Drunkard's Walk Forums

Full Version: Appreciation: Of Screwed-up Posting
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
Well, I meant to post the first chapter of Appreciation to the FFML yesterday. After somewhere around ten attempts, three browser-crashes and two messages that actually got through (one sans story, one with the story's formatting messed up), I gave up and posted it to FF.net. The story's first chapter can be found here.
As for what Appreciation is, the following is from my posts:
This is my venture into the realms of what a commentator at TFF dubbed a "Stealth Crackfic". Everything is logically set up, logically developed... and leads to totally absurd results. It's a crackfic... only it makes sense.
It started out as an SI. Now... before you start gagging, it's grown and changed considerably... although Recca is still rather heavily based on me, and its roots show from time to time.
It all started out when Prince Charon posted a question: what would you do if you were a jounin instructor in Konoha? Well... I'm not the type to become one -- spectacularly so... and the image of me becoming one was just plain wrong. Because of that, I wrote out a few short scenes featuring what would happen... since the only way I'd ever become one was if I had a rather spectacular psychotic break.
Those scenes were rather well recieved, and I started the work fleshing them out into a full fic. In the process of doing so, however, things changed and evolved. Recca quickly grew from being a SI into becoming a true OC -- there are things that I understand (and understood when I started writing the story) that Recca does not, and vice-versa. Recca has his own quirks, his own way of thinking... his own /life/, in a strange way.
That, and he's perfectly aware of the meaning of the word "restraint" -- it's just not his kink.
It's important to note, however, that I started writing this in March. I've tried to keep the story compatable with recent canon revelations... but there were times when it was difficult to do so. Please forgive any revision errors that occur, especially given my next point.
Unfortunately, this hasn't been fully betaed. It HAS been through the first round of the beta process, but my beta has suddenly lost a lot of free time due to a new job, and I wanted to get this sent out before Christmas. C&C would be greatly appreciated... pun intended.-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.
[Image: Aleh.jpg]

Sirrocco

concrit-type reactions follow, as read.
Note that I have essentially no experience with the original material, so my grasp of canon vs fanon is poor at best. Likewise my understanding of which bits of information were revealed at which points.
Well, he does come out and break the Hokage's Law pretty blatantly right up front. Given the number of Konoha political enemies he's likely to develop in the relatively near future (and, indeed, the number he's likley to have *now*)...
(later correction - given the enemies that he is *actively* *cultivating*.)
He's been here for 20 years, he hangs around Ichiraku's frequently, he's got read-the-manga levels of knowledge on things, and he hasn't made any significant changes before now? He didn't stop the Uchiha massacre, didn't take Naruto under his wing earlier, didn't use his foreknowledge to minimize the damage of the nine-tailed fox, none of that?
(okay, the "not adopting Naruto" bit is explained, but....)
"As I finished my bow" should be "as I finished my bowl"
Naruto doesn't know what chakra is? Unless I'm really missing something, that fails the common sense test. He does have *some* jutsus by this point, people would have mocked him for not having any control, etc, etc, etc.
The idea that people had been doing this sort of thing a lot, to the point of actually "perfecting" the technique seems really odd to me. The impression I'd always had was that the Fourth had basically pulled the seal together out of base principles and being Really Good at what he did, and that people hadn't really had any idea what he was doing.
"that's how /samurai/ do things." - delightful.
more later
Canonically, Naruto really had no idea what the word chakra even meant until Wave Country.
And there are jinchuuriki older than Naruto, so the technique has clearly been around a while.
--Sam
"It's a YULE TIDE!"
I dunno if Recca's actually supposed to have "read-the-manga" knowledge, or if the Naruto universe is supposed to be entirely alien to him. That is, the manga and anime didn't exist where he's from. Didn't get a clear sense of that from Aleh's stuff. Perhaps he could clarify that?
Canonically, Lurker is correct - Naruto asked what the word Chakra meant when confronted with it. Why he'd be so ignorant, well, that's another question.
Further, not only are there walking demon tupperware folks older than Naruto, it's also hinted in the manga that the big ol' raccoon has had at least one host prior to Gaara. I take it to mean that the Sand has sealed and re-sealed the damn thing a few times. Possibly to ensure freshness.
EDIT: I should probably give an actual opinion, having finished reading the fic. I found it pretty entertaining, on balance. Recca spends a ridiculous amount of time talking. There's massive verbal exposition there. Possibly too much. He's saying a lot. Granted, the whole exposition thing fits what a teacher is presumably meant to do, so...
Nonetheless, all the speeches still bother me a little...but the subject matter and opinions expressed are pretty interesting. It's a weird take on things. That works.
I'm not particularly fond of massive crossover crack elements - I'm looking at the Slayers, Sailor Moon and Dirty Pair references in particular... but eh, it's in-genre. After all, Aleh did say this was a crackfic, albeit stealth.
-- Acyl
Quote:
The idea that people had been doing this sort of thing a lot, to the point of actually "perfecting" the technique seems really odd to me. The impression I'd always had was that the Fourth had basically pulled the seal together out of base principles and being Really Good at what he did, and that people hadn't really had any idea what he was doing.
Oddly, I'd gotten pretty much exactly the opposite impression - that 'weak' seals like Gaara's were a well known (well, on a national level) technique, and that Naruto's seal was actually pretested.
I mean, it's not like Yugito's didn't apparently work in exactly the same way, right down to the visual effects of its release.

