Sirrocco
12-30-2006, 05:13 AM
I was reading the TV Tropes wiki the other day, and got inspired. This is pretty much all there's going to be of this one. Enjoy.
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I can feel it coming in the air as I walk - a wash of power building behind me - my theme music finally cueing up. The wave crests, and crashes into me. It's the opening strains of O Fortuna. Not just generic Latin music. Not even just something *inspired* by O Fortuna. The real thing. I *am* the local definition of badass. The doors to the Council Hall explode inward at my approach, and I stride through.
The council goes dead silent at my entrance. I address them
"Greetings, Councillors. Fear me. The largest and most powerful army in the history of this place has assembled beneath my banner, and stands outside your gates, and they don't even matter. If I wanted to, I could crush you all myself. I will be leaving in an hour. Understand that every single one of you still alive at the end of that hour wil be alive because I *let* you live. I'm not talking about your lands, your people, your soldiers, your assistants, or your families. I'm talking about *you*. You have no allies left to sacrifice. You have no power left to defend yourself with. You have no place left to run. I *own* you - and you will *obey*. Do I make myself clear?"
...and then a kid with an oversized sword and spiky hair leaps down from the upper balconies and lands in a dramatic crouch.
"You say you can crush us all, Darklord? Fine. I'll call you on that. Leave the council out of it. Face me, instead."
My background music swells to meet him, and I realize what's happening. I drop my head into my hands and groan. I should have seen it coming. I *really* should have seen it coming.
The kid gets annoyed at my reaction. "What? Don't you take me seriously enough to defend youself? Should I run you through right now?"
The kid is close to losing it. I look up at him, dead calm. "Kid, stop. You fighting me, right now, like this, would be bad for both of us, no matter who wins. Seriously bad. Can you hold off on the rage long enough to hear why?"
The kid is a little shaken by my utter failure to follow the script. He nods. That's good. Worst case scenario, even if he *does* decide to attack me, the further we are from the script, the more chance I have to live.
"Okay. say we get into a fight. I'm a nearly omnipotent lord of darkness. You're a heroic kid who's done enough fighting to pretty much know which end of his weapon has the hurty bits on it. At this point, it's about even odds on which one of us will win. With me so far?"
The kid nods, looking cocky.
"Now, if you win, chances are you kill me. After all, by now I'm steeped enough in dark magic that you're going to have to defeat me more than once. Each time you win, I'll be transformed into an ever more powerful and grotesque form, with my final form remaining totally combat-capable right up until I explode. Not much room for a nonlethal disable. Anyway, I die. I lose control of the horde outside the gates, and they start rampaging. New leaders of the Dark rise up from the chaos in short order. Worst case scenario, they overwhelm this last Bastion, killing every living thing within the walls, and the light goes out of the world. That's bad. We can agree that that's bad, right?"
The kid nods, looking a bit concerned.
"Okay. Best case scenario, you, with or without allies, head out the gates to take on pretty much the entire world. It has to be you, because by this point the Powers of the Light are so badly behind that the only way to make up for it is to ride the drama - and by killing me you pretty much ensure that you're the one with the drama behind him. Your life becomes a hell of misery and constant battle. Eventually, after a sereis of ever more gruesome and depressing adventures, in which your allies, if you have any, sacrifice themselves one by one so that you can continue on, you manage to destroy pretty much every focus of Dark power in the world, and return here - only to find that everyone's starved to death, because there's no way they can grow enough food in this place to feed everyone, and there's no way that anyone can kill off the hordes outside fast enough to make farming outside the walls feasible. If you are ridiculously lucky, there might still a handful of humanity left somewhere, with whom you can rebuild the race. Otherwise, you die unloved, friendless, and alone. We can agree that that's *also* bad, right?
The kid nods, looking a bit disturbed.
"Right. Now, on the other side, if I beat you and let you live, you're going to keep coming back after me, growing stronger every time until you finally, inevitably, manage to defeat me, and kill me. I personally don't like those odds. I promise you, if we fight, and I win, you will die. The problem, though, is that that makes you an *origin* *story* - and I don't know for *who*. Fortunately for me, these things take time, but that just means that I've got a few extra years before my, remember this word, *inevitable* demise. Even more fortunately for me, however, I have a way to stall it a bit. I can *KILL EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER LOVED YOU*. And then I can kill everyone who has ever loved *them*, and everyone who has ever loved *them*, and knock off anyone who manages to retroactively develop feelings for any of my victims in the meantime, until finally, some day, I slip up, and fail to kill someone, and they bring about the previously mentioned inevitable demise. That's *BAD*, right? We can agree that that's *BAD*, can't we?"
The kid nods, looking traumatized.
"Or, we can go with Option B. I have a plan on how everything can work out reasonably well for everyone. I explain my plan. If you agree, and you let me threaten the council until they agree, then we smile, and shake hands, and walk out, if not friends, at least acquaintances on good terms. Nobody has to turn into a horrible monster and explode. Nobody has to doom their friends and extended family to being hunted down and slaughtered. Nobody has to die. Personally, I'm pretty fond of option B in this case. How about you?"
