Drunkard's Walk Forums

So, I have no overall plot yet, but I do hope that Skyefire won't mind if I borrow the ANBU Section Nine idea... there are definite possibilities there. In the meantime, to get started:
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Team Eleven
It was getting late.
That was the current opinion of Tenjou Utena, genin of Konohagakure no Sato. It was very, very, very late. To be specific, her team's Jounin-sensei, Weinu Borusa, was very, very, very late. She wasn't quite sure why that was... even Team Seven's Hatake Kakashi had been and gone, collecting his trainees and taking them off for - well, for whatever it was teams did when they were first formed. Introductions and initial briefings, she supposed.
Like Team Seven, Team Eleven would probably be combat-specialized. Utena herself was quite skilled with a sword, and had undergone extensive training to increase her speed and agility. Tendo Akane was a more straightforward fighter, her family's techniques more oriented towards standing in one spot and shattering anything that came at them. Makimachi Misao was more of a generalist, fighting with just about anything from bare hands to traps to the kunai and shuriken techniques she favored. She was nearly a match for Utena in speed, and quite possibly, Utena mused, almost as hyperactive as Team Seven's prankster extraordinaire, Uzumaki Naruto.
"I wish those three were still here," grumbled Akane. "I need someone to beat on." She'd been getting grumpier and grumpier as the hours passed, and only a bit of sparring with their fellow left-behinds had relieved her temper. (Not that she hadn't punted Naruto into the ceiling with a shout of "Pervert!" when he pulled off a twisting takedown that landed him on her chest... she'd always been a bit sensitive about that sort of thing. Left her rather poor marks in the kunoichi-only classes. Not to mention her horrible scores in cooking....)
"Ah, they're probably off getting beaten up by that masked lunatic," Misao chirped. "At least he bothered to show up. Where the flipping heck is Weinu-sensei?"
"If I knew that," Utena remarked, "I'd say we go get him. Maybe he's stuck in a meeting, he has to run his family's business as well as his own ninja work, you know."
This touched off a round of speculation among the three genin, raising and discarding all sorts of probable and improbable possibilities as to the Jounin's location, doings, and reason for absence from his duties. And a grumble from Akane about part-timers. Along the way, they took in Weinu-san's rumored romance with Kairu Selena-san, the possibility that a business rival had hired a shinobi to assassainate him, and the chance that his business agents had sent in some vital information that just had to get to ANBU right away, and he was deep in an emergency planning session with them and couldn't be bothered with something as trivial as a commitment to a genin training team.
"Or maybe," mused Akane, "He's been watching us under a genjutsu the whole time, snickering up his sleeve at how silly we're all being."
Utena considered it for a moment. "That... isn't impossible, Tendo-san, but it's been hours, and none of us have noticed anything. Not even Haruno-san did, and she was always the best with genjutsu in classes."
"Well, heck," Misao said, and formed a series of hand-seals. "Let's find out. Kai!" The room around them seemed to vibrate for a moment... and there was Weinu-san, sitting in the teacher's desk chair. "Hah! He WAS here!"
"Took you long enough to figure it out," the jounin said as he stood up and looked over the three of them. "You'll need to keep a better lookout than that if you want to get by in enemy territory. I could've taken down every word you said and gotten away without you ever noticing I was here... or killed every one of you, including the precious Uchiha, before you could even move."
At this point something seemed to have gotten through to Akane. "You've ... been here... watching us... the WHOLE TIME? You stood by and watched Uzumaki GROPE me? YOU PERVERT!" Exactly where she got the giant mallet from, Utena had no clue, it was apparently a Tendo clan special ninjutsu... and it either took Weinu-sensei completely by surprise, or had an element that rooted him to the spot while she brought it down on his head.
(End chapter one, segment one)--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

