Completely OT, my apologies.
Despite my b/f referring to her as a Rent-a-Friend and remarking that I have him to talk to for free, I went and saw a therapist on Thursday. Figure I've
tried dealing with "this stuff" on my own long enough. (Bob knows about some of it. If anyone else wants to know, especially after reading further,
I'll be happy to indulge you.)
She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but I suppose it was nice to hear it anyway. Here's what she thinks I've got going on:
"Definitely" panic disorder (was also told this by a psychologist in '03)
Depression
"Possible" PTSD (the laundry list of things I told her had happened, and she could only say "possible"? Ha!)
"Possible" C-PTSD (Complex PTSD, go look it up)
Talking to her about everything, I actually cried a little. Didn't expect that to happen. Guess I'm not used to spilling everything at once IRL.
I'd definitely like to go back and see her again.
-Amanda
"Hey, it's not like dying is on my schedule for this week."
--Yumeko Asagiri, Bubblegum Crisis: The Next Generation, part 3
As a long time survivor of the Mental Heath system, explain to your boytoi that talking to the therapist is different than talking to him.
Admit that its hard to explain just why that is, but it is. He sounds like he should understand.
From the sound of your symptoms you really went through the wringer there Manda... were you in the military in the last few years? I served for 3 years twenty
years ago, and that was peace but it still did a number on me cause I wasnt a good fit. I can almost imagine how it can be even more stressfull if your in
actual operations, but the key word there is almost. I understand that its something you dont really understand unless you are there...
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by
Echo's Children
Nope, never was in the military. Closest I've been to a warzone is the Columbine library *cough cough*
--Amanda
"Hey, it's not like dying is on my schedule for this week."
--Yumeko Asagiri, Bubblegum Crisis: The Next Generation, part 3
Just to cover my ass here, I am in no way a licensed or practicing clinical Psychologist, but I have had several courses on the matter (My Major, so ya) and I
would like to believe I am a somewhat perceptive individual. So, Don't do anything drastic on my behalf, or take my word over theirs, or stuff.
...Anyway! While I theory, talking to your boyfriend could produce similar results, it would probably not be the most ideal case. People train for this, and
while there are always quacks and cheats looking for a quick buck, if you've got problems beyond the 'bad day' scale of things its usually a lot
easier to work things out with someone that (at least thinks) they know what to expect and how to handle it.
Panic Attacks are usually one of the easiest things to work out of, so you might be feeling 'better' soon, at least on that front. Also, by Depression,
just of what sort do you mean? There's alot of ways it comes out (Major Depressive Disorder, Dysthymia, Bipolar II, Cyclothymia).
As for PTSD, far be it from me to judge, but it usually takes trauma and stress of extreme proportions to trigger it, and you usually don't get this
outside the Military or extenuating circumstances in local Law Enforcement. Complex could be more likely, as it isn't a singly
bloody-horrifying-snap-worthy event but more repeated less individually severe events.
So, I don't really mean to pry so much, (use the Rent-A-Friend) but I could at least try and share what I know in an effort to make sense of this.
---
The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."
>Analects: Book V, Chaper XXVI
In case it wasn't obvious in my last post, I was in the Columbine library. I imagine that's sufficiently bloody enough.
My dad got sick a few months before the shooting and ended up paralyzed, and Mom had to stay home from work to take care of him. After the shooting I got
molested for three years by a guy that I thought I liked. After that, things were "quiet" for a while, then in '04 it all started going to heck
again. Great-Grandpa died, my step-great-grandma died, Dad died, Grandpa died, my older brother hung himself...*takes breath*...and most recently I had to try
to keep my beloved cat comfortable while he fought a valiant battle against jaw cancer, finally giving him that final helping hand in November, if you know
what I mean.
So yeah, you could say I'm just waiting for the crap to stop o_o;
--Amanda
"Hey, it's not like dying is on my schedule for this week."
--Yumeko Asagiri, Bubblegum Crisis: The Next Generation, part 3
He's a psych major. You may need a bigger anvil to get it through his head.
I got it the first time...
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by
Echo's Children
..Wow. I totally missed the whole Columbine thing. Yeah, that makes more sense to me now. Sorry. o.o
---
The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."
>Analects: Book V, Chaper XXVI
Quote: Completely OT, my apologies.
This is General Chatter - there is
nothing OT here, unless it breaks the Two Rules. ("Have Fun, and Play Nice.")
