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LONG review for SkyReiko/Matrix
#26
Spammy Comments on Matrix Dragon/MatrixDragon's arc - 10594: the Hunt for Reichsman

Title: With the latest patch to Test (23/3/2009), the arc's display title in the browser is busted...as indeed most are. The codes for spaces are actually showing up, rather than, well, as spaces. I suspect there were backend changes to how the MA parses text - using real spaces where possible to save on file size.

Initial mission text: 'The morning calm is broken by your bases computer...' Should probably be 'base's computer' with an apostrophe?

Mission 1 text: 'Panzergeist must have screwd things up somehow!' Typo, 'screwed', I assume.

Mission 1 End: Did you inadvertantly leave a single space on the mission success popup box field? I got what appeared to be an empty dialogue box on exiting.

Mission 1 thoughts: I liked the custom boss, and I thought his dialogue was well done. The two allies you rescue were also pretty well-scripted. However, I wonder if you might be better off with setting the boss to spawn only after the allies are rescued. As it was, due to where each ended up spawning, I ran into the boss first and then had to go around looking for the folks to rescue. Slightly anticlimatic.

Mission 2 end dialogue: 'Captain Jones pulls you aside from a brief word'. Should probably be 'for a brief word'.

Mission 2 thoughts: Again, I got an empty dialogue box when exiting this mission. I'm starting to wonder if that's a GENERAL issue and not something confined to your arc. Need to go test others to verify this. The end-of-mission dialogue seems somewhat jarring - it took me a second to realise you meant it to be said by the PPD guy rescued in the first mission. Not sure if that's just my reading comprehension: phail, or if something can be done to increase clarity on this matter. Perhaps 'Captain Jones of the PPD' might help, perhaps highlight that italicized line in orange or yellow. But I'll freely admit the problem may be just me.

Mission 3 intro dialogue: 'Part Thre: Cell Inspection'. Should probably be 'Three'. 'Sometimes you have to wonder' - 'sometimes' is capitalized, grammatically speaking it probably shouldn't. 'Even if Panzergeists equipmnent did work'...should be 'Panzergeist's equipment'.

Mission 3 thoughts: Okay, the objectives were really fun, but HOLY CRAP were there a LOT of them. The mission nav looked hella cluttered when I zoned in. Maaaaaybe think about setting up some objectives to spawn after the initial ones are complete? The glowies all have to spawn at once, I know, but the bosses maybe? Do you also need two bosses? The second didn't seem to say much. 
I also have a slight issue with the clue. It says 'While you're not an expert on superadvanced machines...' - the thing is, you're probably assuming too there. Some people's characters ARE genius scientists. =D

Mission 3 end dialogue: 'Panzergeists' should be 'Panzergeist's'?

Mission 4 intro dialogue: 'PPDs interviews of...' should be 'PPD's'. 'location of Axis Americas dimensional...' should be 'America's'. 'While it won't eliminate the threat of Axis Ameria' should be 'America'.

Mission 4 thoughts: JEEZ! The heck? THAT many glowies? I think I died a little inside. =( This wasn't fun for me. This was a pain in the ass. That alone made me seriously dislike the mission - which isn't good when it's the last one. I admit that glowie hunt on this map isn't THAT much of a pain, but still, the number of 'em...enh, well. Your choice of EB did make me smile though. Typo in your EB's bio, however - 'direct apporach', instead of 'direct approach'.

Mission 4 end dialogue: 'is waiting for you when you ruturn...' should be 'return'. 'Reichsmans cell' should be 'Reichsman's cell'?

Overall Thoughts: The way you handled the narrative was interesting. Rather than dialogue from a single contact, I like how you put everything in terms of the 'base computer console' to allow mission briefs and such from different individuals. Or just more general stuff. I found that rather charming, actually...especially the bit in the second mission intro where you went 'Your research into Reichman reveals...'

The trouble is, I'm not sure that's cool for everyone. First the jumping-around can be problematic. Secondly, some of the mission text kinda breaks the old saw about "show, not tell". The research bit, for instance, at the start of Mission 2. I don't have an issue with that, mind. And hell, many clues in the regular game are like that. But finding it in the mission dialogue feels a bit strange. Points for trying to depart from the conventional 'talking head' contact dialogue and doing something more like an old choose-your-own adventure, mind. But I'm not sure everyone will like it...particularly problematic if it seems to be forcing assumed behaviour on other folks' characters.

This is PARTICULARLY so in your fully verbalized responses as mission acknowledgement dialogue - Mission 3's acceptance option comes to mind: 'You don't mind if I take a look, just in case', and so on.

