(Because I'm feeling goofy tonight. Warning: Maybe be offensive to some. Also, because this is a pastiche medley of a number of vintage disco-era tunes, the structure and scansion may seem a little... odd. -- Bob)
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five,
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five
Well I went out for a boogie, a week ago last Tuesday
I was doing the Wigan Hustle and the Palais Glide
I met a girl in pink suspenders and her boswams were stupendous
Like two bald-headed men sitting side by side
She wore a bra size forty-five, and she could jump and jive
And when she stopped dancing, bits of her kept wobbling about
She said "You drive me crazy, burn some rubber on me, Baby!"
She grabbed my little whistle and she began to shout...
Hit me with your rhythm stick, Hit me, Hit me
Je t'adore, Ich liebe dick, Hit me, Hit me, Hit me
Hit me with your rhythm stick,
I'm six feet tall and five feet thick
Hit me, Hit me, Hit me...
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five
I couldn't do nothing but stand and stare, she gave a hug like a grizzly bear
I couldn't see much, I thought I was dead, I had boobs upside my head
Boobs upside my head, boobs upside my head
Oh what a front she had, enough for me, my brother and Dad
A chest of drawers no doubt, one with the top drawer half pulled out
Oh what a front she'd got, believe me son, she'd got the lot
Right before my eyes, and she was bra size forty-five
Erm, excuse me, what do I do now?
Man be cool - gotta get down and have a rap
I beg your pardon? I think I'll do a talking bit instead...
She was the big economy size, her boswams were gigantic
Like two fat little boys, wrestling under a blanket
The flickering strobes lit up the globes that thrust from her pullover
I think her name was June 'cos she was busting out all over
She said "Can you feel the force, do y'wanna take one step beyond?"
I said "Goodness gracious great balls of fire, there's a whole lotta shaking going on"
She said "Knock on wood, I'll blame it on the boogie, now what do ya think about that?"
I said "Ooh heck, it must be jelly, cos jam don't shake like that"
Not so much of the night fever, more like a belt with a tyre lever
She was not at all pendulous, in fact she was tremendulous
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five,
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five
She wore a bra size forty-five, and when they played "I Will Survive"
She went crackers, and her animal desires became much keener
She said "John I'm only dancing, but I'd rather be romancing"
She had me inside out and upside down in the back of my Cortina
Hit me with your rhythm stick...
And there in my car, the windows all steamed up, I thought I would drown,
She let it all hang out in bras (size forty-five)
And there in my car, I thought "this is it", an instant replay,
My foot out the window in bras (size forty-five)
Oo-rah, Oo-rah, Oo-rah, ay,
Over the hills and now I'm on my way
I got out my tent pole and chewed her [Tempole Tudor]
Oo-rah, Oo-rah, Oo-rah, ay,
Over the hills and now I'm on my way
Come on, let's do the Bristol Stomp
She wore a bra size forty-five, I thought I never would revive
When I tackled that young lady with the bounciest of blouses
But she left me for a geezer who had much more chance to please her
With his own master blaster and a pair of baggy trousers
Oh what fun they had...
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five,
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five
-- Ivor Biggun and the D.Kups, Bras On 45
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five,
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five
Well I went out for a boogie, a week ago last Tuesday
I was doing the Wigan Hustle and the Palais Glide
I met a girl in pink suspenders and her boswams were stupendous
Like two bald-headed men sitting side by side
She wore a bra size forty-five, and she could jump and jive
And when she stopped dancing, bits of her kept wobbling about
She said "You drive me crazy, burn some rubber on me, Baby!"
She grabbed my little whistle and she began to shout...
Hit me with your rhythm stick, Hit me, Hit me
Je t'adore, Ich liebe dick, Hit me, Hit me, Hit me
Hit me with your rhythm stick,
I'm six feet tall and five feet thick
Hit me, Hit me, Hit me...
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five
I couldn't do nothing but stand and stare, she gave a hug like a grizzly bear
I couldn't see much, I thought I was dead, I had boobs upside my head
Boobs upside my head, boobs upside my head
Oh what a front she had, enough for me, my brother and Dad
A chest of drawers no doubt, one with the top drawer half pulled out
Oh what a front she'd got, believe me son, she'd got the lot
Right before my eyes, and she was bra size forty-five
Erm, excuse me, what do I do now?
Man be cool - gotta get down and have a rap
I beg your pardon? I think I'll do a talking bit instead...
She was the big economy size, her boswams were gigantic
Like two fat little boys, wrestling under a blanket
The flickering strobes lit up the globes that thrust from her pullover
I think her name was June 'cos she was busting out all over
She said "Can you feel the force, do y'wanna take one step beyond?"
I said "Goodness gracious great balls of fire, there's a whole lotta shaking going on"
She said "Knock on wood, I'll blame it on the boogie, now what do ya think about that?"
I said "Ooh heck, it must be jelly, cos jam don't shake like that"
Not so much of the night fever, more like a belt with a tyre lever
She was not at all pendulous, in fact she was tremendulous
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five,
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five
She wore a bra size forty-five, and when they played "I Will Survive"
She went crackers, and her animal desires became much keener
She said "John I'm only dancing, but I'd rather be romancing"
She had me inside out and upside down in the back of my Cortina
Hit me with your rhythm stick...
And there in my car, the windows all steamed up, I thought I would drown,
She let it all hang out in bras (size forty-five)
And there in my car, I thought "this is it", an instant replay,
My foot out the window in bras (size forty-five)
Oo-rah, Oo-rah, Oo-rah, ay,
Over the hills and now I'm on my way
I got out my tent pole and chewed her [Tempole Tudor]
Oo-rah, Oo-rah, Oo-rah, ay,
Over the hills and now I'm on my way
Come on, let's do the Bristol Stomp
She wore a bra size forty-five, I thought I never would revive
When I tackled that young lady with the bounciest of blouses
But she left me for a geezer who had much more chance to please her
With his own master blaster and a pair of baggy trousers
Oh what fun they had...
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five,
Bra size forty-five, Bra size forty-five
-- Ivor Biggun and the D.Kups, Bras On 45
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
