Drunkard's Walk Forums

Quote:Deadpan29 wrote:

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Third: Beating the Invaders
Earth may have the worst luck in how often it gets invaded, but that’s nothing compared to how improbable its track record is in beating those invaders. Not just in the number of times it has happened, but in the ways it has happened. Where do these people who can bounce plasma bolts off their foreheads and punch through our most advanced tank armor keep coming from? How do these primitives find that one design flaw in the mothership? How does a planet that has barely gotten to its moon a few times keep building giant robots that can smash armadas? Did the Zorbadians really get their buts kicked by a giant moth and an atomic turtle? Perhaps most disturbing, why do high-ranking members of the invasion forces keep falling in love with Earthlings and turning on their comrades?

Then there are the ones who try for the quiet infiltration method, only to find that Earth already has predators in the shadows and secret conspiracies that don’t like newbies on their turf.

Earth continues to be largely unknown in the wider universe because the invaders that survive tend to cover the whole thing up out of embarrassment. Those in the know may try to trick rivals and enemies into sticking their hand into that mess.

Lets not forget the times Earth has Surrendered at the beginning of the invasion.
After which we have either;

• Buried the invaders in red tape (Both theirs, and ours (often both at the same time)).
  
• Out bred them.
  
• Joined them outright.
  
• Taught the aliens about themselves in areas they thought they had already mastered.
  
• Made them take care of us Properly...
  

"Mr. President, I hate to say it, but unless we get Congress to agree on a budget or conquered by an alien invasion before the weekend, a national default is unavoidable."

(the Pentagon red phone rings)

"This is the president... They are? I thought they swore off conquering Earth after the platypus venom incident... Well, I suppose it does make more sense to invade America than Australia, we only have guns and missiles... About that, don't do it... Yes, really. Tell them we'll be transmitting an official surrender shortly, as the might of their new super-weapon is simply too terrible to risk its use... Of course they have a new super-weapon, we wouldn't surrender for no reason now would we? ... I'm the President, it's my job to know things... No, just say there's no need to deny it, no matter how sincere the denials... Yes, we'll be using the Microsoft strategy on this one, General. No, don't tell them that part... Yes... Yes, I'll be in the situation room as soon as possible."

(click)

"Well I suppose that's one way to balance the budget - find some other schmuck to foist the debt off to."
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"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows