Quote: After Arie pulls a gun on Will during a minor argument:

"Put the substitute penis away, Arie."

"I think it only counts as a substitute penis if it's a shotgun."

"No, for his it can be a handgun."

Quote:

Exchange between a hotel desk clerk and Will (who has just been speared through the shoulder with a metal pole):

"What the hell?!"

"Skating accident."

Quote: "I have a library. That's like an arsenal of knowledge, bizzatch."