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ROFL Beethoven, and tell Tchaikovsky the news
 
#76
Quote:If things went well, she wouldn’t have to endure any more of this. If they went badly… well, I’d gone to war with Brutes and Shakers before. A Thinker might be more dangerous, but… if in doubt?
More bees.
  Latest Cenopath post. Closest Worm fanfic to Wildbow actually writing one.
-People may die, but ideas are forever. Je suis Charlie.
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#77
oh god yes, Cenopath is full of laughs and tears.
I'll also recommend Helminths by EarthScorpion (also on spacebattles) if you like your worm flavored with warframe
Helminths - Chapter 3 Wrote:Handling the Wards was like trying to herd… well, teenagers. They were much like cats, except cats could be placated by being fed and didn’t call you ‘Piggy’ behind your back. Or at least only did it in Cat, which she didn’t speak.
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy
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#78
Quote:Asuna reached out and squeezed Kirito's hand. "I'm sure there is. But first. Wales? How are you here?" Asuna asked, still not quite believing this was all happening.
"We followed the dragons." Kino grinned.
"And the smoke." Wales gestured to the still smouldering foliage. They would need to get moving before it drew more dragons.
"And the yuri . . ." Caramella stumbled and then shook her head. "I mean the yelling! We followed the yelling!"

Quote:"When did you learn to use your wings?"
The brilliant translucent wings had already vanished from Caramella's back, dispelled or return to whatever place held them. Likewise, Asuna's own wings had returned to their default state.
"I didn't." The swordswoman said weakly. "I popped'm last night when I was running from Wallsend, and then back there, I just sort of followed you cause I figured you'd need help against that bastard."
"Then how . . ."
"How did I know I'd be able to control them?" Caramella chuckled softly. "I didn't." Asuna starred at Caramella as she gave her a wan smile. "I think I might have wet myself." She said in a small voice.

Quote:Unable to hold it in any more, Karin spoke. "What are all of you doing?" She had to fight to not preface the question with 'idiots'. Her traditional system for classifying people was most efficient, but left little room for anyone who was not a superior, a subordinate, or an incompetent.
Halkegina Online
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.
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#79
Quote:The bell over the shop door rang and he sighed, turning to greet the customer only to find a slightly smoking Spike, taking a blanket off his head.

"Spike what are you doing here?" Dawn asked.

"I came to steal some berber weed, it goes great with blood. Makes it all spicy," Spike explained.

"We were just going to do some research, if you'd care to man the counter while we work I'll give you a bag free and a carton of smokes," Giles offered.

"I don't know if it'll taste the same if it's not stolen, but I'll give it a try. How do you run the counter anyway?" Spike asked, clearly bored and wanting something to do.

"Pretend the customer is someone you want to spend time around, who you are glad to see and convince them to buy things they don't need," Xander explained.

"So basically lie and swindle?" Spike asked, brightening considerably.

"That's the hallmark of retail," Dawn agreed.

"Excellent! This I know how to do. If there was a spot of violence and some blood involved this would be a dream job," Spike declared.

"I'll get you a mug of blood," Giles headed for the back room.

"No more than a minute in the microwave and remember the berber!" Spike called back. "Now if there was a bit of a brouhaha involved I'd call this a good day."

"The average counter person lasts around a week and a half before something kills them around here," Xander said. "So if an evil demon comes in; beat them unconscious, roll them for cash and then kill them in the back alley."

The group left a very happy Spike manning the counter.

http://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-21632-56 ... lights.htm
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
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#80
Quote:"I'll never forget the day I first wrapped a package up in bubble
wrap!"  Ditzy affected a caricatured mocking tone.  "Everypony else was
all, 'You'll never be able to wrap that package, Derpy!' and 'Why don't
you just give up now, Derpy?' and 'Help, you literally just set me on
fire, Derpy, quick get some water!'  But did I listen to them?  No, sir,
I did not.  I just stepped right up and I wrapped that package up in
bubble wrap, and that's the day I knew that I was born to be a
delivery-pony.  And then the whole town burned down, and when my hair
finally grew back from being all singed off, I noticed I had earned this
little girl right here!"  She gestured at the line of bubbles on her
flank.
In The Bleak Midwinter
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.
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#81
From http://www.daz3d.com/forums/viewthread/34671/]a discussion on Science Fantasy over on the Daz3D forums:

Cybersox13 Wrote:
SickleYield Wrote:Burroughs' work had no fantasy elements for his day.
Two words: Ant Men. That was clearly when Burroughs jumped the thark.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
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#82
From "Rationalizing a Firefly - Serenity type setting" on the Steve Jackson Games forums:
On the SJGames forums, Michael Cule Wrote:Since it's Wheedon, I would assume that what happened to Earth was the Watcher's Council finally dropping the ball and allowing one apocalypse or another to come to fruition.