I know the canon arc material does this sometimes... but realise there's a LOT of people who take offense in lines scripted for them; people complain about the Origin of Power canon arc responses and so on. It may be best to phrase custom mission acceptance options for people to click on in terms of action - like 'Check out the cell' as opposed to what might be a spoken response.

Similarly, your clue for Mission 3 - as mentioned above - assumes the player character is not a technological whiz. This...might not be a wise idea.

I mean, there's a reason that all the substantial canon CoH mission text is usually spoken by the contact - it puts the onus of characterisation on the contact, while leaving the player untouched and a blank slate. Plus stuff that's said is subjective anyhow, rather than laid down in text. All of Mission 4's intro dialogue is like... 'THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED' - with no room for interpretation.

That's the theory according to Hero 1, anyway. How far that works, I dunno. I ain't sayin' your way is ZOMG AWFUL AND BROKEN - like I said, I liked it myself. But I'm trying to provide constructive review. =D
(All that said, I did like this. =)
-- Acyl
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#27
Unrelated:- republished my short single mission with some tweaks. Made the enemies harder, added a couple of ambushes to make things more difficult as well. Arc 14960, Fashion Victims under @Acyl.
-- Acyl
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#28
Thanks for the review Acyl... I could have SWORN I got most of those text errors... except for apostrophes. I hate them Smile

And yeah, I guessed that some people won't like my contact style... but it was really an experiment, and because I wanted to have a character take the
initiative for once Tongue
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#29
Okay, edits have been made. The Titan was removed from mission 3, along with the 'defeat all' objective, and the super advanced genius line was
altered. As for the last mission... I actually meant to shrink it down myself, but completely forgot Tongue Map's been reduced to medium size, one of the Axis
Knights was removed, and the number of glowies dropped slightly.
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#30
As an aside, my first try in publishing a serious multi-mission arc is 15987 - Striking Midnight

It's a sequel to the heroside Midnight Squad intro. A mysterious group wants the Midnight Squad dead, and you're the only one standing in their way. But who are these guys, and what grudge do they have against the Midnighters? Well, just remember. No good deed goes unpunished.

This is my first serious story. I fear it got a bit too serious as a result, though the folks that have played it seem to like the plot. I was also testing the system. I suspect my next attempt - my third attempt - will be a more light-hearted thing.

But for now, you get teh drama. =D
-- Acyl
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#31
Hey folks... I put a sticky up about this, but maybe the name is a little unclear.

I think it would help everyone if you posted announcements of new arcs in their own threads, with name and number in the subject. This would allow coherent
discussion of the arc (without other arcs' discussions cluttering it), and would allow people to find those arcs and discussions more easily.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
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#32
Bob: I'm aware, but your post specified once I14 goes live - that's the exact phrase you used.

I took it to mean we shouldn't do separate threads yet because the issue's still on Test, and all this is preliminary fiddling really.
-- Acyl
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#33
Bleargh. I forgot that detail. Allow me to Emily Litella that post.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
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#34
For those who don't know the name: think old Saturday Night Live.... *small voice* Never mind. */small voice*
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll
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#35
Ok... if anyone wants to have a look... Arc 18642: Malta and Crey

Published by Sable Kat

Yes, search is borked atm.

Any feedback much appreciated.

I'll need a new name by the time it reached Live. Be warned - this is my Terrance-killer arc. Bring a friend!

(Yes I have beaten an ambush ... once. By 'cheating' - using Jelidan's Tier 9. Otherwise, Jelidan runs or fights and dies)

Shader.
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#36
It may be a Terrence-Killer Arc, but is it a Golem-Smasher?
---

The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."

>Analects: Book V, Chaper XXVI
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#37
*weeps* Terrence killer arc? How cruel!..what did I do to deserve that /cry, ah well I'll be looking forward to it then..with a tray of purples Smile
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#38
Having played through (and beaten) the first two missions of your arc, I have to ask this Shader:

a) Did you intend to make an arc so ridiculously impossible no one could solo it?

b) Did you really mean to mock the player after every mission by saying that if you use an inspiration you are somehow debasing yourself and irreconcilably
cheating at the misson?

The story, taken apart from the actual missions is intriguing. However. After the horde of Malta Engineers who always drop auto-turrents and the triple-EB
ambushes, I think the possible enjoyment was taken to a room, tied up, beaten to a bloody pulp and than laughed at because it couldn't possibly withstand
your onslaught.
---

The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."

