Quote:"What the fuck do you even know about me, huh?  You don't know shit.  And not because I or anyone else have kept it secret.  You could have asked anyone.  You could have even asked me.  You would have had answers.  But no.  You chose to be willfully ignorant.  You chose to ignore my very clear and succinct warnings.  You chose to take the word of someone you were told cannot be trusted.  But worst of all, you work under this perverse notion of self righteousness under the guise of so-called love and justice.

"WHERE THE FUCK WAS LOVE AND JUSTICE WHEN YOU COMPLETELY UNMADE THOSE TWO GIRLS!?

"You two have betrayed the trust of your Queen and made her vision into a mockery.  And in doing so, you've become the very monsters you've sworn to fight."

Quote:"Fitting, isn’t it?" said Ben with quiet resentment, nodding with his head to the freeze-frame.  "That you can’t see them."

"See what?" asked Teletha, honestly confused.

"The tears," said Ben, matter of factly.

Teletha blinked in confusion.  Yes, the expression on his face was troubled, but tears?

"What tears?" she asked.

"Exactly," hissed Benjamin angrily as he whirled on the smaller girl.  "What tears?  They don’t matter because you can’t see them.  And you never will.  You’re too far away.  Too far for me to really matter.  Sure, you know I exist.  But I’m just one among billions.  I don’t matter, and I never will.  There is nothing special or exceptional about me.  Anyone can do what I do.  I’m replaceable.  Cheap.  Easily broken.  Easily discarded."

Teletha looked back at the frozen image on the screen.  It was slightly grainy as the resolution wasn't the best.  But once she honestly looked, she saw a faint, tell-tale glimmer of light reflecting off of something wet on Ben's face.

He actually had been crying.

"But…  What!?  You…" stammered Teletha, barely able to even form interjections as the thoughts began to swirl in her normally orderly mind.  How could she have not noticed?  She had been sitting right next to him.  She had been saying those things - things that mus have been ripping his heart into pieces.  Saying such things so thoughtlessly and without regard to a man that had honestly confessed his own feelings towards her... and then settled for a professional relationship.

One that she had been utterly failing to keep "professional" by using him as a sounding board for her feelings.  Just using him.  Because she knew he understood her - knew her heart and her feelings and why she felt what she felt.  It had been too good for her to pass up.  But now, she was beginning to realize that there was a terrible price to pay for such things.  Nothing should ever be that easy, after all.  Least of all, loving another human being.

"Don’t try to convince me otherwise," snapped Ben.  "That will be nothing more than a lie.  How about you tell them, Belldandy.  It’s true, isn’t it?  There’s at least a thousand other guys out there that can do what I’ve been doing here."

"You are unique-" started the Goddess, but Benjamin was not about to let her finish that line.  While it was technically true, it was actually only a half-truth that carried a caveat that he was all too terribly aware of.

If Belldandy made but one mistake here, it was underestimating just how sharp Benjamin is.  He had seen it coming before the words even began to leave her mouth.

The terrible irony about Benjamin was that even though he was broken on the inside, those shattered pieces all possess edges as keen as an obsidian knife.  So finely sharp that you could perform surgery on a blood platelet.  So fragile that it was prone to breaking with just the lightest bit of stress.

He was broken, yes.  But if you mistreated him, he would cut you so horribly.

"CAN.  SOMEONE.  ELSE.  DO.  IT."

"…Yes," said the Megami in a defeated tone.  "It is true.  There are others who can."

"And there it is," said Ben quietly.  "Yes.  I am unique.  But only as one grain of sand is unique from all the others.  Unique, yes.  But nothing special."  He then sighed and said, "I am broken.  But more than that?  I am tired.  I am so very emotionally exhausted.  I want to be able to stop living.  But that would be selfish of me, wouldn’t it?  I would make so many people feel bad if I did that.  So I need to keep on hurting and suffering for their sake.  Because that’s what I’m meant for.  Not to be happy.  But to always be heartbroken and sad."

He looked around the room and found everyone gaping at him in surprise.  Even Kaname hadn't been immune - she being Benjmain's biggest critic thus far.

"I can't do this anymore," said Ben at last.  "You all deserve better than this.  You deserve better than me.  I'll be in my office.  Please don't bother me unless it's an actual emergency."

Lyrics

See the animal in his cage that you built
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all
Right where it belongs

What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the world's inside of your head
Just creations of your own?
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you're really all alone?
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the woods
While you're hiding in the trees

What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

Lyrics

Open your mouth wide
A universal sigh
And while the ocean blooms
It's what keeps me alive

Quote:"So that's it?  None of this really matters?  This was all just... a dream?"

"No.  It's not that and you know it.  This is your reality.  Not some parody.  And not just some story.  You're as real as I am."

"And what about this story you're writing?"

"What about it?  I'm just writing it.  You?  You're fucking living it!  And don't you dare try and talk your way out of this.  You know what I mean.  You know what I know.  You know all of the implications.  Infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters.  Whether you like it or not, you and I are two entirely separate existences, both with their unique circumstances and consequences."

"But... what about you?  This has to be killing you.  Thinking about living this kind of...  this fantasy."

"I'll live.  One way or another, I'll live.  It's all I have, after all.  Even though I'm alone.  Even though people won't ever understand me.  I'll live however long I'm supposed to live.  Maybe no one will really remember me when I'm gone.  But at the very least, I can take comfort that there's another instance of me who won the ultimate lottery.

"But really, don't feel bad for me.  If there's anyone you should feel bad for, it's the version of us who is the prime mover for all of this."

"What?  You don't mean...  It's not really you?"

"It's not really me in the same sense that I'm not really you.  In other words, yes.  There is another one of us somewhere out there.  He's writing the very words we're speaking.  He is doing this because he is utterly alone and he has nothing else in his life.  Even among his own family he feels like an outsider.  Not even happy things like holidays and birthdays bring him any joy.  Every day is the same for him.  And the only comfort that he takes is the hope that we're real.  That we exist.  That one of us can live the dream that, for him, only exists in his mind."

"I don't know if I could live this life happily knowing there's a me out there living a life like that."

"I know.  It sucks big brass ones.  But you have to keep in mind that there's nothing you or I can do to help him.  He's beyond the reach of anyone or anything.  Not even the Lord of Nightmares can see him.  As for me?  This fourth wall... even though we've knocked a hole in it, it's nothing more than a window.  There's no doorway here.  The only thing you can do is live the life I want to live.  Go on.  Be happy.  It's the best thing you can do for me.  For us."