Amanda, if you need to vent or rant, this is the place to do it. None of us will think any less of you. We might not be able to help, but we won't complain... I think. (And, at least IMHO, you're entitled to rant.)
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
...but we'll try our darndest to make you laugh with our quick, witty little comebacks. (aptly timed, of course.)
As to your S.O. reference to the 'Rent-a-Friend' quip, he should check himself real quick. (I'm drawing the conclusion that he is still on thin ice
for the wrestling move that put you in pain.)
_____
DEATH is Certain. The hour, Uncertain...
Yeah, it's a lame response, but what they said. Know that you have a band of supportive friends here who know better than to characterize a therapist as a "rent-a-friend". I agree with Kurisu, btw: none of us should be able to say we're as close to you as your boyfriend, so he should understand that at least as well as we do. Knowing your history, can't he see the value? Or is he one of those who believe that psychology/psychiatry is hogwash in general?
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
I asked him about it after I saw your post, Bob, and he said he's afraid it'll get expensive (and again, he used the Rent-A-Friend line). He thinks he
can help me out by having us hang out together and "play" and do silly/stupid stuff. It's fun, of course, and it helps me forget about
everything for a while, but it doesn't help me confront it.
He's also afraid she's gonna want to put me on something -- he wants me to be "naturally" happy. (I used to be on Zoloft for a couple years,
but it kept me neutral, if anything. Not too sad, not too happy. And I NEVER want to go through the three-month withdrawal that I had to go through when I
went off of it after college. UGH.)
Kurisu -- neither of us have really brought it up as of late. If I sit in certain positions it'll be a little stiff, but other than that it's ok.
--Amanda
"Hey, it's not like dying is on my schedule for this week."
--Yumeko Asagiri, Bubblegum Crisis: The Next Generation, part 3
Okay, I can understand his concern about drugs. But he has to understand that properly executed, the therapy will help lead you to being "naturally happy". With the professionals I've known (a very very tiny sampling to be sure, you can count them on the fingers of one hand), drugs are considered the last resort, or at best a temporary crutch, unless the problem has a biochemical basis to begin with. I think it's safe to say, even if I'm not a doctor, that your difficulties are probably not biochemical in origin, so you can reassure him on those grounds at least.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
From what I remember, drugs are usually only resorted to with serious problems, or when therapy just isn't getting anywhere. Usually you only get prescriptions from the Therapist for severe cases of Depression, Bipolar or Schizophrenia. Also it bears the mention that most Therapists don't actually write the prescription, but would send a recommendation to a Psychiatrist to then get you the prescription. Its usually a hassle to actually get someone on a drug, and isn't done unless it really -needs- to be. (Plus you can say no, and they wouldn't refuse to help you.)
---
The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."
>Analects: Book V, Chaper XXVI
I, personally, am not worried about getting put on any more medication (though with how uppity and anxious I've been, some Ativan might help, har har =P).
I'm just wanting someone who can help me to stop feeling the way I feel. My b/f thinks I want attention, but that's just not it. Just someone to help
me.
--Amanda
"Hey, it's not like dying is on my schedule for this week."
--Yumeko Asagiri, Bubblegum Crisis: The Next Generation, part 3
If your boyfriend can't distinguish between help and attention... I don't know what to say. I'm not there, I'm not privy to
anything more than a few details here, so I shouldn't say anything. But it sounds like he doesn't really understand what you're feeling.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Whether he likes it or not, he's just gonna have to deal with it. Just because I'm not showing every little thing I feel doesn't mean I
ain't feeling it, and if I did show every bit people would DEFINITELY think I'm crazy. Besides, I didn't manage to stress myself into an ulcer
over nothing (now there's a story for ya).
--Amanda
"Hey, it's not like dying is on my schedule for this week."
--Yumeko Asagiri, Bubblegum Crisis: The Next Generation, part 3
Well, it was mentioned earlier that he's worried about how much therapy might cost. That's a fair concern. It isn't cold-hearted to worry about money...it can be quite the contrary. Nor is skepticism about mental health treatment always a bad thing. It's all relative.
But as others have pointed out, therapists are trained - they are health care professionals, they're doctors. They deal with the mind, not the body. But the mind can be sick too.
Society has, I think, a strange duality here.