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I can feel it coming in the air as I walk - a wash of power building behind me - my theme music finally cueing up. The wave crests, and crashes into me. It's the opening strains of O Fortuna. Not just generic Latin music. Not even just something *inspired* by O Fortuna. The real thing. I *am* the local definition of badass. The doors to the Council Hall explode inward at my approach, and I stride through.
The council goes dead silent at my entrance. I address them
"Greetings, Councillors. Fear me. The largest and most powerful army in the history of this place has assembled beneath my banner, and stands outside your gates, and they don't even matter. If I wanted to, I could crush you all myself. I will be leaving in an hour. Understand that every single one of you still alive at the end of that hour wil be alive because I *let* you live. I'm not talking about your lands, your people, your soldiers, your assistants, or your families. I'm talking about *you*. You have no allies left to sacrifice. You have no power left to defend yourself with. You have no place left to run. I *own* you - and you will *obey*. Do I make myself clear?"
...and then a kid with an oversized sword and spiky hair leaps down from the upper balconies and lands in a dramatic crouch.
"You say you can crush us all, Darklord? Fine. I'll call you on that. Leave the council out of it. Face me, instead."
My background music swells to meet him, and I realize what's happening. I drop my head into my hands and groan. I should have seen it coming. I *really* should have seen it coming.
The kid gets annoyed at my reaction. "What? Don't you take me seriously enough to defend youself? Should I run you through right now?"
The kid is close to losing it. I look up at him, dead calm. "Kid, stop. You fighting me, right now, like this, would be bad for both of us, no matter who wins. Seriously bad. Can you hold off on the rage long enough to hear why?"
The kid is a little shaken by my utter failure to follow the script. He nods. That's good. Worst case scenario, even if he *does* decide to attack me, the further we are from the script, the more chance I have to live.
"Okay. say we get into a fight. I'm a nearly omnipotent lord of darkness. You're a heroic kid who's done enough fighting to pretty much know which end of his weapon has the hurty bits on it. At this point, it's about even odds on which one of us will win. With me so far?"
The kid nods, looking cocky.
"Now, if you win, chances are you kill me. After all, by now I'm steeped enough in dark magic that you're going to have to defeat me more than once. Each time you win, I'll be transformed into an ever more powerful and grotesque form, with my final form remaining totally combat-capable right up until I explode. Not much room for a nonlethal disable. Anyway, I die. I lose control of the horde outside the gates, and they start rampaging. New leaders of the Dark rise up from the chaos in short order. Worst case scenario, they overwhelm this last Bastion, killing every living thing within the walls, and the light goes out of the world. That's bad. We can agree that that's bad, right?"
The kid nods, looking a bit concerned.
"Okay. Best case scenario, you, with or without allies, head out the gates to take on pretty much the entire world. It has to be you, because by this point the Powers of the Light are so badly behind that the only way to make up for it is to ride the drama - and by killing me you pretty much ensure that you're the one with the drama behind him. Your life becomes a hell of misery and constant battle. Eventually, after a sereis of ever more gruesome and depressing adventures, in which your allies, if you have any, sacrifice themselves one by one so that you can continue on, you manage to destroy pretty much every focus of Dark power in the world, and return here - only to find that everyone's starved to death, because there's no way they can grow enough food in this place to feed everyone, and there's no way that anyone can kill off the hordes outside fast enough to make farming outside the walls feasible. If you are ridiculously lucky, there might still a handful of humanity left somewhere, with whom you can rebuild the race. Otherwise, you die unloved, friendless, and alone. We can agree that that's *also* bad, right?
The kid nods, looking a bit disturbed.
"Right. Now, on the other side, if I beat you and let you live, you're going to keep coming back after me, growing stronger every time until you finally, inevitably, manage to defeat me, and kill me. I personally don't like those odds. I promise you, if we fight, and I win, you will die. The problem, though, is that that makes you an *origin* *story* - and I don't know for *who*. Fortunately for me, these things take time, but that just means that I've got a few extra years before my, remember this word, *inevitable* demise. Even more fortunately for me, however, I have a way to stall it a bit. I can *KILL EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER LOVED YOU*. And then I can kill everyone who has ever loved *them*, and everyone who has ever loved *them*, and knock off anyone who manages to retroactively develop feelings for any of my victims in the meantime, until finally, some day, I slip up, and fail to kill someone, and they bring about the previously mentioned inevitable demise. That's *BAD*, right? We can agree that that's *BAD*, can't we?"
The kid nods, looking traumatized.
"Or, we can go with Option B. I have a plan on how everything can work out reasonably well for everyone. I explain my plan. If you agree, and you let me threaten the council until they agree, then we smile, and shake hands, and walk out, if not friends, at least acquaintances on good terms. Nobody has to turn into a horrible monster and explode. Nobody has to doom their friends and extended family to being hunted down and slaughtered. Nobody has to die. Personally, I'm pretty fond of option B in this case. How about you?"