Drunkard's Walk Forums

NOT a bunny. For a change. More of a spamfic, offered for your amusement.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I hate ZPIs.
Zero-Prep Insertions are the bane of every IA like myself. Theyre dangerous, unpredictable, often sanity-bending, and worst of all, usually frustrating as all hell.
But they give the highest entertainment value, the most interesting psycho-socio-whateverilogical data, and the highest sheer WTF factor. Which means they pay the most. And I happen to have a reputation- for being good at them.
So there I was. Again. Inside the QLP accelerator, wearing my birthday suit and a coating of conductance gel, waiting for the Beckett-Mallory field to hit critical and catapult me into a whole nother universe, with no idea where I was going or who Id be when I got there.
My last ZPI, I ended up leaping into a guy who ran a small ramen shop in a place called Konohagakure. No problem, right? Except I dont know Thing One about making ramen, aside from the microwaveable kind. And you- try replacing a mildly well-known restauranteur in a city populated by paranoid super-powered ninja who have a lot- of experience dealing with professional shapeshifters and bodysnatchers. Im mildly amazed I lasted three hours.
That Ibiki fellow wasnt too bad, though the mind-gamers are always fun. Insertion Agents just about have- to have abnormal degrees of mental flexibility, to deal with what we do. By the time I tripped my Recall and bailed out, Id actually impressed him a bit he made me promise to drop by and have another stare contest the next time I was in town.
The ZPI before that one, I was Gendo Ikari. You wouldnt think that was so bad, would you, jumping into the Guy In Charge? Well, think about this: what happens inside a paranoid, disassociative, intrigue-riddled snakepit like NERV when the Top Dog suddenly cant remember his passwords, his master plan, or where he left his blackmail material? I know- what happens, and let me tell you, it aint pretty. The only good part about that entire disaster is that after I bailed, he probably couldnt convince them that he was the real Gendo Ikari again. Couldnt happen to a more deserving fellow.
And the time before that, I leaped in just in time to get killed by a multi-gigaton explosion. My survival module Recalled me just a couple of milliseconds into the blast front, but I still spent a month in the regen tanks. The after-action analysis of my sensorium recordings concluded that Id leaped aboard some kind of very, -very- large space vehicle that was in the final seconds of descent through a planetary atmosphere before striking the surface. The estimated impact energy wasnt a Dinosaur Killer, but couldve been a Tunguska -- somewhere, somebodys got a continent with a big chunk missing.
So, I wasnt exactly looking forward to this next trip. Not that I had a choice. Id already accepted the assignment, spent the advance, and the accelerator was too far along to stop n--
Reality went bye-bye.
The techs insist that the leap is instantaneous, that its not possible to perceive, and that the subjective perceptions of the leap are just neurological static as our brains adjust to the sudden change of location, time, the laws of physics. Well, dont believe it. Every IA experiences the transfer differently, but we all perceive the time in between departure and arrival. Some go crazy, some quit after the first run, some get addicted to it. Most, like me, just deal. But dont ask us to describe it.
My ears always come back first. I was still trying to figure out what the heck was up with my eyeballs when it registered that the voices Id been hearing for the last few seconds were familiar. Familiar from the second-to-last time Id been strapped down to an interrogation apparatus, to be specific.
Suddenly, I wanted my vision back really- bad. I could tell I was standing up, in water nearly up to my neck, and in some kind of restraints. But my body felt oddly numb, only partially attached everything seemed to be really far away....
My visual cortex finally figured out how to deal with its new inputs, and my vision suddenly came back like one of those magic image pictures that you have to stare at for five minutes before you see whats there. It was kind of odd, more like a video image than normal vision, and the perspective was odd, but--
A new voice made itself heard, and suddenly everything snapped into place. Id seen this scene before, from a different angle. A blonde in a lab coat, a yummy brunette in a short skirt and red jacket, a shrimpy dark-haired teen and the source of the new voice, staring down at them through a window that was directly across from me at... eye... level....
Holy crap.
HOLY CRAP!
I was EVA Unit 01.
I was a giant biological robot. That could take out entire armies.
I eyed Gendo and grinned mentally. Oh, I was going to do some damage-. Starting with Mr. Sacrifice-The-Human-Race-In-Order-To-See-My-Wife-Again....
Um. First problem. I couldnt move. And it wasnt the restraints. It was like all my motor nerves were disconnected. Um wasnt there something about the Entry Plugs? They plugged into a gap in the spinal column or something? But EVA-01 had moved on its own in canon, right? If Yui could do it, I could too. I just had to figure out how to
Thats when I saw the medical team wheeling Rei in on a gurney, and realized I was just about out of time....

