Okay, here we go.
I didn't need to make many changes to the actual meeting between Benjamin and Rei. Just a bit here and there to shift more of the emphasis towards her feelings.
The big change is in her meeting with Belldandy afterwards. She goes in confused and outright frightened, is then horrified by what she learns, has a flash of outrage about the thing with Nanoha and Fate... and then slips into guilt and regret once she realizes the truth of the matter: that those two girls have hearts that are less jaded than her own. That they could, without reservation, come to the decision that they want to be with him.
The tea kettle on Ben's stove hissed and popped as the blue gas flame fumed underneath it. Ben himself puttered around in his kitchen, gathering together a Japanese style teapot and two small teacups that matched it.
"I apologize that my place is cluttered up right now," he said. "I've been so busy lately that I've barely had time to take care of things. Is green tea fine by you? I also have Oolong, White Tea, and Chai."
"I'd like Chai, please," said Rei absently as she looked the place over. Every wall was covered - with shelves, bookcases, artworks, and other, more utilitarian knickknacks. One corner of the living room was filled in by a series of wildly varying toolboxes, along with a large cordura tool tote filled with esoteric automotive tools.
Rei actually almost laughed because she saw the whimsically placed yellow post-it note with Ben's somewhat neat, if uneven handwriting declaring, "KEIICHI WAS HERE!" Rei, having met the boy earlier at the party with his pleasant yet retiring demeanor, could almost see the long suffering look on Keiichi's face next to Ben's mischievous grin and twinkling eyes.
Rei noted, right then, that his eyes were far from twinkling. It rather reminded her of her father when there was serious business he had to conduct, except while her father's mien would be cold, Ben's actually radiated an air of concern.
The kettle whistled and Ben checked the temperature of the water using a kitchen thermometer, and then grumbled something about old appliances that needed to be replaced, causing Rei to blink in surprise - she had never known an American to show this much care when brewing tea. And then once he poured the water over the tea bags, he then set a timer, surprising her further.
While the timer ticked down, he quickly set to clearing a space on the coffee table - a pair of battered laptops, game controllers, TV remote, and old takeout cartons were removed. The timer went off and Ben immediately went and removed the tea bags from the pot, then added half-and-half to the tea before bringing the tray over. Rei noted that the trays, while cheap, were attractive - black laquered wood decorated by colorful Bird of Paradise flowers in the center.
To Rei's further puzzlement, Ben turned on the TV and the game console, started the Youtube app, and then selected a live-stream channel.
Downtempo hip hop beats with soothing instrumentals and an ambiance of needle-on-vinyl hisses, clicks, and pops filled the air. Quite disarmingly, the video part of the stream depicted a girl drawn in anime-style, boredly but diligently grinding away at her studies at a desk with a small potted plant, table lamp, an eclectic mix of books and supplies, and surrounded by bookshelves filled with an even more varied library. A cat lounged on a windowsill, lazily waving its tail while rain fell outside. The headphones the girl wore jumped out at Rei - they were of a quality studio-style design, but with, amusingly enough, googly eyes that jiggled whenever the girl moved her head.
As Ben poured the tea and offered it to her, it all came together for Rei.
While the party outside was definitely important to Benjamin, he was an entirely different sort of social creature. It was blatantly obvious that this was Ben's preferred demesne - the calm and somewhat intimate setting that offered ambience while permitting casual conversation. It was here that Rei reminded herself that there was a world of difference between a shut-in and an introvert. Shut-ins were shy about coming out at all. Introverts were simply quiet people that preferred a calm setting with only a few people at a time to socialize.
Even if the content of said conversation was anything but casual.
Rei tried the chai.
It was not the best she had ever had. That honor goes to the few times her father had taken her to prestigious tea houses in Tokyo and Yokohama. But it was good - far better than she would ever have expected from an American using a store-brand chai. Benjamin was no tea master, but his calm and methodical process held promise to it.
For her part, Rei recognized the degree of polite hospitality for what it was and reacted accordingly - one of the few things she could say that she appreciated her father teaching her.
"Very well, Rodesu-san. What is this matter that you wish to discuss with me."
Ben sipped his own tea slowly before answering. "The matter of your feelings towards Chiba-dono." Rei felt a flash of outrage well up, but Ben was expecting this as he raised a hand to gently forestall her. The following use of honorific attached to her name almost made her blanch. "Please, Hino-dono, do not be offended. I do not take such matters lightly. Love and family are matters of great importance to me."
