Drunkard's Walk Forums

Here are some that might be of use to Doug...
Alcohol
I can make anybody pretty.
I can make you believe any lie.
I can make you pick a fight with somebody twice your size.
Well, I've been known to cause a few break-ups,
An' I've been known to cause a few births.
Well, I can make you new friends, or get you fired from work.
And since the day I left Milwaukee,
Lynchburg an' Bordeaux, France,
Been making the bars lots of big money,
An' helpin' white people dance.
I got you in trouble in High School,
But College, now that was a ball.
You had some of the best times you'll never remember with me:
Alcohol; Alcohol.
I got blamed at your wedding reception,
For your best man's embarrassing speech.
And also for those naked pictures of you at the beach.
I've influenced Kings and world leaders,
I helped Hemingway write like he did.
And I'll bet you a drink or two, that I can make you put that lampshade on your head.
'Cause since the day I left Milwaukee,
Lynchburg and Bordeaux, France,
I been making a fool out of folks just like you,
An' helping white people dance.
I am medicine and I am poison,
I can help you up or make you fall.
You had some of the best times you'll never remember with me:
Alcohol.
Yeah, since the day I left Milwaukee,
Lynchburg an' Bordeaux, France,
Been making the bars lots of big money,
(Helpin' white people dance.)
Yeah, I got you in trouble in High School,
But College, now that was a ball.
You had some of the best times you'll never remember with me:
Alcohol; Alcohol.
(Alcohol.)
(Alcohol.)
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
Effect: People within range are immediately 3 sheets to the wind Doug would likely be immune since he's specifically the source of the effect (alcohol).
Or alternatively, he assumes a liquid form composed of ethanol... (fire bad! fire very bad!)
***
Celebrity
Someday I'm gonna be famous,
Do I have talent, well, no.
These days you don't really need it,
Thanks to reality shows
Can't wait to date a supermodel,
Can't wait to sue my dad.
Can't wait to wreck a Ferrari
On my way to rehab....
Cause when you're a Celebrity
It's adios reality
You can act just like a fool
People think you're cool
Just cause your on TV.
I can throw major fits
When my latte isn't just how I like it
They say I've gone insane,
I'll blame it on the fame,
And the pressures that it goes with
Being a Celebrity
I get to cry to Barbara Walters,
When things don't go my way.
I'll get community service
No matter which law I break
I'll make the supermarket tabloids,
They'll write some awful stuff
But the more they run my name down,
The more my price goes up
Cause when you're a Celebrity,
It's adios reality.
No matter what you do,
People think you're cool,
Just cause you're on TV.
I can fall in and out of love,
Have marriages that barely last a month.
When they go down the drain
I'll blame it on fame
And say it's just so tough.
Being a Celebrity
So let's hitch up the wagons and head out west
To the land of fun in the sun
We'll be real world bachelors
Jackass Millionaires
Hey, Hey, Hollywood
Here we come!
Yeah, When you're a Celebrity
It's adios reality
No matter what you do,
People think you're cool,
Just cause you're on t.v.
...Being a Celebrity
...Yeah Celebrity!
...uh-huh
"Where's my coffee?"
Effect: "I'm a star" field - he can be completely and utterly outrageous (superstar hysteria)... and people will let him get away with it, convinced he's some sort of media superstar and "they do this".
... then again, it may not be of much use to him anyway - he's outrageous anyway.
***
Online
I work down at the pizza pit
And I drive an old Hundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I 5'3 and overweight
I'm a Sci-fi fantatic
Mild athsmatic
Never been to 2nd base
But there's a whole nother me
That you need to see
Go check out MySpace
Cause online I'm down in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
I drive a Mazarati
I'm a black belt in Karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online
I get home, I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up the mac
In real life, the only time I
Ever even been to LA
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade.
Online I live in Malibu
I posed for Calvin Kline, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six pack abs that'll blow your mind
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
When you got my kinda stacks, it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot
And I lose a bunch of weight everytime I log in
Online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day, I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
Effect: Hmmm.... I'm not sure for this one - mainly I put it up because it's a funny song and William Shatner has a guest spot in the
music video.
RMH
***
GUALTIERI'S LAW OF INERTIA:
Where there's a will, there's a won't.

I checked out the video, and that's hilarious -- I've already gotten my hands on a copy of the song as a result. Thanks for the recommendation!
Meanwhile, are all the rest of these Brad Paisley as well?

-- Bob
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I intend to be a freak for the rest of my life, and I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from Now We Are Six through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So theeeeeere....