Oh, that is magnificent!

---

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"To the commissary we should go," Yoda declared firmly. "News
of this kind a danish requires."

---

Oh yeah. This begs for more.
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...

Oh yes.
That's the smartest take on the whole insert genre I've seen in a long while.
And the Quantum Leap references were just gravy. =)
-- Acyl

Quote:

---

And the Quantum Leap references were just gravy. =)

---

Blending them with Sliders was just genius.
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...

Heh. I'd wondered if anyone would catch the QL/S blending. Now, anybody figure out the Tunguska event?
I really didn't think there was any more story here, at least not for this Insertion. But I guess my muse likes positive feedback, b/c it looks like I'm going to do at least the First Angel battle, now.
Here's the next installment:
------------------------------------------------------------------
It was your classic good-news, bad-news situation.
The good news was, I had managed to bust loose and save Shinji and Rei from that ceiling cave-in. The bad news was, I hadnt figured out how- Id done it, or how to do it again.
The worse news was, I hadnt been able to wipe that smug smirk off Gendos face as he watched the three of us.
But theyd bunged Shinji into an entry plug and jackscrewed it into my spinal column, and as he synced up I could feel- the difference suddenly all my parts were there again. I wriggled my toes
Okay. Tech note: EVA units do not, apparently, -have- toes. Important to keep in mind. Not sure what that would do to my balance, but Yui had managed, so I could too.
I just hoped Id be able to figure it out in time.
Things still werent quite right I felt like I had two of each limb, not-quite-perfectly overlaying each other, as if there was some sort of weird echo in my nervous system. But Ive fought under bigger handicaps.
That EVA catapult is one heck of a ride a lot like the I-forget-how-many times Ive ridden an ejection seat out of a doomed airframe, albeit not quite- as spine-crushing. We slammed to a stop, the building unfolded around us, and there was the 1st Angel, big as life and twice as fugly. I stepped towards it as the clamps opened, and ate pavement.
If Id had time to be embarrassed, I wouldve been I can honestly claim skill levels ranging from basic competency to grand mastery of variable fighters, hardsuits, K-suits, Megadei, a dozen different varieties of Gundam, BattleMechs of all weight classes, Buster and Getter machines, and the first time I am- the giant robot, I cant even keep my balance. Idve begged someone to just shoot me, but the ground vibrations told me that Angel-boy was already on his way to do the deed.
All I could do was lie there and thrash like a fish out of water. Nothing worked, and the harder I tried, the worse it got. It was as if my body was fighting me, as if it had a mind of its own, every limb trying to follow two conflicting commands at once
A steel clamp close around my head and hauled me upright, twitching like an electroshock patient. Oh, great, I knew- what was coming next.
SNAP. Right on schedule. EVAs apparently do- have human-style forearms, with two bones I distinctly felt both of them give way. It didnt hurt all that much, which actually made it worse Id never realized before how beneficial a nice haze of excruciating pain could be, blocking out the sensations of each and every little bone splinter grinding and slicing and well, you get the picture.
The worst part was Shinji. Poor kid was getting the full pain treatment, even if it was mostly psychosomatic, and while I couldnt hear him screaming in the plug, the jangling of his nervous system was reverberating through my own like fingernails on a chalkboard
Reverberating. Echoing.- Oh, spam, I knew what was happening: Shinji and I were both trying to drive, and we werent even close to being in sync with each other, even if our nervous systems were synched up.
But with Shinji halfway to passing out from the pain, maybe I could get control. I mentally grit my teeth and concentrated on my good arm, trying to get it to do something, anything. It worked I felt myself make a fist. Now to do something with it.
WHAM!
