Quote:"And as she rose from the pool, tears of joy filled her eyes,
and she cried to the heavens, 'Thank you, oh Holy Ones, for this
OUCH! "

"You were doing okay, until that bit," Ranma said after
withdrawing her fist from the top of Cologne's head. "But you know
damn well I kinda went nuts and tried to kill Pops instead."

"It was poetic license," grumbled the elder.

Quote: ECSNorway wrote:

---

Quote:

"And as she rose from the pool, tears of joy filled her eyes,


and she cried to the heavens, 'Thank you, oh Holy Ones, for this


OUCH! "






"You were doing okay, until that bit," Ranma said after


withdrawing her fist from the top of Cologne's head. "But you know


damn well I kinda went nuts and tried to kill Pops instead."






"It was poetic license," grumbled the elder.

Quote: Mister E. Tachiki knocks on his door an hour before dawn. Gendo briefly fantasizes about having his Section-2 escort kill him execution-style. Instead he
shucked off his boxers and answered the door in the buff.

"Commander Ikar-FUCK!"

"No, but thank you for the offer." Evenly, he asked the shorter man, "I assume you have a good reason for waking me?"

Quote:Nocte waited for Siyamak to get closer before saying, "I said the pads, didn't I?"
Siyamak didn't care, taking her in his shaking arms and hugging her close. "Nocte... Nocte... Don't ever do that again! Do you know Ebony almost had a heart attack when your flare showed up?"
Nocte wondered about the flare and looked up.
She balked at the sight.
Suspended above the city, written in bold, gold glitter was: NOCTE IS HERE. GET YOUR ASSES HERE – NOW!!
Followed by an arrow pointing down exactly on Nocte.
Nocte stepped away from Siyamak's arms to get a better look as Aman ran to her side.
"I think your sister outdone herself again," Aman pointed out.
"I think so too," Nocte agreed. "But the exclamation marks are a bit excessive."
"I don't know," Aman said, tilting her head to the side. "One could never go wrong with exclamation marks."

Quote:"Okay, Seaman Sanson, this is your safety briefing," the rep said, grinning again. "Be aware that the platform you are using for entry is poorly constructed and may collapse. Be aware that on the far side of the gate you may experience reduced air quality. Be aware that on the far side of the gate you may experience increased or decreased gravitational field. The far side of the gate may not be at ground level and you may experience vertical movement on exit. Upon returning you may find that you do not hit the platform in which case you will experience an approximately twenty-meter fall to ground level. The gate may not return to this same location at all in which case you may find yourself in any location in this universe or in any other universe. The environment suit that you are using is not warranted by the manufacturer for use in any nonterrestrial environment and, therefore, you are using it at your own risk. Do you understand this warning?"

Quote:The gate may not return to this same location at all in which case you may find yourself in any location in this universe or in any other universe. The environment suit that you are using is not warranted by the manufacturer for use in any nonterrestrial environment and, therefore, you are using it at your own risk. Do you understand this warning?"

Quote: Riiiiing… Riiiiing… Riiiiing... Riiiiing… Riiiiing…

"SHINJI!" shouted Misato from the bathroom. "Take a message!"

"I have my hands full!" he yelled from the kitchen.

"REI! Take a message!"

The First Child blinked. "I see." She walked over to the ringing phone and picked it up.

Click

"Hello. You have reached the Katsuragi Residence," said Rei tonelessly, pen and paper ready. "If you would like to leave a message, please
tell me your name and telephone number so Captain Katsuragi will be able to return your call."

The voice on the other end of the line stumbled a bit. "Uh… hi, Misato. It's me, Asuka. I was just calling about the 4th Angel battle. I was
hoping you could forward some video to me. The asshats here are strangling me in red tape. So, um, yeah. Bye."

Click

After Rei transcribed the message she wandered back to her bedroom for a short nap.

---

Meanwhile, around the world in Germany, Asuka Langley Soryu snapped her cell phone shut. "Damn," she said.

"What?" asked Kaji, not looking up from the spy novel in his hands.

"Misato wasn't home. I got her answering machine."

"Huh."

"Really fake, robotic voice too. I thought the Japanese were supposed to have all that hi-tech shiny crap."

"Katsuragi's probably just cheap."

Quote: Rei floated, suspended and protected from the claim of gravity by the blood-smelling amber thickness of LCL.




Concentrating, Rei remotely activated the program that she had earlier fed into the controls of the AARS (Awareness Amplification and Recording System) whose
activation chamber she was floating in.




* * *




In the upper levels of NERV, Shiguru groaned as a message popped up on his screen declaring that his "important work related download" aka porn,
was being sent to the back of the queue. He glanced around and saw the same message on all the workstations in view.




"What the hell is using up so much outside bandwidth?"




* * *




Rei opened her eyes.




"Internet downloaded. LOLwut."




Rei anticipated using her new skillz to blow Shinji's mind.




"He will be...experienced. Fuzzy handcuffs are go!"




* * *




This led to a scene with Rei declaring, to hilarious effect, "Don't worry Ma'am. We're from the Internet."

Quote: "Certainly, you're going to be traipsing around, better to know the major players. 'Hi this is Hino Rei, she works for -' who do you? Never mind. 'She works for another firm, but she'll be catching the occasional spirit and sending them back here. She'll need a Security Clearance, I.D. badge and an exit pass. And if it wouldn't be too much trouble, a guidebook and one of those T-shirts that says 'I visited the Yomi Realm and all I got was this T-shirt, thank God.'"

Quote:“All hands, this is the captain speaking. We are currently about to plunge head first into the enemy position, so preparing for impact would be advised at this time. Also, I appear to have decided that today is silly accent day, so crew hands are asked put on their best pirate voice while officers are urged to speak like 19th Century British Royal Navy officers. Stiff upper lip when facing these knaves and all that. What do you say to that?”