Rei's mind quickly flashed back to just a few minutes ago when Ben had that brief but potently sorrowful look in his eyes.
Is he really serious? she wondered.
"I see," replied Rei calmly. "Then please, state your case, Rodesu-san."
Benjamin nodded and then emptied his cup like he was taking a shot at a bar. Uncouth, but she had seen worse behavior. He spoke as he refilled his cup, and offered to do the same for Rei. She politely declined for the moment.
"The matter of you wishing to pursue a relationship with Chiba-dono in the same fashion of the Juraians... I myself have no issue with it, but there are... difficulties that you must take into account."
Rei nodded. Of course it wouldn't be that easy, she chided herself, almost flushing in embarrassment at her earlier behavior. She grudgingly awarded the man another token of respect as he had not only kept her from embarrassing herself and her friends in the process, but was confronting her with the issue in such a tactful, yet direct manner as well.
"Please, go on," requested Rei politely.
Benjamin nodded as he sipped his tea. "The most prime concern being thus: I cannot see you, Tsukino-sama, or any of your other friends forsaking your home world to live on Jurai. I can see how it may be tempting, but I also understand that your sense of duty would not abide you abandoning your posts. Even for something as important as love."
Rei nodded slowly and grew concerned once more. Just how well did this American know her!?
"Is there more?" asked Rei.
Benjamin nodded again. "There are workarounds for this, but a woman of your birth and station may find it beneath yourself."
Rei wasn't sure if this was a well-veiled insult, but given what she had learned so far she felt that it was no insult at all, but instead an acknowledgment of the truth: that she was the only child and daughter of the man who is the leader of one of the largest political parties in Japan. So for the moment, she accepted his words at face value.
However, Ben was reluctant about going any further - the reticence clearly showing on his face.
"And?" said Rei, prodding for more.
Ben sighed softly. "The only answer that I can think of as a temporary measure, given the situation and your native culture, would be to humbly offer yourself up to Chiba-dono's household as a concubine."
Rei’s eyes widened in shock at the very idea. Her, a concubine!?
Rei almost dropped her cup.
She almost shouted at him.
But one look at those eyes quickly banked her fires.
There, in his eyes, she saw such a powerful hurt that it completely stalled whatever she was about to say or do. He was being empathic towards her, but he also seemed to have a distinct lack of pity.
Rei carefully schooled herself, while once again wondering at what sort of man she was dealing with. He may only be close to middle age, but his eyes were like that of an old man with more regrets than his tired bones could support.
What on Earth happened to him?
Rei sighed. "Very well then. Is there anything else?"
"Only two things, Hino-dono. First and foremost you must consider the precedent this will set. If you do convince Chiba-dono and Tsukino-sama to let you into their house, you must keep in mind that others may consider doing the same. You must consider that your Sister-Senshi may not wish to be left out."
Rei's eyes widened at that. Of course that only makes sense! All of Mina's teasing. Mako-chan pining for a boyfriend. Ami's longing looks. All of it would only get worse if she acted so selfishly.
For once, Rei herself understood the desire to finish off one's drink in a single tidal gulp the way Ben had earlier. She tried it, and found that while it helped, it did leave something to be desired. Maybe once she was old enough for alcohol she'd learn for certain.
Ben offered her more tea, and this time she gladly accepted.
"And the other thing, Rodesu-san?"
Ben nodded as he set the teapot back down. "You already know from the account of Chibi-Usa that some time in your world's future, society collapses and Chiba-dono and Tsukino-sama have little other choice but to establish Crystal Tokyo. In this time, they become Emperor and Empress, respectively, of that domain.
"With this, I would say that you and your Sister-Senshi may be lawfully wedded to Chiba-dono, as it will be his word and that of Tsukino-sama that are the laws of the land. However, everything else that goes with that would apply still. This will set a precedent, and it will be something that you and the others will need to come to terms with.
"The only other thing I wish to add, Hino-dono, is that whether you believe it or not, there are those among us that do wish to be dear friends to you and the rest of the Sailor Senshi. There are things we can do to help, each in our own way. As you have seen, I'm good at getting into a person's head, granted that I have enough background information on said person and enough time to study them."
"How long have you studied me and the others?" she asked, point blank.
Benjamin looked her in the eyes. At first it might have seemed like a challenge, but Rei knew now that there were hidden depths to this man that, while unnerving, also beckoned.