===============================================
"Reseeestunce ees fiutil. Yoo weeel bee Useemooletud. Borg Borg Borg."
===========

===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."

Sirrocco

Well, as previously mentioned, my grasp of Actual Canon is not so very good. I can be wrong. I also noticed on reread that he didn't actually *say* anything about the fox *itself* to anyone but Naruto, so that bit's taken care of. He sure do skirt the edges of what he is and isn't allowed to explain, though, don't he?
I'll admit that some of these are just kibitzes. If you read something and your reaction is "yeah. So?" then you're probably right. Also, I have been enoying the story (and wow, but it's awfully long for a single chapter). I just figured I'd toss in my thoughts as they came.
I notice that he tends to use Killing Intent as a "shut people up" technique a lot - by itself or in combination with minor genjutsu. Given that Killing Intent is essentially taking a deep, inner desire to cut someone down where they stand, and projecting it outwards through your face/voice/stance/aura... well, okay, there might well be techniques for shaping and showing Killing Intent even when none actually existed, but even so....
"Sensei doesn't like it when people speak out of turn. He really, *really* doesn't like it."
My, but he's got a bit of vendetta in him, doesn't he?
Of the various things to Update For New Data, it seems a bit odd that the 4th's name didn't make the cut. I can understand why - it just seems a bit odd.
"He was my senior in the ninja business" seems a strange turn of phrase when you've said that Recca got into being a ninja in reaction to the events surrounding the death fo the 4th.
The idea of breaking someone with Barney and the Telletubbies - it's amusing, sure, but it does tend to destealth the crack a bit.
I can't help but feel a bit odd about the idea of leaving the same team (less one) on border patrol for 3 years. Don't they get rest/refit time? a bit of time for vacation?
Yorg. I would *definately* suggest that you break it up a bit.
Quote:
Well, he does come out and break the Hokage's Law pretty blatantly right up front. Given the number of Konoha political enemies he's likely to develop in the relatively near future (and, indeed, the number he's likley to have *now*)...
(later correction - given the enemies that he is *actively* *cultivating*.)
*Chuckle* Recca stops short of breaking the law.
Quote:
He's been here for 20 years, he hangs around Ichiraku's frequently, he's got read-the-manga levels of knowledge on things, and he hasn't made any significant changes before now? He didn't stop the Uchiha massacre, didn't take Naruto under his wing earlier, didn't use his foreknowledge to minimize the damage of the nine-tailed fox, none of that?
Following the adoption fiasco, Naruto was taken from his care and Recca was forbidden from contacting him. This is established in the story.

