Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
The Two Cows Guide to CoH
The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#1
You know the Two Cows guide to Politics, right?
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
...and so on.
So. I was thinking about this, and...well, I'm not sure if this has been done before, but what the hell. =)
I now give you:
The Two Cows guide to City of Heroes
VAHZILOK: You have two cows. You kill one cow and put its organs into the other cow. The cow explodes.
KHELDIANS: You have two cows. One of your cows is actually a squid.
LOST: You have two cows. They are slowly mutating into elephants.
RIKTI: You have two cows. The cows take over your farm.
HELLIONS: You have two cows. You kill one cows and use its blood in Satanic rituals. The other cow gets made into a purse.
SKULLS: You have two cows. You kill a cow and wear its skull on your head. You call the other cow 'daddy'.
5TH COLUMN/COUNCIL: You have two cows. One cow takes over the other cow. That cow is never seen again.
SIDEKICKING: You have two cows. One of the cows is smaller than the other. But you can't tell the difference if they're standing close together.
EXEMPLARING: You have two cows. One cow is bigger than the other cow. You pretend they are the same.
INSPIRATIONS: You have two cows. Your cows eat some grass. Your cows are now more powerful.
TROLLS: You have two cows. Your cows smoke some grass. Your cows turn green.
DEVOURING EARTH: You have two cows. The grass eats your cows.
ARACHNOS: You have two cows. You work for the cows. You eventually gain cow powers.
BADGES: You have two cows. Your bar is not full. You must kill two hundred cows.
RIKTI WAR ZONE: You have two cows. You force them into the same herd. But they do not share grass.
PVP: You have two cows. One of the cows was a stalker. You now have no cows.
NEMESIS: You have two cows. Or do you? Maybe they aren't really cows. Or is there a purpose behind these cows? The cows are proceeding according to plan.
COSTUME CONTEST: You have two cows. You line your cows up with a bunch of other cows.
FAMILY: You have two cows. The boss takes one cow. You find the head of the other cow in your bed.
MALTA: There are no cows.
MALTA TITANS: You have two cows. They combine into a bigger cow.
KNIVES OF ARTEMIS: You have two cows. Not bulls. Definitely not bulls. Your cows have cowtrops.
CIRCLE OF THORNS: You have two cows. Nobody wants to kill your cows. Beef becomes very expensive.
PRAETORIANS: You have two cows. They look identical, except one cow is mad.
OUROBOROS: You have two cows. No, wait. You had two cows. Or...are you supposed to have two cows, but not yet? Damnit...
WENTWORTHS/BLACK MARKET: You have two cows. You sell one cow for half its value. You sell the other cow at a ridiculously high price and retire on the proceeds.
OUTBREAK: You have two cows. Your cows are very sick. Yet everyone wants your cows.
SHIVANS: You have two cows. You only bring out your cows when faced with a bigger cow.
CLOCKWORK: You have two cows. You build more cows.
FREAKSHOW: You have two cows. One of them is self-milking. The other has a built-in cattle prod.
PARAGON PROTECTORS: You have two cows. You take their genetic material and clone an army of cows.
CREY: You do not have cows. There are no cows on your farm. You only have sheep. You do not know where the manure came from.
...
More later, but...c'mon, folks, I'm sure you can help me out here. =D
(I'll probably wanna crosspost this to the official CoH forums when we hit critical mass.)
-- Acyl
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#2
Quote:
VAHZILOK: You have two cows. You kill one cow and put its organs into the other cow. The cow explodes.
Correction: The cow vomits on you, THEN explodes.
Quote:
RIKTI: You have two cows. The cows take over your farm.
Shouldn't these be elephants?
--------
WYVERN: You have a really cool cow. All the other cows want to be like this cow. This makes them really annoying.
LONGBOW: These cows are everywhere, but don't do a particularly good job of producing milk, but everyone expects them to.
BLIGHTED: These cows are fed poison ivy and locoweed, on the assumption that it will make better milk. It makes the cows very sick, but they do make better milk. The best milk is nearly impossible to find.
BRUTES: Unstoppa-BULL!
DOMINATORS: Total DoMOOnation!
Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#3
Quote:
Shouldn't these be elephants?
COW!
(yeah, I know, there should be continuity with the Lost joke, but still...)
* * *
MU: You have two cows. Your cows have the blood of Moo.

-- Acyl
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#4
Quote:
ARACHNOS: You have two cows. You work for the cows. You eventually gain cow powers.
That would make you a Moo Adept, then, right?

CARNIVAL OF SHADOWS: You have two cows. Both are wearing whiteface and cap-and-bells.
OUTCASTS: You have two cows. One is red and on fire. The other is blue and covered with ice.

-- Bob
---------
I intend to be a freak for the rest of my life, and I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from Now We Are Six through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So theeeeeere....
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#5
I laughed so hard, so very very hard.
SAFEGUARD: You have two cows. One of them goes directly to the bank and commits suicide against overpowering odds, the other goes bouncing off over rooftops.Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#6
INVENTION SETS: You have tow Cows. One has Karma, the other has Regenerative Tissue. Neither has any Influence.[Image: smalldarksideoc5.png]
The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."
-Analects Book V, Chaper XXVI
---

The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."