And that in and of itself was unnerving as well. He was an abyss and if she stared into him for too long, she feared that his very persona would swallow her whole, and what would come after that was a mystery both enticing and frightening.
It was no wonder that he got on so well with the Goddesses and other people with great power. Even though he was a mere tool in the grand design - something that he not only fully acknowledges but even willingly accepts - his sheer force of his personality, especially in these quieter moments, was staggering.
At length, Benjamin closed his eyes and lowered his head. "Too long, Hino-dono."
The crushing weight of regret she felt from him was almost overpowering. She wanted to ask him what was wrong and how can she help. But she also sensed clearly that to do so would be crossing a line from which she could not return. Even worse, she suspected that he knew this as well and was intentionally making it clear to her: this is the edge of the abyss - to cross this threshold is to never turn back.
Rei had no resolve for this.
It was a bitter pill for her, but she understood. Benjamin was something... a force that changed people. A black hole that either swallowed the unwary, or completely altered their course in radical ways. It was no wonder that his tenants were ostensibly the most dangerous of all. He was eminently well suited for the task at hand.
Rei was not sure what was worse; the galling sensation she had at her utter helplessness, or the fact that she understood why she felt helpless.
She had to leave as quickly as decorum would allow...
... And probably tell Belldandy that he needed help.
Rei could not be certain - not without taking that last step over the threshold - but she felt that something was eating him alive. She had a strong idea of what, but not the reasons why.
"Thank you very much for your hospitality, Rodesu-sama. And for your kind and respectful words. I assure you, I will be taking them to heart."
Benjamin bowed his head respectfully to her. "It is my pleasure to be of service, Hino-dono."
If she hadn't needed to leave before, that would have done it. Something deep inside her screamed in horror at the way he said that. It was beyond the niceties of Japanese social doctrine. He was practically groveling, and doing so wholeheartedly. All so that he can have some kind of assurance that he mattered.
She did not hurry. She was perfectly polite. She could not show any signs of what she had felt.
Minutes later, she found Belldandy, who was completely understanding when Rei said she needed to have a word with her. They went into one of model-units intended to show perspective tenants and Belldandy locked the door and made sure the curtains were drawn.
“There’s something wrong with Benjamin,” said Rei after the curtains had been drawn. She then began to pace around the living room like a nervous jungle cat. “He’s hurting, but I have no idea how to help him. I want to ask him, but... I just can’t! He’s so... so...”
"It’s alright" said Belldandy. “He’s... very intense in that way. I can understand why you’d be shaken.”
“But... What on earth happened to him?” asked Rei. “It scares me! Nothing scares me!”
It spoke volumes of Belldandy’s soothing presence that Rei was able to admit that to anyone but Usagi.
"He's a good person,” said Belldandy, trying to reassure Rei. But she trailed off as her expression turned more and more crestfallen. “But... he's had terrible misfortune. I understand that it may not seem so. Rei, you look at him and you think that he looks like he could be a hero in some TV show or book. He's handsome, intelligent, and something of a Renaissance man - if he doesn't know how to accomplish a task, he sets out to teach himself and more often than not succeeds. But that is only a symptom of what ails him.”
“What!?” cried out Rei in surprise. “How could something have been so terrible but also made him so skilled!?”
Belldandy nodded. “It is quite counterintuitive, I know. But this is an issue that is very real and much more prevalent than it should be. Benjamin is what is known as an Adult Child.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” asked Rei in confusion. “That he never grew up?”
Belldandy bowed her head, mostly so that Rei would not see the tears beginning to form in her eyes. She did not need to know that even Belldandy, for all her power, felt powerless to help him.
“In a sense, you are correct. The longer version of the title is ‘Adult Child of an Alcoholic’. Though alcohol abuse had nothing to do with the matter. Benjamin was simply abused by a father that was trying to turn Benjamin into himself.”
Rei’s heart suddenly plummeted to her feet as suddenly everything about Benjamin began to make a horrifying sense. The excruciating politeness that rivaled the most humble-minded of Japanese... Which only now she realized that it was almost like as if he was worried that if he even breathed wrong that he’d be beaten like a misbehaving dog.
And she had just discarded him.