Quote:
"As I finished my bow" should be "as I finished my bowl"
Thanks for the catch.

Quote:
The idea that people had been doing this sort of thing a lot, to the point of actually "perfecting" the technique seems really odd to me. The impression I'd always had was that the Fourth had basically pulled the seal together out of base principles and being Really Good at what he did, and that people hadn't really had any idea what he was doing.
This is established in canon. Gaara is at least the third or fourth jinchuuriki of Shuukaku (the actual number is established in canon, but I don't remember it off the top of my head), and the previous vessels were all killed by having Shuukaku removed from them. The Sandaime Kazekage's satetsu technique was developed to imitate a technique developed by one of said vessels.

Quote:
I dunno if Recca's actually supposed to have "read-the-manga" knowledge, or if the Naruto universe is supposed to be entirely alien to him. That is, the manga and anime didn't exist where he's from. Didn't get a clear sense of that from Aleh's stuff. Perhaps he could clarify that?
Heh. I thought that passage was in this chapter; I'd have specified otherwise. Recca's read the manga up to the conclusion of the fight with Hidan and Kakuzu... which is where the manga was when I started writing it.

Quote:
I'm not particularly fond of massive crossover crack elements - I'm looking at the Slayers, Sailor Moon and Dirty Pair references in particular... but eh, it's in-genre. After all, Aleh did say this was a crackfic, albeit stealth.

There's only one true crossover in the story, and it hasn't shown up yet. Sailor Moon is the distant past (and a slightly non-canon timeline, anyway). Dirty Pair isn't a true crossover -- Konoha just has vague analogues of Kei and Yuri.
As for Slayers... that's nowhere NEAR a crossover. Recca just created a fictitious identity of "Lina Inverse", disguised himself as that, and took his frustrations out on bandits. The series is referenced, sure, but, so far, only in the form of Recca being familiar with it.
Quote:
I notice that he tends to use Killing Intent as a "shut people up" technique a lot - by itself or in combination with minor genjutsu. Given that Killing Intent is essentially taking a deep, inner desire to cut someone down where they stand, and projecting it outwards through your face/voice/stance/aura... well, okay, there might well be techniques for shaping and showing Killing Intent even when none actually existed, but even so....
"Sensei doesn't like it when people speak out of turn. He really, *really* doesn't like it."
My, but he's got a bit of vendetta in him, doesn't he?
Killing intent is explained in the story as somewhat related to your description. All it takes to form it is a negative emotion. The strength of Recca's killer intent says more about his "bit of vendetta" than the fact that he uses it -- as Recca comments, he has trouble reigning in his killing intent.

Quote:
"He was my senior in the ninja business" seems a strange turn of phrase when you've said that Recca got into being a ninja in reaction to the events surrounding the death fo the 4th.
It was a different set of events that pushed him into becoming a ninja; Minato's death and those events just set the stage. As for the phrase, it's established earlier in the paragraph that Recca and Minato used to tease eachother about (and with) honorifics.
Finally, regarding Recca's old genin team... they were sent to the border to keep them away from Konoha. Additionally, there are border towns and the like... even if there are substantially fewer of them than there were three years ago.-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.
[Image: Aleh.jpg]
Quote:
He's been here for 20 years, he hangs around Ichiraku's frequently, he's got read-the-manga levels of knowledge on things, and he hasn't made any significant changes before now? He didn't stop the Uchiha massacre, didn't take Naruto under his wing earlier, didn't use his foreknowledge to minimize the damage of the nine-tailed fox, none of that?
Quote:
Following the adoption fiasco, Naruto was taken from his care and Recca was forbidden from contacting him. This is established in the story.
Still doesn't explain his lack of intervention in the Uchihas' case. I did notice, though, that he apparently tried and failed to save Minato by substituting himself as the sacrifice, and that he did save Neji's father's life, which will probably work wonders for that boy's personality. [Image: smile.gif]
Okay, I got the Sailor Moon thing, with the "late Interregnum" being the modern world, and the Ages of Magic being the Silver Millennium and Crystal Tokyo, and all that follows... but who are the Immortal Sage and the Divine Emperor?
--Sam
"The streets will run RED with Santa!"
Who said that Recca didn't intervene in the Uchiha's case? He did. His motives were hardly altruistic, mind, but he did intervene.
It just didn't make a difference.
Recca and Sasuke have a conversation about that aspect of things later on (Chapter 2 is at 131 KB at the moment).
As for the Immortal Sage and the Divine Emperor, they're major historical figures from the Age of Overworlders. They're not crossover characters, but they will be important later. As a reader, you're not supposed to know much about them at this point.-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.
[Image: Aleh.jpg]
Who said that Recca didn't intervene in the Uchiha's case? He did. His motives were hardly altruistic, mind, but he did intervene.
It just didn't make a difference.