... just no.
Either to the concept of a canon-tempered Akane as a shinobi, because that just won't _work_ as anything but a bit of amusing kunai-fodder, or to even a Chunin being surprised by that. I mean, pulling stuff out of nowhere? Pretty much par for the course, no? Especially since Weinu-sensei seems like one to _always_ do his research, plus he's gotten the general impression of each of his students through direct observation.
Of course, it could just be a Kagebushin that'd explode in her face when the mallet hits. That'd seem like one way to make her think before she tries to clobber.
The fact that I don't like her much anyway to the side, a far more amusing person for that spot on the team would have been her eldest sister.
Or if you _want_ to stick with ninja tomboys, why not take one that's already pretty much perfect for the setting. I mean, I'd be tickled pink to see Okuzaki Akira there.
-Griever
When tact is required, use brute force. When force is required, use greater force.
When the greatest force is required, use your head. Surprise is everything. - The Book of Cataclysm

Giant cartoon hammers are arbitrarily undodgeable and unblockable -- just ask Ryo Saeba, who is essentially immune to all forms of damage except hammer.
Come to think of it, Ozuchi no Jutsu may actually be a highly advanced genjutsu cleverly disguised as a purely physical attack.
--Sam
(Kanazuchi = hammer; Ozuchi = sledgehammer.)

...and now I can't stop thinking about Ryo in shinobi-land.
Village Hunter.
Naruto would never call Jiraiya a pervert again after five minutes with the Sweeper and his mokkori no jutsu.
Ryo is, if memory serves, explicitly superhuman due to having been given an overdose of an experimental form of PCP... translating that over, he might be a jinchuuriki...
--Sam
"Egad! Too much anatomy!"

Nah. We've got enough of those running around. I suggest casting him as the sole survivor of one of Orochi-teme's more gruesome experiments with life-extending drugs.
-Griever
When tact is required, use brute force. When force is required, use greater force.
When the greatest force is required, use your head. Surprise is everything. - The Book of Cataclysm

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... just no.
Either to the concept of a fanon-tempered Akane as a shinobi, because that just won't _work_ as anything but a bit of amusing kunai-fodder, or to even a Chunin being surprised by that. I mean, pulling stuff out of nowhere? Pretty much par for the course, no? Especially since Weinu-sensei seems like one to _always_ do his research, plus he's gotten the general impression of each of his students through direct observation.

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Fixed your typo.

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Of course, it could just be a Kagebushin that'd explode in her face when the mallet hits. That'd seem like one way to make her think before she tries to clobber.

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This is why Goddess invented cliffhangers.

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The fact that I don't like her much anyway to the side, a far more amusing person for that spot on the team would have been her eldest sister.

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Given that her actual behavior in canon is closer to that of her eldest sister than the fanon model you have assimilated, I think you may be pleasantly surprised.

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Or if you _want_ to stick with ninja tomboys, why not take one that's already pretty much perfect for the setting. I mean, I'd be tickled pink to see Okuzaki Akira there.

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If I give enough of a damn, she might turn up. Or not. But I picked my team and I'm sticking with it. And, you know what? I do like Akane. I think way too many idiotic writers give her a bad shake because of fanon. So learn to like it, or don't read it. Up to you; I'm not holding a kunai to your jugular and making you click on the link.--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

I'm also despairing of the GOOD writers who use and abuse Akane the same way. Well, at least the entertaining ones.
Ornstead/Skysaber is a prime example: He's amazing when he godmods with just ONE universe, but the second he starts adding to it, it invariably winds up with Anime-based Akane versus Manga-based Akane.
The funny thing is, I would love to see manga!Akane face up against anime!Akane... that smear on the ground? Anime!Akane.
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

I'll agree that it's annoying to see her acting in virtually the same way throughout several fanfic series, yea.
The few times she's not shoved into stereotype are, on the other hand, refreshing. Most of those are interesting (vide that one Battletech fusion I've forgotten the name of where she drives a Warhammer and is a refreshingly competent individual).
... so why did you go with having her 1)make a logic leap straight to 'PERVERT' 2)instantly upon completion thereof, pull the mallet 3)do so on a person attacking whom could generally be considered a Bad Idea?
It seems to me like the sort of inevitable 'fanon' chain of events you'd dislike and try to avoid.
-Griever
When tact is required, use brute force. When force is required, use greater force.
When the greatest force is required, use your head. Surprise is everything. - The Book of Cataclysm

okay, the logic leap to "PERVERT" is a result of her daily challenges by Kuno and the Hentai Horde... to make her more manga-canon, change the mallet to a "hammerstrike fist" or a weapon of opportunity...
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