Oh no. The piledrivers, how could I have forgotten? If I didnt do something now,- I was going to get to experience a spike through the brain firsthand. And there was no guarantee Id survive that the Insertion process isnt entirely consistent, ranging from mere possession to QL-style full replacement with an overlay aura. I didnt know where I fell on that scale, and I really didnt want to test it the hard way.
WHAM! The second hit made Shinjis heart flutter, which pissed me off but I wasnt going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I swung my good arm up, got a grip on the angels wrist, dropped the arm and put everything I had into my fingers. I felt my thumb dig in to a soft spot and clamped down
WHAM! The third hit smashed through my cranial armor, dug into my skull, but failed to penetrate. It pulled back and jammed. Id guessed right: I could crush the channel through its forearm, not enough to stop the forward stroke, but (like so many similar systems) the return stroke was weaker.
Of course, he still had me by the head, with two good arms to my one. There was no time to sigh with relief. I shifted some concentration to my legs, gambling that I wouldnt lose hand control, and kicked blind for the first potential vulnerable spot I could think of.
Spend any time fighting mecha, and you learn that joints are always- vulnerable, at least in context. I didnt feel anything in the angels knee give way, but it did stagger a bit. I rechambered and kicked again as fast as I could, trying to drive my heel into its patella equivalent. This time it staggered heavily, and between its fingers I caught a flash of motion that had to be its free arm coming to bear.
There was no time to think I swung both legs up and planted one foot square in the angels face, the other against his far shoulder, and pushed-. It was enough to keep him from jamming his free hand against my ribcage, but there was nothing to stop him from using the other piledriver. I twisted as I felt the impact, and the glowing spike dug a long gouge through my torso armor before glancing off.
This was going nowhere fast. If I didnt break loose soon, I might die, but Shinji almost certainly would die. Gendo would throw Rei into Unit-00 as a desperation mesure, and shed die. Then everyone would die, including that SOB Gendo, but without even the few redeeming qualities of Annos original ending.
I set my jaw and put my back into it. One of the reasons I have the rep I do is my Good Samaritan complex. The company shrinks know all about it, and bank on it even when Im in way over my head, I just cant resist the reflex to do something stupid and heroic. Or maybe Im just too much of a stupid, stubborn Scot to quit. Either way, Id displaced the person who would- have saved them in canon, and be damned if I was going to let my presence here get a lot of innocent people killed without a fight. Yui had dismembered this thing with a straight arm pull with my whole body behind it, I ought to at least be able to pull off a dislocation.
The next piledriver shot speared through my lower ribcage at an angle and lodged in my back armor for a moment, passing maybe a meter under the entry plug. I bent at the waist without thinking, and caught a break the spike jammed in the overlapping plates of my torso armor. Darned if the thing didnt somehow give the impression of blinking- in surprise.
I kicked it in the facemask, planted both feet in its armpit, and heaved-. There was an gristly stretching sensation, followed by a pop. I ripped my head free of the suddenly looser grip and felt the other piledriver pull loose from my ribs. My feet hit the concrete and I twisted the arm I still held with a vague notion of going for some kind of joint lock, but the angel twisted double-jointedly and took a shot with its remaining piledriver that barely missed my eye and skidded off the sloping armor over my cheekbone. I ducked, and for a moment it had me at twice arms length, still crushing its wrist in my one good hand.
Then I saw its eyes light up.
I ducked the shot somehow -maybe flinging its own arm into its face blocked part of the blast-- but as I sailed over a block of structures, I felt a sudden twitch through my whole body. I landed and ran like heck, stealing a glance behind me. Yep my power cable was flapping in the breeze.
This had- to be a Monday.

Quote:

---

anybody figure out the Tunguska event?

---

There're too many possibilities to call. Gundam colony drop, the ship that made Graviton City's crater, a Supervision Army gunboat on final descent to South Ataria Island...
--Sam
"It's a clastic sediment from Utah."

Quote:

---

This had- to be a Monday.