Which no doubt ties into why Recca wants the elder Uchiha dead as much as Sasuke.
Although I'm almost scared to find out more about Vampikitty and 'nuku-nuku' based on his reminences.__________________
"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it." - Terry Pratchett
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
Wanting Itachi dead? His reasons for that aren't hard to figure out -- Itachi's in Akatsuki. Akatsuki's goals require Naruto's death.-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.
[Image: Aleh.jpg]

Necratoid

I'm posting this having not actually read this yet... First off the methods used for sealing on Naruto and Gaara are radically different accounting for them both being sealing techs.
First, the sandy nutjob has been in at least to previous hosts and has been extracted (killing the host) and stuffed into a kettle for storage inbetween sealings, where Naruto is the first and only host. Second, the person who installed Gaara 's tenant is still alive over a decade later, where as the one who installed the 9 tails literally fed himself to the Death God (who shows up inperson). Third, Gaara had his powers on constantly and cannot turn them off... where Naruto had to be old enough and be flipping out to get anything at all out of the seal. Fourth, Gaara has a blood thirsty, nutjob ranting in his head and eating his sanity... where Naruto flips out when he is enraged. In short Naruto got his seal as done by Blizzard with an extention pack (upgrades that go impove the old version and a separate mode for using the extention)... and Gaara got a seal as done by AOL programmers making an update (the programs are barely compatable, constantly fighting for resources, and your better off with one program or the other).
As for the knowing what chakra was... even though he didn't know the specifics or the vocab, Naruto did know how to manipulate it. So that may have been a case of Sakura being a walking textbook rather than it being a more than random factiod for most genin with on academy education. Also, its made clear that Sexy no Jutsu feels like what it looks like, he got a super pervert who is use to have boobs pressed into him at least in drinking establishments... however I can't think of where it is covered if normal henges are tactile or not. So we can't really know if the tech is a step forward or not for a 'henge' tech.
I think it's a common point of fanon that Naruto's fanservice technique is an actual physical shapeshift, whereas the normal disguise transformation is just some kinda insubstantial illusion layered over the body. But again, that's pretty much fanon.
There's certainly evidence that Naruto actually does change size and shape, and not just with the nekkid girl form. Early in the Wave Country arc, Naruto transforms himself into a freakin' big folding shuriken, and it does seem like Sasuke throws him.
This is in fact a point against Naruto's shapeshift thing being unique; if it were so incredible that Naruto could physically change his body, then presumably Sasuke would have said something...unless Sasuke's really dense.
In truth, it's probably just something Kishimoto didn't really think too much about. He doesn't seem to be a terribly detail-oriented writer. It's mostly story first, facts later.
On another note:
Quote:
There's only one true crossover in the story, and it hasn't shown up yet. Sailor Moon is the distant past (and a slightly non-canon timeline, anyway). Dirty Pair isn't a true crossover -- Konoha just has vague analogues of Kei and Yuri.
As for Slayers... that's nowhere NEAR a crossover. Recca just created a fictitious identity of "Lina Inverse", disguised himself as that, and took his frustrations out on bandits. The series is referenced, sure, but, so far, only in the form of Recca being familiar with it.
I'm aware those aren't really "crossovers". I probably used the phrase too loosely. You're right, though, in that the only thing you really explicitly linked to the Narutoverse is Sailor Moon.
However, Slayers, Dirty Pair, and such have nonetheless been roped into the story, if only by the in-character ramblings of an anime fan. Even though most readers can be expected to catch the references - certainly I did - ... well, personally I still find it horribly distracting.
But again, that kind of thing is almost certainly required if your character's a time-displaced anime fan. So, y'know.
-- Acyl