"Someone like Marler might say,” continued Belldandy, “that surviving that part of his life hasn't done him any favors. Benjamin... he tries, he really does. But he's been hurt in ways many people cannot even imagine. Physical wounds may heal over time. But what was done to him cut him all the way down into his very soul, and you will never really notice unless you know what to look for. But even if you did know what to look for, the very worst part about it is that you will never see the true extent of his spiritual wounds unless you make a serious effort to actually be family to him.
“That cannot be any sort of halfhearted gesture. So badly has he been hurt that he dares to only trust those he feels closest to. You would have to lay your own soul out bare to him before he can do the same with you. You would have to give yourself to him.
“That is what he needs the most - his very own family of people that he can trust implicitly with his heart. He needs someone to accept him as family, and accept that even though he tries so hard, he has some very deep flaws that are not of his own design.
“Fortunately, though, it seems that help has finally arrived for him.”
“Who?” asked Rei.
“Nanoha and Fate.”
“But they’re so young!” said Rei, aghast at the idea. “They’re no older than Chibi-usa, and he’s so close to being middle-aged!”
Belldandy sighed. “It could not have been helped,” she said. “So many people are so jaded by their experiences that no matter what other attraction they may have felt towards Benjamin, they have no desire to deal with someone that has been damaged at such a fundamental level. You yourself were reluctant, and you are one of the Sailor Senshi. It could only be someone so pure of heart that they could care less about the implications. Someone whose heart would rival that of Usagi-chan. Their only concern would be helping him to heal.”
That struck a blow to Rei that was harder than any physical force she ever felt during any of her battles as Sailor Mars. What stung almost as much was that she felt she deserved it. How could she honestly call herself a Sailor Senshi after that?
Granted, Sailor Mars had her duty to Neo-Queen Serenity; while she could be Ben's friend, she could not be his family. Not without compromising the future. Because even if she could open herself to Benjamin like that, once they were able to return to their own world, it would have to be without Ben. She could not imagine what that would do to his psyche... or, for that matter, her own.
Whatever course Rei chose would hurt somebody. Very quietly, she began to cry, because she dared not explode in front of the kindest of the megami.
Without either of them saying another word, Belldandy took Rei into her arms and held her. There is nothing more horrible to someone whose oath is to support and defend love and justice than finding a case where you have absolutely no power to help.
How's that?
I didn't need to make many changes to the actual meeting between Benjamin and Rei. Just a bit here and there to shift more of the emphasis towards her feelings.
The big change is in her meeting with Belldandy afterwards. She goes in confused and outright frightened, is then horrified by what she learns, has a flash of outrage about the thing with Nanoha and Fate... and then slips into guilt and regret once she realizes the truth of the matter: that those two girls have hearts that are less jaded than her own. That they could, without reservation, come to the decision that they want to be with him.
The tea kettle on Ben's stove hissed and popped as the blue gas flame fumed underneath it. Ben himself puttered around in his kitchen, gathering together a Japanese style teapot and two small teacups that matched it.
"I apologize that my place is cluttered up right now," he said. "I've been so busy lately that I've barely had time to take care of things. Is green tea fine by you? I also have Oolong, White Tea, and Chai."
"I'd like Chai, please," said Rei absently as she looked the place over. Every wall was covered - with shelves, bookcases, artworks, and other, more utilitarian knickknacks. One corner of the living room was filled in by a series of wildly varying toolboxes, along with a large cordura tool tote filled with esoteric automotive tools.
Rei actually almost laughed because she saw the whimsically placed yellow post-it note with Ben's somewhat neat, if uneven handwriting declaring, "KEIICHI WAS HERE!" Rei, having met the boy earlier at the party with his pleasant yet retiring demeanor, could almost see the long suffering look on Keiichi's face next to Ben's mischievous grin and twinkling eyes.
Rei noted, right then, that his eyes were far from twinkling. It rather reminded her of her father when there was serious business he had to conduct, except while her father's mien would be cold, Ben's actually radiated an air of concern.
The kettle whistled and Ben checked the temperature of the water using a kitchen thermometer, and then grumbled something about old appliances that needed to be replaced, causing Rei to blink in surprise - she had never known an American to show this much care when brewing tea. And then once he poured the water over the tea bags, he then set a timer, surprising her further.
While the timer ticked down, he quickly set to clearing a space on the coffee table - a pair of battered laptops, game controllers, TV remote, and old takeout cartons were removed. The timer went off and Ben immediately went and removed the tea bags from the pot, then added half-and-half to the tea before bringing the tray over. Rei noted that the trays, while cheap, were attractive - black laquered wood decorated by colorful Bird of Paradise flowers in the center.