---

But of course! This kinda stuff always happens on a Monday. The next weirdest day is Friday, but it only beats out Monday if it lands on the thirteenth.

---

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"To the commissary we should go," Yoda declared firmly. "News
of this kind a danish requires."

---

Honestly, I didn't catch the Sliders reference until Bob pointed it out. Not surprising, tho...I have very fond memories of Quantum Leap. My dad is a fan. We followed Sliders when it came out, too...but dad decided he didn't like it, and I've never been good at catching weekly TV when left to my own devices. So, yeah, 's got less of an impact on me.
No idea what the big falling ship is.
And...
WHEE. Yay for alternate takes on that fight scene. And the good samaritan complex.
Especially liked the line: "Then everyone would die, including that SOB Gendo, but without even the few redeeming qualities of Annos original ending."
Snort.
-- Acyl

I was thinking of the Original Gundam colony drop when I wrote the Tunguska-ish ZPI, but you're right, there are other anime events that fit the vague description.
And here's the final installment:
------------------------------------------------------------------
I could feel Shinjis jagged-edged, raw-nerved presence in the entry plug, still echoing through me. The pain of doing combat acrobatics with a fractured arm seemed to be keeping him semiconscious, and frankly if Id still been capable Idve been nauseous myself just from the sensation of the broken ends bumping and grinding together.
But to paraphrase Twain, impending doom focuses the mind wonderfully. First order of business was to find a new power cable I didnt remember what the battery limit was, but I knew it wouldnt be enough then patch up my arm, then find some firepower. And then open up a cano whupass.
Of course, there was the little problem of finding- what I needed. I slowed in my headlong flight to look around and try to get my bearings. With no knowledge of the city, no way to access maps, and no way to hear anyone communicating with the entry plug, I was in trouble. I leaped atop the tallest near building for a better vantage point, actually shading my eyes with my good hand from pure reflex. I scanned around, looking for anything that might jog my memory, caught a flicker of motion, and jumped for it just ahead of the blast that vaporized the building beneath my feet.
Hideaki Anno has a lot to answer for. Cross-shaped explosions, good grief-.
I dropped down to street level again and started zigzagging through the blocks. That shot had come from a fair distance the angel might have me outgunned, but it looked like I had a good speed margin. Of course, if I just kept evading, eventually hed go back to blasting his way down to Terminal Dogma and its waiting Apocalypse-on-a-stick, and that would bring this ZPI right up to number three on my personal Worst Missions Ever scale (dont ask).
I emerged into a large plaza-like intersection and paused, trying to figure out which way to go. I would have killed- for a decent map right about then. Instead, I got the next best thing. Three quarters of the lights went out.
And people wonder why I mad crush on Misato Katsuragi. When this was over, I was going to give that woman the biggest kiss um. On second thought.
Whatever Misato thought was going on, shed figured out that whomever was driving EVA-01 needed guidance, and was using the street lights accordingly. Only one street out of the plaza was lit, and I barreled down it as fast as my freakishly long legs would take me.
It wasnt a long trip, but it sure had a lot of turns. Misato and the bridge bunnies (sounds like a one-shot 80s pop band, doesnt it?) must have been trying to keep me clear of the angels line of sight. A building bordered in yellow-and-black striping opened up as I approached, and I grabbed the fresh power cable even as I felt something pop out of my back that had to be the old plug being jettisoned I love- working with competent people.
Then there was a bit of a problem. Look, -you- try plugging something into your own back, one-handed, without benefit of practice or a mirror, while wondering when the bogeyman is going to pop around the corner and blast you into component molecules. It didnt help that Shinji was starting to wake up again and turning my fingers numb and shaky.
Not sure quite how long it took, but we didnt collapse before I got the plug in, so I wasnt going to sweat the timer. Although it did occur to me that I had no idea if a partially-depleted battery would recharge from the power line, or how long it might take. I thrust that line of thought aside, and took a moment to listen for any 157 EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE footfalls coming my way before taking the time to try and patch my arm.
NERV, we have a problem.
Yui made it look so darn easy. Grab broken arm, make it glow, suddenly its whole again. All I managed to do was hurt Shinji some more. After about five minutes I gave up, ripped up a few light poles, and used the dangling length of the old power line and my prog knife to jury-rig a splint. It wouldnt win any Red Cross prizes, but at least it would give me partial use of my left hand back, and maybe keep Shinji from being tortured by every move we made. Explosions and towering crosses of fire in the middle distance suggested that Misato was using the defense grid to cover us and keep the angel busy, bless her tactical little heart.
As I finished up, I became aware of a tugging sensation, as if my body wanted to start moving in a certain direction. I cautiously relaxed my grip on the bodys motor functions, and almost wound up eating pavement again. I took over, got upright again, and tried to find a way to go with the flow. Shinjis sudden burst of positive (relatively) emotion confirmed my hunch without any real idea of what he was doing, he was trying from his end to find a way to work with me. Since he had all the comm gear, teamwork was going to be important.
We stumbled along a few blocks, getting a feel for each other. By the time we reached the arsenal block that Misato must have been guiding us to, we had a sort of unspoken agreement I did the driving, he did the navigating. It was rough around the edges, but I was feeling more optimistic than I had since the start of this fight.
I slung a magazine-fed missile launcher, jammed a sidearm into my splint (sorry, Shinji), and grabbed the biggest assault rifle I could find. Shinjis tugging suddenly changed directions and got stronger, with a frantic edge our sparring partner must have finally detected us. I ducked sideways to the tug, over a block, and hopped onto another roof for a quick look around.