>Analects: Book V, Chaper XXVI
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#7
STALKER: You have two cows. One turns invisible, then sneaks up and tramples over the other.--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#8
FUSIONETTE: You have one damned stupid cow which keeps getting itself in over its head, requiring you to rescue it every time you turn around.

-- Bob
---------
I intend to be a freak for the rest of my life, and I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from Now We Are Six through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So theeeeeere....
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#9
FAULTLINE: You have one bull covered in mud. Other cows can get stuck in mud. Works with:
Quote:
FUSIONETTE: You have one damned stupid cow which keeps getting itself in over its head, requiring you to rescue it every time you turn around.
[Image: smalldarksideoc5.png]
The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."
-Analects Book V, Chaper XXVI
---

The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."

>Analects: Book V, Chaper XXVI
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#10
SERVER MERGE: You have two cows. One of them is dead. It is actually a horse.
RP: ((You have two cows.))
MRP: You have two cows. Oh yeah, baby, do you have those cows. Oh yeah.
GOLD FARMERS: Now selling milk one pint $14.95, cowbell 0-50 $150, now available at www.radisol.com/cows
GENERIC HEROING: You have two cows. Someone reports you. You now have two random nondescript farm animals.

-- Acyl
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#11
Quote:
GENERIC HEROING: You have two cows. Someone reports you. You now have two random nondescript farm animals.
For some reason, I have this urge to create a hero named "GenericCow0001." I think I will resist this urge. Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#12
Quote:
KNIVES OF ARTEMIS: You have two cows. Not bulls. Definitely not bulls. Your cows have cowtrops.
Mmm. Be careful not to step in the cow troppings...

-- Bob
---------
I intend to be a freak for the rest of my life, and I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from Now We Are Six through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So theeeeeere....
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#13
Quote:
The cows are proceeding according to plan.
I was managing not to keel over quite well up until that point, and then I was a 'goner.
This whole thread is made of win and love. ^_^
-Logan
-----------------
"Wake up! Time for SCIENCE!"
-Adam Savage
-----------------
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#14
BANISHED PANTHEON: You have two cows. One is a cow skull that floats in the air. The other is a zombie.
DARK ASTORIA: You have two cows. But you can only see them from a distance.
FROSTFIRE: You have one cow, which won't stay in the barn where you keep putting it, over and over again.

-- Bob
---------
I intend to be a freak for the rest of my life, and I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from Now We Are Six through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So theeeeeere....
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#15
Quote:
For some reason, I have this urge to create a hero named "GenericCow0001." I think I will resist this urge.
Resistance is futile.

-- Bob
---------
I intend to be a freak for the rest of my life, and I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from Now We Are Six through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So theeeeeere....
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#16
ALTITIS: You had two cows. Then you went out and bought two more. Then you went back for more again and again and again. Now you have 24 cows. The server is full. You go looking for another field to put more cows in.--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#17
HAMIDON: You have one cow. It is a big cow. To milk it, you need several teams of farmhands.
GOOD TEAM: You have eight cows. They stampede.
BAD TEAM: You have eight hamburgers.
DEBUFFS: You have two cows. They produce...emissions. This contributes to global warming. The ice caps melt. Sea level rises. You drown.
AMBUSH: You have two cows...wait, where the hell did those cows come from?!
...
And one amended suggestion:-
COSTUME CONTEST: You have two cows. You line your cows up with a bunch of other cows. An ugly cow wins. This is clearly a load of bull.
-- Acyl
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#18
TANKER: You have two cows. One of 'em is your MOMMA. And I MILKED her last night. The other cow's your sister, and I ate her! You got a problem with that, huh? HUH? You want a piece of me? YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?!
TEST SERVER: You have one cow. You clone a second cow. You put the second cow in a different field. You conduct experiments on that cow. The government warns that your cow may die at any time. But that's okay, because it's just a test cow.
-- Acyl
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#19
WARRIORS: You have two cows. Both have melee weapons and an unwarranted superior attitude.

-- Bob
---------
I intend to be a freak for the rest of my life, and I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from Now We Are Six through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So theeeeeere....
Reply
Cows
#20
Respec - You had two cows - now one is a Moose and the other is a pot bellied pig.
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#21
ULTRA-RARE RECIPE: You have a what? HOLY COW!
-- Acyl
Reply
Re: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#22
Task/Strike Force: You have eight cows. They stay up all night chewing on their cud.[Image: smalldarksideoc5.png]
The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."
-Analects Book V, Chaper XXVI
---

The Master said: "It is all in vain! I have never yet seen a man who can perceive his own faults and bring the charge home against himself."

>Analects: Book V, Chaper XXVI
Reply
Positron's Task Force
#23
Positron's Task Force: You have three or more cows - you heard them all over the city for no really good reason - most of them end up as hamburger.
Reply
Re: Positron's Task Force
#24
OROBOROS: You had two cows. You made hamburgers out of one. You go back in time and steal the not-yet-hamburger one and make tenderloin steaks instead. Somehow, you fail to lose the hamburgers in the process.--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
Reply
RE: The Two Cows Guide to CoH
#25
Just stumbled over this, almost ten years after it was originally written. Bump for nostalgic humor!
-- Bob

I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh, Clark Kent, Mary Sue, DJ Croft, Skysaber.  I have been 
called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more before the sun grows dim and cold....
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)