To Rei's further puzzlement, Ben turned on the TV and the game console, started the Youtube app, and then selected a live-stream channel.
Downtempo hip hop beats with soothing instrumentals and an ambiance of needle-on-vinyl hisses, clicks, and pops filled the air. Quite disarmingly, the video part of the stream depicted a girl drawn in anime-style, boredly but diligently grinding away at her studies at a desk with a small potted plant, table lamp, an eclectic mix of books and supplies, and surrounded by bookshelves filled with an even more varied library. A cat lounged on a windowsill, lazily waving its tail while rain fell outside. The headphones the girl wore jumped out at Rei - they were of a quality studio-style design, but with, amusingly enough, googly eyes that jiggled whenever the girl moved her head.
As Ben poured the tea and offered it to her, it all came together for Rei.
While the party outside was definitely important to Benjamin, he was an entirely different sort of social creature. It was blatantly obvious that this was Ben's preferred demesne - the calm and somewhat intimate setting that offered ambience while permitting casual conversation. It was here that Rei reminded herself that there was a world of difference between a shut-in and an introvert. Shut-ins were shy about coming out at all. Introverts were simply quiet people that preferred a calm setting with only a few people at a time to socialize.
Even if the content of said conversation was anything but casual.
Rei tried the chai.
It was not the best she had ever had. That honor goes to the few times her father had taken her to prestigious tea houses in Tokyo and Yokohama. But it was good - far better than she would ever have expected from an American using a store-brand chai. Benjamin was no tea master, but his calm and methodical process held promise to it.
For her part, Rei recognized the degree of polite hospitality for what it was and reacted accordingly - one of the few things she could say that she appreciated her father teaching her.
"Very well, Rodesu-san. What is this matter that you wish to discuss with me."
Ben sipped his own tea slowly before answering. "The matter of your feelings towards Chiba-dono." Rei felt a flash of outrage well up, but Ben was expecting this as he raised a hand to gently forestall her. The following use of honorific attached to her name almost made her blanch. "Please, Hino-dono, do not be offended. I do not take such matters lightly. Love and family are matters of great importance to me."
Rei's mind quickly flashed back to just a few minutes ago when Ben had that brief but potently sorrowful look in his eyes.
Is he really serious? she wondered.
"I see," replied Rei calmly. "Then please, state your case, Rodesu-san."
Benjamin nodded and then emptied his cup like he was taking a shot at a bar. Uncouth, but she had seen worse behavior. He spoke as he refilled his cup, and offered to do the same for Rei. She politely declined for the moment.
"The matter of you wishing to pursue a relationship with Chiba-dono in the same fashion of the Juraians... I myself have no issue with it, but there are... difficulties that you must take into account."
Rei nodded. Of course it wouldn't be that easy, she chided herself, almost flushing in embarrassment at her earlier behavior. She grudgingly awarded the man another token of respect as he had not only kept her from embarrassing herself and her friends in the process, but was confronting her with the issue in such a tactful, yet direct manner as well.
"Please, go on," requested Rei politely.
Benjamin nodded as he sipped his tea. "The most prime concern being thus: I cannot see you, Tsukino-sama, or any of your other friends forsaking your home world to live on Jurai. I can see how it may be tempting, but I also understand that your sense of duty would not abide you abandoning your posts. Even for something as important as love."
Rei nodded slowly and grew concerned once more. Just how well did this American know her!?
"Is there more?" asked Rei.
Benjamin nodded again. "There are workarounds for this, but a woman of your birth and station may find it beneath yourself."
Rei wasn't sure if this was a well-veiled insult, but given what she had learned so far she felt that it was no insult at all, but instead an acknowledgment of the truth: that she was the only child and daughter of the man who is the leader of one of the largest political parties in Japan. So for the moment, she accepted his words at face value.
However, Ben was reluctant about going any further - the reticence clearly showing on his face.
"And?" said Rei, prodding for more.
Ben sighed softly. "The only answer that I can think of as a temporary measure, given the situation and your native culture, would be to humbly offer yourself up to Chiba-dono's household as a concubine."
Rei’s eyes widened in shock at the very idea. Her, a concubine!?
Rei almost dropped her cup.
She almost shouted at him.