This time I got the drop on him (and noted that the tug had been towards the angel, rather than away something to note for future reference) as he came around a corner. I pivoted the missile launcher up on its sling using my bad arm and pulsed the trigger. Three missiles to the face at point-blank range probably wasnt enough to kill or even seriously hurt the angel, but I was looking more for distraction and cover from the ensuing smokescreen.
The sheer agility of this body was still taking some getting used to, but I sure needed it now as I sailed over the roiling cloud that had completely enveloped the angel, rolling into a midair somersault with a half-twist to land facing the angels back (I hoped) at short range.
My second break of the evening: the angel stepped back out of cloud, facing maybe three-quarters away from me. Not an ideal shot, but I wasnt going to get a better one. I already had the assault rifle up to bear, one-handed with the stock in my armpit I lined up low on the target and held the trigger down.
At this range I could hardly miss, even on full auto, and this body had the musculature to beat muzzle climb. I let the entire magazine go in one long burst that climbed up the body and settled center-of-mass, hitting with at least four out of every five rounds. The angel staggered as the mixed AP and HE rounds ripped chunks out of its body I even saw a chip knocked loose from the core. It spun towards me, raising its arms in a very human defensive reflex, and I noticed that is was missing one forearm, right before the last dozen or so rounds from my magazine suddenly started bouncing off a hexagonal shimmer in the air.
Spam. Id been hoping to beat his ATF with surprise and speed or, failing that, half-hoping that my own would kick in on an instinctive level, because I had no idea- how to use the bloody thing.
Plan C was to mount the only attack I had evidence to conclude his ATF couldnt negate it was time to go to knuckle city. When Id been in direct physical contact before, his ATF hadnt protected him from the hands-on approach, and my only real hope was that that pattern would continue to hold true.
Of course, I had to get to him, first.
The rifles bolt locked open and I tossed it away, snagging the sidearm from its makeshift holster as I dropped into a low crouch. If- I was guessing right, and if- I was fast enough, and if- I could get just one more halfway-decent break, I might just be able to get everyone out of th
A heartbeats worth of glow was the only warning, but Id known that from before. I threw myself forward, kissing concrete, with everything my legs had. A towering crucifix of energy that I couldnt see but knew was there speared the street behind me, close enough to make my heels burn and towering hundreds of meters into the sky. The blast added to my own momentum and tumbled me straight down the street to fetch up hard against the angels ankles with a fresh burst of agony from my shattered forearm that socked Shinji most of the way back to unconsciousness.
I twisted my shoulders and brought my arm up faster than I would have thought possible. The angle was bad, but I had physical contact and hopefully a half-second or so while his ATF switched from offense to defense. His weight was already shifting back on his heel he was planning to break contact but my muzzle jammed againstheloweredgeofhiscoreIstartedpullingthetrigger
I levered myself up along the side of a building, feeling as if Id been beaten all over with a lead-lined rubber hose (I know how that feels from experience). That last blast must have come closer than Id thought there was definitely something wrong with my lower legs. The angel was on its back doing a good impression of a smoking, holy (ahem) corpse, but the first rule of any horror-movie afficianado is, if you go to check the monster, shoot it first. I leveled my sidearm at the core, fired, and the gun blew up in my hand.
The muzzle mustve been damaged from being fired in physical contact with the target. Whatever the reason, the front of the barrel blew out spectacularly, flinging the slide back to carom off my face armor. And thats when I felt something clamp around my knee and something like a red-hot railroad spike drive straight through the joint, front to back.
I didnt have time to swear, even mentally we were going down like a felled tree, my gun was DRT, the missile launcher MIA during the last explosion, and I could tell from the feel that my skewered leg wasnt going to hold my weight again, period. Shinjis reaction was oddly muted, this time, as if hed topped out his pain threshold or something, but he was still with me, and I felt a sudden strong- tug at our right hand as something mechanical happened in my shoulder.
We landed prone, sprawled half across the angel, which began beating at us with its remaining arm as I followed the tug and fumbled for my prog knife. The piledriver speared me through the ribs again, and this time I felt it puncture the entry plug. Shinjis spike of momentary panic matched my own as did the groundswell of rage following on its heels.
Our hand closed around the hilt of the prog knife and flipped it overhand as we levered ourselves up on our broken arm for a better angle. The piledriver hit us again, this time punching through up through our knife arms armpit and emerging from the far side of our neck in a scarlet spray, but the knife came down and smashed into the angels core, throwing a fountain of sparks. We pushed higher on our bad arm to put more weight behind the knife, and pushed-.
Ive caused bigger craters, but the one the self-destructing First Angel left behind set a new personal record for craters Ive been at ground zero for. I wanted to be optimistic that this one wasnt going to set a trend, but what I could remember of the canon material didnt leave me very hopeful.
Still, that was a problem for later. Right now, I had two more immediate concerns. The bigger one was how I, as a giant robot, was going to avoid going stir crazy with no books, no TV, and no one to talk to. The lesser but more pressing issue was that I was pretty sure Ritsuko didnt stock anesthetics for EVAs I was not- looking forward to my upcoming time in the body-and-fender shop.
Still, I was alive, Shinji was still alive (and sleeping the sleep of the wounded righteous in my entry plug), and the city was still standing. Id chalk this up to a decent nights work and worry about tomorrow tomorrow.
In the meantime, the sun was coming up, and I thought (not for the first or last time) that it had never been so beautiful.

