Quote: This is Lt. Jee.

Lt. Jee is a very fierce man with a fierce mustache and an even fiercer vocabulary. When he finds something amiss, sailor-boys tremble and grown men
shiver in their shorts.

Lt. Jee is also charged with the duty of tending his royal captain's infant daughter when she is ashore on business. This means that he goes about
with the tiny girl strapped to his chest, a solemn burden and joyful ward. She goes everywhere with him, and is probably one of the few who will be able to
legitimately say she learned to sail before she learned to walk.

Of course, when her mother the princess returns from her business ashore, and puts aside her armor and her own fearsome temper, she hugs her daughter
tight and asks, what new words did she learn today?

The answer has Jee standing before the captain, receiving some fierce vocabulary of his own.

So now when Lt. Jee's about his duties, he does not swear, not even at the ensigns or midshipmen (who can be very annoying). Now what he
does, is point to the small, widely curious girl chewing on a toy as she dangles firmly harnessed from his chest.

He points out exactly what has been done wrong, and why it is such a bad idea on a ship. He explains the million and one ways the ocean can kill them even
when everything is running exactly right on the ship. And then he asks them if they feel at all right, contributing to the level of risk and danger this
little girl, this darling young princess of theirs will face.

The crew really wishes he would go back to swearing.

Quote:Finally, Hermione weakly groaned, “What the hell was that?”

“That was an orgasm,” replied Luna brightly. “They're very popular.”

Quote:Yui sighs, staring at her filed nails. It is the disappointed sigh, the guilt sigh. It is the sigh that wraps Commander Ikari around her finger every time whenever she needs something done that he does not instantly provide.

“I only ask,” she says, “Out of concern for a friend. And you would do this, right? For a friend?”

[Hyuga] shrinks in his seat.

“You don’t fight fair.”

“Finally, someone else notices,” Gendo intones.

She turns, leveling her gaze on the Commander.

“Did you say something, dear?”

“Nothing at all,” Gendo says, not missing a beat, “Just burped.”

Quote:"People of Tokyo-3,” the Rei says, for some reason in a white jump
suit, sitting in the elevated chair and stroking the Persian cat in her
lap, “I have taken over this satellite NERV base on the outskirts of
Tokyo-3, and am in control of the Anti-Angel missile defense batteries.
These are my demands.”She pauses, her face neutral, her voice monotone.
“I demand one million helicopters and one dollar.”

Quote:From Nobody Dies, Chapter 19.

Wiredgeek Wrote:

Quote:From Nobody Dies, Chapter 19.

damnit, boss, I wanted to go to BED!

Quote: Ignoring the commotion amongst the members of the Library Exploration Club, Mana sighed, dumping her satchel into the hands of another Chacha-clone and
tossing back her dark hair.

"Remind me again, why it was deemed I had to be here? Everyone knows I've never been a member of the Negi-gumi, nor do I aspire to, so I see no
reason in why I should sacrifice my time to come play happy families with you lot." The dusky beauty forced down a twitch as her left hand jerked (to
the holster that was currently missing from the small of her back) at the warm voice that purred out of the tropical darkness behind her left ear.

"This one thinks that Mana-dono is far too uptight and should just take the opportunity to unwind presented to her, and if that opportunity should
include socialising with this one, than why not?"

Kaede, oozing charm, smiled sweetly at the cocoa-skinned shrine maiden, who wasn't having a bar of the ninja's unctuous enthusiasm.

"I think someone's been into the suspicious fruit drinks already. Stay the hell away from me, Kaede."

"But, Mana-dono, that is no fun..."

Slanted eyes gleaming with enthusiasm, Kaede smirked, expression fading from questionable innocence to slick, suggestive mischief. Mana, wise to the
somewhat disturbing shift in the lanky ninja's mood, backed up a step, dark eyes flashing with contempt.

"I'll shoot you. I really will. In the face."

Quote:Galen: According to professional surveys, most anime fans are under 14.

Jim diGriz: q.v. Logans Run: so what happens to all these anime fans once they turn 14?

sanjian: It's never happened. They all die heroicly piloting mecha designed by their fathers.

Quote:Negi smiled back and escorted the girl to the door. He had sworn to himself that he was going to make all the girls in his class happy and if it meant fixing up Ku Fei with a strong boyfriend, he would just have to find one. “Don’t worry Ku Fei. No matter what happens, I am going to see to it that you are happy. It is the least I can do for all that you have done for me.”

“No matter what… You make me happy?” Ku Fei said stunned. Negi looked at her wondering what he’d said that had shocked her so. The next thing he knew Ku Fei was kissing him. Negi stood there in a daze as the Chinese girl kissed him passionately before practically bouncing out the door with a deep blush on her cheeks. “You make me happy too, Negi-bozu! I see you at dance!”

With that, Ku Fei was gone before Negi could gather his wits enough to utter a word. He stood there for a moment confused before finally shutting the door. He walked back in to the table where Chamo was finishing of a cigarette.

“I think she misunderstood me.” Negi said in a daze.

“Yep.” Chamo replied glibly.

“How did that just happen?” Negi asked his familiar.

“You’re a ten year old idiot when it comes to girls.” Chamo replied dryly.

“Why is it that every time I try to help one of my girls they get the wrong idea and I just keep digging the hole I’m in deeper?” Negi lamented.

“Because you speak from the heart without thinking first and you have absolutely no clue as to what it means to handle women.” Chamo answered.

“Why am I discussing this with you?” Negi asked darkly.

“Beats the hell out of me.” Chamo said jumping down off the table and heading for the bathroom.

Quote:Negi skidded to a halt in front of the men’s room. He was completely
naked and was relieved to find the hall empty. Negi heard someone
coming down the hall the way he had come so he burst into the men’s
room in a rush.
Inside, he found nothing. Negi looked around
desperately for Chamo and his suit, but both were missing from the
room. Negi ground his teeth in frustration as whoever it was that was
coming down the hall stop outside the men’s room. Negi looked around
and since there was only one stall in the small bathroom he opened the
door and jumped inside.
Inside he ran into Setsuna, or at least he ran into her cleavage, face first.
“Oh no, not again.” Negi said in despair. He then noticed that Madoka was also crowded into the small toilet.
“Again?” Setsuna asked looking at Madoka in confusion.
“It’s a long story.” Madoka said apologetically.
Negi
risked a look down and confirmed his worst suspicions. Madoka was once
again naked and Setsuna was wearing nothing but her panties.
“Chafing again?” Negi asked Madoka flatly. His only response was another embarrassed and apologetic nod.
“What about you Setsuna, why aren’t you wearing a bra?” Negi asked dejectedly.
“I
was going to wrap my breasts with cloth to keep them from showing when
I dressed up as a boy.” Setsuna said slowly. She had the look of a
child who was about to be in serious trouble.
“You too?” Negi
said looking back and forth between Madoka and Setsuna. He then heaved
a long-suffering sigh. “Let me guess, you’re Konoka’s date.”
Negi
sighed again as Setsuna nodded and the conversation was suddenly cut
short by the sound of someone coming into the men’s room. Negi spun
around to face the door of the stall when the sudden gasps from Setsuna
and Madoka caught his attention.
Being a traditional Japanese
bathroom, there was no toilet for the girls to stand on to keep their
feet from being visible under the low stall door, so without warning
the two limber young girls jumped up and latched onto Negi. Negi
reacted in reflex and grabbed the two girls to keep them from tumbling
to the floor. This resulted in him standing there naked with Madoka on
his right hip with his palm planted firmly on her bare buttocks, while
Setsuna was on his left being held aloft the same way.
“Girls, I
can’t take the two of you like this.” Negi whispered in desperation as
his knees wobbled from trying to hold up two teenage girls with a
ten-year old frame.
“Be a man, you can take it.” Setsuna whispered back in trepidation.
“He
can take WHAT, exactly?” A voice said from the other side of the door
as it was thrown open to reveal Asuna, Konoka, and Sakurako.
“Negi!” Asuna cried in anger.
“Setsuna!” Konoka cried in horror.
“Madoka?” Sakurako cried in confusion.
“Konoka…” Setsuna cried in despair.
“Sakurako…” Madoka cried in embarrassment.
“God?”
Negi cried in supplication looking up to heaven as his knees finally
gave way and he dropped to the floor in a nude tangled heap with his
two students.

Quote:This was why, on the 25th of June Dudley lay in bed, doing his utmost
best to pretend, that the bogey-man didn't exist and wasn't hiding
under his bed, just waiting for him to fall asleep so it could nibble
on his toes. His Dad of course had gamely reassured him that there was
no such thing, even going so far as to bemusedly look under the bed and
into the closet, before saying, "˜That's nonsense Champ, see! Nothing's
there."

It would have helped if his father's face hadn't been so wooden"¦

"I want my baby back, baby back, baby back; I want my baby back, baby back, baby back. Baby back ribs, baby back ribs"¦.C'mon you fat sack o'blubber, get down off that bed!" "“Thump- -Thump- "I'm gonna slather you

in ranch dressing and honey! Sweet thing! Plump butt! Get in my belly!"

...And if Vernon hadn't been speaking over the voice of an apparently Scottish Bogey-man"¦.

Quote:Akane also felt she was right in believing she’d finally met a Mary Sue, like from those internet things Nabiki liked to read. That was the only way she could describe Chao Lingshen, who was apparently some kind of cooking, academic and scientific club genius. Really, the only thing missing was some kind of sparkly magical girl powers…

Quote:A/N: I’m trying something that is so far, if not nearly unprecedented (see The Titans and the Lost Boy and Dark Titans, both by the perfectly perfect Lathis, right here on this site, for the cause of the qualifier ‘nearly’), at least so rare as to be within handshake range of extinction in the 21st century: a Ranma ½ story that not only does not star Ranma in a central capacity, but will also not make who it is based on a Mary Sue or trash the reputations, characterizations skills and/or abilities of anyone else in the cast or anyone in the series it is crossed over with. We used to have a lot of these in the nineties (that’s the prehistoric times of 1990 to 1999, when dinosaurs and the Spice Girls roamed the Earth, back before affordable mp3s, the concept of cellphones that were smarter than a Super Nintendo or a Gundam Series that girls liked that didn’t have the word ‘Wing’ on the title. Remember those? No? Empty night, I’m old…), but then fanfiction started becoming cool, and soon every preschool idiot who thought they could write was getting in on it…

Sorry, lots of old bitterness here. Moving along…

Quote:“Like I said, I’m more concerned with keeping my current family alive than anything,” Harry replied, as tersely as he dared. When Riddle’s bright red eyes narrowed to slits, he hastily decided that terse was not the way to go. “Besides, you didn’t kill my parents. This isn’t even my dimension. I can tell ‘cause I haven’t seen a single Starbucks yet.”

“What is this…Starbucks?” Dolohov asked curiously, earning himself a warning glance from Voldemort--but not an Unforgivable, which Harry found quite interesting, before the question registered and his mind went horribly blank. Starbucks was, well, Starbucks. Explaining a chain of Muggle coffee shops to a pack of pureblood wizards would be like explaining the desert to school of dolphins.

“Starbucks. Think about it: star bucks. Mutant deer from space. Very common in our dimension,” James said easily. Which was bad enough, but then he added, “Natural enemies of the Cylons.”

And Al, dear sweet intelligent Al, went and added, "Starbucks are also known for being bizarrely fond of cigars and alcohol and personal drama. Ironically, though they're called 'bucks', they're actually the females of their species. We call the males Apollos."

"Oh, those lovable mutant space deer," James sighed.

Quote:“Uri needs to socialize,” Kyoko says into her voice recorder, pacing her office, “Socialization leads to attachment, which leads to higher synchronziation ratio. So, it makes sense to pair Uri with a fellow pilot.”

She taps her fingers on the mic, pursing her lips.