Come on! Did it never occur to you that River is a Slayer?
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
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#83
From Drunken Space-Time Ninjutsu a very well done 'Realistic Crack' Naruto where the Konoha 12 + the Sand 3 + The Sasuke Squad accidently teleport Naruto's new Apartment complex back in time during a massive 'We survived the 4th Ninja War' Drunken Party.

For obvious reasons, the ANBU are sent in to investigate this mysteriously appearing building. The future-nin are only just waking up from a massive 'morning-after' with big hangovers (and no idea of what's happened) and assume this means the village is under attack. Hilarity follows. Here is one piece - but really the whole thing so far is ROFLOL.
Edit: As noted - the story has grammar/syntax issues and is written by an ESL. That's why it's not in the rec's thread. However - it's just too funny not to go here - despite the issues, the narrative voice is funny as hell
Quote:They had breached the wall of a luxurious bathroom, a little barren of furniture but still luxurious anyway. In front of them stood a dark-haired beauty, practically naked, who had been busy trying to make the shower work until they blown up the wall.
She stood there, hand still on the not-functioning shower valve, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights.

Wait, her eyes...
'She's a Hyuuga? Why is a Hyuuga here, and...is Asuko bleeding from the nose?'

Nobody moved for several seconds, even when the echoes of the other teams' blazing entries reached them.

Then the girl finally reacted how any girl caught like that in front of five unknown males would have done.

She started screaming.

The Fire Team was in even before the rubble started settling on the floor.

Running between the empty rooms, the team leader wanted to use the advantage of surprise before the enemy could react and organize a defence.
They stopped only only to open each door, leaving quickly once the room were called clear.

'Nobody's here? Masahiro told us there were lots of chakra signatures on this floor. Where are they?'

The next door was opened by the impatient team leader with a kick so strong that it flew off its hinges.

The team entered like before, weapons in hand, only to be greeted by what was probably the opposite of a prepared enemy ready for a fight.

Knelt be the side of a toilet was a young man with brown, spiky hair, who was sporting the marks of the Inuzuka clan on his face.
And he was puking his guts out.

'What? An Inuzuka here-'

The team leader stopped, as did his men. Not in surprise, but because they were assaulted by the stench of the kid's vomit. If the boy really was an Inuzuka, he didn't want to imagine how terrible the smell was for him.

The hopefully-for-him-not -an-Inuzuka barfed one last time, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down. It was then that he noticed someone else was in the bathroom.
He turned his head wobbling, still kneeling by the toilet, and saw them.

"Who the fuck are you guys?" he said in a suffering tone.

It was then that another whiff of the foul smell assaulted the nostrils of the team.
All of them made disgusted faces and noises. A couple of them even fled the room, breaking squad discipline.

Seemingly offended by this reaction, the teen shouted in their direction.
"HEY! I WAS SICK, ASSHOLES!"

The radio channels were suddenly filled with chatter as the riot teams started their assault on the building.

Minato, Fugaku, the Commander and Shikaku were listening attentively, hoping that everything went according to plan.

Everyone fliched in pain as their eardrums were assaulted by a loud undignified shriek from the speakers.

"Blaze Team, here! We came in contact with one of the targets! It's a Hyuuga girl and-"

"GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUT!" screamed a female voice, presumingly said Hyuuga girl.

'So at least a Hyuuga is involved. But why?' thought Minato, glancing at the ANBU leader 'And why is she screaming like that?'

Suddenly other screams and sounds of a fight were heard from the speakers, along with some pained moans. Too many noises to be a good thing.

"Blaze Team! What's happening?" asked Fugaku, worried about his men.

"SHE JUKENED MY BALLS! SHE JUKENED MY BAAAAALLS!" was heard all over the room.

All the present males (and even some of the women) winced at that. Even the stoic ANBU Commander. Not really an application of the 'Gentle Fist' they wanted to imagine.