That's... wow.
That's amazingly precious.
I love that...
MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE
GRITTY GRITTY GRITTY
BATTLE BATTLE BATTLE
small mundane concerns
*ping*
moment of transcendant beauty.
If your muse flows that way, I would love to see this as an ongoing story - or an ongoing metaseries - or both.
but don't force it. There's no way to ruin a story like this more effectively than forcing it.

That's some fine work. I salute you, sir.
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...

*nodnod* 'tis nifty.
Though because of my most recent timesink, I'm casting David Hayter as the narrative VA while I read it.
Any chance of you producing more of this?
-Griever
When tact is required, use brute force. When force is required, use greater force.
When the greatest force is required, use your head. Surprise is everything. - The Book of Cataclysm

"Eva Gear Solid?" Come to think of it, that'd make an interesting little bunny.
--Sam
"You have all become victims of the Evil Midnight Bomber what Bombs... Hey! PAY ATTENTION!"

I concur. 'cause that's gotta be one of the most original takes on an EVA fight...
...I mean, I nearly keeled over when our hero used a telephone pole as a splint.
The build-up is handled great, too, as is the narrative flow...especially how it all carries to the point where the 'I' and 'Shinji' become 'Our' and 'We'...an effective way of conveying the sense of synchronisation and merging.
Kudos.
-- Acyl