Kaze no Ryuu

I'd like to point out that during the fight with Shukaku, Naruto and Gamabunta henge into a fox... because of it's claws, which means they ARE real.
If I recall correctly, in fact, he specifically asked for something with claws and teeth so he could hold down Shukaku... which implies that henge is real.
Second... this has been bothering me for awhile now. Now, Recca can't tell Naruto who his father is, right? However, the hints he's given have been so blantent I can't see how everybody doesn't know.
In fact, except for his name, Recca has pretty much said that Naruto's father died summoning the Shinigami... AND that the Fourth died sealing the Kyuubi into him. I dunno, maybe it's just that as a reader I know more, but it seems very hard NOT to put together.
(DISCLAIMER: The Internet is a medium for the exchange of ideas. Thoughts and concepts are shared there. It is possible that people who use it may begin thinking about things they never did before. If this idea disgusts, frightens, or revolts you, please refrain from using the Internet in any way, shape, or form.)
(DISCLAIMER: The Internet is a medium for the exchange of ideas. Thoughts and concepts are shared there. It is possible that people who use it may begin thinking about things they never did before. If this idea disgusts, frightens, or revolts you, please refrain from using the Internet in any way, shape, or form.)
The nature of the shiiki fuujin isn't common knowledge. -- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.
[Image: Aleh.jpg]
On rereading the thread, I came across this quote:
Quote:
Of the various things to Update For New Data, it seems a bit odd that the 4th's name didn't make the cut. I can understand why - it just seems a bit odd.
Umm... Sirrocco? Could you elaborate on that?-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.
[Image: Aleh.jpg]