Sounds of another fight could be heard on another squad's channel.
An unknown, brash voice spoke.

"You guys are really assholes, you know? Attacking me like that for no reason! Can't you see I'm-"

The voice stopped, and instead a disgusting sound could be heard, along with laments about the smell made by the members of Fire Team.

"Uugh. I feel much better, now," said the same voice in a low tone, before speaking again, "Now, who's first?!"
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#84
It's got some ESL-type issues, my guess being Italian or Spanish for the author's native tongue based on the word choices, but if you can deal with that I'll second the rec.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
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#85
.... Actually, it looks more like the just hit the autocorrect button on their spell checker... far too many times. These aren't the usual usage mistakes of an ESL person, but more like similarly spelled words misused. Far too many of them to be a coincidence.

Somebody get this guy/girl a beta reader, stat!
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#86
Today's Darths and Droids
Quote:Leia: Chewie, get up here! We're going into an asteroid field!
Han: That's no problem. Just don't hit whatever asteroid might be within a hundred thousand kilometres.
Han: They're in nice stable orbits too, so it's easy to avoid them.
Leia: Okay, fine. We're going into a massive region of randomly moving, closely packed, enormous giant space rocks.
Han: Gaaaaaah!
GM: It's my proudest creation.
Chewbacca: I was aiming at it. It'll at least get the star destroyers off our back.
C-3PO: Cool! FYI: There's a big one coming right for us.
Han: I fire!
Chewbacca: Don't shoot it, it'll just make two medium ones.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
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#87
From The Wrong End Of The Stick, chp. 2:
Quote:As it turned out, he himself was related to the Shodai and Nidaime Hokages through one of their first cousins on their father's side. Well, it would seem
that Naruto wasn't telling tall tales about being related to the Shodai and Nidaime Hokages, but then again three quarters of the village including his sole
Uchiha student appeared to be related to them through various Senju. The question of who it was who kept track of such things was answered when a new name
appeared in the small Inuzuka section of the scroll while he was playing Six Degrees of Hashirama just for the hell of it.
Apologies for the formatting- I had to sneak around the Pit of Voles, and its newest bit of insanity, to get the quote.
EDIT:  I knew we had that option, BA.  I tried it, and this is what happened.  If I knew which font and size this board naturally uses, I could just manually set them.

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.

