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Song of the Day, 24 March 2006
Song of the Day, 24 March 2006
#1
Way back in history along the Nordic coast
That was the sound all the people feared the most
It would echo through the night up and down the foggy f-jord
It was Erik and his bloodthirsty horde!
Erik the Awful, the brutal and tenacious
Erik the Awful, the ruthless and courageous
Subtle as a chainsaw, lacking all the social graces
You could run, but you could not hide!

Yes! And as the oars of the sleek, fierce Viking ship cut like k-nives thru the fog-shrouded Nordic sea, transporting this wild, marauding band of Viking heathens stealthily towards their unsuspecting, slumbering victims, there he stood, on the foredeck, Erik the Awful, the wildest, bloodthirstiest Viking of them all!

(His momma named him Erik 'cause she couldn't spell "Aaaaaaaauuuuuggggghhh!")
He had a hairy head, a hairy face, hairy chest, hairy arms, hairy legs, hairy boots and a hairy hat, shaped like a big bullet with horns comin' out of the sides... and once he started after ya he'd never stop! He'd turn to his oarsmen in his 37-oared f-jord and say:
"Findi firdi ferdi fingi!"
which was Viking for:
"Yo! Ravage, pillage, plunder, and maim, and put big hickeys on all the fair damsels! Yoooooo!"

And it was Erik the Awful, the brutal and tenacious
Erik the Awful, mercy sakes, goodness gracious
His appetite for slaughter was simply voracious
You had to sleep with your sneakers by your side!

Yes! And when the villagers heard that awful battle-alarm:

Yeah, that's the one... They would run for their lives, fleeing over hills and through valleys to the river, whereupon they would walk in mid-stream for thirty-seven and one-half miles, climbing out on the low-lying branch, shimmying down a young sapling onto rocky ground and leaping from stone to stone until they arrived one week later at a secret cave, 297 miles away, and as they sat down for the first time to catch their breath, outside they heard:
"Yoooo!" "Findi firdi ferdi fingi!" "Yooooo!"

Yes, it was Erik the Awful, the brutal and tenacious
Erik the Awful, turned up in the darndest places
Subtle as a chainsaw, lacking all the social graces
You could run, but you could not hide!

Oh! And this time they cut south to Paris, bought tickets on the Orient Express to Istanbul, hired a U-Haul to the coast, jumped a Greek freighter across the Mediterranean Sea to Mongolia, hooked up with a camel caravan into the heart of the Gobi Desert, and as they paused at an oasis, to lift one handful of cool water to their parched lips, over their shoulder they heard:
"Yoooo!" "Findi firdi ferdi fingi!" "Yooooo!"
They fled to Calcutta!
"Yoooo!"
The Himalayas!
"Yoooo!"
Tokyo!
"Yoooo!"
Toronto!
"Yoooo!"
Toledo and Hey Hialeah, Georgia...
"Yoooo!"
But it was no use! They finally succumbed to a savage plundering and pillaging followed by a big hickey party on the outskirts of what is now Washington, DC, where the decendants of Erik can still be found today, working as Special Agents for the I! R! S!
"Yoooo!"

Yes, it's Erik the Awful, the brutal and tenacious

Erik the Awful, mercy sakes, goodness gracious
Subtle as a chainsaw, lacking all the social graces
You could run, but you could not hide!

Erik later amassed a small fortune posing for Molly Hatchet album covers, and did stuntwork for Arnold Schwarzenegger in Conan the Barbarian! He also won an Academy Award for his dual role as a train wreck and his tender portrayal of King Kong's daddy! Oh, you might remember the end of that one: there wasn't a dry eye in the house when he married the Empire State Building. It was just a wonderful thing...
-- Ray Stevens, Erik The Awful

-- Bob
---------
For Jor-El so loved the Earth, he sent his only begotten son...
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Re: Song of the Day, 24 March 2006
#2
I'm sorry, but this calls for:
The Ballad of Yang the Nauseating
by Robert Coulson (ca. 1975)
Now, all the SCA members are fearless and bold,
And used to the tournament's clang.
But of all of these hearties the toughest by far
Is the one whose cognomen is Yang.
He can hew you in two with a broadsword, or else
Slit your gizzard before you can stir.
And when you are dead he'll compose a new song,
Telling what a fine fellow you were.
Peaceloving Mongolians all flock to Yang's gang,
As he leads swiftly to the attack;
Though I often have wondered how swiftly you go,
When you're riding a ten-year-old yak.
The maidens who savor the spices of love,
Of which troubadors gaily sang,
All agree that the ultimate flavor of love,
Is known as the Yang gang bang tang.
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
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Re: Song of the Day, 24 March 2006
#3
Ah yes, Eric the Awful. Someday, he will appear on City of Heroes/Villains.
And Yang the Nauseating. Better known as Robert Asprin.Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."
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