http://m.fanfiction.net/s/8438238
I'm curious as to what people think of this fic. It's competently written, but the casual mind control and murder are rather disturbing if you step back from the immediacy of the narrative.
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"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
I think I looked at it once before, but if my reaction to looking at the first chapter this time is any indication, I probably dropped it like a hot potato on the grounds of being painfully badly written.
Not sure I could point to what made me feel that way, although it's almost certainly purely cosmetic (as in, you could probably use exactly the same events and just phrase them differently, and have it be just fine), but the impression is immediate and strong.
There is a strong "Dance, puppets, dance!" feel to it in the beginning, but that's actually part of the plot - the bungled blood wards cause some really warped behavior, and part of what I wonder about is whether Harry himself is just as affected or if his acceptance of their effects is simply because it's all he's ever known. I mean, he's not your canon socially isolated waif, he knows enough modern culture to have gotten the message that impinging on free will through mind control is considered wrong.
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"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
I read chapter 1, skimmed chapter 2, and have to agree with The Wanderer about dropping it like a hot potato. For that matter, I don't agree with you about it being competently written. The characters all come off as flat and vauge with ocasional spikes of psychotic irrationality and it doesn't feel like a sylistic choice to convey the mental influence going on, it feels like the writer just doesn't know how to write the characters in a way that makes them come alive. I didn't care about the disturbing content because I didn't care about the characters, and if I did care about the characters, the disturbing content would probably drive me away.
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No, I don't believe the world has gone mad. In order for it to go mad it would need to have been sane at some point.
I was referring more to a blessed absence of rampant poor spelling and grammar - it was the rather aberrant characterization that drew me in on the basis explained above, though that may also be blamed on my general hostility to every canon character except Luna and in her less overbearing moments, Hermione, who both come off well enouugh. It makes me far more willing to accept drastic reinterpretations or grisly fates, as there's little that could be worse than WoG from She Who Must Be Blamed. I'll let th
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"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
e assessment as a stinker not worth analysing the scent of stand without further argument though since the only other votes are nay.
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"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
Oh, it might well be worth analyzing further for those who can stand it. I just don't have the impetus to do it myself, given all the other things out there competing for attention.
Well then:
I took a shot at
Harry Crow which appears on the updates thread fairly often. I didn't care for it but I am wondering if someone keeps brining it up because it gets better. It is a long (57 chapters currently) story and I have seen authors improve noticably over the course of a single work. Having read the first two chapters, I can say it was competently written by the rather low standard you set and I don't have the previous complaint about lifeless characters.
It's a Harry-raised-by-goblins story. The first chapter stretches things here and there to get the situation set up, but I'm generally willing to let that pass if the situation is handled well thereafter. The second chapter manages to hit most of the cliches of Harry's first day at Hogwarts in a bad Harry Potter story short of inventing a new house to sort him into.
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No, I don't believe the world has gone mad. In order for it to go mad it would need to have been sane at some point.
Hm, I tried that one, and while true that it also has at least sufficient ttechnical quality to not make my eyes bleed, I just couldn't get past Minerva taking that kind of disrespect from anyone, no matter what the circumstances. Whatever other faults she may have, Min does not meekly back down (she may be Al's puppet, but at least puts up a squawk when he inserts the hand) and is not someone to abide childish whims and nonsense during class, even inthose versions where she secretly enjoys creative pranks
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"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows