<![CDATA[Drunkard's Walk Forums

<![CDATA[Drunkard's Walk Forums - Hangar 13]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/ Tue, 21 Apr 2026 10:59:34 +0000 MyBB <![CDATA[[split] [I/OOC] Incidental Bits 2 - The Comebacks]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14420 Sat, 30 Apr 2022 16:53:06 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14420 "If you're just joining us now, this is All Things Considered with Alisa Chang. We are interviewing Benjamin Rhodes about his recent science fiction novel, Negative Return. Benjamin, some people have compared you favorably against George R. R. Martin, someone who is known for writing incredibly detailed and likeable characters, and then suddenly killing them off with little to no warning. Your stories, however, seem to be the very antithesis to this. Would you care to comment on that?"

"Well... it's like this. I'm the sort of person who is very much in touch with their emotions. And throughout my life, I've had terrible things happen to me. Things that have nearly destroyed me on the inside. And unlike with what Mr. Martin does, death had very little to do with my hurt. So when I write these stories, my desire is to make other people understand this feeling. The sorrow, the betrayal, the sheer unmitigated emotional hurt that makes you wish for death.

"When I write, I want to make you suffer. I want you to feel the pain that I have felt all throughout my life. And I do that by making these characters that, despite being unlike anyone you've ever met, you find yourself relating so closely to them that when they're hurt, you're hurt as well."

"That seems awfully grim. Is there a particular reason for that?"

"Two, actually. For one thing, I want people to understand what it is to be me. Even after my second childhood, I'm not fully recovered from my past traumas because the experiences of what I went through are still there. There's also Spider Robinson's rule that you should write what you know, and this is the kind of stuff that I'm intimately familiar with. Secondly, it's my hope that if more people understand what this feels like, then the more people will act when they see something wrong. When they get that sense that all is not right. Or even that they will reconsider their actions before they choose to inflict suffering."]]> "If you're just joining us now, this is All Things Considered with Alisa Chang. We are interviewing Benjamin Rhodes about his recent science fiction novel, Negative Return. Benjamin, some people have compared you favorably against George R. R. Martin, someone who is known for writing incredibly detailed and likeable characters, and then suddenly killing them off with little to no warning. Your stories, however, seem to be the very antithesis to this. Would you care to comment on that?"

"Well... it's like this. I'm the sort of person who is very much in touch with their emotions. And throughout my life, I've had terrible things happen to me. Things that have nearly destroyed me on the inside. And unlike with what Mr. Martin does, death had very little to do with my hurt. So when I write these stories, my desire is to make other people understand this feeling. The sorrow, the betrayal, the sheer unmitigated emotional hurt that makes you wish for death.

"When I write, I want to make you suffer. I want you to feel the pain that I have felt all throughout my life. And I do that by making these characters that, despite being unlike anyone you've ever met, you find yourself relating so closely to them that when they're hurt, you're hurt as well."

"That seems awfully grim. Is there a particular reason for that?"

"Two, actually. For one thing, I want people to understand what it is to be me. Even after my second childhood, I'm not fully recovered from my past traumas because the experiences of what I went through are still there. There's also Spider Robinson's rule that you should write what you know, and this is the kind of stuff that I'm intimately familiar with. Secondly, it's my hope that if more people understand what this feels like, then the more people will act when they see something wrong. When they get that sense that all is not right. Or even that they will reconsider their actions before they choose to inflict suffering."]]> <![CDATA[[OOC][PLOT] Plotting plots for Season 4]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14337 Sat, 02 Apr 2022 07:15:31 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14337
Anyone here ever heard of A Silver Mt. Zion? Very very indy group up in Canada. I can't really do them justice - you have to listen to them yourselves. I highly recommend you start with their first two albums.

The reason why i bring them up is because I recently listened to their fourth album, Horses In The Sky, and the last few minutes of the first track (starting at the eight minute mark) has this round going:

When the world is sick
Can no one be well?
But I dreamt we were so beautiful and strong.

And so I have this scene in my head of a possible, final fight with Salem...

"So. Here we are once again. I never thought I would have someone be an even greater thorn in my side than Oz, but you have never ceased to surprise me, Benjamin."

"You honestly think I'm about to kick the bucket already?" said Benjamin through clenched teeth as he slowly levered himself up.

"Do you honestly think you have much more to give?"

"Salem, you should know by now how capable I am of dissociating. You'll need to burn me to ashes first. And your pet fire maiden ain't around this time."

"Hmph. I can do that just fine on my own."

"Actually, you can't," said Ben with a grin. "Because we're both Writers here. The most powerful ones, in fact. Which means we're pretty evenly matched. But there's a critical difference between you and me."

"Oh? And what's that, praytell."

"Haven't you ever noticed how many red strings of fate I got coming off my fingers? You love no one. You use people up and discard them. But every connection I make? That is something precious to me. I never abandoned any friend that didn't betray me. And in return? They will come running when I call them."

"Your 'friends' are all busy with other things. I made sure of that this time."

"Then you don't know me very well, Salem. I've said it once and I'll say it before: Ganesha ain't got shit on me. I don't just remove obstacles, I fucking obliterate them with extreme prejudice."

"You can't be everywhere at once!"

"No, maybe I can't. But I'm also more diabolical than you can ever be, even on a good day. It's not the one 'Me' you should worry about. Instead, it's the infinite number of 'Me' from all the possibilities to ever exist."

"...no. That's not possible! This universe is completely self-contained!"

"Heh-heh-heh. Like I said. I'm more diabolical than you can ever be. And when someone tells me something isn't possible? That just means that they haven't figured out the cheat that makes it possible. And I'm all about the cheating."

And then from just about anywhere and everywhere, they start arriving. His wives. His children. His grandchildren. His brothers and sisters. His friends. All of them sent by Benjamins that came from other universes. The weak ones. The strong ones. The dumb ones. The smart ones. Each of them was a solution to a particular obstacle that Salem had placed.

And in the mean time, Benjamin is putting out the most powerful anti-magic field he's ever mustered up, burning himself out in order to pull it off, just so that Salem can't launch a preemptive attack on the new arrivals or make an escape.

And the entire time he's doing that, he's singing that round. And as they all gather, all of them readying their most powerful attacks, they're joining him in the round.

"When the world is sick, can no one be well? But I dreamt that we were so beautiful and strong."

It's a bit like that line from another one of my favorite songs, "Defend Atlantis" by the Flobots: "Survival, we unified to focus on. And the voices were many, but we spoke as one."

Salem is defeated. But a compromise is proposed: a counter-universe to act as a yang to their universe's ying. Darkness and Light have their own places, though a small bit of contamination (the dots in the ying-yang) is allowed to keep both from stagnating.

In this, true balance is achieved. Most people in both universes can live good lives. And there is still need for "Heroes" on both sides.

Whatcha think?]]>
Anyone here ever heard of A Silver Mt. Zion? Very very indy group up in Canada. I can't really do them justice - you have to listen to them yourselves. I highly recommend you start with their first two albums.

The reason why i bring them up is because I recently listened to their fourth album, Horses In The Sky, and the last few minutes of the first track (starting at the eight minute mark) has this round going:

When the world is sick
Can no one be well?
But I dreamt we were so beautiful and strong.

And so I have this scene in my head of a possible, final fight with Salem...

"So. Here we are once again. I never thought I would have someone be an even greater thorn in my side than Oz, but you have never ceased to surprise me, Benjamin."

"You honestly think I'm about to kick the bucket already?" said Benjamin through clenched teeth as he slowly levered himself up.

"Do you honestly think you have much more to give?"

"Salem, you should know by now how capable I am of dissociating. You'll need to burn me to ashes first. And your pet fire maiden ain't around this time."

"Hmph. I can do that just fine on my own."

"Actually, you can't," said Ben with a grin. "Because we're both Writers here. The most powerful ones, in fact. Which means we're pretty evenly matched. But there's a critical difference between you and me."

"Oh? And what's that, praytell."

"Haven't you ever noticed how many red strings of fate I got coming off my fingers? You love no one. You use people up and discard them. But every connection I make? That is something precious to me. I never abandoned any friend that didn't betray me. And in return? They will come running when I call them."

"Your 'friends' are all busy with other things. I made sure of that this time."

"Then you don't know me very well, Salem. I've said it once and I'll say it before: Ganesha ain't got shit on me. I don't just remove obstacles, I fucking obliterate them with extreme prejudice."

"You can't be everywhere at once!"

"No, maybe I can't. But I'm also more diabolical than you can ever be, even on a good day. It's not the one 'Me' you should worry about. Instead, it's the infinite number of 'Me' from all the possibilities to ever exist."

"...no. That's not possible! This universe is completely self-contained!"

"Heh-heh-heh. Like I said. I'm more diabolical than you can ever be. And when someone tells me something isn't possible? That just means that they haven't figured out the cheat that makes it possible. And I'm all about the cheating."

And then from just about anywhere and everywhere, they start arriving. His wives. His children. His grandchildren. His brothers and sisters. His friends. All of them sent by Benjamins that came from other universes. The weak ones. The strong ones. The dumb ones. The smart ones. Each of them was a solution to a particular obstacle that Salem had placed.

And in the mean time, Benjamin is putting out the most powerful anti-magic field he's ever mustered up, burning himself out in order to pull it off, just so that Salem can't launch a preemptive attack on the new arrivals or make an escape.

And the entire time he's doing that, he's singing that round. And as they all gather, all of them readying their most powerful attacks, they're joining him in the round.

"When the world is sick, can no one be well? But I dreamt that we were so beautiful and strong."

It's a bit like that line from another one of my favorite songs, "Defend Atlantis" by the Flobots: "Survival, we unified to focus on. And the voices were many, but we spoke as one."

Salem is defeated. But a compromise is proposed: a counter-universe to act as a yang to their universe's ying. Darkness and Light have their own places, though a small bit of contamination (the dots in the ying-yang) is allowed to keep both from stagnating.

In this, true balance is achieved. Most people in both universes can live good lives. And there is still need for "Heroes" on both sides.

Whatcha think?]]> <![CDATA[[I/OOC][WIP][STORY][Season 1][RFC] Less Than]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14332 Thu, 31 Mar 2022 04:56:42 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14332
Just after the bit with me posting the lyrics for the Gorillaz "Clint Eastwood", and then the bit about Micheru confronting Ben, The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" jumped into my mind and simply would not go away.

At first, I thought of having my character singing it and have it be a bit of insight Uranus and Neptune gets for his character...

...And then I suddenly realized it would have a HELL of a lot more impact coming from Alicia Testarosa.

The idea here is that this would be during the time that Alicia is under the care of Haruka and Micheru... but because of her empathic bond with Benjamin, as well as her own feelings about what they did to Nanoha and Fate... Yeah, even though they've had experience in caring for a child (Hotaru), caring for one that actively resents them is a whole different ball of wax.

There are several reasons that this is done.

For one, it's because Haruka and Micheru need first-hand experience in dealing with the consequences of their actions.

Another reason is that Benjamin is in no shape at all to be caring for a child - even one that is as close to him as Alicia is. He could easily slip into neglecting her in the midst of his depression, and Alicia would simply accept it because she feels what he feels.

Lastly, it's seen as a safe option because it's known that Haruka and Micheru won't do anything to harm her in any way, shape, or form. And even then, they're under the watchful eyes of everyone else at the Westwoods Apartments.

Haruka and Micheru will try to bond with the girl, but to little avail. While they have accepted that Benjamin is far more than they can handle, and that they have indeed messed up, it still hasn't really hit home for them yet just how badly they messed up.

One of Micheru's attempts is sharing in her passion of music with Alicia - she's picked up on Benjamin's own passion for music and, with her mathematical genius, had started messing around with mash-ups on a virtual mixer board. So, Micheru gets her a decent quality mixer board and 24-track recorder.

Imagine Micheru's shock when she pauses outside the door to Alicia's room to hear her singing The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" with even more heartfelt passion and rage than Pete Townsend has ever presented.

And it is only here that they begin to realize.

Alicia is very much her own person. But that person also includes a good deal of what makes Benjamin the person he is. This is because while Benjamin's traumas were his own, they now share a trauma between them - the unraveling of Fate and Nanoha's minds.

And with Benjamin's emotional state being what it is? There are times where she is fully channeling her beloved older brother, and becomes the man himself, only in the form of a little girl.

A little girl with far less self-control than Benjamin, and a very high mage-potential.

There will be a scene where she throws a huge tantrum that looks like a scene out of The Exorcist. Micheru and Haruka call for back-up and Madoka and Homura come in... only for them to turn around right away and call in Benjamin.

But she is channeling Benjamin's rage so much that she attacks him... Why? Because his rage is inherently self-destructive, and what better way to destroy himself than through another person? Not that this is his conscious feelings, but something on a more primordial level. Fortunately, no magic because he's got his AMF cranked up. But as he holds the raging child in his arms, dimorphic expression kicks in and she bites him so hard that she draws blood (the first and only time this will ever happen). And she stays latched on, not letting go, even after she starts crying.

Benjamin doesn't have to say a word afterward. He can see it in their eyes. They now fully understand what it is they have done - how they have nearly ruined more lives than just those of Nanoha's and Fate's.

That night, Benjamin takes Alicia back, caring for her as her big brother. And the biting continues to occur, as Alicia copes with the intense emotional swings she's experiencing. Just nowhere nearly as hard as that first bite.

And Benjamin knows the truth behind those bites, because he can feel the emotion through their bond. One so powerful that he can even hear the words behind it. The words are not shouted. They are a gentle and supplicant whisper in his mind, one that leaves absolutely no doubt whatsoever.

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you...

Poor Inara has her work cut out for her.]]>
Just after the bit with me posting the lyrics for the Gorillaz "Clint Eastwood", and then the bit about Micheru confronting Ben, The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" jumped into my mind and simply would not go away.

At first, I thought of having my character singing it and have it be a bit of insight Uranus and Neptune gets for his character...

...And then I suddenly realized it would have a HELL of a lot more impact coming from Alicia Testarosa.

The idea here is that this would be during the time that Alicia is under the care of Haruka and Micheru... but because of her empathic bond with Benjamin, as well as her own feelings about what they did to Nanoha and Fate... Yeah, even though they've had experience in caring for a child (Hotaru), caring for one that actively resents them is a whole different ball of wax.

There are several reasons that this is done.

For one, it's because Haruka and Micheru need first-hand experience in dealing with the consequences of their actions.

Another reason is that Benjamin is in no shape at all to be caring for a child - even one that is as close to him as Alicia is. He could easily slip into neglecting her in the midst of his depression, and Alicia would simply accept it because she feels what he feels.

Lastly, it's seen as a safe option because it's known that Haruka and Micheru won't do anything to harm her in any way, shape, or form. And even then, they're under the watchful eyes of everyone else at the Westwoods Apartments.

Haruka and Micheru will try to bond with the girl, but to little avail. While they have accepted that Benjamin is far more than they can handle, and that they have indeed messed up, it still hasn't really hit home for them yet just how badly they messed up.

One of Micheru's attempts is sharing in her passion of music with Alicia - she's picked up on Benjamin's own passion for music and, with her mathematical genius, had started messing around with mash-ups on a virtual mixer board. So, Micheru gets her a decent quality mixer board and 24-track recorder.

Imagine Micheru's shock when she pauses outside the door to Alicia's room to hear her singing The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" with even more heartfelt passion and rage than Pete Townsend has ever presented.

And it is only here that they begin to realize.

Alicia is very much her own person. But that person also includes a good deal of what makes Benjamin the person he is. This is because while Benjamin's traumas were his own, they now share a trauma between them - the unraveling of Fate and Nanoha's minds.

And with Benjamin's emotional state being what it is? There are times where she is fully channeling her beloved older brother, and becomes the man himself, only in the form of a little girl.

A little girl with far less self-control than Benjamin, and a very high mage-potential.

There will be a scene where she throws a huge tantrum that looks like a scene out of The Exorcist. Micheru and Haruka call for back-up and Madoka and Homura come in... only for them to turn around right away and call in Benjamin.

But she is channeling Benjamin's rage so much that she attacks him... Why? Because his rage is inherently self-destructive, and what better way to destroy himself than through another person? Not that this is his conscious feelings, but something on a more primordial level. Fortunately, no magic because he's got his AMF cranked up. But as he holds the raging child in his arms, dimorphic expression kicks in and she bites him so hard that she draws blood (the first and only time this will ever happen). And she stays latched on, not letting go, even after she starts crying.

Benjamin doesn't have to say a word afterward. He can see it in their eyes. They now fully understand what it is they have done - how they have nearly ruined more lives than just those of Nanoha's and Fate's.

That night, Benjamin takes Alicia back, caring for her as her big brother. And the biting continues to occur, as Alicia copes with the intense emotional swings she's experiencing. Just nowhere nearly as hard as that first bite.

And Benjamin knows the truth behind those bites, because he can feel the emotion through their bond. One so powerful that he can even hear the words behind it. The words are not shouted. They are a gentle and supplicant whisper in his mind, one that leaves absolutely no doubt whatsoever.

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you...

Poor Inara has her work cut out for her.]]> <![CDATA[[OOC][INFO][WIP][RFC] Character Relationship Profiles]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14316 Tue, 15 Mar 2022 11:33:39 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14316

Character Relationship Profiles - Benjamin Rhodes and Hotaru Tomoe

Benjamin and Hotaru's relationship has been the most whirlwind of all of Benjamin's romances. In part because Hotaru made it absolutely clear that they were meant to be together (this due to the effects of the Malleable Causality System blending in the causality of the "Hino Ichiro" timeline), and in part due to a mutual attraction between two old and battered, yet loving and artistic souls.

While their compatibility isn't perfect, it's near enough that their combined precocious maturity has enabled them to neatly avoid the more troublesome stumbling blocks.

Physically, there is a very strong sexual attraction between the two. To Benjamin, Hotaru is his "Hime-sama" - his beautiful and visually stunning Princess of the Land of the Rising Sun. And to Hotaru, Benjamin is her exotic and mystical-seeming warrior-prince of a distant land - enticingly handsome with his Acadia-Mestizo heritage and giving a vague sense of the forbidden with his bad-guy-gone-good looks. Indeed, one of the most trying aspects of going through a second adolescence was keeping their hands off of each other, and a primary factor behind their decision to start having children at the biological age of sixteen.

(Other driving factors were the fact that they wanted to have their children and raise them while they still had their youthful vigor, and a mindset of "If not now, then when?" Benjamin will also cite strong evidence in relatively recent studies that shows that not only are humans meant to "start" early, they're supposed to do so in the presence of a strong support network of friends and extended family. In other words: scientifically gathered evidence indicates that it actually *does* take a village to raise a child, and this notion of couples "going it alone" and not relying on help from extended family and/or friends is not only a very new thing, but also "The Wrong Way To Do It".)

Helping to drive the relationship is that Benjamin and Hotaru have a fairly easy time of communicating with each other due to compatible feelings and similar tastes. Not to say that they don't have their differences, but these differences play well off of each other.

Benjamin has an openness and expansiveness in his psyche where there are few, if any, holy cows. With him, anything and everything is open for discussion between the two of them. He actively uses his imagination and worldly knowledge to dazzle Hotaru and encourage her own fantasies and dreams, as well as help develop her own ideas and self-confidence. Additionally, he will develop his own artistic talents solely to please Hotaru as they share similar tastes for music, art, and other soothing things. His sentimental side will also make frequent appearances, as their mutual living spaces will be dotted with mementos from the better parts of their respective pasts, curated by Benjamin himself.

And while Benjamin spends all this energy to be her support, Hotaru herself will gently rein in his emotions and energy. While it can be seen as restrictive, the openness of communication between them ameliorates any negative feelings about it. That said, Hotaru has the depth of character to understand Benjamin's magnitude and intensity. When Benjamin is in high-gear, she can get him to slow down, control his passion, and be more reasonable, which can be critical in solving problems they find themselves confronted by. Simply put, Hotaru aims for the future and will gladly point Benjamin in the right direction to get them there, and Benjamin is more than happy to accept this guidance.

This can make them seem like The Genius Couple - where they will actively collaborate to tackle problems, using their differences to not only bolster and guide each other, but also attack a problem from two different sides like a pair of seasoned strategists. What's more, their combined wisdom and mutual respect enables a healthy spirit of competition where they practically dare each other to be better. Thus, when working together, they form a sum that is greater than the individual parts and are able to overcome just about anything that comes their way.

Granted, all this openness is not without its drawbacks. Due to their hurtful pasts, there is a slight undercurrent of paranoia of becoming too vulnerable. It's hard for them to pick up on it because it is at an almost unconscious level. They are both so very capable of transforming each other that this sort of fear is only natural, though, and this despite a nearly fanatical devotion to self-expression. This can lead to tempestuous moments where Hotaru's views of right and wrong come into conflict with Benjamin's openness, but their ability to be frank and direct with each other will often always defuse these situations. While there will be times their relationship may seem impractical, this is still a very vibrant and lively one.

But even with the darkness that has pervaded their early lives, they both shine with an inner light. They use this light to find the good in each other, encouraging each other to become better, leave their respective stigmas behind, and recognize themselves for who they are.

This is a relationship filled with hope and optimism, and it has the potential to stand the test of ages.]]>

No questions about the sex life, please.
Everyone in the press pool is to be treated like adults, and thus all valid questions will be answered. However, we will reserve the right that some details be kept off the record for personal reasons.
Candid photography outside of the photo shoot is allowed, but with two stipulations:
- No flash photography - there will be infants present and we will do our best to ensure ideal lighting conditions.
- If someone needs to breast feed, then please ask permission before snapping photos. We're all pretty liberal, but some of us are somewhat less so than others.

Now, here's where I could use some help. In order to make this feel more genuine, I'd love it if folks could submit questions for the press pool to ask Benjamin and his family. The only thing I'd avoid is questions regarding the legalities, except to confirm what others have been told by their legal experts.

Someone already helped me out with a few introductory questions. Keep in mind, this is pretty rough. The answers presented are mainly to open the door for other questions.

How do you maintain such a large group?
- We have regularly scheduled family council meetings so we can coordinate and discuss important matters that have an effect on the family, either as a part or a whole. We strongly believe in Ohana - the Hawaiian word for family. Those who've seen Lilo and Stitch know that this means that nobody gets left behind or forgotten. This is absolute and no exceptions are to be made, ever.
How much money do you really spend on them?
- That information should have been in the press packets that were passed out, but I can understand if you haven't gone over the fine details already. Suffice to say, yes, the sum really is as substantial as you think it is. More, even, when you consider the cost of raising this many children. Granted, a good deal of the costs are defrayed by avoiding typically traditional things such as childcare and medical fees. This is actually one of the big advantages: there's always someone available and willing to take care of the children, and we have our own medical professionals in the family. And then there's the old saw about everything being cheaper by the dozen...
Is it really worth the headaches?
- We could never have gotten this far if it wasn't. Once we had the big fight in the beginning, everyone realized that if we didn't pull together, then someone was going to be unhappy and in a very bad way. In a ways, it was a good thing that fight happened, because once it did, everyone had gotten enough negativity worked out of their system so they could think straight. And the consensus was that no one wanted to inflict that heartache on each other. It wasn't easy at first, but once everyone else began to open their hearts to each other, they found that I wasn't the only common factor between them all. Which is why they're not all just wedded to me - some of them are wedded to each other as well.
What's your secret man?
- Honestly, it was more luck than anything else. Though at the time, we all thought it was bad luck because of how everything had been turning out at that point. Especially considering the events of the Emotion Restorer-kun Incident. But once everything finally began to settle down, we all realized how amazing it was for us to even be in this situation in the first place, and how much of a good thing we could be wasting if any of us simply walked away.
Are they doing this willingly?
- That's honestly a pretty silly question when you stop and think about it. But I'll answer it anyhow since some folks out there may not understand without it being explained to them. Simply put, yes, every here is doing this willingly. And if you need any further evidence, there is the fact that Belldandy herself presided over our marriage ceremonies. If she sensed anything at all was false or coerced, then she would never even let it get that far. Furthermore, there's the simple fact of the matter that each of us has the ability to kill any one other with a seemingly off-hand gesture. With that kind of balance of power present in all members of our Tribe, do you really think anyone is being coerced?
OK but what are you really doing?
- I'm just doing what I can. I love them all more than you can possibly imagine, and I didn't want to see anyone with a broken heart. I know some people think better that than to be shackled in a situation like this. But to them, let me beg the question: Is it better? To settle for something less? You may say that something better will come along. But will that actually happen? This entire universe we live in now is an example of transfictionality at work. People you thought to never have existed are here now. They are living, breathing beings with thoughts, emotions, desires, and needs. And with that in mind, the reverse is true. There is another version of me out there somewhere. And he never got this chance. He never even had the opportunity. He had to settle for less, over and over and over again until there was nothing left for him. And that right there is my big secret. The knowledge that if I do not fight for this, then I will become him - a man with everything taken from him. Not even the means to take revenge against a world that has left him with nothing.

So that's at least something to build off of. Any other ideas/questions to be asked?]]>
The basic gist here is that Benjamin has, of course, been catching some flak over his family. Namely that he's married to a whole bunch of women. So he makes the decision to get cleanly and clearly out in front of it.

Now, this is an idea that's been evolving in my head for some time, so there's already been some changes to what I had in mind before.

For one thing, all of his wives will be present for the interview. And secondly, it will be more like a press conference... except that it will be a very long with with several rounds of round-robbin. There'll be a short break between each round with refreshments, and even a photoshoot. The children will be present, though Vivio will only be present for the last round of questions.

Here's my tentative list of Newsies that Benjamin would invite:

Shouko Asami (Angelic Layer)
April O’Niel (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Aya Shimeimaru (Touhou Project)
Tin Tin (The Adventures of Tin Tin)
Lisa Vannette (Bubblegum Crisis)
Clark Kent (Superman/DC Comics)
Stephen Colbert (The Colbert Report)
Kermit The Frog (Muppets)
Vic Sage aka The Question (Justice League Unlimited/DC Comics)
Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Ford Prefect (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)
Lisa Lavender (RWBY)
Karen Page (Daredevil/Marvel Comics)

Any other suggestions are welcome.

Ground rules for the press conference:

No questions about the sex life, please.
Everyone in the press pool is to be treated like adults, and thus all valid questions will be answered. However, we will reserve the right that some details be kept off the record for personal reasons.
Candid photography outside of the photo shoot is allowed, but with two stipulations:
- No flash photography - there will be infants present and we will do our best to ensure ideal lighting conditions.
- If someone needs to breast feed, then please ask permission before snapping photos. We're all pretty liberal, but some of us are somewhat less so than others.

How do you maintain such a large group?
- We have regularly scheduled family council meetings so we can coordinate and discuss important matters that have an effect on the family, either as a part or a whole. We strongly believe in Ohana - the Hawaiian word for family. Those who've seen Lilo and Stitch know that this means that nobody gets left behind or forgotten. This is absolute and no exceptions are to be made, ever.
How much money do you really spend on them?
- That information should have been in the press packets that were passed out, but I can understand if you haven't gone over the fine details already. Suffice to say, yes, the sum really is as substantial as you think it is. More, even, when you consider the cost of raising this many children. Granted, a good deal of the costs are defrayed by avoiding typically traditional things such as childcare and medical fees. This is actually one of the big advantages: there's always someone available and willing to take care of the children, and we have our own medical professionals in the family. And then there's the old saw about everything being cheaper by the dozen...
Is it really worth the headaches?
- We could never have gotten this far if it wasn't. Once we had the big fight in the beginning, everyone realized that if we didn't pull together, then someone was going to be unhappy and in a very bad way. In a ways, it was a good thing that fight happened, because once it did, everyone had gotten enough negativity worked out of their system so they could think straight. And the consensus was that no one wanted to inflict that heartache on each other. It wasn't easy at first, but once everyone else began to open their hearts to each other, they found that I wasn't the only common factor between them all. Which is why they're not all just wedded to me - some of them are wedded to each other as well.
What's your secret man?
- Honestly, it was more luck than anything else. Though at the time, we all thought it was bad luck because of how everything had been turning out at that point. Especially considering the events of the Emotion Restorer-kun Incident. But once everything finally began to settle down, we all realized how amazing it was for us to even be in this situation in the first place, and how much of a good thing we could be wasting if any of us simply walked away.
Are they doing this willingly?
- That's honestly a pretty silly question when you stop and think about it. But I'll answer it anyhow since some folks out there may not understand without it being explained to them. Simply put, yes, every here is doing this willingly. And if you need any further evidence, there is the fact that Belldandy herself presided over our marriage ceremonies. If she sensed anything at all was false or coerced, then she would never even let it get that far. Furthermore, there's the simple fact of the matter that each of us has the ability to kill any one other with a seemingly off-hand gesture. With that kind of balance of power present in all members of our Tribe, do you really think anyone is being coerced?
OK but what are you really doing?
- I'm just doing what I can. I love them all more than you can possibly imagine, and I didn't want to see anyone with a broken heart. I know some people think better that than to be shackled in a situation like this. But to them, let me beg the question: Is it better? To settle for something less? You may say that something better will come along. But will that actually happen? This entire universe we live in now is an example of transfictionality at work. People you thought to never have existed are here now. They are living, breathing beings with thoughts, emotions, desires, and needs. And with that in mind, the reverse is true. There is another version of me out there somewhere. And he never got this chance. He never even had the opportunity. He had to settle for less, over and over and over again until there was nothing left for him. And that right there is my big secret. The knowledge that if I do not fight for this, then I will become him - a man with everything taken from him. Not even the means to take revenge against a world that has left him with nothing.

So that's at least something to build off of. Any other ideas/questions to be asked?]]> <![CDATA[[OOC][META][INFO][FUN] So what do they REALLY know?]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14258 Tue, 30 Nov 2021 07:46:46 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14258
That said, I found a little something that should provide a small bit of insight into the sort of work I did as a Gunners Mate in the US Navy - the magazine sprinkler system.

https://www.globalsecurity.org/military/...60_ch1.pdf

No worries, this is an unclassified document for a system that we've been using since before World War I, and have kept using because it never, ever fails. The only maintenance it needs is a quarterly operational check, and a ten-year interval maintenance requirement where all the rubber and monel bits get replaced.

That quarterly check is really kinda fun for us. It's one of those things that will have a lot of people on the ship wondering what the hell we're doing, because it's all the Gunners Mates' show with just a bit of coordination from the Damage Controlmen (because our magazine sprinkler systems have remote operation valves in their DC lockers). It involves fitting a device called a "test casting" into the main sprinkler valve, which will divert the water from the sprinkler pipes into a 2.5" fire hose which is connected to an overboard discharge port. Very noisy, because OMG 150PSI (10.3 bars) SALT WATER VIA SHIP'S FIRE MAIN SYSTEM! BOOM-WHOOOOOSSSHHHHH!!!

(The "BOOM" is that same 150 PSI salt water in the sprinkler system's hydraulic control lines as it opens the main valve... And it ain't a little one!)]]>
That said, I found a little something that should provide a small bit of insight into the sort of work I did as a Gunners Mate in the US Navy - the magazine sprinkler system.

https://www.globalsecurity.org/military/...60_ch1.pdf

No worries, this is an unclassified document for a system that we've been using since before World War I, and have kept using because it never, ever fails. The only maintenance it needs is a quarterly operational check, and a ten-year interval maintenance requirement where all the rubber and monel bits get replaced.

That quarterly check is really kinda fun for us. It's one of those things that will have a lot of people on the ship wondering what the hell we're doing, because it's all the Gunners Mates' show with just a bit of coordination from the Damage Controlmen (because our magazine sprinkler systems have remote operation valves in their DC lockers). It involves fitting a device called a "test casting" into the main sprinkler valve, which will divert the water from the sprinkler pipes into a 2.5" fire hose which is connected to an overboard discharge port. Very noisy, because OMG 150PSI (10.3 bars) SALT WATER VIA SHIP'S FIRE MAIN SYSTEM! BOOM-WHOOOOOSSSHHHHH!!!

(The "BOOM" is that same 150 PSI salt water in the sprinkler system's hydraulic control lines as it opens the main valve... And it ain't a little one!)]]> <![CDATA[[Story][Short][IC][Arc 1] Butterflies and Hurricanes]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14183 Thu, 12 Aug 2021 00:31:14 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14183
Could it?

The whispers she overhears, though, seem to beg to differ...

Butterflies and Hurricanes

February 20, 2017
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, ON, Canada

It had been two weeks since that phone call that Rob had shared with her. One incredibly tense week where Mitsuko and ITEM had shown up on their collective doorstep, and culminated into an epic throwdown with Meltdowner. Followed immediately after with the most epically horrible day-before-Valentine’s Day Mikoto had ever experience.

And this was saying something since it had nothing to do with her at all - for once, Mikoto had been just a bystander, but even that had been bad enough.

It had made her sick to her stomach seeing such dull and lifeless eyes on people like Nanoha and Fate. Emotion Restorer-kun hadn’t just wiped out their emotional attachment to Benjamin.

It had removed all of their emotions.

They hadn’t deserved that. None of them did. But at the very least the Megami had been able to restore their emotions and most of their emotional attachments.

All except for those that held them to Benjamin.

And that was where things got real bad. Rightfully feeling guilt over what they had done, those two bitches confessed what they had done. Mikoto had almost gone thermonuclear herself. The only thing that had stopped her had been Kuroko, Touma, and Index all holding her back while Rob delivered his sentence: banishment to San Antonio.

The only thing that was better than the looks on their faces was the way Benjamin had mopped the floor with them to fully demonstrate how outclassed they were by the ‘simple apartment manager’, and why they would be totally done in if they ever hurt him or anyone he loves ever again.

The only thing that kept Mikoto from cheering was the look on Usagi’s face. It was the Queen Serenity mode, to be sure… but it was a cold mask of a ruler’s face. Distant. Dispassionate. Unmoved. But even Mikoto could tell that deep down, she was crying for them all.

For Benjamin and the seething hurt and resentment he felt.

For Uranus and Neptune and the guilt they felt and the penance they had only begun to pay.

For Nanoha and Fate to experience something so mind-bending.

And for everyone else for having to witness something so terrible.

But as Ben would say, Murphy apparently wasn’t through with them just yet. Like a maraschino cherry on a shit sundae, Leonard Testarossa finally showed his idiotic pretty-boy face.

Mikoto had never seen anything like it. She could feel the bloodlust pouring off of Benjamin in waves, and she was by no means telepathic at all. As nearly as Washu-chan could figure, it was his anti-magic field radiating, and it had been flavored with his emotional state. If Mikoto had to describe it, it would be like what she imagined getting too close to the site of a nuclear accident felt like.

And yet, through it all, Ben still wore a look of absolute calm, even as he did horrifying things that she had never imagined.

She learned on that day, all too well, exactly why Accelerator never wanted to go up against Benjamin. And it had nothing to do with his Capacity Down ability.

Benjamin has a long fuse - it is one of his defining characteristics. But leave him with a sense of having nothing left to lose and then make a justified target out of yourself? He won’t be stopped. Anything you put in his way will be nothing more than a minor inconvenience as he throws any and all caution to the wind and completely cuts loose.

The Serenity’s crew were already calling it the St. Valentine’s Eve Massacre. Except instead of Thompson submachine guns, it was antimatter charges and gamma ray lasers.

It had been the first time in her life that Mikoto had to wear a dosimeter, and she hoped it would be the last. But knowing Benjamin’s luck…

…Mikoto was starting to see why he and everyone else reviled his bad fortune. She’d heard that even Lord Phantomhive had used some very… creative language in cursing Benjamin’s poor fortune.

Which made Hayate giving Benjamin that Unison Device named Taiga all the more special. Mikoto rarely felt people deserved charity - you had to earn your way in life, after all. But in Benjamin’s case? For fuck’s sake, enough had been enough!

And then the Puella Magi, Jail Scaglietti and his Numbers all showing up at the same time…

Two.

Fucking.

Weeks.

Just because Murphy and Fate couldn’t stop messing with Benjamin.

And ever since that day, two weeks ago when she sat in on that video-call between Ben and Rob, that dangling thread in a conversation Ben had left was still there. And it would not leave her alone. Much like a loose bit of stitching in a jacket that was rubbing a patch of skin raw, his words kept echoing in her mind.

“When you have a step-father who's made it his mission in life to ensure you have no way of hiding anything from him, you learn or... well, that's a conversation for another time.”

A conversation for another time!? What the hell? She’d thought to herself when Ben had uttered those words. That sounds like something serious! Mikoto would have said something, but Ben had already made it a point that they weren’t there to talk about that.

And now things were finally calm enough that she felt comfortable in asking some very uncomfortable questions.

At first, she had tried asking Rob. She had come to trust the man these last few months - he always did his best to do right by her, and he’d become something like the Cool Uncle that she never had. She had been pretty confident that he’d explain, but it wasn’t in a way that she wanted.

"Why won't you say anything about him? I know you know more than you're telling."

Rob sighed. "Mikoto, consider what we did to convince Mitsuko that she's in a different universe."

"We showed her an episode of our anime."

Rob shook his head slowly. "We showed her part of an episode of your anime. I cut it off before it showed you enjoying yourself while wearing that swimsuit that you wanted to wear to begin with."

Mikoto grimaced. "And it showed I had the big screen turned on, and Touma saw me."

"Yeah. Now, consider that I'm willing to protect your secrets to save you from a bit of embarrassment. Am I going to tell you Ben's secrets?"

"Are they that embarrassing?"

"No. They're much worse than just embarrassing."

And that was all she could get out of him.

It was a bit galling, but Mikoto was not a person so easily deterred. So her next attempt was to ask Usagi. She was talkative, and she seemed to know quite a bit about the strange American from Texas.

However, all she got from the girl who was barely older than herself and yet almost a goddess in her own right, was a stricken look of profound sadness. But that suddenly changed into a somber repose as Usagi went into what was quickly becoming known as her Queen Serenity mode.

“I’m sorry, Mikoto,” said Usagi in a cool, yet gentle tone. “That is something only he can tell you about. As much as I would like to, it is not my place to speak of such things.”

At Mikoto’s shocked look, Usagi went on, “It is regrettable, indeed, but that is the nature of such things. If he does tell you… you will understand why I can’t tell you.” And then to Mikoto’s further surprise, Usagi’s eyes became wet with tears, even though she was still bearing her Queen Serenity mode. “However, you may even wish that you had never learned of it at all.”

Mikoto knew that Usagi was a self-avowed crybaby. But she had also seen the Queen Serenity mode in action before. Mikoto could have never imagined Usagi crying while in that state. And on top of that, Usagi was always so happy and cheerful, even when doing something like homework - because as much as she hated homework, it was a mundane thing, and these days the mundane was comforting.

Mikoto decided to skip asking her sisters. She had a feeling that they’d all clam up with regards to That Guy From Texas, and then good luck prying anything out of them once they presented a unified front. Not even Mimi would tell once their resolve was set.

Instead, she went straight to the one person she knew would give her a straight answer with zero fucks given in regards to hurting someone else’s feelings.

“What do you need, Railgun?” said Accelerator when he answered the knock on his door.

“What’s the deal with Benjamin Rhodes?” said Mikoto, getting straight to the point.

“What do you mean?” he replied, nearly rolling his eyes. “There’s a lot of shit about him that’s weird as fuck.”

Mikoto sighed, trying not to get angry at the one person who could give her answers.

“He said something about his step-father and it won’t leave me alone. Do you know anything about it?”

Mikoto could count on one hand the number of times she’d ever seen Accelerator genuinely and utterly surprised. However, Accelerator quickly regained his wits and reapplied his mask of cynical stoicism.

But the tone he used belied that look.

“You have to ask him yourself,” he said in a firm tone, but utterly devoid of the acidity he usually used. “I can’t talk about it.”

Mikoto practically goggled at Accelerator’s dispassionate refusal.

“WHAT?”

“Are you deaf? I. CANNOT. TALK. ABOUT. IT.”

“I heard what you said!” snapped Mikoto hotly. “WHY!?”

“That should be evident, Railgun. But if it will get you to leave me the fuck alone, I’ll give you a hint.” And then Accelerator did one of the most frightening things he could do.

He smiled that vicious, predatory smile of his.

“That guy? He fucking gets me. I know, right? That lame-o? What the fuck would he know about me? I mean, he swears he never watched the series or read the manga. But he’s not the kinda person that lies about shit like that. So, I’ll tell you this much. Just so you know how fucked up this shit is.

“That guy’s childhood? It was the kind of sick, perverted joke that Alasteir-FUCKING-Crowley would get off on!”

Accelerator only laughed at Mikoto’s horrified expression as he shut the door on her.

And then Usagi’s words echoed along with Benjamin’s and Accelerator’s.

“…a step-father… …his mission in life… …no way of hiding anything…”

“…Ben's secrets… …They're much worse than just embarrassing…”

“…you may even wish you had never learned of it…”

“…the kind of sick, perverted joke that Alasteir-FUCKING-Crowley would get off on!”

Mikoto felt sick to her stomach.

What the hell!? What the FUCKING HELL!? she thought angrily to herself as she fought down her rising gorge.

Now, more than ever, she wanted answers. This was going beyond just simple curiosity. Once she had her body back under her control, she pulled out her phone and sent a text message to a contact she had yet to use.

I need to talk to you.
…
What’s wrong?
…
I’d rather not say on my phone. Face to face is best.
…
Alright. When?
…
When is good for you?
…
I’m at your service, in case you forgot. Even if you’re under Rob’s care.
…
Alright. Tomorrow at noon. I can slip free of Kuroko then.
…
I’ll have Washu-chan set up a portal. It won’t trigger the Good Neighbor System, and we can talk in one of her private conference rooms. Absolutely no eavesdropping will be possible, even from her.
…
And how will you hide this?
…
With a bit of truth. Someone needed a private consultation. That’s part of what we’re here for, are we not?
…
…Damn, you ARE good at this.
…
Just doin’ what I can with what I got. See you tomorrow at noon.

February 20, 2017
12:59 PM
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, ON, Canada

Mikoto checked one last time to make sure that Kuroko wasn’t around, and then sighed in relief. It took her a bit of doing, but she had decided to take a page out of Benjamin’s book - dropping suggestions here and there, and hiding her real intents in a manner that was barely even hiding them at all.

To her surprise, it had worked amazingly well. She’d have to thank Ben for that lesson.

Closing her door behind her, Mikoto turned to the empty wall and then tapped out the rhythm from an old advertisement jingle she remembered from when she was a kid. As promised, the portal formed right away and Mikoto stepped through it without a second thought.

February 20, 2017
12:00 PM
Westwoods Apartments
San Antonio, TX, USA

She found herself in Ben’s living room, the blinds shuttered, drinks set out on the coffee table, and some low-key music was playing. Mikoto noticed that it was coming from the TV, which displayed a Youtube livestream titled “lofi hip hop radio - beats to sleep/chill to”. (https://youtu.be/DWcJFNfaw9c) Complete with a looping animation of a girl with studio-style headphones, laid back in her bed with a chubby orange cat, flopped onto its back and a pleased smile on its face.

Ben was already there, seated in a recliner chair.

“It’s just you and me here, Mikoto,” said Ben. “I know I said we’d do this in Washu’s lab, but I had a change in heart. This is a little more comfy, and the soundproofing is good enough that no one can eavesdrop. Have a seat, make yourself comfortable, and we can go ahead and get started.”

“Right… thanks,” said Mikoto, feeling a bit lame. She noted the mug before her. It looked like it had hot chocolate inside. On one side it had the NASA Meatball. However, the other side would have made her laugh under any other circumstances. There, it had text done up in the style of a digital calculator display, and read, “IT’S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE” followed by a subscript in a normal, sans font, “(Oh wait, yes it is.)”

She picked it up and took a sip. To her pleasant surprise, it was the Mexican Hot Chocolate he’d brought for the ice skating trip… the same momentous occasion where Mimi Hanyu had shown up… and subsequently made a twin sister of herself.

If Mikoto hadn’t known already that she was getting herself into something incredibly heavy, then this would have been the big clue. Meanwhile, Benjamin waited patiently, studiously keeping his ADHD in check.

“I’ve heard things,” said Mikoto. “Not a lot. But it sounded like it was real bad. And then you said that thing about your step-dad the other day, how he’d never let you keep anything hidden. It just… it just all suddenly clicked. But the thing is I didn’t really wanted to believe it at first. How could you have had it so bad? When there’s people like Accelerator and Last Order around? What the hell happened to you that was so horrible?”

Ben sighed, long and quietly as he nodded his head. “I see.”

And then said nothing for what felt like a long moment.

“Well?” asked Mikoto, somewhat impatiently.

Ben then gave her a sharp look. “Relax for a minute,” his tone slightly heated. “You’re not exactly asking for something that’s easy, here. I thought you were coming to me with some problem that needed outside help, not ask me about my personal demons. So forgive me if I need to take a minute or two to get things straight in my head.”

Mikoto felt her face heat up, and not from the hot chocolate. Part of her wanted to lash back out, to bring out the good old Railgun persona that came boiling to the surface whenever someone challenged her.

But current events had humbled her somewhat. And the simple fact that Benjamin carried within him the ability to render them all into sub-atomic particles at a moment’s notice was honestly more than a little scary. It was downright terrifying, even for Railgun.

“It’s only been a recent realization for me,” he started. “That so many people have no fucking clue about what the mechanics behind an abusive relationship between a parent and a child look like. The thinking behind it is just so alien to others that they simply can’t wrap their minds around it.”

He went quiet as he attempted to organize his thoughts further.

“What does child abuse exactly mean, anyways?” asked Mikoto.

Ben sighed once more, then looked Mikoto in the eye.

“Someday, Mikoto, you’re going to be a grown woman. And some day, you may - and I stress 'may' here because this is entirely up to you - find yourself undertaking the most Herculaneum task a woman can do: bring new life into this world.”

Mikoto couldn’t help it. She felt her face go hot at the very idea.

Ben continued, unfazed by her utterly radioactive blush. “If such a thing comes to past, then with time you’ll come to realize that your children are going to be your greatest achievement in life. This is how it is for pretty much all mothers. If you ask your mother, she’ll say the same about you.

“The thing is, with that will come the realization of just how much responsibility it is. You will hold in your hands a human being who is completely dependent on you. And as that child grows and begins to have thoughts and reasoning, you will find it further compounded by this fact: they have complete and unconditional trust in you. They can hear a million different things from a million different sources, but in the end, you will be the person that they will have the greatest amount of faith and trust in the entire world. They might question what you tell them, but that’s just how human beings are. Otherwise… they’re completely at your mercy.

“This is what makes the patterns of abuse so easy to fall into. Your child will trust you to the point where it won’t matter how much you betray them. It won’t matter how much you hurt them. They will almost always internalize it as a shortcoming on their part, and never hold you at fault.”

Mikoto’s mind was reeling at that. His words had suddenly implanted the idea in her head. Her. A mother. Holding a tiny life in her arms.

That was scary. Not because of having a baby, but because of the idea of how much responsibility it would place on her shoulders. She wasn’t at all like her mother, after all…

…But then, Mikoto wondered if her mother had ever at all felt the weight of responsibility that raising her had entailed. All of her mother’s antics aside, it wasn’t like as if she had neglected Mikoto. Very much the opposite, really.

Regardless, she understood what Benjamin meant about the responsibility. It is a huge deal. But she had never considered it from the child’s perspective. She’d always been a very independent girl, after all. And now that she was thinking about it… it made sense. A child has no other choice but to place all their faith in their parents.

And then the rest of his words began to sink in, and a horrible picture began to paint itself. She remembered watching Mahou Shoujou Lyrical Nanoha. How poor little Fate had toiled under her mother’s brutal whims, always thinking that she was solely to blame for her mother’s anger.

“But… Why would someone do that to their child!?” said Mikoto, aghast.

Benjamin shrugged. “Any number of reasons. Sometimes even in combinations. Sometimes it’s because it’s what they had growing up as well. Sometimes they’re broken in some way. Or sometimes, in a few rare cases, it’s because there is something that has literally gone wrong in their brain. That was the case for one of the most infamous cases of child abuse in America. A man named David Peltzer had a mother who had been very loving and caring… but one day, it was like something inside of her broke for no discernible reason. And suddenly, his name became ‘It’, and he was treated to all kinds of horrible punishments - acts of outright cruelty that you would expect from some prisoner-of-war film - and sick, twisted mind games. He was lucky, though. At the age of twelve, someone caught wise to what was going on, and child protective services removed him from his home and placed him with a foster family.”

“Is that how it was for you?” asked Mikoto.

Ben sighed once more.

“Not at all like that, no. But some people… once they understand what I went through… sometimes they think what I went through was just as bad.

“The thing you have to understand about my step-father was that he suffered through child abuse as well. But rather than be cowed by it, he got a job as soon as he could, and by the time he was of legal age, he left his home behind and made his way in the world. He’s a very straightforward man that way.

“So imagine how such a man would react to having a step-son that always had his head in the clouds? Was loud, rambunctious, ridiculously excitable, couldn’t sit still to save his own life, and yet showed signs of being incredibly intelligent and insightful?”

“You’re even more opposite than my mother and I!” said Mikoto in surprise.

Ben nodded. “But what really did it was that he had chronic migraines. And I was a child who didn’t even have the concept of an indoor voice because, lo and behold, it turns out I had Asperger’s Syndrome all this time.”

“What does that have to do with being loud?”

“Overstimulation.”

“What? How?”

“Asperger’s Syndrome is a form of autism. And when you have autism, you’re hypersensitive to the world around you. So what do you do to make sure people can hear you when it seems like the sounds of the world are overwhelming you?”

“You talk louder,” said Mikoto in understanding.

Ben nodded and went on, “It probably doesn’t help that I also have Auditory Processing Disorder.”

“Is there anything you don’t have!?” said Mikoto in surprise.

A sharp glare from Benjamin was all Mikoto needed to make her realize she’d just stepped out of line. Jeez, where the hell did he learn to DO that!?

“The thing about APD is that it’s like dyslexia, only for your auditory cortex. You hear pitches and tones just fine, but the ability to translate that into useful information has been impaired. It’s usually caused by some kind of trauma suffered in early childhood. For me, it was because I was deaf for a few months when I was two years old.”

Mikoto frowned at that. “How did that happen?”

“I had a rash of bad middle ear infections back then,” explained Benjamin, “and the doctors weren’t prescribing enough antibiotics to do the job. Once they’d realized I’d gone deaf, they panicked and packed me so full of Amoxicillin that I actually became allergic to it for a while.” Ben then shrugged. “But by then, the damage had been done. I was deaf at an age that was critical to the development of my auditory cortex, and the effects still linger to this day.

“At any rate… that meant I was a very noisy child, and that doesn’t mix well with someone who has chronic migraines. Add in the fact that he was an incredibly prideful man who didn’t tolerate any sort of embarrassment…”

“That… That’s bad,” said Mikoto worriedly.

Ben nodded. “And the way he’d lash out at me… he was very fond of corporal punishment. Leather belt on a bare ass, and he insisted that I always bend over and touch my toes. I know some people don’t think much about it, but belts are worse than paddles. They don’t have the same mass, but they cut through the air so much faster, and they tend to whip across your skin. A paddle can leave deep bruises, sure, but a belt will leave burning welts on your skin if they hit you hard enough.

“But really, the worst part was how he’d lecture me.”

“Why?” She had to sit through a lecture or two herself in the past, but it was never what she might think of as “mentally scarring”.

“Well, aside from how he’d call me all kinds of things to my face - fuck up, moron, idiot, dumb-ass… For a long time, one of his favorites was ‘tenth of a job’.”

“I remember you saying that last one before,” said Mikoto in confusion. “What the hell is that even supposed to mean?”

Ben scoffed derisively at that. “Well, my step-dad was never someone content to leave things as they are for long. He’s always looking to ‘improve’ something. So, one day he said that calling me ‘half a job’ was too generous and that ‘tenth of a job’ suited me much better.”

“That is so…” said Mikoto, struggling to find words to describe it. “…so incredibly fucked up! Why would anyone say something like that!?”

“He had a thing about keeping the house clean to an unreasonable degree. He never even wanted to see a single crumb on the counter or a speck of dirt on the floor. Everything had to be gleaming, and he always expected the entire kitchen, dinging room, and all the dishes and pots and pans to be cleaned in just thirty minutes.”

Mikoto rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t so-”

Ben cut her off quickly. “In a family with seven children, and only myself and my sister working at it.”

Once again, Mikoto was shocked and she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing.

“… you’re kidding.”

Ben shook his head. “And it was never just the dinner dishes, either. This was everything that had piled up over the course of the day, because my brothers never cleaned up after themselves. Why should they? After all, they had me, the kitchen bitch, to do it all for them.”

She couldn’t even imagine it - having that kind of workload put upon you. Cleaning up after so many people? And from that much? There was something that wasn’t adding up here.

“But didn’t you take turns?” Mikoto asked.

“Nope,” said Ben in a matter-of-fact tone. “Only us red-headed step-children.”

“What the fuck!?” cried out Mikoto. It was such a cliche, and yet still so disturbing to hear about in real life. “The hell is this? A Cinderella story!?”

“That’s exactly what it was,” said Ben. “Except there was no happily ever after for me, and you’re just now starting to realize this. Just how fucked up everything was.

“Now try to think of what it would be like to spend your entire existence like that. Always walking on eggshells because he wanted a quiet house - and he’d wonder why I’d slink around like a dog afraid to be hit. Always forced to do the jobs no one else wanted. Which was all of them. And always belittled, degraded, and above all, punished in humiliating and painful ways for not living up to an impossible expectation.

“Oh, and if he thought you were giving him a dirty look while he was lecturing you, he’d backhand you so hard that you see stars and go skidding across the floor.”

Mikoto blinked at at. After everything else she’d heard, it was almost like a non sequitur — a statement that does not logically follow the previous ones — even though it did follow the patterns.

“…Were you giving him dirty looks?” she asked.

“Not on purpose,” said Ben as he rolled his eyes. “Thing is, and I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’ve got a pretty intense look. But that’s just how my face is put together. It’s a bit like that trope about the guy in school who looks like an evil yakuza enforcer, but he’s actually a very nice person. So imagine how that comes off when dear old dad is always demanding that you look him in the eyes, and his prideful nature takes it as disrespect just because your look is that intense.”

Mikoto felt utterly bewildered by that. How could his father demand Benjamin to do something that was going to rile the man even further? Was this some form of masochism, or just a means to justify being even more horrible!? But even so…

“But… didn’t anyone ever notice?” said Mikoto at a level just shy of an outcry. “Didn’t anyone ever help you?”

Ben shook his head. “This was at a time when they had just come around on the fact that child abuse is a thing that happens. They didn’t even understand the full implications until they started to see the correlation between child suicide and child abuse years later.

“So the few times people did try to help, it was half-hearted or limp-wristed. By all rights, I should have been adopted into a foster family. Ironically, it might have been better for the rest of my family if I wasn’t there, because dad spent so much time focused on his whipping boy that he failed to notice how things were going to hell in a handbasket with his own kids.”

“What do you mean?” said Mikoto in confusion. This part was news to her! And it was the kind of news that left a terrible, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Ben shrugged indifferently. “What else happens when you don’t properly discipline a bunch of unruly boys?”

Mikoto could only stare at Ben in horror as she processed that, imagining a bunch of young boys tearing around their own house like a bunch of testosterone-fueled maniacs.

“… oh god.”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. And that was another aspect of the abuse. That for a while, my younger brothers got in on it. They never really got punished for their wrong doings. Just a tap on the wrists by comparison to what I got. Because they were just boys being boys, right? And god forbid I ever take any revenge, because I’m older and I should know better.”

“Fucking hell!” cried out Mikoto, completely and absolutely appalled at what she had just heard. “Double-standards much!?”

Ben snorted. “No kidding. So, they felt at liberty to go into my room whenever they damn-well please, turn everything inside out, destroy my model kits, and even kill my pet fish because,” and here, Benjamin effected a sickeningly saccharine-sweet falsetto voice, “‘Fishy needed a bath and a hair cut!’”

“A bath and a haircut!?” said Mikoto in confusion. “For a fish!? What the fucking hell is that supposed to mean!?”

Ben shrugged. “Mom liked to get me betas. They’re beautiful and low maintenance, but my brothers thought of those long, flowing fins as ‘hair’. And unfortunately they weren’t terribly precise about what they were cutting. As for the bath, they’d dump a bunch of dish washing soap into the tank and stir it up like a washer on a spin cycle.”

Mikoto gaped at Benjamin. There was no way… just… no WAY someone could do something so horrible! That level of cruelty went beyond simple cruelty. It was downright psychopathic!

“And they got away with that!?”

“Eh,” said Ben, displaying an alarming amount of blasé for such a topic. “Dad kinda lost his cool about the thing with the fish. He has low opinions about animal cruelty, ironically enough. Even so, I went through three betas before we just decided it wasn’t worth it. My brothers simply weren’t getting the message, or they were and just didn’t give a shit. Either way, it was no use buying me any more fish if they just kept on killing them. But if it had been me that done the same thing? Hah. Dad would’ve turned me into a blood smear on the wall. I lived in fear of that man for a reason.”

The double-standards again. It boggled Mikoto’s mind that someone would have a household that operated in such an off-kilter manner. She almost couldn’t even stomach hearing about it, and, to her own surprise, she was starting to feel outrage on Ben’s behalf!

“You had to have been able to do something!” ranted the girl. “Some way to fight back!”

“Mikoto?” said Ben, giving her a deadly serious look. “We’re talking about a man standing a hair over two meters tall. And he was a strong man who used to go for five mile runs in the mountains wearing fucking lineman’s boots — with the climbing hardware attached — and did regular one-mile swims in the mountain lake his dad owned. And I was just a soft, underfed, sleep-deprived little boy.”

Mikoto was nearly at her limit. There was just so much messed up shit there that she was almost becoming desensitized to it. To hear that Benjamin had been starved as punishment as a child? It almost sounded normal compared to everything else!

“Underfed? He starved you?”

“Sometimes. The fact of the matter is that I had an absurdly high metabolism and I was ravenously hungry all the damn time. It was so bad that other kids at school noticed and began to pick on me because they thought my parents weren’t feeding me. The truth was that they were feeding me, but just not enough. I could put away meals that would take two grown men to eat, and I was this tiny kid at thirty kilos soaking wet. You should have seen it whenever we hit up an all you can eat buffet. I could load up my tray four times and still have room left for desert. By all rights, I should be taller than I am, but I simply never got enough to eat. It made the times he did force me to go without meals absolute torture.”

Mikoto could only barely grasp the concept. She had rarely ever felt true hunger, and the times she did was when she missed a meal because of circumstances beyond her control coming to play. Otherwise, her mother always made sure that she was well fed. To think that he had experienced that sensation through the night as a punishment? It outright disturbed her.

She couldn’t have imagined herself in such a situation, but the words Ben used painted an awful picture in her head - one of a tall, powerfully built man brutalizing and belittling a half-starved child for not being some ideal of perfection. For not being some kind of perfect saint that would be content with living with nothing while working themselves to the bone for everyone else’s sake. Her sense of justice struggled at the idea that this could go on the way it had.

“But still,” said Mikoto. “Someone had to have seen it! Someone had to have known!”

Ben sighed. “Mikoto, anytime I said anything about it, people would brush it off. I was deemed to be making mountains out of mole hills because no one understood just how bad my situation was - how utterly and fantastically dysfunctional my family was. It’s part of the reason why I can’t stand sit-coms. More often than not, they portray dysfunctional families for laughs, but I can’t laugh at all because I fucking lived it.” And here it was, at long last. The anger. The resentment. The pure and unbridled vitriol that she knew had to be there, but didn’t hear before. She had wondered at what point would Ben finally express his anger. And to her surprise, it was not towards his father. No, it was instead aimed squarely at society. And rightfully so, she understood, as he went on.

“Not to mention that when everyone else has the standards of situational comedies to go off of, they’ll think that it’s not that big of a deal. They think that it’s actually fucking hilarious. They never consider things from your perspective. They never consider how dark and oppressive the atmosphere is. They never consider what it’s like to be cold and hungry in the dead of night, unable to sleep because you have a sleep disorder that no one knows about - least of all yourself - and just wishing and hoping for death to take you away so you don’t have to suffer anymore.”

She could feel it now. The sense of despair that had caused him. The idea of going around to other people, begging them to understand you… only to be laughed at and ridiculed. How hopeless would it have seemed. How worthless he must have felt.

It was here that Mikoto finally understood.

Accelerator, Last Order, her clone-sisters… They were all weapons.

But Benjamin?

He had been an animal in cage.

No, not even an animal. Even animals got better treatment. And even weapons were cared for, to a degree. Hell, even Meltdowner was treated better, and she was almost as insane as Therestina Kihara Lifeline!

He barely even rated as a thing that existed. He had been a piece of trash. And while Mikoto had thought of some people as trash before, she had never thought of it this way before. To live such an existence where if someone called you trash, you would have numbly agreed because your father had stripped away all other value you once had in yourself… and then society finished the job by making your existence into a mockery. A literal joke used to entertain the masses.

Yes, I am trash. I’m sorry for bothering you. Cue the laugh track.

The sheer amount of cruelty in that imagery completely up-ended Mikoto’s world. She now understood why, once others understood what he went through, that his existence could possibly be just as bad as the man who had once been a child called “It”.

Not worthy of respect. Not worthy of fair treatment. Not worthy of even being human.

And all because his treatment had been deemed as ‘normal’.

Not even David Peltzer could have made that claim, because he'd been promptly removed from his home and never went back.

Once again, Accelerator’s words came back to haunt her.

“…the kind of sick, perverted joke that Alasteir-FUCKING-Crowley would get off on!”

Except that Accelerator was wrong about that. Alasteir Crowley would only treat someone like that if he wanted to utterly destroy them. And that made the story she heard all the more terrible - that you only treat someone like that if you wanted to completely unmake them from the inside-out.

It’s a miracle that he’s even alive at all, thought Mikoto to herself.

“There’s one thing that’s bugging me about all this,” said Mikoto quietly. “You haven’t said anything about your mom’s role in all of this. And I know you love your mom. That story about Hatchet Lady didn’t leave any doubt in my mind.”

Ben sighed and nodded. “It’s… complicated.” At Mikoto’s sharp look, Ben shook his head and reiterated, “No, seriously. It is.”

“Try me,” said Mikoto, a glower on her face.

“Alright. Mom had very low self-esteem because of her own upbringing. Just imagine me, only gender-flipped, and that’d be Mom. And that includes everything that being the opposite gender implies, complete with toxic expectations that are either now-obsolete, or at least on the way out. Mom once told me that one of her dad’s biggest complaints about her was that if she’d been a boy, then she’d have been perfect.”

Mikoto blinked in confusion. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Ben sighed again. “I’m my mother’s gender-flipped carbon copy. And my mom is every bit as intelligent and mechanically inclined as I am. And she was a huge tomboy. Like, during the winter time, she’d go out into her yard and turn over rocks, looking for hibernating scorpions.”

Mikoto blinked again, this time in surprise. “What?”

Ben nodded his head. “Yeah. Mom was that kind of girl. And she loved finding horned toads - those spiky lizards that can squirt blood from their eyes to scare off predators. Her favorite thing to do with them was to turn them over in her hand and rub their bellies. It’s like scratching a dog behind it’s ears.”

Mikoto opened her mouth, then closed it, then repeated the process a few more times before deciding it was a lost cause and to get back to the original topic.

“Look, what does this all have to do with how things turned out with you, anyways?”

“Well, toxic expectations, you know,” said Ben, as though it was obvious. “Mom had to deal with the fact that her parents expected her to behave like a ‘proper girl’. Except she couldn’t do that to save her life. So, she had a lot of what I had while growing up, only worse because her dad would come home drunker than Dublin on Saint Patrick’s Day. And he was a MEAN drunk - he was a World War Two veteran and…” at this, a troubled look crossed his eyes. Mikoto noticed that he had to visibly steady himself with a deep breathe before he could go on. And when he did, it was with a quiet and sorrowful voice. “…Even though he was just a boatswain’s mate on a torpedo boat, the Marines needed more hands.

“He was part of the flame thrower crews in the Marshal Islands.”

Mikoto felt the blood drain from her face as her heart nearly stopped. Her education had been most emphatically Japanese, which meant she got her country’s side of the story. But no matter whose side of the story you heard, the Marshal Islands was the stuff of nightmares. She could only imagine what it had done to those men who had been forced to burn other human beings alive like that.

And just like that, a mental picture began to paint itself in her head of a man coming back, roaring drunk and with things like that in his mind. It was only natural to assume the worst in that kind of situation.

“Yeah,” said Ben, like as though he could see the picture in her mind. “You could say Mom had it worse than me. So with an upbringing like that, do you think that she’d have what it takes to get out of a relationship like the one she had with my step-dad?”

“Jeez,” said Mikoto fervently. “You made her sound so awesome before, but she was really… such a… such a…”

“A doormat?” said Ben, without ire or rancor.

Mikoto blushed. “Yeah. Something like that.”

Ben shrugged. “She was both. When dealing with anyone else when it came to me or any of my other brothers or my sister? She was like a swarm of hornets, pissed off because someone just lit their hive on fire. You know the expression, ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’? There were times Mom owned it, lock, stock, and barrel. But with dad? She let herself get pushed around no matter how much she objected.”

Mikoto was silent for a long moment as she mulled everything over. With everyone else she had ever known, they either had good people caring for them, or they could fight back in some way or another. Some, like her, even had both - the comfort and security in knowing that she had parents that loved her, and the confidence that came with being a Level 5 Esper. But Benjamin had neither of those things. He had been defenseless and alone for most of his life.

“You really had no way out, didn’t you? You were really trapped.” She then looked at Ben in the eyes, keeping herself from crying by the sheer force of will that was born of her pride, and asked, “How did you survive that?”

“Well, that was all Mom as well,” said Ben. “The only reason why I’m not some abusive fuckhead was because of her and what she taught me. She did not want me to repeat the cycle. And then there was the fact that I was her favorite.”

That brought Mikoto’s train of thought to a screeching halt, and with it any reason for shedding tears for him.

“Really?” said Mikoto in the kind of flat tone that denoted grave disapproval.

“Yeah,” said Ben, utterly unfazed. “Gender-flipped carbon copy, remember? We were like soul mates. Always two peas in a pod, Mom and I.” Ben then sighed. “Dad hated that, too. He thought me being so close with my mom bordered on the obscene. Really, he was just jealous because Mom and I were always on the same wavelength. And since he never really got me, he never always understood mom, either. So that just became more fuel for the fire.

“But anyhow, the point is that even though Mom insisted she didn’t have a favorite among us, I knew better. And this was why I never did go through with taking my own life. Because I knew that if I did, it would have absolutely destroyed her.”

Mikoto stared at Ben in shock. Never before had she heard of someone talk about committing suicide, let alone the knock-on effects that their suicide might have, and she almost felt like the entire world had tilted onto its side somehow. Literally, the dysphoria she felt was so intense that she felt like she was about to slide sideways off of the sectional sofa and fall against the wall.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” said Mikoto quietly. “I mean… that shit is nuts. How do you… how do you even function at all? I mean, you should probably be in a hospital!”

Ben sighed. “You’re right. I probably should be in a hospital, because the fact of the matter is that I actually don’t function all that well. I have to repress those parts of me so much that there are days when it just overcomes my efforts and I just turn into a zombie, sleepwalking through my own life in a haze of self doubt and self loathing. I think things that I know are wrong, but I can’t help it at all because the emotion is just that intense - it overrides any semblance of reason or fact.

“I’m nothing, I would think to myself. I’m not even worth the dirt under their shoes. I don’t deserve any love. I should be dead so I won’t trouble anyone anymore.” He then pointed up at his head, saying, “It’s all up in here, swirling around like a storm.”

“But… can’t Washu-chan fix you?”

Ben shook his head, a sad expression in his eyes. “This kind of thing… it’s hard even for Washu-chan. It’s more than just neurochemical imbalances. Its the memories of what I went through. She can fix the so-called damage, sure. But it will just reverse itself after a while because the root cause is still there. The only way to make sure it stays fixed would be to alter my memories. And that would make me into someone that I am not.”

“Like this is any better!?” cried out Mikoto, horrified that anyone would actually want to continue to exist in such a state of self-loathing and regret.

But Benjamin simply gave her an entirely new kind of deadly serious look - one that spoke of terrible certainty. But not terrible in the sense of being frightening, but terrible in how utterly absolute it was - there was no escaping or evading it. It simply was, and there was nothing you could do to stop or change it.

“Mikoto. You’ve seen me in action. You’ve watched me take a hit that would kill a man whether they’re normal or not. From a trained killer, no less. But what did I do? I just smiled at them. And I told them, ‘Better people than you have done worse than that.’ And you remember what happened next.”

Mikoto cringed at that. It had been one of the few times in her life she had ever felt outright disturbed. Benjamin had casually, yet methodically begun to brutalize someone who, by all rights, certainly had it coming to him. But even with that, the things Ben said; how he carried on in such a conversational tone as he went about his business. Benjamin spoke of how Gauron could never even understand what it would take to truly hurt him. How it was so completely out of his realm of understanding. And overlaying that was the sounds of bones snapping and blood spattering as Benjamin utterly destroyed the man — albeit a horrible monster of a man. And all in a manner like he was simply performing a household chore like taking out the trash.

It was only now that Mikoto truly understood what Benjamin had meant back then. And that only made what happened then even more horrifying now. For all that Gauron had been a monster, there was truly no way he could have ever hurt Benjamin. Not in the way he would have desired. Anything Guaron could have done to him would have only annoyed Benjamin, and nothing more.

And Benjamin had indeed been annoyed that Gauron even thought he could hurt Ben in any meaningful fashion.

It was only then Mikoto realized that it had been what Benjamin said to Gauron that had actually destroyed the monster. That he knew nothing of what it meant to truly hurt someone. Implying that someone else had hurt Benjamin far more completely and masterfully than Gauron could have ever imagined, even in his wildest dreams.

“All of that hurt and anger that you know that I carry inside of me? That was me letting it come out to play on that day. And let me tell you, I fucking relished the ability to finally unleash hell on people that absolutely, one-hundred-percent, no doubts about it at all, deserved it.

“And as fucked up as it is, Mikoto, it really does give me power. There’s a kernel of truth to the Sith Philosophy from Star Wars - that pain and hatred do give you strength. The important part, though, is that you don’t lose yourself to it.”

That brought Mikoto back to the present, and with it came a question so natural that it came to her lips with barely any thought on her part.

“So how do you keep from losing yourself?”

“This thing with me and Puella Magi,” he said, almost seeming tired once the topic of the girls that ostensibly loved him came up. “As messed up as it is, I need it. I have to have people that are holding my lifeline. People that will remind me how much it will hurt them for me to go off the deep end like that. To remind me that I am loved. That I am not at all any of the things my step-father said I was. That I am worthwhile. That I am worthy of them. And the closer they are to my heart — the closer they are to my soul — the more clearly I’ll be able to hear them.”

“…Does it really help?” asked Mikoto quietly.

“It does, yeah,” replied Ben in an equally quiet tone. “I won’t lie, there are some days when I am so out of it that their love is almost physically painful to me. That part of me that is the shit my step-dad put in my head is just tearing my self-worth apart like an eight-hundred pound gorilla gone berserk. In those moments I’m so far around the bend that I do not want to be comforted. I actually need space and a literal time-out to just work it out of my system.

“But we’re working on it. I’ve been getting counseling sessions from Washu-chan and Inara. It’s very slow going because it’s like a nightmarish piece of computer code, with bits and pieces stuck in everywhere like the most horrible fever-dream of kludge-job chimera coding you could possibly imagine - it’s so bad that you can hardly tell what’s the original code anymore. And all the notes and backups have been lost, and the inline comments removed. The only way to fix it is to slowly reverse-engineer the entire thing, and make small patches here and there.”

Mikoto considered that. As a high-end electrokinetic with capabilities that went beyond what many people may consider, she has done more than her fair share of poking around in computers. Doing it just for fun was how she had gotten so good at it, and it was something of a guilty pleasure since she never wanted to be considered a nerd.

That said, Mikoto knew exactly what Ben was talking about, and what kind of a nightmare it would be to try and salvage a program that badly mangled.

Only now did Mikoto begin to grasp just how utterly and horribly broken he was on the inside. And for all her self-righteousness and pride, it made her sad to think about what it must be like for him.

“You’re going to be like this forever, aren’t you?” said Mikoto as she fought back the constricting sensation in her throat.

Ben shrugged helplessly. “Healing from this kind of damage is not easy and it’s not cheap. It takes a lifetime to recover from this. And that is the most horrible part about child abuse. If left unchecked, it will cripple a person for life.”

And that automatically brought the next question to mind. If he was really that crippled, then…

“…Why would Ciel Phantomhive want you in charge of an operation like this?”

Ben nodded sagely. “He actually told me himself once. This was just before the Halloween Party and that debacle we had go down in Florida. Things kinda came to a head at my place and I said some things that I shouldn’t have said.” Ben shrugged. “To be fair, I had been provoked, but still. The thing is, though, is that unlike James, I felt so bad about what had happened that I tendered my resignation. And then Lord Phantomhive called me out to his place.”

Mikoto goggled at Benjamin. “He did!? And you’re still working here?”

Ben nodded. “I know. He is a demon, after all. Make no mistake about that. But the thing is, he’s also a manager. One who understands all too well how important the well-being of his workers are to his operation.

“I wasn’t called out so he could chastise me. He called me out to remind me of the qualities he saw in me. That I was more than just someone who could get into another person’s head. He hired me because I am someone who would not simply see to the well being of his charges, but to actually care about them and their feelings.”

The thing about what happened in Florida came to mind, thanks to Benjamin mentioning it. That had been a near-disaster, and Rob still refused to talk about it except to call his part in it a debacle, but somehow the situation back then with Benjamin had not spiraled out of control… But how?

“But how does this make things different between what happened with you and what happened in Florida?”

“Well…” said Ben, a bit lamely. He didn’t want to say anything bad about James, but facts were fact - the man had messed up, and in a very bad way. He sighed and went on, “I don’t know for sure what James was thinking. I won’t get into that. The difference is that I simply said something to hurt someone’s feelings, and I apologized for it. James… He tried indoctrinating his tenants with his own political ideology - to force or trick them into thinking the way he does - and expected that they would just go along because they’re mostly conservatives and libertarians anyways.”

“THE HELL!?” cried out Mikoto in utter shock, because this was the absolute first time she had heard of this. “That’s what happened!? That guy!? He fucking tried to BRAIN WASH his tenants!?”

Ben winced at that. “Not really, but still painfully close. He definitely did try to influence their perceptions by limiting where they got their information from by declaring whether their sources were trustworthy or not. I can only imagine why it took so long for him to be called out on it, given that Ritsuko, Maya, and Misato all went to the same college together.

“Misato went to college?” siad Mikoto in confounded surprise, as this was the first she’d heard about this as well. “And graduated!?”

“She’s a lot smarter than she looks,” said Ben. “She wasn’t promoted to being a Major for nothing.

“Anyhow, getting back to the thing with James…” Ben sighed, as this was something that actually weighed heavily on his own soul - it hit way too close to home for comfort. “Where he really messed up was in forgetting that they aren’t Americans. Even if they do share some values, there’s going to be some pretty wide gulfs there. Mal is a consummate libertarian, but he’s also had an experience very close to what being a refugee is like, so there was no way he was going to think the way the immigration situation at the Mexican Border was being handled was cool at all. Misato is very much a conservative, but she’s what the rest of the world calls ‘conservative’, and not the ultra-right-wing nut jobs that use that label here in the US.

“And on top of all that, James did not apologize for his actions. Sure, he didn’t press the matter once he got called out on it, but he didn’t do anything to make things better. In fact, he simply started treating them like how you’d expect from a landlord that doesn’t care about the personal affairs of his tenants. Very detached, you know. And that might be fine if we were dealing with normal people with mundane lives and life styles. But being detached wasn’t what we got hired on for. So, Sebastian hooked him up with an entirely different kind of job, and after a while the displacees in Florida got split up and sent to other places.”

“So why did they put Mal and his crew here? I mean, it had to be more than just because of their ship.”

Ben nodded. “Inara was one of the biggest reasons. She… had a medical condition. Washu-chan got her fixed up, sure, but she preferred if Inara was close by so she could better monitor her condition. You know, make sure she didn’t relapse or something. On top of that, Inara is observing the relationship between me and the girls.”

Mikoto was uncertain about that, what with Inara’s occupation and all.

“Is… is that really a good idea? I mean, she is a very classy lady but she’s still… well… you know, a prostitute.”

Ben shook his head. “Inara is so much more than that, Mikoto. What she’s been trained to do? She’s someone that helps people with their mental health — not only by giving them companionship, but by also being the influence they need in their lives. Really, in a sense, people like Inara are like the ultimate therapists. And yes, the sex does help, but really all that does is just grease the wheels. When you’re willing to be that intimate with someone, it really helps build trust.”

Mikoto frowned at Ben. “Okay, but I don’t think sex is gonna help in your case.”

Ben scoffed and rolled his eyes as though that should have been obvious.

“Oh, of course not. I already knew that was so far off the table that it was in another house on the other side of town, simply because Inara has a thing going on with Mal. Fortunately for me, Mal is fine with Inara helping me out here. Hell, once the situation got explained to him, he made all kinds of fowl remarks in Mandarin and all but threw the woman at us.” Mikoto couldn’t help but to snicker at that, for she had seen Mal go off on one of those cursing sprees before. Ben smiled, then went on, “But anyhow, I already know that I can trust her implicitly. And believe it or not, being a Companion sometimes means interacting with children.”

“Sooo…?”

Ben scoffed again, this time with an amused smile. “The girls all love her. She’s pretty, she’s graceful, she’s poised, she’s intelligent, she’s clever… but most of all, she’s a lover and a fighter. Really, she deserves the name that she goes by. But above all? Inara is a very kind and caring person who hates to see others in pain. She’s a bit like me in that regard.”

Mikoto grinned slyly at Ben. “You sure you’re not in love with her~?”

“Pffffft!” went Ben. “Okay, look. I won’t argue that she’s a gorgeous woman, but I got more than enough on my plate as is. If anything, it’d be more like the thing with Rei and I.”

Mikoto rolled her eyes at that. “At this point, I can’t even be surprised anymore.”

“Welcome to my world, Mikoto,” said Ben with a wry smile. “It only goes downhill from here.”

“Hah!” crowed Mikoto at the jibe. “Shows what you know. There were some days back in Academy City that it felt like I was getting stranger things than you for free in my breakfast cereal! The only reason that stopped was because I got dumped into this universe.”

As Mikoto looked at Ben, she saw that he was giving her a small smile, genuinely amused by her statement and taking it in the spirit it was meant in. And for the moment, Mikoto smiled back as she felt his acceptance and acknowledgment of her.

But there was something else in his eyes that caught her attention - not unlike the previous video-conference call.

Is... is he sad about something!? But... why? But she somehow knew. That look in his eyes told her everything. It was longing that she saw. Not for her, but for what she had experienced and what she had.

Benjamin had every right to be upset. To spit at the rest of the world and curse it all. To become a man not unlike Alasteir Crowley. Instead, he simply regarded her with a gentle sort of envy overlaid by the understanding that he could never have what he wanted, no matter what may come - the calm acceptance of someone who was used to being deprived.

The realization sobered Mikoto.

“But we're not talking about me," said the Level 5 Esper as she settled back down. "Everything you went through… that’s all just so fucked up. How is it that you can be so nice to everyone!?”

Ben nodded at that. “Well, that kinda has to do with what it means to be autistic. The horrible irony behind it? Some people think we’re like robots.” He then looked Mikoto straight into her eyes. “That cannot be further from the truth. The fact of the matter is that part of the reason why people with autism shut themselves off is because we have so much trouble controlling our emotions. We feel things — love, anger, happiness, sadness — we feel these things so acutely that it makes the world so very hard for us to take. And one of the most important lessons my mom taught me was that I need to be empathetic towards other people — to imagine being in their shoes and what it’s like to be them.

“I want people to be happy, Mikoto. I want that for others so much that it hurts - it is literally breaking my heart. And I want that for others because I have been in the absolute lowest states a human mind can be in. I don’t want anyone else to feel like that if I could ever help it.”

Mikoto considered that thoughtfully and said, “That was why you reached out to Fate, wasn’t it? You knew exactly what it was like for her because you lived a life like that, too.”

Benjamin nodded. “Without the Harlaowns around, she needed someone in her life that understood what it was like. And to help guide her along so she could have a better chance to heal.” Ben sighed then said, “Believe me, I know I’m probably not the best person for the job, but that’s why I’m trying so hard to be there for her.”

Mikoto regarded him silently for a moment, because the troubled sound in his voice was blatantly obvious, even to her.

The things he had said thus far had completely recast his relationship with the girls under his care in an entirely different light. When you had been so badly mistreated and alone for such an ordeal and for such a long time, an innocent love like the one offered by people like Fate and Nanoha could only be like a siren’s call.

And Mikoto suddenly realized that there was something she had to say now that she knew the whole story.

“That thing before with Nanoha and Fate…” Her face began to redden, but she had to do this because she was a responsible person, and responsible people apologize for their mistakes.

“I… know I said some bad things about you in the past. That you were a pervert… and a lolicon… But… after hearing all of this… I had no idea that it was like that. And I can see why now you couldn’t chase them away. And I’m sorry that I ever thought of you that way. But something still bugs me. After what you’ve told me, I now understand why Fate would want to be close to you… But what about Nanoha? What was up with that?”

Ben sighed. “We’re… still not sure. But every now and then, Nanoha and I will catch other’s eyes…”

“And?” asked Mikoto, trying to urge Ben on.

“When I look into those eyes of hers, I see something that no ordinary child should have.”

Mikoto blinked. She knew that Nanoha was special, but how special could the girl possibly be?

“What do you see?”

“The soul of a Dragonborn.”

That nearly blew a fuse in Mikoto’s brain. “The hell does Skyrim have to do with this!?” she said hotly.

“Nothing at all, thank God,” said Ben fervently as he cast his eyes heavenward. “But I don’t have any other way to describe it. This girl…” He shook his head, almost as though to clear himself from a daze. “You wouldn’t know it because she’s never looked at you like that. But when she does with me? She has a presence that no one can match. And that’s what I see in her eyes. That same kind of determination. The kind where she will completely reshape an entire world to suit her needs.

“But… How!?” cried out Mikoto in shock. “Are you sure she’s really like that!? I mean, she’s just a kid!”

Ben nodded slowly.

“Nanoha may be a child, but that’s just in body. In mind and heart? She is a being of intense passion rivaled only by those who have the power and will to revolutionize the world. Once upon a time, she nearly lost the person who was most precious to her in the entire world: her own father. She has vowed to never let that happen again, and because of that determination and passion, she has earned herself the title ‘The White Devil’. She may be young and inexperienced now, but that doesn’t change what she is in her heart.”

“But… why would she be attracted to you?” demanded Mikoto, because it was well-known that even now, Nanoha still preferred girls. “What makes you so special?”

Ben gave Mikoto a hard look and said, “Mikoto, I’ve gotten you to sit down, shut up, and open your ears with just a look several times here in the last hour, and you’re still trying to figure that out?”

Mikoto rolled her eyes, but it was out of irritation because she knew he had her dead to rights.

“Okay, point,” she grumbled reluctantly. “How the hell do you do that, anyways?”

Ben shrugged. “Supposedly, that was something my mother’s maternal grandfather was able to do. He never had to really punish any of his children. All he needed to do was look at them, and they knew that they had not only simply done wrong, but also that they had let down their father and disappointed him. He was a man that I very much wish to emulate in that regard.”

There was a moment of quiet reflection after that, but not a long one. Ben could sense that this was where things would wrap up at, so it was he that broke the silence.

“So, all that said, I believe you’ve learned some things here today. My only question for you is, what do you intend to do with what you’ve learned here?”

“Huh?” said Mikoto in confusion. “What is this, a homework assignment?”

“No,” said Ben. “This is much more than that. This is me asking you what direction are you going to take your life in now that you understand what monsters lurk out there, and what they do to the children they are supposed to care for.”

“I don’t get it,” said Mikoto, still puzzled at what Ben was trying to get at. “I already knew that this kind of thing happened before.”

“But you said so yourself earlier,” said Ben. “You didn’t understand it. Which is why you came to me today. You finally had an epiphany about one of the more terrible aspects of life, but you didn’t know the full details of what was going on and it was driving you nuts. And understanding something is a much different thing from simply knowing about it. So, what will Misaka Mikoto, The Human Railgun, do now that she understands? Or, is it possible that you still do not fully understand and must dwell on this topic further?”

Mikoto stared at Ben blankly and he realized then that he’d gone full-on Aspie on her, and might have been pushing just a touch too hard. He quickly decided to try and put the girl a bit more at ease.

“Bear in mind,” he said, “I’m not really chastising you here. Like I said before, I know very well from my interactions from others here that people who have never experienced anything like what I have simply have no frame of reference, no matter how well it is explained. A lot of people just can’t wrap their minds around it, and for a good reason, too: it runs completely counter to what most people feel what it means to be human.

“People like Madoka, Usagi, and Sakura… they come real close to understanding, but only because they have so much empathy that seeing me hurt is nearly as painful for them as it is for me. The only thing is that Madoka has already done the whole Goddess thing, so she already knows this isn’t something you can just wave a magic wand at. Usagi has the power to ostensibly fix it, but she is still very young and inexperienced. She had to have it explained to her a few times and she’s only barely coming to grips with the concepts involved. And poor Sakura, even though she’s becoming so powerful so fast, can’t even come close to that yet. Maybe soon she will be that strong, and for that reason I’ll probably have to have this discussion with her as well, but not yet.”

Mikoto snorted as a conversation from a while back came to mind.

“Her brother is gonna start giving you death threats again.”

“He’s welcome to try and make good on them,” said Ben with certainty that was born of experience. “Remember what I did to those giants? That aside, it doesn’t matter what he thinks. The moment that girl found the Clow Cards and set them loose, her fate was sealed. And you know I don’t use those words lightly. Alicia is proof of that.”

Mikoto nodded. She had known very few people who had the kind of determination it took to sell their soul for the sake of someone else, but Ben had done it and with very little beating around the bush. He knew all too well what he was getting himself into, and gave absolutely zero fucks on that matter.

“Sakura is such a nice girl,” said Mikoto. “But I wonder if she could ever match that kind of determination. I mean, she is getting powerful, just like you said, and she has to be strong willed in her own way in order for that to happen. But could she really become strong enough to do what you’re talking about when she’s so naive and innocent?”

Benjamin nodded in understanding. “I know what you mean. And the answer, unfortunately, is no. Sakura must learn, preferably sooner than later, just how twisted life can be, and how to recognize evil when it’s lurking under a pretty facade. After all, for someone as sweet and innocent as Sakura to gain that kind of power… it sounds good, right? A person like her could do nothing but good with it, right? But you remember that near-miss with Cinder in LA.”

Mikoto grimaced at that. “You mean where Sakura accidentally restored the old canals down there?”

Ben nodded. “Cinder didn’t just show up and start blowing shit up. While she did have another objective, she saw an opportunity in Sakura, and made it her mission to get Sakura to her side. And the most frightening thing of all is that she almost succeeded because Sakura barely knew any better. It was only a last-minute epiphany followed up by a revelation that made Sakura realize what was going on. But what was really needed was for her to no-sale Cinder’s pitch right off the bat, because if she had, then Cinder would have cut her losses and bugged out instead of causing even more ruckus.”

Mikoto nodded as she started to get the picture. “And that was why you had to do that mandatory thing about purity and how it doesn’t work in real life.”

“Exactly,” said Ben. “Power and innocence only works in fairy tales. The reality is that innocence can be so easily be misdirected that it’s almost- No, not even almost, it is downright terrifying. Especially when you stop and think about what it can lead to. It was part of why I was walking on eggshells with Fate and Nanoha. It won’t even need to be intentional on my part - something seemingly innocent on the surface could easily lead those two to doing something very inappropriate for their age, and they’d do it gladly because they still have enough innocence in them to think it was okay because they love me.”

Just then, there was a knock at the door, causing Mikoto to freeze. Ben, however, got up and answered the door.

“Hey, Kuroko. Good timing there.”

“KUROKO!” cried out Mikoto in shock. “What are you doing here!?”

The smaller girl waltzed in with a smug grin on her face. “Cousin Ben figured he’d need someone to come along and break it up.”

“Yeah,” said Ben sheepishly. “That’s kinda my thing going on there. Me being so ADHD, I tend to let conversations go off on tangents - especially once the main issue had been handled. It’s like a conversational wiki-walk.”

“You… You knew all along!?” said Mikoto in horror as she turned to Kuroko.

“Onee-sama, have you ever known me to be so easily shaken off? I’ll admit, though, it might have worked, except that Ben texted me earlier that day and had Washu-chan set up a portal in advance. That was pretty good, by the way. I can see you’re starting to learn things from Cousin Ben here.”

Mikoto gaped at Kuroko like a gasping fish and Ben decided to direct the conversation towards something that would be a bit less mind-blowing for the Esper.

“It’s not like she knew about what we were gonna be talking about,” said Ben. “Hell, I didn’t even know. The secondary objective of getting Kuroko to show up was in case it was something bad enough that I needed a second input before I do anything. And Kuroko isn’t known for sugar-coating things when someone has a real need to know.”

Kuroko nodded sagely. “Cousin Benjamin always covers all the bases. Even though you’ve learned a few things from him, Onee-sama, there’s still a lot more he could teach you.”

“Oh?” said Ben with a mischievous grin appearing on his face. “Not worried I’m gonna steal her away from you?”

Kuroko grinned back. “You got enough girl problems without Onee-sama causing you even more. Besides, she unfortunately seems to have eyes for Touma.”

“HEY!” snapped Mikoto.

But Kuroko only sighed dramatically, completely ignoring Mikoto’s ire and nearly causing Ben to burst out laughing.

“What is a girl like me supposed to do?~” she said theatrically.

Mikoto’s eyes turned towards Benjamin. “Don’t you dare give her any ideas,” she growled.

Benjamin gave his Kermit The Frog Snicker at that.

“I mean it!” snapped Mikoto, electricity arcing over her body and filling the air with ozone.

“Friendly reminder,” said Ben, the grin still plastered on his face, “Ryouko is my sparing partner these days.”

“Doesn’t mean you won’t feel it.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Trust me, kiddo, if she learns anything from me, she’ll have earned it. As it is, she’s already pretty good. Not quite at my level, but still pretty good.”

“Just you watch, Cuz, I’ll catch up to you before you know it!”

“Lookin’ forward to it, Ro-kun,” said Ben with a smile as the two exchanged a fist-bump. “Now, let’s see about getting you two home.”

It wasn’t even an hour after they got home that Kuroko's phone buzzed, notifying her of a text message. She pulled it out, then smiled at who it was from.

Some people thought it was odd that she and Benjamin would pal up the way they did, but the simple fact of the matter was that Kuroko made him laugh, and there was so precious little of that in his life that the girl didn't mind one bit. She might be frustrated that her efforts to woo Mikoto fell through so often, but even she had to admit it was pretty funny at times… at least, once she's had a chance to review what happened in hindsight. It also helped that even though he found the whole thing to be funny, he still respected her feelings for Mikoto, and actually wished Kuroko the best in that regard.

After all, he knew all too well what heartbreak felt like.

The only thing that kinda rankled at her was that he made it pretty clear that she may have to settle for sharing Mikoto. But as much as she wanted to be selfish, she wasn't blind, either. And ... no, don't call him a troglodyte, he has a name ... Touma, who she'd be sharing Onee-sama with, did save Kuroko’s life back in Academy City. And it wasn't like Ben (or even Touma, for that matter) were telling her to give up or anything like that, so Ben was still good in her book.

She couldn’t see him as an older brother figure like the others do… But as a friend? Yes. A very good friend.

Hey Ro-kun. I know you're always on her case, but do me a favor and keep an eye on Mikoto. I did just lay some pretty heavy shit on her.
…
No problem, Cuz. I know you didn't want to hurt her or anything, but she kinda needed a wake up call. Things here might be more calm than in Academy City, but it's also more dangerous. I kinda worry she isn't taking it seriously enough.
…
One step at a time, Kuroko. She'll get there eventually, but if we need to, Rob and I will stage an intervention. It's what we've been brought in for, after all.
…
You really are a great friend, Ben. I know it's kinda weird, but I think you deserve Homu-chan and Mado-chan.
…
Jeeze, you're making me blush here.
…
Hah. Don't you go all tsun-tsun on me now!
…
Pffft. Not in a million years, Ro-kun. Take care of her. Touma's a great guy, too, but he's still pretty dense sometimes.
…
Oh man, ain't that the truth!

No further reply was forthcoming, and so she put her phone away again and sighed. It’d probably be a good idea to go and check on Onee-sama now.

—

Mikoto is a very young person. Sometimes people are fooled by the degree of self-confidence she exudes and think that she is just small for her age, but the fact of the matter was that she is only fourteen years old.

Well, almost fourteen. But May 2nd wasn't that far away.

Even so, this is an age where a young person begins to think about the more complex things in life.

Like Benjamin’s circumstances.

She had no real interest in him, even though he was handsome — she wasn’t blind, after all. But the person that he is reminded her of some of the better teachers at Tokiwadi Middle School — the ones that afforded her respect while also not being frightened of her esper abilities.

And she had to admit that she had respect for the man. Once he was on the scene, things got done, come hell or high water. And with his ability to size up a situation, delegate tasks to the people best suited for them, adjust and react as the situation develops and changes, and handle the matters that needed his personal touch… Mikoto actually kinda wished they’d had him around in Academy City.

She wondered if things would have been different for him if he had been a student in Academy City. She remembered hearing about how he had been before the thing with the blobby little creature joining itself to him. Back then, his Capacity Down ability hadn’t been anywhere nearly as strong as it is now. He certainly would have been regarded as an Esper - albeit a Level 0 like Touma. Hell, even their abilities were similar, though which one was more dangerous to other Espers was debatable - Touma’s required direct contact, but can completely nullify. Benjamin, at that lower power level, could only partially nullify, but did it in an area of effect that, while weak at the outer edges, grew stronger the closer you got to him. Esper abilities that only had an effect on contact or at close proximity were automatically at a huge disadvantage when going up against someone like Ben. And even an Esper with ranged abilities were at risk, as all Ben had to do was close the distance. If anything, that was even worse because such Espers were usually one-trick-ponies who relied too heavily on ranged attacks. Ben wouldn’t even need to nullify their abilities once he got close enough.

But would it have been enough for him to have a better life? Could he have had a better life, living with them at their age in Academy City? Away from that man that was his step-father?

Maybe. Maybe not. Level 0 Espers were derided in Academy city. But if Ben had been around, he surely would have fallen in with Touma, and the two could have been good friends. Hell, they would have made for a nightmarish duo.

The Nightmare Zeroes. Ben and Touma. One providing AOE coverage and the other striking their assailants down. That would have been something to see.

Mikoto was sure of it. Anything — absolutely anything — would have been better than what he had. It made her realize just how good they all really had it, all things considered. Everyone back at Academy City had some value. Even her clone-sisters had a perceived value, albeit as disposable pawns.

But Benjamin didn’t even have that. He had been regarded as a burden, a useless person, someone unworthy of praise even when he did do good.

What kind of man treats someone like that? Their own kid — even if he was just a step-child to them! It still completely blew Mikoto’s mind.

Once again, Ben’s voice echoed in her mind.

“This is me asking you what direction are you going to take your life in now that you understand what monsters lurk out there, and what they do to the children they are supposed to care for.”

Monsters. That was what he had called them.

She had been fighting monsters lately. Actual monsters — things that are decidedly not human — that do horrific things to innocent people. Benjamin once said that they were no better than the Reavers from Mal’s universe, and Mikoto agreed wholeheartedly with that sentiment.

But this sort of monster was of a different breed entirely. It wore a human face, had a human heart, thought with a human mind, and undoubtedly possessed a human soul. And yet, they did such things to people like Benjamin.

Perhaps that was why he said they were monsters. Perhaps their actions, which go entirely against what they are supposed to be, is what made them worthy of the label.

Under that definition, there had been a lot of monsters in Academy City. But they all had their reasons.

Accelerator's craving for more power, STUDY's jealousy of people who had esper powers, Therestina's need to show that her grandfather's mad experiments were right, and even The Queen's distrust of anybody she didn't have power over. They may not have been good reasons, but they were reasons.

Not his step-father, though.

That, Mikoto realized, was what made him into such a monster. That he had no real excuse for it. Less than, even, all the horrible people that sent her clone-sisters to their deaths.

Yes, he may have had chronic migraines. Yes, he may have been abused as a child as well. But these were all bullshit excuses.

Mikoto hoped that she would never meet this person. Benjamin had said that he had changed a lot in recent years - that he had come to realize his mistakes. But even so, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to contain her anger.

Mikoto had never been the type to willingly consider killing a person. But this came close.

God-awfully close.

There was a knock at her door and Kuroko poked her head in.

“Is this a bad time?” she asked.

Mikoto sighed. “No, not really. I guess I could use some company.”

“What’s up?” she asked as she came inside, shut the door, and went to sit next to Mikoto on the couch they'd found at the consignment shop near Mii's favorite pizza place. “Was the stuff Ben said really that big?”

“Yeah. It was.”

“Sooo… I guess it was about his father?”

“How’d you know?” asked Mikoto in surprise.

“He and I had that conversation already,” said Kuroko. She then looked to Mikoto to find the older girl staring at her, face agog in surprise. “What? Did you honestly think we didn’t get to talking about other things while I was giving him pointers on teleportation?”

“But… why would that be of any importance to you?”

Kuroko sighed. “Now I know how Touma feels when dealing with Index.”

“HEY!”

“Onee-sama. You are very important to me. For me, you are the most important person in the entire world. But that doesn’t mean that other people aren’t going to matter to me.”

“But… how did you find out?”

“It was Alicia. I forget what it was, but something I said made Ben laugh. It was embarrassing, but then Alicia told me that I should feel good about it because he hardly ever laughs like that.”

Mikoto nodded her head as the pieces began to fall into place.

“And you wondered why he doesn’t laugh so often.”

“Yeah. He didn’t tell me a whole lot, but it was enough for me to get the idea. That he had to deal with that growing up. I don’t think any of us could have survived that, except maybe Accelerator… but only because Accelerator broke.

“Benjamin… he never really broke. But he did bend. He bent so much that it was as close to breaking as you can get. And he’s still all bent up now. And even if someone could straighten him out… it’s like when you crumple up a piece of paper. You can uncrumple it, stretch it out, flatten it, and even iron it… but it will never be that perfect piece of paper ever again.”

“ARGH!” growled Mikoto as she suddenly got up and began pacing around her room, small arcs of electricity crackling around her. “Thats… Augh, that is just so fucked UP! Thinking about what that man did to him… it’s so infuriating! I just wanna go and smash his face in!”

Mikoto stopped as she suddenly felt arms wrapping around her. Kuroko, braving Mikoto’s aura of electrical discharge, was hugging her tightly.

“Please don’t, Onee-sama,” she said quietly. “It’s not gonna fix anything. It’ll just make more people upset.”

Mikoto sighed as the tension drained out of her. She didn’t like to admit it often, but Kuroko was special to her for this very reason.

“I’m sorry, Kuroko. I didn’t mean to upset you like that.”

“It’s okay, Onee-sama,” replied the girl, not looking up at her. Mikoto knew why, though. From the watery sound of Kuroko’s voice and the warm dampness growing on Mikoto’s blouse, she knew Kuroko didn’t want Mikoto to see her crying. “I understand… it made me angry, too. It makes everyone so angry that it hurts. It just… it just hurts.”

It hurt.

It somewhat stunned Mikoto to have that realization - that what she learned that day was something so terrible, the knowledge that it happened actually hurt.

Once again, Usagi’s words haunted her.

“However, you may even wish that you had never learned of it at all.”

And now Mikoto understood what she had meant.

Before, everything had been so much simpler. Even with the strange twists and turns that had come after her arrival in Canada. Benjamin had just been some weird guy with some issues.

But now? Now she knew. She now knew that Benjamin was a broken man, and with good reason for being broken. She now knew how much of a miracle it was that he didn’t take it out on the people around him. And she now knew how much of a miracle it was that he managed to survive that ordeal.

She still couldn’t imagine how that must have felt. But at least now, she had an inkling from the pain that now lay coiled in her heart.

And she now wished that pain wasn’t there.

Usagi had been right - she wished that she had never learned the awful reality of it all.

There was one thing, at least. She had friends like Kuroko who cared enough to comfort her at times like these.

Shared pain is lessened. Shared joy is increased.

Those words from Rob finally made sense now as she hugged Kuroko back, grateful for once to have her there.

Everything was going to be okay. She just knew it. She had people around her that cared about her, and she had her abilities that made her a Level 5 Esper.

But despite that, a slight sense of unease lingered - like some kind of sick cosmic joke was being played on them all, and the punchline was lurking in the shadows. She didn’t like to admit it, even to herself, but the conversation between Rob and Ben bothered Mikoto greatly. It brought to mind worries not only for what might happen to her, but to all of her friends living there at the Blossom Apartments.

I’ll protect them, she thought to herself. I’ll protect them all, no matter what happens.

It was with this that Mikoto had one last epiphany for the day.

This had to be what Ben felt towards the people he claimed as family - an overpowering desire to see no harm or suffering befall them. Because he has been there. He has been hurt in such a profound way that it was virtually unimaginable. He absolutely hated the experience. And because of that, he abhors seeing others in pain. And then the issues with his self-worth, always having to fight himself - to prove to himself that he had value to others… It is no wonder why he goes through such lengths to make everyone happy.

Everyone but himself.

Nowhere had this been more evident than the casual dismissal of his self-worth. Freak. Weirdo. Tenth of a job. Someone who should just stop living. No human being should ever be like that. But Benjamin is like that. If anyone tells him to go to hell, he can easily laugh in their face and say that he’s already there.

Which she had to admit was one hell of a… What was that phrase that was going around on social media now? Oh, right. It would be one hell of a flex on Ben’s part, and one she knew he could do.

As she gently rubbed Kuroko’s back, Mikoto knew that the next time she met Benjamin, she would be seeing him in an entirely different light.]]> <![CDATA[[WIP][OOC] An Evening at Callahans]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14173 Sun, 01 Aug 2021 16:33:10 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14173
"Rob-san, you said you're a building manager in theory now?"

Rob sighed. "I should have kept my mouth shut." After a quick moment, he continued, "When I accepted what I thought was going to be a quick job to tide me over until my pension payments started, I though my role was to help the Senshi and the ladies from Judgment branch 177 adapt to a normal, quiet life. Help them learn how to live in a strange country, give them moral support, and all that. But it's been the exact opposite - things have been getting more stressful since last September, not less. AMALGAM, the Unseelie and ITEM in Ottawa, the Witches in San Antonio, Therestina in D.C., the medical issues that Minawa, Ginga, and Subaru have, that mess that Doc Doof made of so many cities... stress factors have been piling up, not going away. And we still don't know who played with our emotions way back when." He turned to Mike, who'd brought a tray of drinks. "Thanks, Mike." Leaving enough loonies on the tray for the round, he started passing them to his companions, keeping a Dominion City saison for himself and a Pelee Island Winery pinot noir for Hyoga.

"I thought ITEM was on our side now," Mamoru replied as he accepted a Sapporo.

Rob nodded weakly. "They are, Mamoru, but with friends like them... At least Mal only has to worry about Jayne. I have to worry about both Meltdowner and Frenda."

"But you are handling them," Mike pointed out as he pocketed the money. "You're more capable than you think you are."

"Thanks again, Mike. It's just wearing me out." He turned back to Keiichi. "And despite all that, I'm still keeping the workload off my lady-loves' shoulders."

Here's my proposed change...

"Rob-san, you said you're a building manager in theory now?"

Rob sighed. "I should have kept my mouth shut." After a quick moment, he continued, "When I accepted what I thought was going to be a quick job to tide me over until my pension payments started, I though my role was to help the Senshi and the ladies from Judgment branch 177 adapt to a normal, quiet life. Help them learn how to live in a strange country, give them moral support, and all that. But it's been the exact opposite - things have been getting more stressful since last September, not less. AMALGAM, the Unseelie and ITEM in Ottawa, the Witches and ITEM in San Antonio, Therestina in D.C., the medical issues that Minawa, Ginga, and Subaru have, that mess that Doc Doof made of so many cities... stress factors have been piling up, not going away. And we still don't know who played with our emotions way back when." He turned to Mike, who'd brought a tray of drinks. "Thanks, Mike." Leaving enough loonies on the tray for the round, he started passing them to his companions, keeping a Dominion City saison for himself and a Pelee Island Winery pinot noir for Hyoga.

"I thought ITEM was on our side now," Mamoru replied as he accepted a Sapporo.

Rob nodded weakly. "They are, Mamoru, but with friends like them... At least Mal only has to worry about Jayne. I have Benjamin has to worry about both Meltdowner and Frenda."

"But you are handling them," "Benjamin has them handled," Mike pointed out as he pocketed the money. "And don't try to put yourself down. You're more capable than you think you are."

"Thanks again, Mike. It's just wearing me out." He turned back to Keiichi. "And despite all that, I'm still keeping the workload off my lady-loves' shoulders."

I think my character would also interject on Rob possibly taking too much onto himself - that he needs to find responsible and capable individuals to delegate tasks to.

Thoughts?]]>
"Rob-san, you said you're a building manager in theory now?"

Rob sighed. "I should have kept my mouth shut." After a quick moment, he continued, "When I accepted what I thought was going to be a quick job to tide me over until my pension payments started, I though my role was to help the Senshi and the ladies from Judgment branch 177 adapt to a normal, quiet life. Help them learn how to live in a strange country, give them moral support, and all that. But it's been the exact opposite - things have been getting more stressful since last September, not less. AMALGAM, the Unseelie and ITEM in Ottawa, the Witches in San Antonio, Therestina in D.C., the medical issues that Minawa, Ginga, and Subaru have, that mess that Doc Doof made of so many cities... stress factors have been piling up, not going away. And we still don't know who played with our emotions way back when." He turned to Mike, who'd brought a tray of drinks. "Thanks, Mike." Leaving enough loonies on the tray for the round, he started passing them to his companions, keeping a Dominion City saison for himself and a Pelee Island Winery pinot noir for Hyoga.

"I thought ITEM was on our side now," Mamoru replied as he accepted a Sapporo.

Rob nodded weakly. "They are, Mamoru, but with friends like them... At least Mal only has to worry about Jayne. I have to worry about both Meltdowner and Frenda."

"But you are handling them," Mike pointed out as he pocketed the money. "You're more capable than you think you are."

"Thanks again, Mike. It's just wearing me out." He turned back to Keiichi. "And despite all that, I'm still keeping the workload off my lady-loves' shoulders."

Here's my proposed change...

"Rob-san, you said you're a building manager in theory now?"

Rob sighed. "I should have kept my mouth shut." After a quick moment, he continued, "When I accepted what I thought was going to be a quick job to tide me over until my pension payments started, I though my role was to help the Senshi and the ladies from Judgment branch 177 adapt to a normal, quiet life. Help them learn how to live in a strange country, give them moral support, and all that. But it's been the exact opposite - things have been getting more stressful since last September, not less. AMALGAM, the Unseelie and ITEM in Ottawa, the Witches and ITEM in San Antonio, Therestina in D.C., the medical issues that Minawa, Ginga, and Subaru have, that mess that Doc Doof made of so many cities... stress factors have been piling up, not going away. And we still don't know who played with our emotions way back when." He turned to Mike, who'd brought a tray of drinks. "Thanks, Mike." Leaving enough loonies on the tray for the round, he started passing them to his companions, keeping a Dominion City saison for himself and a Pelee Island Winery pinot noir for Hyoga.

"I thought ITEM was on our side now," Mamoru replied as he accepted a Sapporo.

Rob nodded weakly. "They are, Mamoru, but with friends like them... At least Mal only has to worry about Jayne. I have Benjamin has to worry about both Meltdowner and Frenda."

"But you are handling them," "Benjamin has them handled," Mike pointed out as he pocketed the money. "And don't try to put yourself down. You're more capable than you think you are."

"Thanks again, Mike. It's just wearing me out." He turned back to Keiichi. "And despite all that, I'm still keeping the workload off my lady-loves' shoulders."

I think my character would also interject on Rob possibly taking too much onto himself - that he needs to find responsible and capable individuals to delegate tasks to.

Thoughts?]]> <![CDATA[[Season 1][WIP][RFC][OOC] The Silence of Teletha Testarossa]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14170 Mon, 26 Jul 2021 08:24:38 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14170
Thing is, I've had this plot bunny in my head for some time - one where Teletha massively oversteps her bounds. And my character, being the sort of patient man I am, sits and suffers her hurtful familiarity until he can't stand it anymore.

This would be the incident that she hints at with her inner monologue where she meets Haruka and Micheru.

Of course, I already have a few songs picked out, and I'd like to go over them a bit.

First off, from Teletha's perspective, there is Anna Nalick's "Breathe (2am)" for Teletha's perspective in the matter...

Quote:2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season."

Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize.
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

Well, maybe more from Kaname's perspective, actually, but it's all about Teletha as she comes to her most trusted confidant to pour her heart out. This would be just after Benjamin has finally blown up, so it's probably more that Kaname has come to Tessa, wondering what the hell has been going on because this is the first she's known about the matter.

And so Tessa spills: she wants to love Benjamin so very much. And she did try to now and then. But something isn't right and she doesn't know why. Meanwhile, the others have been giving her looks... Kaname is naturally angry about that bit and she has to call them all out on it.

The only ones to keep their heads are Noike (and Washu), and so Noike has to explain how life is...

Quote:'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

...pretty much that.

After Teletha's initial spill, Kaname has to ask what's so great about that guy anyhow. So once more, Teletha pours her heart out because she trusts Kaname...

Quote:May, he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist,
He ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.

Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Granted, he doesn't really have a drinking problem, but with the issues he has, he might as well. And then there is that bit about his smile. Kaname can tell, that was Teletha's true feeling - that when she sees him really smile, as rare as it is, that it's almost enough to make her heart skip a bit.

And then the last verse - Teletha wrapping up her confessional with Kaname. Teletha feels better for having gotten it all off her chest. And now she stands ready for Kaname's judgement, because here is Teletha, still inexplicably in love with Sousuke, and trying to find a balance between them where she can exist within their home. Kaname would be well within her rights to reject Teletha at this point...

Quote:2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

On a meta-note, this last verse resonates with me, as a writer, so very much... It's just so true that it hurts. Here I am, can't sleep for shit, because I have this inside of me. And as melodramatic as it sounds, it really is killing me slowly. The only thing I can do is to get it out there for others to see, even though these are my weaknesses and flaws, and others are going to use them however they like.

...

Meanwhile, there is Benjamin. And for him, I have The Manchester Orchestra's "The Silence".

This is an interesting, but heart breaking song that needs a bit of explanation. From what I've come to glean, the setting of the story in the song is a small mining community (hence the album's title, "A Black Mile To The Surface"). Near as I can figure, the song is about a man who himself has come from a background of abuse, and was married to a woman not unlike him... Except that she is so damaged from her upbringing that she had an affair with someone else that she didn't love at all (and likely became pregnant in the process, too).

Quote:Why do I deserve the silence
to feel better about you?
At a loss, I lost my cool
I denied that I found you

I tried to be a basket case
I did not surprise you
I'm trying to find a signal fire
Let me know when I should move

But you
Amplified in the silence
Justified in the way you make me bruise
Magnified in the science
Anatom-i-cal-ly proved
That you don't need me

Self explanatory until you get to the chorus. It speaks of someone who is offering no answers for her actions. And what's more, no one who knows what's going on offers anything, either, as they stubbornly mind their own business. In this, they give a sort of tacit approval for this woman's actions, enabling not only her behavior, but the behaviors that made her the way she is. "Anatomically proved that you don't need me" speaks of the affair she had. She will seek comfort from anyone through any means, never mind that the person she gets that comfort from is merely using her. Thus, she doesn't really need the person she loved. Anyone would do in his place.

Quote:Why do I desire the space?
I was mourning after you
I was lost and lost my shape
There was nothing I could do

I don't want to waste away
It was all I gave to you
Take me back and take my place
I will rise right up for you

But you
Amplified in the silence
Justified in the way you make me bruise
Magnified in the science
Anatom-i-cal-ly proved
That you don't need me

All the while you waste away, you're asking
"Did I really need another one to take me down?"
Everybody knows it's something that you had to live with darling
Nobody's gonna tear you down now
There is nothing you keep, there is only your reflection

Ooof.

He doesn't really blame her, honestly. He understands all too well, probably because he'd seen this sort of story play out before when he was a child. He's oh-so-familiar with the tropes at play here. But he's still angry enough to leave a remark that is so deeply cutting. But what makes it so cutting isn't the vitriol behind it, but the fact that is truth. She keeps no one's love. All there is is the distorted reflection of her true self.

Quote:There was nothing but quiet retractions
And families pleading, "Don't look in that cabinet!
There's far more bad than there's good, I don't know how it got there!"

That was something your father had burned in me
Twenty hours out of Homestake Eternity
You can go anywhere but you are where you came from

And even more cutting remarks. A scathing indictment of the community around her, everyone playing innocent despite the skeletons they're all keeping hidden in their closets. At the very least, her father tried to warn him. The last line, though, is possibly aimed not only at her, but himself as well.

Quote:Little girl you are cursed by my ancestry
There is nothing but darkness and agony
I can not only see, but you stopped me from blinking

An admittance that they are perhaps their own worst enemies - perpetuating these cycles of abuse and hurt. Though her crime was especially grievous because even though he could see what was going on, it was all inflicted in a manner that kept him from turning away to spare his heart.

Quote:Let me watch you as close as a memory
Let me hold you above all the misery
Let me open my eyes and be glad that I got here

Quote:2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season."

Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize.
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

Quote:'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

...pretty much that.

After Teletha's initial spill, Kaname has to ask what's so great about that guy anyhow. So once more, Teletha pours her heart out because she trusts Kaname...

Quote:May, he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist,
He ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.

Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Quote:2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Quote:Why do I deserve the silence
to feel better about you?
At a loss, I lost my cool
I denied that I found you

I tried to be a basket case
I did not surprise you
I'm trying to find a signal fire
Let me know when I should move

But you
Amplified in the silence
Justified in the way you make me bruise
Magnified in the science
Anatom-i-cal-ly proved
That you don't need me

Quote:Why do I desire the space?
I was mourning after you
I was lost and lost my shape
There was nothing I could do

I don't want to waste away
It was all I gave to you
Take me back and take my place
I will rise right up for you

But you
Amplified in the silence
Justified in the way you make me bruise
Magnified in the science
Anatom-i-cal-ly proved
That you don't need me

All the while you waste away, you're asking
"Did I really need another one to take me down?"
Everybody knows it's something that you had to live with darling
Nobody's gonna tear you down now
There is nothing you keep, there is only your reflection

Quote:There was nothing but quiet retractions
And families pleading, "Don't look in that cabinet!
There's far more bad than there's good, I don't know how it got there!"

That was something your father had burned in me
Twenty hours out of Homestake Eternity
You can go anywhere but you are where you came from

Quote:Little girl you are cursed by my ancestry
There is nothing but darkness and agony
I can not only see, but you stopped me from blinking

Quote:Let me watch you as close as a memory
Let me hold you above all the misery
Let me open my eyes and be glad that I got here

He will never let her near him again. Because he does not want to be reminded of all the pain. He would rather try to remember the better times. As painful as this was, he's wiser from the experience. He will never make the same mistake again.

...

The way this relates to Benjamin in the setting is that Teletha will grow complacent in Benjamin's presence. She feels an attraction to him, but not enough for it to be love. For Benjamin, his attraction to Teletha is almost overpowering. He really wishes for her, but she obviously has no real feelings for him to speak of. And so Benjamin must instead be professionally courteous to her instead.

The end result is that same sort of awkwardness you feel when you're trying to social distance during this pandemic in the IRL, but the people in line simply keep moving closer to you every time you move away, like as if you're just moving down the line.

And this whole time, Teletha unwittingly rubs his face in it, talking about her feelings for Kaname and Sousuke, and trying to seek more of Ben's advice when really she should be talking to someone like Noike. Benjamin... he is a victim of his own circumstances here because he was raised to never, ever make a scene in polite company. Otherwise, he'd be punished harshly because his step father was narcissistic that way. And Benjamin being on the Autism Spectrum has an especially difficult time in finding a way to word his rejection politely.

Until he finally cannot take it anymore, and has a very public outburst, even going as far as accusing everyone else for not coming to his aid when it was so plainly obvious that he needed help. Even the Megami find themselves shamed because they were hoping against all hope that Teletha would settle with Benjamin, and thus let things carry on like this.

It's only once Benjamin attempts to resign from his job that Lord Phantomhive finally intercedes. Benjamin is one of his best managers, acutely in-tune to the needs of his residents and always pushing himself to extremes to see to their well-being and comfort. Ciel feels that he cannot afford to lose Benjamin. So in addition to encouraging him, he gives Benjamin a week off... with an escort. These being the four demons that attempted a coup against Hild: Hagall, Halval, Thrymr, and Hrungnir. Yes, it is an order: get laid for fucks sake. As for the four of them, it's a part of their disciplinary measures for their attempted coup. They are fine with it, though, as they've all done worse things than prostitution. Sex is just another means of business for the Demons. They feel no ill towards Benjamin. They're simply rendering services on behalf of the company, and will do so with courtesy, respect, and professionalism (at least as far as that goes for prostitution).

It's not a cure, of course. But it does help enough that he can function once he comes back. And the experience is a good one for the four Demons as well because Benjamin was equally respectful towards them. And of course Hild heard about it, so Benjamin was actually already on her radar before he ever made that wish for Alicia. Which was why she showed up so readily when he called.]]> <![CDATA[[Teaser][WIP] Maybe if it was a bit on the dull side...]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14154 Tue, 22 Jun 2021 09:59:00 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14154
For a long time, Father's Day has bothered me. Nothing serious, just that I felt uncomfortable about it. Of course, the reason is now obvious, but me being me I never realized it for a long time.

I happened to be listening to NPR the day before Father's Day, and there was a short bit on there with a woman talking about a family heirloom: her father's mint-green Ford F-100 pickup truck. Hearing her talk about the truck got me to thinking about the truck that I no longer have.

It got towed, and I had no means at all to get it back. It's now in the pick-and-pull. I know because I saw it there. And whatever is left of it now will probably soon be crushed, melted down, and then sent to China as recycled metal.

Keep in mind, not only was this my first vehicle, it's the one I learned to drive stick-shift in. It also very likely saved my life in providing me with shelter for the time I was homeless for a few months. This was the vehicle that I wanted to have become my own heirloom to pass through the family.

Except that's obviously not going to happen now.

And not only because that vehicle is gone and never to be brought back home again. But also because I know that I'm never going to be a father. I'm too screwed up emotionally, I can barely hold down a job, I can barely make ends meet, and I can't even stay in a good relationship because I can't find anyone who is mentally healthy enough to deal with me, let alone anyone at all who'd want to deal with me as their significant other.

And it was then that I realized it. I hate Father's Day because I'm forced to honor the man that made me the person I am today - into someone who is fucked up enough that he can only barely function in society.

So, it was with the above mindset that I wrote this scene. Where Benjamin destroys Gauron. Not simply by beating him. But by telling him: You're only pretending to be a monster. I was raised by one.

"Railgun.  Accelerator.  Nice of you two to show up," said Benjamin with a calm, polite, and oddly friendly tone.

"Not like I wanted to be here," sneered Accelerator.

"Oh, but you do, trust me.  These guys?  Imagine the Kihara clan, only as a paramilitary force bent on reshaping the world as they desire."

Accelerator had heard about AMALGAM and had seen the parallels between them and Academy City, but he had never had it put to him quite like that.  With that, his desire to be left the hell alone warred intensely with his desire to turn these people into blood smears.

"... Fuck you," was all Accelerator managed to get out.

"You'll need to get in line for that one," said Ben off-hand.  "In case you haven't gotten the memo, I'm getting fucked over all the damn time.  Where are the others?"

Mikoto answered, "Belldandy said they shouldn't come along.  I'm starting to see...  BEN! LOOK OUT!"

In a flash, Gauron had broke cover, taking advantage of Ben being distracted, and gut-checked the smaller man with a Ka-Bar knife

It happened so fast that not even Accelerator could react fast enough.  No matter what he said about Benjamin, he did respect the man enough to try and save his life if it ever came to that.  And for a moment he worried about what Mimi would say to him about this lapse.

Benjamin barely reacted at all and for a long moment, everyone was frozen in shock.

But that was nothing compared to what came next.

Benjamin's hand moved and then gripped Gauron by the throat, forcing the mercenary off of him.

And then Ben smiled.

"Better men than you have done far worse to me, Gauron."

The mercenary's eyes bulged as Benjamin applied a firm and unyielding grip.  Gauron tried all that he knew to break his grip.  Striking Ben in nerve clusters.  Trying to gouge his eyes.  Even trying to force Ben's hand open.  The only time Ben reacted at all was to grab the wrist attached to the offending hand going for his eyes.

And then came the snap of bone giving away under intense pressure.

Mikoto audibly swallowed.

And all the while, the knife stayed firmly planted in his torso where it had undoubtedly hit something vital, as evidenced by the blood that was steadily streaming from around the blade.

"Do you honestly think I feel that?" said Ben in an oddly conversational tone.  He then negligently pulled the knife out.  There was a brief spurt of blood, but then no more.  It was as though he had somehow turned a valve off to stop the flow.  "Maybe if it was a bit on the dull side," said Ben as he examined the blade, "but guys like you always like to keep your knives nice and sharp."  The then tossed it aside and refocused his attention back on Gauron.  "You know, I've had my appendix burst on me.  Had no idea.  I didn't find out until later on when I got to the hospital.  Oh, I knew something was wrong.  Horrible cramps, chills, fever, bowels had all-but voided themselves, and all that nice jazz.  So what do I do?  Do I do the sensible thing and call emergency services?  Oh no.  Instead, I got my things together, got into my car, and fucking drove myself ten goddamned miles to the VA Hospital.  With a burst appendix.  Oh, and the highway was closed because of construction, so it took me a few extra minutes of waiting through traffic lights."  Benjamin then sneered as he said,  "And all because I was taught better than to wuss out over mere illness.  I was taught that no matter how much I was hurting, even if I was puking my goddamned guts out, it didn't matter.  There were things I was supposed to do.  The chores that were required of me were far more important than little things like my health.  Mostly because they were not going to be done by anyone else but me.  And all because he said so."

With that, Benjamin's wrist flicked and Gauron was sent flying through the wall.

Gauron wasn't put off too much by that, though.  He got up into a ready stance to grapple Benjamin - even though his right arm was useless to him at that moment.

"What the hell are you, you freak!?" snarled the man.

"Just a freak," said Ben casually as he began to bear down on Gauron.  "An idiot.  A loser.  A tenth of a job.  A moron who fucks up everything he touches."

There was a blur of motion.  It ended with Gauron bent in half over Ben's knee.  Backwards, that is.  The sound made even Accelerator feel queasy - anytime he did something like that to anyone else, it happened so quickly that there usually was no sound -- at least, nothing that was intelligible enough to recognize as the sound of bones breaking.  With the sound, though?  It made the experience visceral in a way that he had never felt before.

And then there was the scream.  The horrible, agonized scream that tore itself out of Gauron's throat.  Accelerator spared a sidelong look at Railgun.  He had to admit, she was taking it like a trooper, but she had still turned so green that he was sure that any more would cause her to lose her lunch.

He really hoped she didn't.  That was just nasty.

As the man's scream of agony died down into a whimper, Ben leaned over and spoke in that conversational tone once more.

"You think you know what it means to be a monster, Gauron?  You think that it means that you make others suffer for your own gain, don't you?  Or even that a monster hurts people just for the fun of it.  The fact of the matter is, though, that you know nothing about monsters.  You merely pretend to be one.  I was raised by a true monster."

Gauron took a feeble swipe at Ben, but he parried the blow with contemptuous ease.  And then, as if to say "Let's do something about that, shall we?", Ben then jabbed his fingers into Gauron's ribs, gripped, then twisted.  Yet another snap of bones breaking was elicited, along with an accompanying scream.

That did it for Mikoto and she ran for the nearest bush.  Accelerator, despite his own discomfort, rolled his eyes.  At the very least she had the decency to do it out of sight.

"Because of that, I know what a true monster is like," continued Ben.  "And true monsters take no joy in what they do.  They simply do as they do, motivated by whims both inane and Machiavellian.  I was but a mere nuisance to him.  Something that absolutely refused to fit into what he expected of the world.  Nothing more than an erstwhile nail that needed to be hammered.  And dear God did he hammer on me.  Double standards.  Lies.  Impossible expectations.  Brutal and disproportionate punishments.  And all while maintaining a thin veneer of a civilized upbringing, because God forbid I ever make him look bad in public."

Benjamin then hoisted Gauron upwards into a sitting position, ignoring his scream of pain as what was left of his lumbar vertebrae ground together.

"That is what it is to be a monster, Gauron.  No passion.  No joy.  Simple necessity.  No more, no less.  Isn't that why you always appreciated Sagara?  That you secretly understood that he was far closer to being a monster than you ever could be?  Only because he does what needs to be done, with all the passion of a man washing the dishes?  And I was raised by a man like that.  One that only cared for me inasmuch I pricked his ego by merely existing.  Older than any of his other sons.  Fawned over by my mother.  Undeniably intelligent.  But nothing at all what he thought a human being should be."

Benjamin then lifted the man's head, forcing him to look into Ben's eyes.

"Thus, I am a freak.  A weirdo.  Someone who doesn't fit in, no matter how hard he tries.  Everything is pointless for me.  Someone who can't even do the simplest tasks without screwing up.  I don't even qualify as a human being because I'm just so terrible at getting things right the way a good little boy should.  There is no place in the world for the likes of me.  I should just give up and die - stop sucking up perfectly good air someone else can be breathing.  But there is one thing that I know I certainly can do before I let myself end.  And that is to remove trash like you from existence.  Except I'm not gonna do that.  I've got something better for you in mind.  Sebastian?"

At once, the sharply dressed demon-lord-turned-butler appeared.  "At your service, Mr. Rhodes."

"That was awfully fast, even by your standards," said Ben in a mild tone.

"We've been watching," said the demon with a smile.  "Lady Hild is... rather entertained."

"Indeed," said Ben.  "Well, I apologize for the interruption, but I think you and yours have wonderful things in store for this man."

Sebastian's smile grew a bit wider.  "Of course, Mr. Rhodes."  With a snap of his fingers, Gauron was gone.  "Before I leave, though, please allow me to say how much I look forward to working with you in the future, Mr. Rhodes.  You have a je nais sais quoi that I feel has been lacking in the rank and file in Hell.  Brutal, yes.  But so very much to the point in how you go about it."

Ben snorted.  "In other words, you like how I don't beat around the bush."

"If one were to put it so plainly, then yes.  If you will excuse me, though, I must ensure that your gift is properly delivered.  Good day and happy hunting, Mr. Rhodes."]]>
For a long time, Father's Day has bothered me. Nothing serious, just that I felt uncomfortable about it. Of course, the reason is now obvious, but me being me I never realized it for a long time.

I happened to be listening to NPR the day before Father's Day, and there was a short bit on there with a woman talking about a family heirloom: her father's mint-green Ford F-100 pickup truck. Hearing her talk about the truck got me to thinking about the truck that I no longer have.

It got towed, and I had no means at all to get it back. It's now in the pick-and-pull. I know because I saw it there. And whatever is left of it now will probably soon be crushed, melted down, and then sent to China as recycled metal.

Keep in mind, not only was this my first vehicle, it's the one I learned to drive stick-shift in. It also very likely saved my life in providing me with shelter for the time I was homeless for a few months. This was the vehicle that I wanted to have become my own heirloom to pass through the family.

Except that's obviously not going to happen now.

And not only because that vehicle is gone and never to be brought back home again. But also because I know that I'm never going to be a father. I'm too screwed up emotionally, I can barely hold down a job, I can barely make ends meet, and I can't even stay in a good relationship because I can't find anyone who is mentally healthy enough to deal with me, let alone anyone at all who'd want to deal with me as their significant other.

And it was then that I realized it. I hate Father's Day because I'm forced to honor the man that made me the person I am today - into someone who is fucked up enough that he can only barely function in society.

So, it was with the above mindset that I wrote this scene. Where Benjamin destroys Gauron. Not simply by beating him. But by telling him: You're only pretending to be a monster. I was raised by one.

"Railgun.  Accelerator.  Nice of you two to show up," said Benjamin with a calm, polite, and oddly friendly tone.

"Not like I wanted to be here," sneered Accelerator.

"Oh, but you do, trust me.  These guys?  Imagine the Kihara clan, only as a paramilitary force bent on reshaping the world as they desire."

Accelerator had heard about AMALGAM and had seen the parallels between them and Academy City, but he had never had it put to him quite like that.  With that, his desire to be left the hell alone warred intensely with his desire to turn these people into blood smears.

"... Fuck you," was all Accelerator managed to get out.

"You'll need to get in line for that one," said Ben off-hand.  "In case you haven't gotten the memo, I'm getting fucked over all the damn time.  Where are the others?"

Mikoto answered, "Belldandy said they shouldn't come along.  I'm starting to see...  BEN! LOOK OUT!"

In a flash, Gauron had broke cover, taking advantage of Ben being distracted, and gut-checked the smaller man with a Ka-Bar knife

It happened so fast that not even Accelerator could react fast enough.  No matter what he said about Benjamin, he did respect the man enough to try and save his life if it ever came to that.  And for a moment he worried about what Mimi would say to him about this lapse.

Benjamin barely reacted at all and for a long moment, everyone was frozen in shock.

But that was nothing compared to what came next.

Benjamin's hand moved and then gripped Gauron by the throat, forcing the mercenary off of him.

And then Ben smiled.

"Better men than you have done far worse to me, Gauron."

The mercenary's eyes bulged as Benjamin applied a firm and unyielding grip.  Gauron tried all that he knew to break his grip.  Striking Ben in nerve clusters.  Trying to gouge his eyes.  Even trying to force Ben's hand open.  The only time Ben reacted at all was to grab the wrist attached to the offending hand going for his eyes.

And then came the snap of bone giving away under intense pressure.

Mikoto audibly swallowed.

And all the while, the knife stayed firmly planted in his torso where it had undoubtedly hit something vital, as evidenced by the blood that was steadily streaming from around the blade.

"Do you honestly think I feel that?" said Ben in an oddly conversational tone.  He then negligently pulled the knife out.  There was a brief spurt of blood, but then no more.  It was as though he had somehow turned a valve off to stop the flow.  "Maybe if it was a bit on the dull side," said Ben as he examined the blade, "but guys like you always like to keep your knives nice and sharp."  The then tossed it aside and refocused his attention back on Gauron.  "You know, I've had my appendix burst on me.  Had no idea.  I didn't find out until later on when I got to the hospital.  Oh, I knew something was wrong.  Horrible cramps, chills, fever, bowels had all-but voided themselves, and all that nice jazz.  So what do I do?  Do I do the sensible thing and call emergency services?  Oh no.  Instead, I got my things together, got into my car, and fucking drove myself ten goddamned miles to the VA Hospital.  With a burst appendix.  Oh, and the highway was closed because of construction, so it took me a few extra minutes of waiting through traffic lights."  Benjamin then sneered as he said,  "And all because I was taught better than to wuss out over mere illness.  I was taught that no matter how much I was hurting, even if I was puking my goddamned guts out, it didn't matter.  There were things I was supposed to do.  The chores that were required of me were far more important than little things like my health.  Mostly because they were not going to be done by anyone else but me.  And all because he said so."

With that, Benjamin's wrist flicked and Gauron was sent flying through the wall.

Gauron wasn't put off too much by that, though.  He got up into a ready stance to grapple Benjamin - even though his right arm was useless to him at that moment.

"What the hell are you, you freak!?" snarled the man.

"Just a freak," said Ben casually as he began to bear down on Gauron.  "An idiot.  A loser.  A tenth of a job.  A moron who fucks up everything he touches."

There was a blur of motion.  It ended with Gauron bent in half over Ben's knee.  Backwards, that is.  The sound made even Accelerator feel queasy - anytime he did something like that to anyone else, it happened so quickly that there usually was no sound -- at least, nothing that was intelligible enough to recognize as the sound of bones breaking.  With the sound, though?  It made the experience visceral in a way that he had never felt before.

And then there was the scream.  The horrible, agonized scream that tore itself out of Gauron's throat.  Accelerator spared a sidelong look at Railgun.  He had to admit, she was taking it like a trooper, but she had still turned so green that he was sure that any more would cause her to lose her lunch.

He really hoped she didn't.  That was just nasty.

As the man's scream of agony died down into a whimper, Ben leaned over and spoke in that conversational tone once more.

"You think you know what it means to be a monster, Gauron?  You think that it means that you make others suffer for your own gain, don't you?  Or even that a monster hurts people just for the fun of it.  The fact of the matter is, though, that you know nothing about monsters.  You merely pretend to be one.  I was raised by a true monster."

Gauron took a feeble swipe at Ben, but he parried the blow with contemptuous ease.  And then, as if to say "Let's do something about that, shall we?", Ben then jabbed his fingers into Gauron's ribs, gripped, then twisted.  Yet another snap of bones breaking was elicited, along with an accompanying scream.

That did it for Mikoto and she ran for the nearest bush.  Accelerator, despite his own discomfort, rolled his eyes.  At the very least she had the decency to do it out of sight.

"Because of that, I know what a true monster is like," continued Ben.  "And true monsters take no joy in what they do.  They simply do as they do, motivated by whims both inane and Machiavellian.  I was but a mere nuisance to him.  Something that absolutely refused to fit into what he expected of the world.  Nothing more than an erstwhile nail that needed to be hammered.  And dear God did he hammer on me.  Double standards.  Lies.  Impossible expectations.  Brutal and disproportionate punishments.  And all while maintaining a thin veneer of a civilized upbringing, because God forbid I ever make him look bad in public."

Benjamin then hoisted Gauron upwards into a sitting position, ignoring his scream of pain as what was left of his lumbar vertebrae ground together.

"That is what it is to be a monster, Gauron.  No passion.  No joy.  Simple necessity.  No more, no less.  Isn't that why you always appreciated Sagara?  That you secretly understood that he was far closer to being a monster than you ever could be?  Only because he does what needs to be done, with all the passion of a man washing the dishes?  And I was raised by a man like that.  One that only cared for me inasmuch I pricked his ego by merely existing.  Older than any of his other sons.  Fawned over by my mother.  Undeniably intelligent.  But nothing at all what he thought a human being should be."

Benjamin then lifted the man's head, forcing him to look into Ben's eyes.

"Thus, I am a freak.  A weirdo.  Someone who doesn't fit in, no matter how hard he tries.  Everything is pointless for me.  Someone who can't even do the simplest tasks without screwing up.  I don't even qualify as a human being because I'm just so terrible at getting things right the way a good little boy should.  There is no place in the world for the likes of me.  I should just give up and die - stop sucking up perfectly good air someone else can be breathing.  But there is one thing that I know I certainly can do before I let myself end.  And that is to remove trash like you from existence.  Except I'm not gonna do that.  I've got something better for you in mind.  Sebastian?"

At once, the sharply dressed demon-lord-turned-butler appeared.  "At your service, Mr. Rhodes."

"That was awfully fast, even by your standards," said Ben in a mild tone.

"We've been watching," said the demon with a smile.  "Lady Hild is... rather entertained."

"Indeed," said Ben.  "Well, I apologize for the interruption, but I think you and yours have wonderful things in store for this man."

Sebastian's smile grew a bit wider.  "Of course, Mr. Rhodes."  With a snap of his fingers, Gauron was gone.  "Before I leave, though, please allow me to say how much I look forward to working with you in the future, Mr. Rhodes.  You have a je nais sais quoi that I feel has been lacking in the rank and file in Hell.  Brutal, yes.  But so very much to the point in how you go about it."

Ben snorted.  "In other words, you like how I don't beat around the bush."

"If one were to put it so plainly, then yes.  If you will excuse me, though, I must ensure that your gift is properly delivered.  Good day and happy hunting, Mr. Rhodes."]]> <![CDATA[[IC][Short][Season 1] An Interlude on Saturnalia]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14153 Mon, 21 Jun 2021 07:12:20 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14153
Inspired by the song from Sleeping At Last, "Atlas: Four".

Legal YouTube upload available here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uO6AsjSloDg

And as always, the embed so you can listen along while reading.

19 December 2016
130 Farrel Drive
Springvale Subdivision
San Antonio, Texas, USA

130 Farrel Drive is a quiet place.  It is a single-family ranch-style house, tucked behind a terracotta privacy wall.  The property itself is nestled in the lower-middle-class neighborhood of Springvale, tucked in between Loop 410, Lackland Air Force Base, a church and a middle school.  Built during the prime time of the military's presence in San Antonio, the early 1960's saw many servicemen and women with money to spare who needed good houses as close to the bases as possible.  Thus, this was once considered one of the nicest neighborhoods in town when it first sprung up.  Nowadays, with two bedrooms and nine-hundred square feet of floor space on a lot of nearly eight-thousand square feet, it is a very modest little house.

Vacant and abandoned, it was the perfect place for a young girl to lay low while in hiding.

The girl was utterly beautiful.  She was Japanese, and built with a frame that was slender and petite even by that country's standards, which made her budding adolescence stand out far more than it would have on most other girls her age.  Her dark eyes, colored in a deep hue of indigo, sparkled with an intellect that was out of proportion to her apparent age.  Her jet-black hair was kept in a short hime-style bob.  Her skin was as pale as the moon, but not in an unhealthy way - there was the faint hint of nutmeg color to it that all Asian women had, no matter how hard they tried to avoid the sun.  At the age of twelve, she appeared to be an early bloomer, but this was because of that elfin build of hers.  So small was she that even the slightest budding of her adolescence had made her look like a girl two years her elder.

The young lady was in one of the two bedrooms of the small, somewhat dilapidated house.  In front of her was a sheet of vellum on an easel.  She had been drawing a face and had been making good progress, but hit onto a snag, and was now eying her work critically.  What it was, she wasn't quite sure - she couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something that was ringing false about the image.

Comically, she'd forgotten that she had charcoal all over her fingers and had smudged it around her face.

"Hotaru-chan?" came a woman's voice, weak from illness, from the bedroom down the hall.

Right away, the girl put down her stick of charcoal, wiped her hands with a slightly damp cloth, then went quickly to the room.

In said room, a tall woman with dusky skin and a regal face rested in a bed.  As of late, she hadn't been doing much of anything aside from sleeping.  But at that moment, her eyes were open and alert - albeit a groggy kind of alertness.

"Setsuna?" she said quietly as she entered the room.  "Are you alright?"

"...yes, for the moment," said the woman quietly.  Despite her ill condition, she smiled at the girl.  "You've been trying to draw him again, haven't you?"

Hotaru blushed.  "How did you know?"

Setsuna's smile turned mischievous.  "You have charcoal all over your face again."

Hotaru made a despairing cry and ran out of the room.  When she came back seconds later, the dark smudges had been cleaned from her face.  Setsuna chuckled.

"You know, some girls would be more embarrassed about being caught drawing pictures of the boy they like."

Hotaru sighed at that.  "I can't possibly feel that way about him.  Not with the memories I now have.  I only wish that I had known him before...  all of this.  Are you really okay, though, Setsuna?"

"As I said, I am for the moment.  The time streams have settled somewhat, but I'm not counting on that to remain so for long."

"Can you tell me more about what is going on?  It was good that you were able to create the documents we needed so I can sell my art on the Worldwide Web, but..."

"It's alright, Hotaru-chan.  I know how you feel.  But first, I have a gift for you."  Setsuna then pulled a figure out from under the bed covers.  It was a doll made from scraps of fabric, but a person would not be able to say so right away because the craftsmanship was exquisite.  Though made of scraps, each one was carefully and painstakingly measured, cut, and stitched together to look as beautiful as possible.

The doll itself was a girl clad in a white seifuku with an indigo skirt and colar and wine-red bows.  There was an indigo chocker with a star on it.  The hair was black and styled in a hima-bob and her eyes were indigo and cat-like.

"It's... ME!" said Hotaru in surprise.

Setsuna chuckled.  "You probably don't remember.  It's the nineteenth of December -- the traditional day of gift giving of Saturnalia.  And giving dolls like this was a popular and traditional gift.  Io Saturnalia, my dear."

"Oh Setsuna!" said Hotaru joyfully as she cradled the doll like a priceless gem in her hands.  "How did you ever manage this without me seeing it?"

The woman smiled merrily despite her tired state.  "I have my ways.  Though I do wish we could do the reversal of roles for Saturnalia like you and I used to all the time.  Those were fun times.  But that will have to wait.  For now, I will give you another gift.  I will tell you what I know of what is going on, and how your fate is tied into the events transpiring here."

As Hotaru gazed at Setsuna intently, absently letting her fingers play with the doll, Setsuna sighed before plunging along.

"I'm still not certain as to what happened.  It's almost like something grabbed up all the temporal causality in all of the universes to have ever existed, and even those that never have existed, and threw it all together in one huge mess."

"What does that mean, though?" asked Hotaru.

"It means, my dear, is that this boy that never existed before?  He did exist.  He *does* exist.  Just not in the past that is most familiar to you.  He is from an entirely different timeline, with entirely different outcomes.

"In that time line, he was your beloved.  He and he alone was able to see past the stigma around you.  Not only that, he had a very special, very powerful gift.  One that made it possible for you to defeat Pharaoh 90 without sacrificing yourself."

"The Nullifier," said Hotaru, a slight chill running up her spine.  The thought of someone who could so effectively cancel magic of any kind, rendering a person's defenses and enchantments utterly moot and pointless, was frightening.  However...

As Hotaru thought about it, the memories slowly began to coalesce -- of a boy her age in the grip of a righteous fury -- he was so full of anger!  And yet, she felt no fear of that anger because she knew that even if she did do something to upset him, he would never turn that ire against her.

The rage of Hino Ichiro was against something else entirely: his own father, and the trappings of a society that made them man what he was -- a cold and ruthless politician whose only goal was a Japan free of all outside interference.

Hotaru swallowed as she remembered one of the few things he ever had to say about the man.

"The bastard might as well have 'Hirohito did nothing wrong' as his campaign slogan."

And Pharaoh 90 and its minions had made the mistake of upsetting him -- of waking a sleeping giant within him and incurring its wrath.  And that wrath had indeed been swift and terrible.  It started when he purged Mistress 9 from her body and soul with his Nullifier ability and began to learn of her plight.  He then went and laid low the Witches Five, bringing them to repent for their sins.  He confronted and fought Sailor Uranus and Neptune to a stand-still -- the look of awe in their faces when they learned that all he wanted was for them to stop trying to hurt Hotaru and apologize to her was incredible.

And he would not stop there.  He was utterly incensed and he would not be satisfied with anything less than total victory -- every bit the younger brother to the Princess of Mars.  Fueled by this outrage, he smote Kaolinite, driving the evil daemon out of her, though it unfortunately left her as a mindless wreck as she had all-but completely given herself over to evil.  Not satisfied, he went and rid her father of the foul Germatoid, leaving him dumb for a short time.  And then, at last, he came for Pharaoh 90.  Like a force of nature, he stormed the evil creature's gates.  He practically wrung it's metaphysical neck.  He laughed in its face as it begged him to at least let it return to its home so it may perish in peace.

He told it in return that it should have thought of that before coming to Earth.

And with that, he left the wretched being completely open to Hotaru to finish with ease.

At that moment, Hotaru had known without a doubt that she was his everything.  He would give all of himself to her.  Her happiness was his happiness.  Her joy was his joy.  So far as Hino Ichirou was concerned, as long as Hotaru was happy, then all was well with the world.

And on top of that, there were the far more distant, fainter memories from the Silver Millennium Empire.  She couldn't recall much, but she did remember that there was someone.  A man who was close to her.  Someone who had filled the emptiness she had felt so acutely in that time.

The more literal interpretation of that phrase applied as well, and had kept her awake on some nights, flustered at the very idea of doing something that was both so romantic and so erotic.

Setsuna read Hotaru perfectly and laughed softly.

"So, you've had those sorts of recollections as well?" she said, gently teasing the girl and making her flush brilliantly.  She then soothed Hotaru, saying, "It's alright to have those thoughts, my dear.  You're the right age for it.  More importantly, though, it's part of your very nature as Sailor Saturn.  Remember always that you're not only the specter of death.  You're the agent of life's renewal.  It is part of who you are to desire the genesis of new life."  She then grinned with a sleepy sort of mischief.  "It's one of the few things we women actually need men for."

"Oh, please don't tease me so much!" said Hotaru, mortified.

Setsuna chuckled and gently brushed a lock of Hotaru's hair aside.  "I'm sorry my dear.  But it is no less true.  It is part of who you are to seek out someone to start a family with, because you will eventually give your role over to your own daughter.  What previously was gives over to what is to come.  It is your very essence, and it has been the way for all bearers of the title, Guardian of Saturn.

"Remember always, Hotaru-chan: we are all nothing more than dirt and and stardust, collected and formed into these mortal coils.  For only a moment we are glorious, like ice sculptures bathed in colorful lights, like sand castles built between the tides.  Even now, you wear it on your sleeve - the insignificant side by side with the sacred and unique.  Very much like my gift to you.  Something beautiful made from the meanest of scraps.

"I know that right now, you feel that you have fallen in love with a ghost, and it has knocked you off balance at a time when you need it the most.  But the pictures you draw of him are proof that he exists.  Even if you don't know what they mean, he is real.  He is out there.  He is broken-hearted and alone, yearning for your company.

"But for now, you're in hiding, swimming in the shadows for both our sakes.  Eventually, though, you will need to surface for air.  At that time, you will seek him out -- a metaphorical flashlight in your hand, determined to find something that only poetry can even begin to describe.

"On that day, you will find what you are looking for, Hotaru-chan.  And in that time, you will discover that all this time, you are already what you have been dying to become.  You will shed a light on a man, and show him the magnificence that lay hidden inside of him.  And the reflection from that magnificence will reveal your own hidden treasure as well."

"Is... is this an oracle?" asked Hotaru uncertainly, for Sailor Pluto did not often give out glimpses into the future.  The future was always an uncertain thing, after all.

"It is an absolute," said Setsuna quietly.  "You two are meant to be together.  The only reason why you were not before is because he did not exist in your time, nor you in his.  But otherwise, whenever you both are present in the same timeline?"  Setsuna chuckled.  "Even your birthdays are a perfect fit.  He was born three months before you, right after the Autumnal Equinox where Summer gives way to Autumn.  And you were born after the Winter Solstice -- symbolic of the promise of new life when death reigns supreme.  And thus, you compliment each other.  Where you represent death and rebirth, he represents progress and change.

"I remember back then, before Queen Beryl unleashed the monster, Metalia, upon us.  He was not simply a warrior, but he was a builder as well.  He built a summer home for you on Titan.  It was a beautiful, rustic farmland retreat where you could bask in the warm albedo of Saturn.  He wanted it to be the place where you raised your children.  A haven from politics and intrigues and only your closest friends would know of.

"That said, my dear, you will find him, or he will find you.  One way or another, you will come together.  And when that day comes, you will at last feel at peace because you have finally found the part of you that was missing."

Setsuna then yawned, covering her mouth as she did so.  "I'm sorry, Hotaru-chan.  I'm so very exhausted."

"It's alright, Setsuna.  Please, rest.  I'll do what I can to keep you comfortable.  But how much longer will this go on for?"

"As long as it takes, Hotaru-chan.  But don't worry.  It will pass eventually.  It has to.  The situation as it is now cannot keep forever.  And there are agents at work that are actively trying to further destabilize this situation.  Be it for good or ill, it will pass."

The woman said nothing more as she had suddenly slipped back into sleep.

Hotaru sighed and laid her hands on Setsuna's head.  The cool, white glow came as she used her healing powers on the woman, renewing and sustaining her so she could sleep for however long she needed to.

That done, Hotaru retreated back to the room she was using and eyed the easel once more.

"Different timelines," she said thoughtfully to herself.  The person she was trying to draw had a face that always seemed to elude her.  Every time she thought she had it right, there was suddenly something different.

Like he suddenly became a different person.

"That's it!" cried out Hotaru in joy.  "He has a different face in each time line!"

And with that, Hotaru tore the sheet of vellum away and started anew.

This time, there were three faces.

One was of a grown man, but filled with youthful vigor.  His features were strange and exotic because this one had been the younger brother of the Princess of Mars.  He had been the lover of her past-self, and now that his face was coming into focus, more memories from that time were being dredged up.

However, those would have to wait.

The next was of a youth.  He was lean and elfin in build, very much like her.  He had a smile on his face and a spark in his eyes.  This youth had Japanese features, for he had been born as Hino Rei's younger brother - once again, the younger sibling to the Princess of Mars.

Fond memories began to surface from this other timeline as well, and they were such happy ones that she couldn't help but to pause and reflect.  It wasn't just those of the time Ichiro and Hotaru spent together.  It was the other times as well.  Like how he and his sister would playfully tease each other - saying outlandish things that would always devolve into bouts of roughhousing, but always with happy smiles plastered over their faces.

It made them all laugh uproariously whenever the brother and sister got into it.  While to most Japanese such antics would be disconcerting, there was simply no way to feel anything negative about it.  The siblings were incredibly close with each other, having banded together to face the world once they were bereft of their parents.

In fact, he had quickly became the Little Brother to them all.  Which had actually upset Usagi's own little brother, Shingo, to some degree.  Enough that he even got into a few fights with Ichiro.  Fights that Ichiro had won quite handily as the boy also practiced Okinawan Karate with Makoto.  And then he'd admonish Shingo to instead try being a better brother to Usagi.

Hotaru finished the drawing and stood back to look upon the face of Hino Ichiro, causing the warm memories to bubble up in her head like a merrily burbling creek.

And then she started again, this time drawing the third one.

Long, thick, wavy hair.  Dark, brooding eyes.  A narrow face.  High cheekbones.  Tall forehead.  Sharp nose.  A goat-tee mustache and beard.