But one look at those eyes quickly banked her fires.
There, in his eyes, she saw such a powerful hurt that it completely stalled whatever she was about to say or do. He was being empathic towards her, but he also seemed to have a distinct lack of pity.
Rei carefully schooled herself, while once again wondering at what sort of man she was dealing with. He may only be close to middle age, but his eyes were like that of an old man with more regrets than his tired bones could support.
What on Earth happened to him?
Rei sighed. "Very well then. Is there anything else?"
"Only two things, Hino-dono. First and foremost you must consider the precedent this will set. If you do convince Chiba-dono and Tsukino-sama to let you into their house, you must keep in mind that others may consider doing the same. You must consider that your Sister-Senshi may not wish to be left out."
Rei's eyes widened at that. Of course that only makes sense! All of Mina's teasing. Mako-chan pining for a boyfriend. Ami's longing looks. All of it would only get worse if she acted so selfishly.
For once, Rei herself understood the desire to finish off one's drink in a single tidal gulp the way Ben had earlier. She tried it, and found that while it helped, it did leave something to be desired. Maybe once she was old enough for alcohol she'd learn for certain.
Ben offered her more tea, and this time she gladly accepted.
"And the other thing, Rodesu-san?"
Ben nodded as he set the teapot back down. "You already know from the account of Chibi-Usa that some time in your world's future, society collapses and Chiba-dono and Tsukino-sama have little other choice but to establish Crystal Tokyo. In this time, they become Emperor and Empress, respectively, of that domain.
"With this, I would say that you and your Sister-Senshi may be lawfully wedded to Chiba-dono, as it will be his word and that of Tsukino-sama that are the laws of the land. However, everything else that goes with that would apply still. This will set a precedent, and it will be something that you and the others will need to come to terms with.
"The only other thing I wish to add, Hino-dono, is that whether you believe it or not, there are those among us that do wish to be dear friends to you and the rest of the Sailor Senshi. There are things we can do to help, each in our own way. As you have seen, I'm good at getting into a person's head, granted that I have enough background information on said person and enough time to study them."
"How long have you studied me and the others?" she asked, point blank.
Benjamin looked her in the eyes. At first it might have seemed like a challenge, but Rei knew now that there were hidden depths to this man that, while unnerving, also beckoned.
And that in and of itself was unnerving as well. He was an abyss and if she stared into him for too long, she feared that his very persona would swallow her whole, and what would come after that was a mystery both enticing and frightening.
It was no wonder that he got on so well with the Goddesses and other people with great power. Even though he was a mere tool in the grand design - something that he not only fully acknowledges but even willingly accepts - his sheer force of his personality, especially in these quieter moments, was staggering.
At length, Benjamin closed his eyes and lowered his head. "Too long, Hino-dono."
The crushing weight of regret she felt from him was almost overpowering. She wanted to ask him what was wrong and how can she help. But she also sensed clearly that to do so would be crossing a line from which she could not return. Even worse, she suspected that he knew this as well and was intentionally making it clear to her: this is the edge of the abyss - to cross this threshold is to never turn back.
Rei had no resolve for this.
It was a bitter pill for her, but she understood. Benjamin was something... a force that changed people. A black hole that either swallowed the unwary, or completely altered their course in radical ways. It was no wonder that his tenants were ostensibly the most dangerous of all. He was eminently well suited for the task at hand.
Rei was not sure what was worse; the galling sensation she had at her utter helplessness, or the fact that she understood why she felt helpless.
She had to leave as quickly as decorum would allow...
... And probably tell Belldandy that he needed help.
Rei could not be certain - not without taking that last step over the threshold - but she felt that something was eating him alive. She had a strong idea of what, but not the reasons why.
"Thank you very much for your hospitality, Rodesu-sama. And for your kind and respectful words. I assure you, I will be taking them to heart."
Benjamin bowed his head respectfully to her. "It is my pleasure to be of service, Hino-dono."
If she hadn't needed to leave before, that would have done it. Something deep inside her screamed in horror at the way he said that. It was beyond the niceties of Japanese social doctrine. He was practically groveling, and doing so wholeheartedly. All so that he can have some kind of assurance that he mattered.
She did not hurry. She was perfectly polite. She could not show any signs of what she had felt.
Minutes later, she found Belldandy, who was completely understanding when Rei said she needed to have a word with her. They went into one of model-units intended to show perspective tenants and Belldandy locked the door and made sure the curtains were drawn.