I will note that 'weapons appearing from nowhere' appears precisely nowhere in Naruto that I'm familiar with; it's entirely a Ranmaverse thing. So it becomes a 'family technique' of certain clans (I have zero plans to involve the Chinese Amazons, as they are primarily in Ranma for slapstick potential, which is not going to be a major part of this story.)
(Team Eleven, Chapter One, Segment Two)
* * * * * *
"You've ... been here... watching us... the WHOLE TIME? You stood by and watched Uzumaki GROPE me? YOU PERVERT!" Exactly where she got the giant mallet from, Utena had no clue, it was apparently a Tendo clan special ninjutsu... and it either took Weinu-sensei completely by surprise, or had an element that rooted him to the spot while she brought it down on his head. "OZUCHI NO JUTSU!"
... Or maybe it didn't take him by surprise at all, thought Utena as she watched the result, Not that we should have expected it to. He is a jounin, after all. She stood still as Akane's target vanished in a puff of smoke, replaced by the desk chair Weinu-sensei had been sitting in. Kawarimi, of course. So, what now?
'Now what' turned out to be a straightforward punch to Tendo's gut, doubling the girl over as her face turned purple and she gasped for breath. "Don't attack your sensei. Unless you're ordered to." The ever-impulsive Misao, already moving to protect her teammate, was stopped in mid-step by a glare from Weinu, and she stumbled back to land on one of the desks.
"All of you shut up. I know who you are. You know who I am. There's no point in wasting time with introductions, you've wasted enough already. Training ground fourteen, five AM."
* * * * * *
"Just what were you THINKING, Tendo, flipping out on him like that?" Utena growled, glaring at the girl over the grill of the hibachi restaurant's table. A few booths away, Sarutobi Asuma and the Ino-Shika-Cho trio were finishing up their own meal (or rather, Asuma, Ino, and Shikamaru were sitting and chatting while Chouji kept eating).
Akane spread a few slices of marinated chicken over the grill and glared right back while she waited for them to cook. "I wasn't thinking. I was pissed off at him for his little game and at myself for not noticing it earlier."
"So why the whole 'pervert' thing?" Misao asked, reaching in to steal a piece from the grill. "It's not like Uzumaki even laid a hand anywhere, y'know, ..." She waggled her hand in lieu of naming anything specific.
"That's not the point," Akane interjected, "And give that back." She lashed out with her chopsticks to snatch back the chicken, but Misao dodged nimbly and stuffed the meat into her mouth. "Pig."
Utena drummed her fingers on the table as she waited for her order of shrimp. "So you're saying you were just frustrated at the wait and your own failure, and you decided to take it out by attacking our teacher? The one guy who can decide whether or not we ever get to do more than D-class trash cleanup missions?"
Akane grumbled, reddened, and looked away, Utena's shrimp arrived, and Misao took the opportunity of the distraction to steal the rest of the chicken. "You're paying for that, you know," Akane grumbled as she turned back to see the last of it disappearing into the pigtailed kunoichi's chipmunk-cheeks. "Pig," she repeated, and laid her head on the table to rest for a bit. Then jumped back as a flare-up from Utena's shrimp almost set her hair on fire.
* * * * * *
(End chapter one, segment two.)--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

Now this is a bit better than before. It could be expanded upon a bit more before I myself would have called it a chapter... Perhaps a bit more exposition? It would certainly help readers to better understand the nuances of the characters before they explode as you had done with Akani. This is not to say, of course, that the characters should be fully fleshed out from the get-go, just that we be a bit better acquainted before they do anything extreme.

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Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"To the commissary we should go," Yoda declared firmly. "News
of this kind a danish requires."

