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An Early Christmas Present
An Early Christmas Present
#1
An early Christmas present, for all my friends actually in the Legendary, who somehow put up with me.

I really wanted to make this a bit more...referential...but I'm amused at the way it turned out.

Without further ado, I present:



How Recluse Stole Christmas

All the heroes in Paragon loved Christmas a lot,

But Recluse, who lived in the Rogue Isles, did not.

"I hate their loud noises," he moaned and he shrieked,

"I hate their love, their carols - I hate all their feasts!"

So he called for his patrons, who came quick as day,

and he canted his plan for them all to obey.

"We'll steal from the heroes, but not just from them!

We'll steal from their biggest fans, their loved ones, their friends.

We'll steal all their figures, their plushes, their posters -

We'll even steal all their commemorative coasters!"

So he laughed and he laughed as the Patrons went away,

his plan to steal Christmas soon beginning that day.

Under cover of nightfall the five did appear,

and hearts over Paragon filled with great fear.

Through the streets they walked, soldiers not far behind,

snatching anything, everything, down from on high.

They stole all the wrapping, toy santas, lawn reindeer;

they stole all the money for goodwill and cheer;

they robbed from the rich, and they stole from the poor,

and they took all the gifts in their hate-founded war.

And all through the city, Recluse spread disaster,

that enmitable discipline in which he was master.

You're a mean one, Lord Recluse!

You're really nasty too!

Your eyes burn dark like hellfire and your face is devilish to boot,

Lord Recluuuuse!

Why I wouldn't touch you with an... Assault Rifle sniper shot!

As the villains departed from Paragon City,

the sunrise peaked in, and they heard a loud ditty,

a song of great joy, of celebration, of togetherness;

and it drove Lord Recluse quite out of his wits.

"Why are they singing?" He shrieked at his Patrons,

"I have all their toys, their novelty aprons,

their silly little gifts, their Christmas-tree lights!

So tell me, Scirocco! Where is their fight?

Where is their sorrow? Why aren't they crying?"

From Scirocco, "If I said I knew I'd be lying"

So Recluse turned to Mako and shook the shark silly,

"Why are they singing these songs willy-nilly?"

But 'twas Black Scorpion who replied to the madness,

and said "Their love just greatly outmatches their sadness."

Dumbfounded, confused, and thoroughly vexed,

Recluse turned to his Widow, who was just as perplexed.

"How can love be so strong? Am I to blame?

Did my failure to research cause us to lose this game?"

"I don't know, my Lord," Ghost Widow replied,

"But I think we're too late to go run and hide."

Indeed from the sky swooped the heroes on down;

"Hand over those gifts, Stefan!" Statesman's cry did resound.

And the battle was joined, the Phalanx vs. Arachnos;

but it was Recluse who suffered the most.

For in his heart of hearts, Recluse knew quite well

that this time around, there was no way in hell

that he'd win this fight, so he held up his hand.

"Retreat!" did he call, and the Flyer did land.

"Next time, Marcus, I won't be so forgiving!

Just wait and see - I'll be back this Thanksgiving!"
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