“There’s something wrong with Benjamin,” said Rei after the curtains had been drawn. She then began to pace around the living room like a nervous jungle cat. “He’s hurting, but I have no idea how to help him. I want to ask him, but... I just can’t! He’s so... so...”
"It’s alright" said Belldandy. “He’s... very intense in that way. I can understand why you’d be shaken.”
“But... What on earth happened to him?” asked Rei. “It scares me! Nothing scares me!”
It spoke volumes of Belldandy’s soothing presence that Rei was able to admit that to anyone but Usagi.
"He's a good person,” said Belldandy, trying to reassure Rei. But she trailed off as her expression turned more and more crestfallen. “But... he's had terrible misfortune. I understand that it may not seem so. Rei, you look at him and you think that he looks like he could be a hero in some TV show or book. He's handsome, intelligent, and something of a Renaissance man - if he doesn't know how to accomplish a task, he sets out to teach himself and more often than not succeeds. But that is only a symptom of what ails him.”
“What!?” cried out Rei in surprise. “How could something have been so terrible but also made him so skilled!?”
Belldandy nodded. “It is quite counterintuitive, I know. But this is an issue that is very real and much more prevalent than it should be. Benjamin is what is known as an Adult Child.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” asked Rei in confusion. “That he never grew up?”
Belldandy bowed her head, mostly so that Rei would not see the tears beginning to form in her eyes. She did not need to know that even Belldandy, for all her power, felt powerless to help him.
“In a sense, you are correct. The longer version of the title is ‘Adult Child of an Alcoholic’. Though alcohol abuse had nothing to do with the matter. Benjamin was simply abused by a father that was trying to turn Benjamin into himself.”
Rei’s heart suddenly plummeted to her feet as suddenly everything about Benjamin began to make a horrifying sense. The excruciating politeness that rivaled the most humble-minded of Japanese... Which only now she realized that it was almost like as if he was worried that if he even breathed wrong that he’d be beaten like a misbehaving dog.
And she had just discarded him.
"Someone like Marler might say,” continued Belldandy, “that surviving that part of his life hasn't done him any favors. Benjamin... he tries, he really does. But he's been hurt in ways many people cannot even imagine. Physical wounds may heal over time. But what was done to him cut him all the way down into his very soul, and you will never really notice unless you know what to look for. But even if you did know what to look for, the very worst part about it is that you will never see the true extent of his spiritual wounds unless you make a serious effort to actually be family to him.
“That cannot be any sort of halfhearted gesture. So badly has he been hurt that he dares to only trust those he feels closest to. You would have to lay your own soul out bare to him before he can do the same with you. You would have to give yourself to him.
“That is what he needs the most - his very own family of people that he can trust implicitly with his heart. He needs someone to accept him as family, and accept that even though he tries so hard, he has some very deep flaws that are not of his own design.
“Fortunately, though, it seems that help has finally arrived for him.”
“Who?” asked Rei.
“Nanoha and Fate.”
“But they’re so young!” said Rei, aghast at the idea. “They’re no older than Chibi-usa, and he’s so close to being middle-aged!”
Belldandy sighed. “It could not have been helped,” she said. “So many people are so jaded by their experiences that no matter what other attraction they may have felt towards Benjamin, they have no desire to deal with someone that has been damaged at such a fundamental level. You yourself were reluctant, and you are one of the Sailor Senshi. It could only be someone so pure of heart that they could care less about the implications. Someone whose heart would rival that of Usagi-chan. Their only concern would be helping him to heal.”
That struck a blow to Rei that was harder than any physical force she ever felt during any of her battles as Sailor Mars. What stung almost as much was that she felt she deserved it. How could she honestly call herself a Sailor Senshi after that?
Granted, Sailor Mars had her duty to Neo-Queen Serenity; while she could be Ben's friend, she could not be his family. Not without compromising the future. Because even if she could open herself to Benjamin like that, once they were able to return to their own world, it would have to be without Ben. She could not imagine what that would do to his psyche... or, for that matter, her own.
Whatever course Rei chose would hurt somebody. Very quietly, she began to cry, because she dared not explode in front of the kindest of the megami.
Without either of them saying another word, Belldandy took Rei into her arms and held her. There is nothing more horrible to someone whose oath is to support and defend love and justice than finding a case where you have absolutely no power to help.
How's that?