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I plan to explore their past in much the same way Naruto normally does so - flashbacks.
Random example to whet the appetite, anyway: Weinu Borusa's parents were wealthy civilian merchants, who were killed by bandits (lead by a nuke-nin) while he watched. He inherited their business, but left the task of running it to their trusted assistance while he petitioned the Hokage for entrance into the Ninja Academy. No need to go running off to Tibet when you're already living in a Hidden Village, after all.
The Tendo clan is a minor clan, not nearly on the level of the Hyuuga or the former Uchiha. They have about a dozen members, currently, including Soun, Kasumi, Nabiki, and Akane (Soun's wife, Kimiko, was killed by the Kyuubi); as well as Soun's nieces, Natsume and Kurumi (One parent lost to the Kyuubi, the other on a mission). Kasumi is a chuunin and medic-nin in training, Nabiki is a genin and classmate of Lee, Neji, and Tenten.
ETA: Chapter One is not yet done, and will probably include some additional filler and whatever insanity I come up with for Weinu-san's version of the Bell Test at the very least. I hope to get it over 2000 words.--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

Interesting. I'm not totally familiar with all the characters, but it's interesting. The "other anime characters reimagined as Naruto genin" genre is surprisingly fairly untapped, come to think of it.
Not going to get into the Akane character debate, but one specific comment:

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Not that she hadn't punted Naruto into the ceiling with a shout of "Pervert!" when he pulled off a twisting takedown that landed him on her chest... she'd always been a bit sensitive about that sort of thing.

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Naruto is, canonically, pretty wretched at just about every part of being a ninja at this point, no? Assuming Akane is fairly taijutsu-focused (which seems a reasonable assumption) and at least reasonably competent at that, having Naruto pull off any kind of move on her would be pretty embarrassing, regardless of whether it ended in a compromising position or not, and probably worthy of some comment from her and/or her teammates. Perhaps in the second segment, Akane could add letting Naruto of all people get the advantage on her in a fight to the list of things that had her pissed off.
Just a thought.

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Aaron Nowack

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Aaron Nowack

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Naruto is, canonically, pretty wretched at just about every part of being a ninja at this point, no? Assuming Akane is fairly taijutsu-focused (which seems a reasonable assumption) and at least reasonably competent at that, having Naruto pull off any kind of move on her would be pretty embarrassing, regardless of whether it ended in a compromising position or not, and probably worthy of some comment from her and/or her teammates. Perhaps in the second segment, Akane could add letting Naruto of all people get the advantage on her in a fight to the list of things that had her pissed off.

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That's possible - he does have a rep as "dead last", after all.
On the other hand, several sources have mentioned that he's supposed to have been considered very talented at taijutsu when he entered the Academy... he just never got much of anywhere since, because of hostility from pre-Iruka teachers.
And he clearly flubbed the follow-through on it anyway, or he a) wouldn't have landed on her, he'd've been straddling her with his hands on her wrists or throat, and b) she wouldn't have been able to punt him off.
I'll consider it while I prep Segment Three tomorrow.--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

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I plan to explore their past in much the same way Naruto normally does so - flashbacks.

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Well if that's the way you desire to go, then that's okay. I can hardly make you write the way I think you ought to, now can I? ^_^;;
Even in the Anime there was more to the exposition. Enter Uzamaki Naruto, grand prankster at large. Okay, well now! He's certainly a trouble maker. Things settle and now we see a bit more of his personality and before long we know quite a bit about Naruto. We also see how he interacts with others for the most part - the beginings of relationships within his genin team before they are even selected as such.
Little, yet important things. Not the earth shattering stuff. This makes it a lot easier for the reader to relate to the character.
Just bear in mind - the way you start a story is a pretty good reflection on how the rest of the plot runs.
Oh, one other thing - opinions tend to vary on how long a chapter should be. Me: I like to shoot for enough content to translate into a good half-hour of TV viewing. So, if you like your chapters a bit on the smaller side, then that's cool. It's all a style thing.

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Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"To the commissary we should go," Yoda declared firmly. "News
of this kind a danish requires."

---

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On the other hand, several sources have mentioned that he's supposed to have been considered very talented at taijutsu when he entered the Academy... he just never got much of anywhere since, because of hostility from pre-Iruka teachers.