“To that extent, as I have determined that Ayanami is insane, it is to my determination that the best social, romantic, and sexual engagement partner for Uri would be Pilot Ikari. I will present these findings to Dr. Ikari following the debasing task of being forced to chaperone the…school dance.”

She chews the inside of her cheek in thought, sitting on her desk.

“I am certain Dr. Ikari will agree whole-heartedly with my assessment, as this will also keep Pilot Ikari away from the distracting influence of the girl.”

Bob Schroeck Wrote:

Quote:...but will also not make who it is based on a Mary Sue or trash the reputations, characterizations skills and/or abilities of anyone else in the cast or anyone in the series it is crossed over with. We used to have a lot of these in the nineties, but then…

Quote:“So, in conclusion, be careful. If you can’t be careful, be safe. And if you can’t be safe, name it after me.”
Shinji
chokes and stammers, staring at Misato as she gives him a thumbs up and
then shoves him out the apartment door, listening to the sound of
footsteps as he reaches the elevator and goes off to meet his date.
In
truth, she’s proud. The past few weeks have given her the opportunity
to work out her own issues and find out that, if pushed, she could be
quite maternal. She even found herself ranting about what she would do
if someone hurt her ‘little girl’ as she now mentally refers to Asuka
as.
The bedroom door peaks open. Ryoji Kaji peaks his head out.
His hair, after much pulling, is frazzled and loose and his stubble is
coming close to a beard.
“It’s been a week,” he groans, “Can I go home, yet?”
“No,” she says, and claps her hands, advancing towards the bedroom with a toothy grin.
He sighs. Here comes another long day.

Quote:Of course, in a ninja family, the proper response to, “What did I tell you about running with kunai?” was, “I need to hold it correctly or else I won’t be able to stab with a decent amount of force without breaking stride.”

Quote:“Ah, yes... the demon,” Cologne said thoughtfully. “A most dangerous creature, which has the power to paralyze women with but a glance. That one's who has been a thorn in the side of the Amazons for generations, named after the fearsome weapon he wields.”

Ranma blinked. “He's called 'Giant Wooden Mallet'? That's a bit of a mouthful, don't you think?”

“No, my boy,” Cologne said. “His weapon is called a maul, and from that he takes his name. A most terrifying demon, born of the pain of young men who had been falsely assaulted by overly aggressive, perversion obsessed tomboys.”

“Um... why is everyone looking at me like that?” Akane asked uncertainly.

The silence was broken by a soft voice saying, “Oh, so it's all Akane's fault.”

“RANMA!” Akane growled, standing up.

“Hey! I didn't say anything!” As Akane's attention went elsewhere, Ranma leaned over to his cousin Minako, and whispered, “I didn't say that out loud, did I?” The girl shook her head.

“KENJI!”

“I didn't say anything either.”

Akane glared around the room, until a blushing face caught her eye.

“My own sister?”

“Sorry Akane, it just slipped out.”

Quote:After she had finished taking pictures, the old woman pulled out a stool, and planted herself upon it. “Now, Ranma. I want you to pick up your katana,” she paused for a moment as the young woman complied with her instructions. “Alright, draw the sword and hold it, pointing towards the sky, above your head. Very good. Now, repeat after me, ‘Bai sha pawaa ofu gureisukuru!’”

Ranma blinked momentarily, then complied. She wasn’t surprised when nothing happened.

The short old woman hopped down from her stool, to stare into Ranma’s eyes. Nodding to herself, she said, “That didn’t seem to work. Try this one... ‘Shundaa, shundaa, shundaa... shundaa katsu hou!’”

Quote:One day, da mechboyz discover that all the dakka is gone. Not missing, gone. Oh, the guns still work OK, but some jerkass glued silencers on everything, and replaced all the bullets with Nerf(tm) rounds. And its not just the local clan; all da orkz everywhere are apparently having the same problem, not to mention everyone else in the Grimdark. Hell, even the Imperial Guard is using actual flashlights.

Carmen Sandiego just paid 40k a visit, and she made off with all of the dakka.