>Analects: Book V, Chaper XXVI
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#39
Quote:However. After the horde of Malta Engineers who always drop auto-turrents and the triple-EB ambushes, I think the possible enjoyment was taken to a room, tied up, beaten to a bloody pulp and than laughed at because it couldn't possibly withstand your onslaught.

*perks up*
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies
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#40
*evil grin* You found the drones then? Aren't they lovely?

The whole idea of the mocking the player if they use insp and Tier 9s is a permutation of ze famous Scrapper challenge - as expressed by De Raven. Don't worry, the mocking stops, and she actually drops some useful hints. You just have to look close for it.

And actually, no it wasn't really intended to be soloed - it was more teamed based, I would have stated so in the description but it at 100.75% already. It did warn you several times in the dialog to bring a friend. I actually ran out of room for the final mission.

I'll have to get around to posting design notes.
----------------
Rather then post a new a new post in the thread here are the design/spoiler notes
Terry-Killer Arc: Malta takes over Crey [Needs better title]
Introduction: Basic storyline - Someone from the shadows is moving Malta to take over Crey. The first step on their plans is to dethrone the Countess. Once the Countess is gone they can move puppets in and absorb Crey into Malta forming a super-corp. While that would be nice to see the Countess behind bar, now isn't the best time to it.
Warn the player to bring a team - collatoral: Team bumps up mob sizes and levels
Suggested solo difficulty level: Heroic... if you're sane.
Mission 1:
First mission: Beat up Malta.
This is a pretty easy and short mission - a soft introduction after the arc.
Hit the blinky, clear the map.
Several blinkys are fakes.
Correct blinky spawns the first Drone ambush. - ambushes are not compulsory.
  •  Drone selection left up to server - mixture of range (buff/debuff) and melee
  •  No 2 Ambushes exactly alike.
  •  Eventually the 'Target Aquired! Attack.' should be either: Oh shit/Here comes pain/Run/challenge
Mission 2:
Second mission: Beat up Crey.
Got the plans. Put them into Crey's computer to warn the Countess. Issue Scrapper challenge in De Raven's fashion. (No insp, No Tier 9s, No running)[Edit: Jelidan ran, used Elude, and insps and still only came out on top once]
Slightly larger map - from the Quarterfield taskforce - again clear the map and hit the blinky.
Boss and Blinky causes the Drones to spawn.
Some builds should find this harder then the previous mission (the tanks) others should find it easier. Paragon Protectors though should even it out.
Mission 3:
Third mission: Beat up Longbow
Put the code in the computer and cleared the base, only to have the evidence discounted. You played into the hands of the 'bad guys'. They out maneouvered you. Net result: Countess get Arrested and De Reven chews you a new one. Offers chance to clean mess up by stoping prisoner transfer. Has clearance to get you past security cordon but afterwards it's up to you.
Was going to be Skyway but you can't blow up the helicopter - changed to Steel.
Destroy Transport aka Swat Van - Surrounded by Malta to help locate it.
Thank the Malta in control of the area - calls Drone ambush at 1/2 health, whimp
Talk to the arresting Longbow - another ambush ... why?
Rescue the Countess, who's a decoy with ambush ... why are the drones protecting Longbow?
Mission 4:
Fourth mission: Beat up the Zig
The Countess was a decoy? *hint*Almost as if someone was advising them. [possibly too thick?] Countess wasn't at Steel, already at the Zig. So guess what you lucky people you.. you get to bust into the Zig. Also reveal info about the drones as a so of threat.
Original plan - Go to the end of the map, hit the computer, turn around find 3 AVs, fight them, have a token Crey boss at the 'front' of the map get annoyed at you not having the Countess with you, and then a Flyer you could click on to leave. [But you can't have blinkies on the Zig map so it's been changed slightly. Oh and its timed.]
Mission 5:
Fifth mission: Beat up the Drones
You don't have the Countess? Sigh, must I do everything. I know where she is. She is in the Von Croft Secure Location. Along with those behind the plot and a few other nasties. Here, take this slap patch and go get her.
Slap-patch - protection from harmful environment/explaination for hazy vision/anything strange they see.
Ruladak Cave - fun Smile
Drones even more fun.
Have beacons placed to summon the bosses
  • Countess Crey - Complain about Caves
  • Malta boss
  • Sonia - Wonder how is using Von Croft assets
  • Raven - Malta to the left, Crey to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you.
If room include:
  • Droid Faction
    • Ice/SS Tank
    • Plant/Therm Troll
    • Arr/Dev Blast
  • Shader and Night on patrol
[Ran out of room for the final mission, was also going to include another set of blinkies to trigger off the second set of bosses. If I could I'd have an little robot at the entrance the cave asking for clearances and then stating that they are about the face the ZOGGER or GRINDER]
Final comments
You survived? Amazing. Countess is recovering in a Crey location. Such a -shame- that those behind this plot have hidden back in the shadows before you got there. Malta won't be doing this again in a hurry. Oh btw, watch your back as both Malta and Crey will now be watching you very closely and have long memories. What you think? Remember to fill out the comments form and send it to the R&D lads. You say hello to Sonia? Good. Oh, you met someone who looks like me called Raven? Fascinating. Absolutly Fascinating. Thank you and have a good day.

Shader.
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#41
Played the first mission so far.

Clicked a glowie. Custom Enemy ambush. Half a tray of inspirations, a bit of kiting, Focused Accuracy, and 30 seconds from crashing from Elude drop later, all
three bosses are down.

Malta auto-turrets, Gunslingers and Sappers feel EASY after the drone ambush. That's edging into "ridiculous" territory there. I AM curious as to
how Terry would handle it.

Second Mission: Okay. One or two of these I can handle, three is really pushing it. Four? Impossible without running. This is insane.

Here's a tip. Especially if you have superspeed like C8. Run them all over the map. Then run OUT of the mission. Breaks their auto-follow routine on you.
If you're lucky like me, they stop and stand in different places on the map and they are separated out where you can take them by ones and twos.

Hope and pray to GOD you don't have the Radiation and the Electricity together. Martial Arts and Spines are doable, but not if those two others are around.
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#42
Emet managed after fighting for about 5-10 minutes or so each ambush. If you really want to be a prat, yes Emet -did- use his t9 power (Granite Armor). Thing
to note is, Emet -always- has that on. Its not 'saved' for special occasions.

First Ambush was Pain/Sonic EB, Kin/Elec EB and MA Boss. Put on rooted, took off Mud Pots. Won... eventually.

Second Mission First Ambush was Rad/Rad, Kin/Elec, Pain/Sonic and Spines/Dark. The Lingering Rads had me worried until it wore off in about 30 or so sec
(Didn't even have to use EE). Took Emet down to about 10hp/sec.
---

The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."

>Analects: Book V, Chaper XXVI
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#43
Thank you for the wonderful feedback! Smile

Looks like to have to be making a tamer soloable version for us mere mortals.

I said it in the notes posted above and I'll say it again... you can skip the ambushes - you can't make them compulsory.

I've had to strip out some of the clues to fix up the maps that the various patches have borked. Although you can publish a 100.75% arc, you can't edit
it without unpublishing it.

For a lark I'll run my corruptor through it and see how I go.
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#44
I can't wait until i14 goes live.
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies
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#45
Anyone check out the WIP, "Fox in the Henhouse" Nogi pseudo-TF?

Two mishes left to write, which may be what I work on on live once I get my AE unlocks.

I also have "Who watches the... never mind" Single-mish and "The Big Scratching Post" also, currently Single mish

Can also find these by searching for "@Foxboy"
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll
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#46
I did the scratching post mission with clank. Which didn't present much of a chalange, even if it was fun. I'll have to run it again with someone who
isn't so focused at slaugthering enemies at range.
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy
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#47
The point of that one was fun, not challenge, so that's a success, tentatively.

Big Grin

It's probably more of a challenge at the intended 10-20 range compared to the 40-ish it has...
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll
Reply
 
#48
Acyl, I've run your Striking Midnight mission. 5 stars! Excellent! The only thing that threw me for a moment was when in the intro for the third mission
that the forsaken was in the sewer, but the mission started off in a building... I was like: 'What the?' until I eventually transitioned into the
sewer. Otherwise... it should be a cannon mission.

Foxboy, I've also done the Fox in the henhouse... stealth what I could. That ninja was a tricky to see! Smile And that surprise in the second mission was
good. I liked the humor right through out the arc, particularly the interaction bars. One thing: the second mission - the single computer interaction was
mission a number/last and you don't need to put puntuation in things that are going into the nav bar. Also in the Third arc... one of the Longbow said: Be
alert, men! I've heard that $name is on $hisher way. (not your fault but they put the truck up on top of the shelves - I have the pics!) (in the third
mission those filthy Longbow killed Tampopo I'm sorry to say... but she was swifty avenged) A very fun arc, can't wait to see the final product.

I made a mere mortal version of my arc (19789 CMV - Solo version) *grumbles*: This arc's flaws could not possibly be enumerated in the space available.
.... Doesn't even begin to tell me were the flaws are.

Shader
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