I've been writing a bit.
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#88
Bluemage:
Up on the toolbar for editing a post, next to the 'Quote Text' button is one with "Tx" on it.  This button will strip all formatting from a selection of text (or the entire post if there's no selection) and convert it into plain text before it gets parsed by Yuku.  Try using that.
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#89
Pit of Voles?
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.
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#90
A pet name for Fanfiction.net... I think it has to relates to the sheer randomness of the quality there.  Which has a lot to do with not filtering out gibbering fangirls from publishing.
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#91
On one of the many alternate Worm universes Spacebattles has been exploring Taylor is shoved into her locker and triggers. Only this time she doesn't gain control of insects. Or get exalted. Or meet DC/Marvel comics heroes...
Enrichment, a Worm story with the flavor of Aperture Science's most useful invention. Portals! A shame some of GLaDOS's fascination with experimentation has also found its way into young Taylor's head.
Quote:"Lets see, ah yes experiment 37b,
Passed" I muttered while I jotted down the results of the last test. I
was starting to wonder at my own sense of self preservation. Surely it
was unwise to reach terminal velocity in ones own basement. But as my
research logs and intact body showed, quite survivable. Which was a very
useful data point. The concrete floor only had a few,
vaguely foot shaped imprints to show for it, so my power didn't seem to
reduce the power of my momentum on things I hit, only on me. "On to test 38a, Durability via
external stimulus", I announce as I throw a tennis ball at myself
through a suitable portal arrangement. "Oww!" *** "Um Taylor, what are you doing down in the basement?" I heard my Dad ask from above. There was only one reasonable response. "Science!" "..." "Also, I need a bigger test chamber, to check my hypothesis for Test 178d, so how about seeing the PRT tomorrow?" "...Ok." I wondered why he was being so quiet, but more importantly, there was research to be done.
Quote:I could hear the gasps of disgust
from the rest of the wards behind me, "But really, I should be thanking
you, as now I have these marvellous powers, and can run tests. You'll
help me with those tests, won't you Sophia? You do owe me that much."
My eyes hadn't left hers since they met, my features channelling pure disdain for existence. She was the first to break contact.
"Whatever, I'm out of here. Just stay
the fuck away from me you freak." Super Bitch yells as she ducks back
out of the common area. Leaving the remaining wards silent in shock.
"New hypothesis for test 228, subject
Taylor Hebert's personality has been modified by trigger event.
Alternate hypothesis, subject's thinker powers influence her mood." I
declared, grabbing the attention of all in the room. "So, who wants some
Cake?"
Quote:"Looks like they've been getting bolder." said Kid Win as he stared at the messy pile of foam. "Though not smarter." "Then we'll have to dissuade them from further roaming." "Now why would we let you do a thing like that?" Our heads collectively turned to the
alley entrance to find the source of the new voice. I hadn't been
expecting cape reinforcement for what I had thought to be a random act
of cruelty, but life has a way of giving you combustible lemons. These
particular lemons being of the Storm Tiger and Cricket variety. "Kid Win, could you please give our
friend a lift? I'll join you shortly." I was tempted to portal her out,
but my visibility was limited by the alley, and thus any options would
be... unhealthy for her. "Hello!" I announced loudly as turned
towards the two E88 capes, with a hand gesture to the foam pile. "If
you'd like to assume the PRT escort submission position, we can take you back to headquarters. Your friends were already invited."
Blank stares, visible despite full masks, were directed at me.
"There may be cake." I offer, hopefully.
-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.
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#92
Nice one LilFluff! Bluemage, got a link for that?
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
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#93
Yeah, I haven't even played Portal but I've seen enough to me rofling as I read it.
Yes, ditto on the link request. That looks to also be quite amusing.
-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.
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#94
Quote:LilFluff wrote:
Yeah, I haven't even played Portal but I've seen enough to me rofling as I read it.
Yes, ditto on the link request. That looks to also be quite amusing.
ENRICHMENT [1.1], [1.2], [1.3], [1.4], [1.5] Portal crossover
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#95
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9249738/2/ ... -the-Stick
It's not as amusing as you might expect.  That was basically the best line in it, and it's only four chapters to boot.

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.

I've been writing a bit.
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#96
From Nanoha Takamachi and the School of Witchcraft, chapter 9:

Quote:Lindy shook her head mournfully. "You buy a condo on an unadministered world and suddenly you're a backwater yokel, no matter that you're Mid born and raised. Er, no offense, Nanoha."

"None taken," Nanoha said brightly. She'd get revenge during a spar, anyway.

Lindy looked at Nanoha's smile and reminded herself that sparring is a fun activity to share with friends, family, and trained medical professionals with the happy drugs.
Quote:Momoko watched her youngest run to her room carrying what looked like three or four kids' worth of bags, at least one of which was obviously filled with presents. She looked to Shiro with an uncertain smile. "How many of those packages do you think can explode?" she asked softly.

"Knowing sweet little Nanoha?" Shiro asked back. "All of them."
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
Reply
 
#97
More of the Worm/Portal hybrid (Taylor develops not insect control powers, but Portal powers with a heaping helping of GLaDOS personality traits...)
From INTERLUDE 2b - Para-Humans Online
? Topic: Cakes - The tastiest science.
Quote:[b]In: Boards ? Creative Forums ? Cooking [/b][b]Portal[/b] (Original Poster) (VerifiedCape)Posted on February 29th, 2011:In this thread I will be sharing various cake recipes I have discovered in my experiments. Feel free to contribute your own recipes. For the interests of variety, other baked confectionery of a truncated and/or bevelled cylindrical shape may be allowed.
(Showing page 8 of 18)
? Scale Replied on March 12th, 2011:I loved the gluten free almond chocolate mud cake recipe. Finally I can enjoy tasty chocolate cakes without illness.
? Inbhir_NisReplied on March 13th, 2011:How do you sift your flour? I never seem to get the mix as smooth as yours seems to be from the pics.
? Portal (Verified Cape)Replied on March 13th, 2011:Oh, I use an ultrasonic cleaning bath
to vibrate apart the clumps while the flour remains in a mixing bowl.
Effective and saves on dishes.
? Hunter (Cape Husband)Replied on March 13st, 2011:I swear you are some kind of Cake
Tinker. No way you are this good otherwise. That gateau you made while
we were visiting is better than any professional one I've tried.
? Kid Win (Verified Cape)Replied on March 21st, 2011:I need to cut back, I'll have trouble fitting into my armor at this rate. My Mom wants your Black Forest recipe though, so it looks like I can't escape. [Image: clear.png]
? Hungy_KirbyReplied on March 22th, 2011Big Grinid you have your own version of lemon meringue pie?
? Gallant (Verified Cape)Replied on March 22th, 2011:NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! No Lemons!
? SocksReplied on March 22th, 2011:O_O There has to be some story behind that.
? Portal (Verified Cape)Replied on March 22th, 2011:Sorry, due to various reasons, lemons are currently, unavailable, for use.
The rest of the interlude is funny too, but lest I end up copying the whole thing I'll stop there...
-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.
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#98
OMG... the lemons...