Sirrocco

Actually, that was a result of my own out-of-date understanding of canon. Please disregard.
It's "ordnance," not "ordinance." It's minor, I know, but it happens to be one of my pet peeves....
(FTR: Ordnance is military hardware, an ordinance is a legal regulation)
Finally! Someone used a *nuke* in Naruto!World. I wonder what the various Major Powers thought of the resulting crater (I'm assuming Recca used something relatively subtle, say a SADM-style nuke in the sub-kiloton range). Of course, I can't help but wonder what if anything he did about fallout and lingering radiological contamination in a world where such things are completely unknown....
He carries a bottle of Sarin *on his person*?!? I sure hope it's extremely durable -- I don't care if *he's* immune (and just how the heck did THAT happen?), but that bottle getting smashed open by a jutsu (say, something on the scale of the Gatsuuga) would have *nasty* blue-on-bluye potential unless everyone was in the open and Recca was standing downwind...
...the Dirty Pair are a *perfect* import into Naruto!World.
Is it just me, or is there a certain irony to Recca harping on Sasuke's emo-ness and obsession while being (apparently) completely blind to his own version of the same problem?
...just how much Our!World stuff got dragged into Naruto!World along with Recca, anyway?
...the specs for Hiroshima no jutsu are.... oy!
Though, "ten thousand years ago"? If that's the tack you're taking in relating N!W to O!W, things could get interesting.
...Like using Barney tapes as a torture technique. That comes a bit close to breaking the "serious" tone of the story, but since it's not a plot-affecting item, it gets by.
HAGGIS?!? Good ghods, man, is there no *limit* to your *cruelty*?
(As a Scot-descendant myself, I have to confess that Haggis holds no appeal for me. However, I'm immune to bagpipe torture -- I love the things, as long as they're played *well.*)
Summoning contracts call up items from the past? Huh! But then... where did beings like Gamabunta and the Kyuubi *come* from?
Quote:
By the time I'm done teaching him, his enemies will be more afraid of him than they are of my old genin team... and that's saying something."
Considering that his genin team consisted of Recca-who-creates-nuclear-detonations-through-jutsus *and* the "Dirty Pair"....
...."Kitty of Borg"?????(!)
"Great Cataclysm" and "Ages of Magic" -- you're taking some shots at Sailor Moon, aren't you?
"Silver Queen" is obvious, but who are the "Immortal Sage" and the Divine Emperor?
Really likes the smell of napalm in the morning, eh?
"Taijutsu attack: BOOT TO THE HEAD!!!"
Quote:
Sasuke, while not nearly as enthusiastic as Naruto, was also devouring is meal,
Spelling typo: his, not is.
Quote:
if I had to do that I'd actually have to *ration* my use of C4 on longer missions. As it was, I already had to tone down the explosions to avoid getting yelled at by the Third. Oh, well. Even if I was limiting myself to two or three tons of the stuff per opponent, that much ordinance was usually enough to take out an enemy ninja if it went off at point-blank range.
.....eeep.
Quote:
"What... how can we apologise? What would be enough? For something like this..."
I snorted. "Short of a harem of devoted sex-slaves?" I sarcastically asked before finishing my jutsu. "I can't think of anything." With those words, I vanished in a swirl of leaves. In retrospect, if I'd known the chaos that last comment would cause... I'd probably still have made it.
Okay, between this and the "Sasuke on Prozac" comment, I am now *officially* terrified.
Lemonaid? Either that's a typo, or there's a reference I'm not getting.
The BFG... duplicated via a hundred+ shadow clones. I'm running for the hills-- no, I'm emigrating to Mars, NOW.
Gojira and Gamera as summons creatures... PURE! WIN!
Why *cows*? And are they spherical?
...okay.... so Naruto's mother was a descendant (and near-duplicate) of Tomoe Hotaru?
Quote:
With that in mind I brought Naruto over to my desk and pulled my illustrated copy of the Kama Sutra off of the shelf that I unofficially labeled "materials to bribe Jiraiya with". I hoped that Naruto would find it useful and, in one of what I considered one of my more brilliant matchmaking moves, I'd spent a bit of time searching for a copy that featured models who bore a close resemblance to Naruto and Hinata. I'd succeeded quite well, I liked to think, within the boundaries provided by Naruto and Hinata's ages and their... more distinctive physical features (in other words, the byakugan and the marks on Naruto's cheeks).
Well, that cinches it -- Recca isn't just a bastard, he's a *dirty* bastard.
Clear gemstone? Uh oh, I--
ARGH! Saturn sign! Oh, CRAP.....
"Apparently, I'd been using the Ginzuisho as a paperweight..."
Saskue ODing on Prozac seems a bit odd -- he's not that dumb, especially when he doesn't even know what the stuff really is.
Corrected most of the nits on my own copy; thanks for pointing them out. I'll be updating the chapter when it finally goes through the full beta process; you'll see the changes then (or sooner, come to think of it).
And yes, Recca is scary. And psychotic. And you missed the fact that someone'd been looking through Recca's porn. Given the length of the list of people who have access to said porn, this should scare you. Next chapter, it will.
Oh, and why cows? Because they're easy to summon and he could make the contract.
And sorry for taking so long to respond. Gyah. Got distracted by other things and somehow forgot to check back on this forum. Gyah again.
Edit: Or, on second thought, I might just have missed the response; I'm pretty sure I've dropped by the forum a few times since. Gyah.-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.
[Image: Aleh.jpg]
How's chapter 2 coming along? [Image: smile.gif] --
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
I have about 132 KB of it written although, from experience, the beta process often takes longer than the actual writing.-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.
[Image: Aleh.jpg]