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I'm roughly 90% certain that's fanon. It's fairly reasonable fanon, but still fanon.
Whatever Naruto's original talent in taijustu, it seems fairly certain to me that by the time the series starts he's fallen way behind in it, for whatever reason. Him having something that he was actually decent at would probably be worthy of some comment in canon if such a thing existed and would change the way the rest of the Rookie Nine react to his improvement in the Chuunin Exam.
At least, that's my view of the matter. I could always be wrong.

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Aaron Nowack

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Aaron Nowack

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The "other anime characters reimagined as Naruto genin" genre is surprisingly fairly untapped, come to think of it.

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I haven't seen much myself -- mostly it's worldjumping crossovers.
Thinking...
Ranma would almost have to be a highly talented Uchiha, wouldn't he? Tactical genius, ridiculously high learning rate... that raises the question of whether he (and the 'rents) would survive the massacre, and if so, what that would do to the mindsets of everyone involved...
Jusenkyo: some obnoxiously powerful set of curse-seals that force a ninjutsu physical transformation on anyone who falls into the damn pools. Probably laden with so many booby-traps that no sane seal specialist would dream of trying to break 'em.
--Sam
"An object at rest -- CANNOT BE STOPPED!!!!!"

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Ranma would almost have to be a highly talented Uchiha, wouldn't he?

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Not really.
Picture this:
Hatake Kakashi is an incredibly talented jounin and former ANBU captain...
...despite being blind in one eye.
In another world, he would be called the "Copy Ninja". Here, now, that title belongs to another shinobi.
Sharingan Saotome.
-- Acyl

Ah - Ranma isn't Ranma without the training trip. When Nodoka is killed by the Kyuubi, Genma is distraught. Unable to handle the constant reminders of his beloved wife that surround him in Konoha, he takes his infant son out for a training trip, swearing to fulfil his wife's last wishes and make him a man among men. By the time of the Uchiha massacre, the members of the clan who knew him have all but written him off and forgotten about him. Certainly Itachi doesn't remember an uncle who he might have met three times when very young, or a cousin that he never met at all. They stumble back into town at some dramatically appropriate moment.
On the other hand, even if it has been a bit overdone, Ranma's a dead ringer for someone with a cat-demon bound in him It wouldn't have to be bijuu level, but that whole "loses control and becomes much more powerful" thing...
On the gripping hand, Sasuke and Ranma do have some remarkable similarities in their love lives...

At work, voted, noodling over Segment Three, which I have decided will be mostly flashbacks.
A bit of a revamp: Tendo Kimiko could not have died fighting the Kyuubi, it leaves her children entirely too young when she dies (Kasumi 3, Akane an infant...) Their canon personalities are entirely shaped by the tragedy of her death, which means that it has to be fairly recent. Probably no more than 2-3 years ago at this point.
Sharingan Saotome? Hmmm. Has possibilities. I have some other ideas in that regard, but we'll see, rabbit, we'll see.
Random scenelet spam: Nodoka, wandering an empty house, waiting for Genma and Ranma to get back from their training trip. "Oh, Genma dear," she muses, "if only I'd had more children to warm this empty home...Why couldn't you have been more like that hunky Jiraiya-sama..."--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

The few times she's not shoved into stereotype are, on the other hand, refreshing. Most of those are interesting (vide that one Battletech fusion I've forgotten the name of where she drives a Warhammer and is a refreshingly competent individual).
The Saotome Gambit__________________
We are not ninjas, we are a hedge. Please move along.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

another thought, since you've already got the Tendos in here, wasn't Ukyou's family art supposed to be ninjitsu based? Or is that a fanon idea?
You have her as either a friendly rival type to akane if she's a member of the Leaf, or she could be from another village entirely.__________________
We are not ninjas, we are a hedge. Please move along.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

You know... fusing Genma and Jiraya might work too...
...and including Ukyo pretty much requires that you include Konatsu.
just a few random tufts of bunny fur.

ITYM "Happosai and Jiraiya."
--Sam
"I got legs baby! I'M ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!!"