In case you guys don't get the joke...
Quote:[Cave Johnson died long before the events of the game. Chell and GLaDOS
are listening to his last recorded words, a message for his human test
subjects, which he made while he was deathly ill]
Cave Johnson: All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade!

GLaDOS: Yeah.

Cave Johnson: Make life take the lemons back!

GLaDOS: Yeah!

Cave Johnson: Get Mad!

GLaDOS: Yeah!

Cave Johnson: I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?

GLaDOS: Yeah, take the lemons!

Cave Johnson: Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down - with the lemons!

GLaDOS: Oh, I like this guy.

Cave Johnson: I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that'll burn your house down!

GLaDOS: Burn it down! Burning people. He says what we're all thinking.
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#99
From Overpowered: a HERO Games/B:tVS Dungeon Crawl Chapter 4.6.1
Quote:"Nah. If the Watcher's noticed, he hasn't said anything." Then he stared
at me as I scanned back and forth. "No really - what you doing?"

" I'm looking to kill something, and the cemeteries are empty." I paused. "Or full. You know what I mean."

"And staring at a manhole gets you that."

"I'm psychic."

"That's not an answer."

"Did you know you're the first person to actually call me on that?" I got up from my knee. "I can see through things."

"Clairvoyance."

"Not very far." I pointed down and away from the manhole. "There's a
main sewer line there, running that way...and then stopping. I've got
most of the top layers mapped out passively. Now I'm doing a
deeper...scans, I guess." Specifically, I'm using my latent aura to actively generate directed radio waves. I frowned. "With limited success. Did you know the tunnels pull a Hogwarts?"

"A what?"

"Sorry - children's book reference. Comes out in a few days. Big hit." I
cracked my neck and shoulders. "The sewers re-arrange themselves."
From a little later after some fun in the sewers...
Quote:He poked the tip of his sword at a stray of entrail that had made its
way up the corridor. "Nice bit of work, here. If y'ain't a slayer, yer
certainly somethin' close."
Well, it's not like he doesn't have the experience in closely watching young girls fight. I pulled out a handful of tissues, and began wiping my rod down. " How so?"

He tapped the scattered dust amongst the ventilation wreckage. "You're
not a conventional tracker, but you followed this one through a
half-mile of unknown territory at a full sprint. Y'give prophecies, and
talk of the future as though y'lived it. So, clairvoyance. Short and
long-term."

"Thanks. I also do windows. "

"Really."

I nodded. "Switch to the NT kernel as soon as possible. ME's a bitch."

"I have no idea what yer talkin' about."

"Computers. It's a late 90's thing." Now I've got a handful of bloody tissues. What's the EPA-approved method of disposal?

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.
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"Uchibi Sasuke ch35 Wrote:Plants had been using poisons to kill the bastards that kept eating them for millions of years, and many of them had learned that if a poison killed immediately, then the damn herbivores would be forced to quickly evolve a countermeasure, but slow poisons kept them from living long enough to breed too many times, and the bastards could have fun dying of liver failure and cancer from mutagenic poisons.

To understand plants, it is good to keep in mind that there is no plant matter that isn't poisonous. Sure, there are some parts that are designed for specific animals to eat (for instance, peaches), but they don't remove the poison from them, goodness no. That would be just as unplantly as not being a bastard would be unUchiha. They just packaged the antidote with the poison.

http://m.fanfiction.net/s/8222842/35/Uchibi-Sasuke
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
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