the wire.
Rob, I like what you did there. If you'd like I can go ahead and expand on that to include having Ben bring them in and read them in on the whole situation.

Also, I did mention before that we can have lead-up to the celebration in other stories preceding this - lord knows I got a few to write to fill things in.

If it's fine with you, we can leave Ben pitching the idea of the party to the others in another story. The exposition is already going to be full enough with everyone preparing for the party.

Oh, and please do the rock thing. That sounds exactly like the sort of thing I'd have happen to me. Tongue

Labster, would you mind flagging out some of those scenes that need more showing than telling?

EDIT: Oh, and I forgot about this. Sailor Failures is celebrating Minako's birthday by posting a metric ton of trivia about her to give people ideas about how they can celebrate her big day. There's lots of useful information in there.
https://sailorfailures.tumblr.com/post/1...lor-venuss
Oh, dear - seeing it called "the rock thing" instead of
makes me wonder whether I'm showing my age there.
PFFFFTTT!!!!

Okay, I'd forgotten all about that.

In that case, have my character lampshade it.

"What the hell. Am I Charlie Brown now? I know Murphy has had it out for me, but this is an all new kind of low. Good grief."
Still need two costumes, Sonomi and Kaorin.

Quote: Labster, would you mind flagging out some of those scenes that need more showing than telling?
I kinda wrote that at 3AM so I actually meant the opposite. Write scenes that tell. We have enough length, most of what is left can be simple sentences that describe what happens rather than walk the reader through the whole thing, where necessary. If it were interesting we probably would have written it already.

Do Nanoha and Fate really need to join the party? It appears no one used them there. We kind of made a point of inviting them so it's a little weird.

So it's a costume contest. Let's pick winners!

Best Idea/ Most Original
Most Elaborate
Best Clothing Swap
Best Group Costume
Best Costume, Non-humanoid "Beast Costume"
Most Funny
Most Scary
Best Costume Overall (the winner)

Any nominations?
(10-23-2019, 07:51 PM)Labster Wrote: [ -> ]Still need two costumes, Sonomi and Kaorin.

And Kaorin is already in a short scene where knowing what her costume is would be nice...


(10-23-2019, 07:51 PM)Labster Wrote: [ -> ]Do Nanoha and Fate really need to join the party?  It appears no one used them there.  We kind of made a point of inviting them so it's a little weird.

We still have a few scenes to write.


(10-23-2019, 07:51 PM)Labster Wrote: [ -> ]So it's a costume contest.  Let's pick winners!

Best Idea/ Most Original
Most Elaborate
Best Clothing Swap
Best Group Costume
Best Costume, Non-humanoid "Beast Costume"
Most Funny
Most Scary
Best Costume Overall (the winner)

Any nominations?

For folks who don't have wiki access, a slightly-out-of-date list of the costume is available here. I'll hold on voting for a bit, mainly because I haven't made up my mind yet.
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