There's people who obsess over getting medical explanations for everything. "My kid isn't badly behaved, he's just mildly autistic". Asperger syndrome gets...worryingly overused as a label, nowadays. Perhaps a way of avoiding responsibility, to some degree. Many people do, indeed, turn to therapy for no good reason. Or to feel good about themselves, to be assured that it's not their fault. Hell, I don't know. I'm a politics geek, sociology is just a side field of study. But I will say that anxiousness seems to be the defining emotion of our age. Perhaps your boyfriend is thinking in these terms.
At the same TIME though, there's reluctance among many folks to admit that they might have a problem, or they might need help. That's equally unhealthy.
I think it's a good thing that you've at least tried the therapy route. It's evident that you have stuff you're wrestling with. It's not like you're making crap up. And rather than deny that it's a problem, you're taking steps to come to terms with it.
That's admirable.
-- Acyl
As someone who suffers from chemically based depression, I guess I should chime in.
IF and only if what you have is chemical based, then yes meds can be a wonderful thing. Both Lulu and I take meds... myself for major depression (and a touch of borderline personality with narccistic traits) and herself for schizo-effective. Our meds help us act mostly normal, which we wouldnt be without them. However, I do not reccommend them except as a last resort even though I openly bill myself as a poster child for Paxil. As a long time survivor of the public mental health system I've found that too many of the doctors there depend too heavily on medications and not enough on therapists; though in their defense I do have to point out that in todays era of california budget cuts many clinics have to choose, and its Hobson's choice. The can afford the doctors or a full therapy staff but not both, and since many of their clients do
need medication...
of course when the only tool you have is a hammer, all problems start to look like a nail.
however this seems to have turned into more of a rant on my part at this point, so, just remember that we'll listen, and try and do what we can to support you even if its just listening.
Till then stay safe, and maybe consider dragging your bf with you to one or two of your sessions. It sounds like there are some issues there that maybe the therapist can help the two of you dig out and work out.
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by
Echo's Children
Quote:maybe consider dragging your bf with you to one or two of your sessions.
That's a great idea, Ranger, if the therapist is cool with it.
Amanda might want to emphasize that therapy is more like investigating a mystery than curing an illness with a shot, though -- the process is long and detail-oriented, and like Columbo, doesn't always look like it's getting anywhere for a long time. On the other hand, make sure he doesn't expect it to be like TV/movie psychology, with a big breakthrough and suddenly the patient is all better permanently -- solving the mystery doesn't automatically convict and sentence the killer, after all.
Geeze, did I use the metaphor blender or what there?
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
I used to be a player of 'The Game' (Patient/Psychiatrist) and I can say without a doubt, the biggest factor that helps in the healing process is
communication, and listening. REALLY listening.
The difference between the doctor and us is that we can be funny, and you can suffer through our opinions. The doctor is listening for clues and holes in your
conversations and will point them out in a diplomatic manner as well as help you piece together the clues to a realization and move forward from there.
I meant no disrespect with my comment before, but I also agree with Bob as well. Heck, in the long run (if you decide to keep him) it'll show him how to
listen to you and teach him to communicate with you more effectively. Communication = More Trust. More Trust = Better Intimacy. Better Intimacy = Great Sex!!
_____
DEATH is Certain. The hour, Uncertain...
Mwahahaha, irony -- I have Asperger's.
I would like to drag him to a session, but having him get a day off on an appointment day will be nigh difficult -- I could always see if he could fanangle
(sp?) something with his workplace. And that's the wonderful thing, I really do feel like the therapist listens to me. I feel like she does understand,
even if understanding isn't the same thing as relating, not by a long shot. (Oh GOD, I hope NO ONE can relate to THAT.) I wonder if my b/f would be up
for it.
--Amanda
"Hey, it's not like dying is on my schedule for this week."
--Yumeko Asagiri, Bubblegum Crisis: The Next Generation, part 3
Quote: yumekochan wrote:
I have Asperger's.
I must have the same thing... Can't get a date to save my life.
_____
DEATH is Certain. The hour, Uncertain...
Quote: Kurisu wrote:
Quote: yumekochan wrote:
I have Asperger's.
I must have the same thing... Can't get a date to save my life.
Common interests, common interests. Mutual love of BGC may have been how I met my molester, but it's also how I met my b/f ^_^ Fighting over a BGC
doujinshi on eBay, LOL!
--Amanda
"Hey, it's not like dying is on my schedule for this week."
--Yumeko Asagiri,
Bubblegum Crisis: The Next Generation, part 3