Labster and I talked last night/this morning.
I've come to the decision that I'm not mentally healthy enough for something like this. I seem to have control issues that center around how I've had so much taken away from me by other people all throughout my life.
Yes, I'm admitting it. I'm a fucking control freak.
But I'm not saying that to ask forgiveness or anything as such, because I know that's not how real life works. Real life doesn't want forgiveness. It wants penance. So instead, I'm only saying this so you understand why I've come to this decision.
I'll be leaving the project. You guys get to own it now and do as you please.
But I don't want my character involved, even in a past-tense. None of the stories I wrote will exist anymore. The San Antonio residence can still exist. But it will be a different person there, with different stories, and maybe even different residents because I know some people wanted to call dibs on others.
That's my condition. You will have to come up with another character, maybe even more than one, to take Benjamin's place, and then retcon everything else. No, not even filing the serial numbers off will suffice. It has to be someone else entirely who behaves entirely different from me.
I don't even want any writing credit. I don't want any association with this anymore because it's caused me to hurt that much.
I know you think I'm being immature, but consider this: I haven't been able to do the setting much justice with my character because I've been making him a Mary Sue. So it's better that you have a character that is "perfectly imperfect" in his place instead. Even if my writing has a certain style and energy that others seem to appreciate, it doesn't make up for the fact that I wrote Benjamin like that. And apparently I'm incapable of separating myself from the SI.
Personally, I thought that was part of what made it so good. I'm eccentric in that I like to believe that in all reality, somewhere out there is this other version of me. And part of why I was able to hit everyone so hard in the feels is because I was able to associate that closely with my self-insert and convey the things I feel through him.
But I guess that's only good enough if most of all the other characters hate you. Which really hurts when you associate that closely with your SI and you don't know any other way of doing it.
Please don't make this any harder on me than it is. This is going to be like killing part of myself, and not in a healthy way. And as things are right now? I have too much to do, and not enough time. And I'd rather get this done as quickly as possible.
I've come to the decision that I'm not mentally healthy enough for something like this. I seem to have control issues that center around how I've had so much taken away from me by other people all throughout my life.
Yes, I'm admitting it. I'm a fucking control freak.
But I'm not saying that to ask forgiveness or anything as such, because I know that's not how real life works. Real life doesn't want forgiveness. It wants penance. So instead, I'm only saying this so you understand why I've come to this decision.
I'll be leaving the project. You guys get to own it now and do as you please.
But I don't want my character involved, even in a past-tense. None of the stories I wrote will exist anymore. The San Antonio residence can still exist. But it will be a different person there, with different stories, and maybe even different residents because I know some people wanted to call dibs on others.
That's my condition. You will have to come up with another character, maybe even more than one, to take Benjamin's place, and then retcon everything else. No, not even filing the serial numbers off will suffice. It has to be someone else entirely who behaves entirely different from me.
I don't even want any writing credit. I don't want any association with this anymore because it's caused me to hurt that much.
I know you think I'm being immature, but consider this: I haven't been able to do the setting much justice with my character because I've been making him a Mary Sue. So it's better that you have a character that is "perfectly imperfect" in his place instead. Even if my writing has a certain style and energy that others seem to appreciate, it doesn't make up for the fact that I wrote Benjamin like that. And apparently I'm incapable of separating myself from the SI.
Personally, I thought that was part of what made it so good. I'm eccentric in that I like to believe that in all reality, somewhere out there is this other version of me. And part of why I was able to hit everyone so hard in the feels is because I was able to associate that closely with my self-insert and convey the things I feel through him.
But I guess that's only good enough if most of all the other characters hate you. Which really hurts when you associate that closely with your SI and you don't know any other way of doing it.
Please don't make this any harder on me than it is. This is going to be like killing part of myself, and not in a healthy way. And as things are right now? I have too much to do, and not enough time. And I'd rather get this done as quickly as possible.