But it was the eyes that entranced her the most.  Despite having such gorgeous eyes -- eyes with long, thick, luscious lashes; irises like darkly stained, lacquered, and finely polished mahogany wood; and brows that somehow managed to be elegant despite being so thick and heavy -- they were full of a profound and lingering hurt.

That hurt made Hotaru's heart quail in empathetic compassion.

*Why does he look so sad?* she thought to herself.  *What has happened to him?*

There was another issue as well.  If this was the person she was supposed to find, then there was no way they could be together.  He was so much older than her... that is, Hotaru herself, and not the Hotaru who was the Princess and Guardian of Saturn.

But then yet another face came to mind.  It was the face of that same man, only so much younger.  And instead of those eyes full of hurt, they were absolutely sparkling with mischief and joy.

Hotaru didn't know what to make of this new development... but she was happy to be able to clearly visualize him.

At last, this is what her beloved looked like.

Now she only wondered about how she would find him.]]>
Inspired by the song from Sleeping At Last, "Atlas: Four".

Legal YouTube upload available here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uO6AsjSloDg

And as always, the embed so you can listen along while reading.

19 December 2016
130 Farrel Drive
Springvale Subdivision
San Antonio, Texas, USA

130 Farrel Drive is a quiet place.  It is a single-family ranch-style house, tucked behind a terracotta privacy wall.  The property itself is nestled in the lower-middle-class neighborhood of Springvale, tucked in between Loop 410, Lackland Air Force Base, a church and a middle school.  Built during the prime time of the military's presence in San Antonio, the early 1960's saw many servicemen and women with money to spare who needed good houses as close to the bases as possible.  Thus, this was once considered one of the nicest neighborhoods in town when it first sprung up.  Nowadays, with two bedrooms and nine-hundred square feet of floor space on a lot of nearly eight-thousand square feet, it is a very modest little house.

Vacant and abandoned, it was the perfect place for a young girl to lay low while in hiding.

The girl was utterly beautiful.  She was Japanese, and built with a frame that was slender and petite even by that country's standards, which made her budding adolescence stand out far more than it would have on most other girls her age.  Her dark eyes, colored in a deep hue of indigo, sparkled with an intellect that was out of proportion to her apparent age.  Her jet-black hair was kept in a short hime-style bob.  Her skin was as pale as the moon, but not in an unhealthy way - there was the faint hint of nutmeg color to it that all Asian women had, no matter how hard they tried to avoid the sun.  At the age of twelve, she appeared to be an early bloomer, but this was because of that elfin build of hers.  So small was she that even the slightest budding of her adolescence had made her look like a girl two years her elder.

The young lady was in one of the two bedrooms of the small, somewhat dilapidated house.  In front of her was a sheet of vellum on an easel.  She had been drawing a face and had been making good progress, but hit onto a snag, and was now eying her work critically.  What it was, she wasn't quite sure - she couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something that was ringing false about the image.

Comically, she'd forgotten that she had charcoal all over her fingers and had smudged it around her face.

"Hotaru-chan?" came a woman's voice, weak from illness, from the bedroom down the hall.

Right away, the girl put down her stick of charcoal, wiped her hands with a slightly damp cloth, then went quickly to the room.

In said room, a tall woman with dusky skin and a regal face rested in a bed.  As of late, she hadn't been doing much of anything aside from sleeping.  But at that moment, her eyes were open and alert - albeit a groggy kind of alertness.

"Setsuna?" she said quietly as she entered the room.  "Are you alright?"

"...yes, for the moment," said the woman quietly.  Despite her ill condition, she smiled at the girl.  "You've been trying to draw him again, haven't you?"

Hotaru blushed.  "How did you know?"

Setsuna's smile turned mischievous.  "You have charcoal all over your face again."

Hotaru made a despairing cry and ran out of the room.  When she came back seconds later, the dark smudges had been cleaned from her face.  Setsuna chuckled.

"You know, some girls would be more embarrassed about being caught drawing pictures of the boy they like."

Hotaru sighed at that.  "I can't possibly feel that way about him.  Not with the memories I now have.  I only wish that I had known him before...  all of this.  Are you really okay, though, Setsuna?"

"As I said, I am for the moment.  The time streams have settled somewhat, but I'm not counting on that to remain so for long."

"Can you tell me more about what is going on?  It was good that you were able to create the documents we needed so I can sell my art on the Worldwide Web, but..."

"It's alright, Hotaru-chan.  I know how you feel.  But first, I have a gift for you."  Setsuna then pulled a figure out from under the bed covers.  It was a doll made from scraps of fabric, but a person would not be able to say so right away because the craftsmanship was exquisite.  Though made of scraps, each one was carefully and painstakingly measured, cut, and stitched together to look as beautiful as possible.

The doll itself was a girl clad in a white seifuku with an indigo skirt and colar and wine-red bows.  There was an indigo chocker with a star on it.  The hair was black and styled in a hima-bob and her eyes were indigo and cat-like.

"It's... ME!" said Hotaru in surprise.

Setsuna chuckled.  "You probably don't remember.  It's the nineteenth of December -- the traditional day of gift giving of Saturnalia.  And giving dolls like this was a popular and traditional gift.  Io Saturnalia, my dear."

"Oh Setsuna!" said Hotaru joyfully as she cradled the doll like a priceless gem in her hands.  "How did you ever manage this without me seeing it?"

The woman smiled merrily despite her tired state.  "I have my ways.  Though I do wish we could do the reversal of roles for Saturnalia like you and I used to all the time.  Those were fun times.  But that will have to wait.  For now, I will give you another gift.  I will tell you what I know of what is going on, and how your fate is tied into the events transpiring here."

As Hotaru gazed at Setsuna intently, absently letting her fingers play with the doll, Setsuna sighed before plunging along.

"I'm still not certain as to what happened.  It's almost like something grabbed up all the temporal causality in all of the universes to have ever existed, and even those that never have existed, and threw it all together in one huge mess."

"What does that mean, though?" asked Hotaru.

"It means, my dear, is that this boy that never existed before?  He did exist.  He *does* exist.  Just not in the past that is most familiar to you.  He is from an entirely different timeline, with entirely different outcomes.

"In that time line, he was your beloved.  He and he alone was able to see past the stigma around you.  Not only that, he had a very special, very powerful gift.  One that made it possible for you to defeat Pharaoh 90 without sacrificing yourself."

"The Nullifier," said Hotaru, a slight chill running up her spine.  The thought of someone who could so effectively cancel magic of any kind, rendering a person's defenses and enchantments utterly moot and pointless, was frightening.  However...

As Hotaru thought about it, the memories slowly began to coalesce -- of a boy her age in the grip of a righteous fury -- he was so full of anger!  And yet, she felt no fear of that anger because she knew that even if she did do something to upset him, he would never turn that ire against her.

The rage of Hino Ichiro was against something else entirely: his own father, and the trappings of a society that made them man what he was -- a cold and ruthless politician whose only goal was a Japan free of all outside interference.

Hotaru swallowed as she remembered one of the few things he ever had to say about the man.

"The bastard might as well have 'Hirohito did nothing wrong' as his campaign slogan."

And Pharaoh 90 and its minions had made the mistake of upsetting him -- of waking a sleeping giant within him and incurring its wrath.  And that wrath had indeed been swift and terrible.  It started when he purged Mistress 9 from her body and soul with his Nullifier ability and began to learn of her plight.  He then went and laid low the Witches Five, bringing them to repent for their sins.  He confronted and fought Sailor Uranus and Neptune to a stand-still -- the look of awe in their faces when they learned that all he wanted was for them to stop trying to hurt Hotaru and apologize to her was incredible.

And he would not stop there.  He was utterly incensed and he would not be satisfied with anything less than total victory -- every bit the younger brother to the Princess of Mars.  Fueled by this outrage, he smote Kaolinite, driving the evil daemon out of her, though it unfortunately left her as a mindless wreck as she had all-but completely given herself over to evil.  Not satisfied, he went and rid her father of the foul Germatoid, leaving him dumb for a short time.  And then, at last, he came for Pharaoh 90.  Like a force of nature, he stormed the evil creature's gates.  He practically wrung it's metaphysical neck.  He laughed in its face as it begged him to at least let it return to its home so it may perish in peace.

He told it in return that it should have thought of that before coming to Earth.

And with that, he left the wretched being completely open to Hotaru to finish with ease.

At that moment, Hotaru had known without a doubt that she was his everything.  He would give all of himself to her.  Her happiness was his happiness.  Her joy was his joy.  So far as Hino Ichirou was concerned, as long as Hotaru was happy, then all was well with the world.

And on top of that, there were the far more distant, fainter memories from the Silver Millennium Empire.  She couldn't recall much, but she did remember that there was someone.  A man who was close to her.  Someone who had filled the emptiness she had felt so acutely in that time.

The more literal interpretation of that phrase applied as well, and had kept her awake on some nights, flustered at the very idea of doing something that was both so romantic and so erotic.

Setsuna read Hotaru perfectly and laughed softly.

"So, you've had those sorts of recollections as well?" she said, gently teasing the girl and making her flush brilliantly.  She then soothed Hotaru, saying, "It's alright to have those thoughts, my dear.  You're the right age for it.  More importantly, though, it's part of your very nature as Sailor Saturn.  Remember always that you're not only the specter of death.  You're the agent of life's renewal.  It is part of who you are to desire the genesis of new life."  She then grinned with a sleepy sort of mischief.  "It's one of the few things we women actually need men for."

"Oh, please don't tease me so much!" said Hotaru, mortified.

Setsuna chuckled and gently brushed a lock of Hotaru's hair aside.  "I'm sorry my dear.  But it is no less true.  It is part of who you are to seek out someone to start a family with, because you will eventually give your role over to your own daughter.  What previously was gives over to what is to come.  It is your very essence, and it has been the way for all bearers of the title, Guardian of Saturn.

"Remember always, Hotaru-chan: we are all nothing more than dirt and and stardust, collected and formed into these mortal coils.  For only a moment we are glorious, like ice sculptures bathed in colorful lights, like sand castles built between the tides.  Even now, you wear it on your sleeve - the insignificant side by side with the sacred and unique.  Very much like my gift to you.  Something beautiful made from the meanest of scraps.

"I know that right now, you feel that you have fallen in love with a ghost, and it has knocked you off balance at a time when you need it the most.  But the pictures you draw of him are proof that he exists.  Even if you don't know what they mean, he is real.  He is out there.  He is broken-hearted and alone, yearning for your company.

"But for now, you're in hiding, swimming in the shadows for both our sakes.  Eventually, though, you will need to surface for air.  At that time, you will seek him out -- a metaphorical flashlight in your hand, determined to find something that only poetry can even begin to describe.

"On that day, you will find what you are looking for, Hotaru-chan.  And in that time, you will discover that all this time, you are already what you have been dying to become.  You will shed a light on a man, and show him the magnificence that lay hidden inside of him.  And the reflection from that magnificence will reveal your own hidden treasure as well."

"Is... is this an oracle?" asked Hotaru uncertainly, for Sailor Pluto did not often give out glimpses into the future.  The future was always an uncertain thing, after all.

"It is an absolute," said Setsuna quietly.  "You two are meant to be together.  The only reason why you were not before is because he did not exist in your time, nor you in his.  But otherwise, whenever you both are present in the same timeline?"  Setsuna chuckled.  "Even your birthdays are a perfect fit.  He was born three months before you, right after the Autumnal Equinox where Summer gives way to Autumn.  And you were born after the Winter Solstice -- symbolic of the promise of new life when death reigns supreme.  And thus, you compliment each other.  Where you represent death and rebirth, he represents progress and change.

"I remember back then, before Queen Beryl unleashed the monster, Metalia, upon us.  He was not simply a warrior, but he was a builder as well.  He built a summer home for you on Titan.  It was a beautiful, rustic farmland retreat where you could bask in the warm albedo of Saturn.  He wanted it to be the place where you raised your children.  A haven from politics and intrigues and only your closest friends would know of.

"That said, my dear, you will find him, or he will find you.  One way or another, you will come together.  And when that day comes, you will at last feel at peace because you have finally found the part of you that was missing."

Setsuna then yawned, covering her mouth as she did so.  "I'm sorry, Hotaru-chan.  I'm so very exhausted."

"It's alright, Setsuna.  Please, rest.  I'll do what I can to keep you comfortable.  But how much longer will this go on for?"

"As long as it takes, Hotaru-chan.  But don't worry.  It will pass eventually.  It has to.  The situation as it is now cannot keep forever.  And there are agents at work that are actively trying to further destabilize this situation.  Be it for good or ill, it will pass."

The woman said nothing more as she had suddenly slipped back into sleep.

Hotaru sighed and laid her hands on Setsuna's head.  The cool, white glow came as she used her healing powers on the woman, renewing and sustaining her so she could sleep for however long she needed to.

That done, Hotaru retreated back to the room she was using and eyed the easel once more.

"Different timelines," she said thoughtfully to herself.  The person she was trying to draw had a face that always seemed to elude her.  Every time she thought she had it right, there was suddenly something different.

Like he suddenly became a different person.

"That's it!" cried out Hotaru in joy.  "He has a different face in each time line!"

And with that, Hotaru tore the sheet of vellum away and started anew.

This time, there were three faces.

One was of a grown man, but filled with youthful vigor.  His features were strange and exotic because this one had been the younger brother of the Princess of Mars.  He had been the lover of her past-self, and now that his face was coming into focus, more memories from that time were being dredged up.

However, those would have to wait.

The next was of a youth.  He was lean and elfin in build, very much like her.  He had a smile on his face and a spark in his eyes.  This youth had Japanese features, for he had been born as Hino Rei's younger brother - once again, the younger sibling to the Princess of Mars.

Fond memories began to surface from this other timeline as well, and they were such happy ones that she couldn't help but to pause and reflect.  It wasn't just those of the time Ichiro and Hotaru spent together.  It was the other times as well.  Like how he and his sister would playfully tease each other - saying outlandish things that would always devolve into bouts of roughhousing, but always with happy smiles plastered over their faces.

It made them all laugh uproariously whenever the brother and sister got into it.  While to most Japanese such antics would be disconcerting, there was simply no way to feel anything negative about it.  The siblings were incredibly close with each other, having banded together to face the world once they were bereft of their parents.

In fact, he had quickly became the Little Brother to them all.  Which had actually upset Usagi's own little brother, Shingo, to some degree.  Enough that he even got into a few fights with Ichiro.  Fights that Ichiro had won quite handily as the boy also practiced Okinawan Karate with Makoto.  And then he'd admonish Shingo to instead try being a better brother to Usagi.

Hotaru finished the drawing and stood back to look upon the face of Hino Ichiro, causing the warm memories to bubble up in her head like a merrily burbling creek.

And then she started again, this time drawing the third one.

Long, thick, wavy hair.  Dark, brooding eyes.  A narrow face.  High cheekbones.  Tall forehead.  Sharp nose.  A goat-tee mustache and beard.

But it was the eyes that entranced her the most.  Despite having such gorgeous eyes -- eyes with long, thick, luscious lashes; irises like darkly stained, lacquered, and finely polished mahogany wood; and brows that somehow managed to be elegant despite being so thick and heavy -- they were full of a profound and lingering hurt.

That hurt made Hotaru's heart quail in empathetic compassion.

*Why does he look so sad?* she thought to herself.  *What has happened to him?*

There was another issue as well.  If this was the person she was supposed to find, then there was no way they could be together.  He was so much older than her... that is, Hotaru herself, and not the Hotaru who was the Princess and Guardian of Saturn.

But then yet another face came to mind.  It was the face of that same man, only so much younger.  And instead of those eyes full of hurt, they were absolutely sparkling with mischief and joy.

Hotaru didn't know what to make of this new development... but she was happy to be able to clearly visualize him.

At last, this is what her beloved looked like.

Now she only wondered about how she would find him.]]> <![CDATA[[OOC][Fun] Image thread? Images tied to Black Aeronaut's overall plotline]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14397 Sun, 04 Apr 2021 19:39:19 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14397
“All right. Let me get this straight,” said Ben, both incredulous and amused. “You unisoned with Taiga. And now you’re suddenly a neko-chan?”

Nyanoha shrugged helplessly. “We have no idea how.”

Ben sighed. “Okay, let’s get you down to Wash-chan’s lab. And call Hayate down, too. If nothing else, she’s gonna want to see this...”]]>
“All right. Let me get this straight,” said Ben, both incredulous and amused. “You unisoned with Taiga. And now you’re suddenly a neko-chan?”

Nyanoha shrugged helplessly. “We have no idea how.”

Ben sighed. “Okay, let’s get you down to Wash-chan’s lab. And call Hayate down, too. If nothing else, she’s gonna want to see this...”]]> <![CDATA[[OOC]Do We Want a Discord Server?]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=13819 Wed, 06 May 2020 02:32:42 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=13819
Pros:

It will help cut down on less-than-consequential natter here in the forum.
It will permit real-time conversations which means actual discussions.
It provides a fast means of sharing files of modest size.

Cons:

Not everyone has Discord.
Those that do will have yet another server to keep tabs on.

It will help cut down on less-than-consequential natter here in the forum.
It will permit real-time conversations which means actual discussions.
It provides a fast means of sharing files of modest size.

Cons:

Not everyone has Discord.
Those that do will have yet another server to keep tabs on.

I'm gonna throw up a poll, but if anyone has any thoughts to share, please do.

EDIT: Oh, and before anyone asks, I'll be the one to manage the server so no one else has that added to their plate.]]> <![CDATA[In Another World with Truck-kun (Yet Another Damn Isekai Story)]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=13642 Tue, 15 Oct 2019 07:41:25 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=13642
Here I am, supposed to be working on a bunch of other shit.

AND I GOT AN IDEA FOR AN ORIGINAL ISEKAI STORY THAT WON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

I blame https://writeordie.com/ for this. Dr. Wicked truly lives up to his name.

Anyhow, here. Tear it up, guys. Keep in mind that I wrote this on a web app that promotes sheer word output above all else. There's been minimal editing done on this.

Basic premise comes from the writing prompt, "What if the truck that killed you came to the next world with you? IN ANOTHER WORLD WITH TRUCK-KUN!" Except my expy doesn't get nailed with a truck...

I saw him, just an ordinary fellow looking at the trucks at a rest stop.

Oh, me? Nothing special - just a rest break. I was driving cross-country for a move that I honestly didn't want to make.

But the guy there seemed a little odd. Not in the way he dressed or anything, though it seemed slightly antiquated with his wide brimmed hat and heavy duster coat. It was in how he gazed at the tractor-trailer rigs in awe. They shouldn't be that interesting.

Should they?

At the moment, I saw another semi-truck pulling into the rest stop. There was only one available space left, and the guy in the duster coat was standing right in it. The driver would never see him until it was too late!

"HEY! WATCH IT WATCH IT!" I cried out as I ran over to him and pulled the guy out of harm's way. He was perplexed by my actions until the semi-truck rolled past us with only scant feet to spare.

I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Dude, you gotta be careful standing out here. Truck drivers don't always have the best viewing angles."

"Thank you, kindly, stranger!" said the young man - he was definitely youthful - he couldn't have been any older than eighteen. "Forgive me for my absent mindedness. Where I'm from, I've never seen such vehicles as these!"

I blinked at that. "You haven't?"

"Oh no. Our own forms of conveyance are much smaller and very much simpler."

What kind of podunk back-water did this guy come from?

He then continued, "If the merchants in my land had such vehicles, I could only imagine the prosperity it would bring. But I fear they might be too big."

I blinked again. Too big? Podunk Backwater wasn't cutting it. Was this dude Amish on Rumspringa or something?

But me being me, I was a helpful soul, so instead of exclaiming on his apparent experience, I pointed out my own truck - a modest little Mazda B-series using the third-generation Ford Ranger body, complete with a simple camper shell and a 5x10 two-axle enclosed rental trailer.

"Why not something like my truck. It's got plenty of cargo space, and it can even tow a trailer, too."

"Oh my! Why, that is a wonderful machine you have there," he said as he walked towards it.

Scrappy was my pride and joy. I had taken great pains in keeping the truck repaired and maintained because it had literally saved my life once. At a time when I was homeless, Scrappy's cargo bed with it's basic camper shell gave me a place of shelter and storage. I kept food in coolers, cooked on a camping stove, and slept in a cot in the back of my faithful and dependable little truck.

"I can tell that you place a great deal of love and trust in this vehicle." said the Man.

"You could?"

"Indeed. It's a well worn device. But it's still in great shape. Very much like a good pair of old trousers. And this device on the back... I can tell that it fulfills some kind of function with the way it's meant to slide in and out, but I cannot for the life of me suss it out."

He was talking about the brake actuator on the trailer's tongue. The trailer in question was an older 5x10ft van-trailer model from a popular rental company well known for its reliable trucks and trailers.

"It's called a surge brake," I explained. "When I use the brakes to slow my truck, the momentum of this trailer and it's load causes it to press up against the hitch. When that happens, a cylinder filled with oil is compressed, and pushes the fluid through steel tubes into the brake cylinders on all four wheels of this trailer. It's so effective that I hardly even notice that I have the trailer."

"Truly? This is indeed a wondrous device you have, good sir! Perhaps I should invite you to my homeland. It would be a blessing if you could provide services in transporting goods there."

I blinked at that. "Is that a job offer?" I asked.

The man smiled at me. "And if it is as such?"

"I would ask what it would pay."

The young man nodded sagely. "A fair question. Monetarily, I would not be compensating you. That will be up to the people whose goods you are transporting. However, I will personally see to it that your health is maintained and that your vehicle will never have need of repairs."

I blinked again. "A health plan and a maintenance plan? And what if there is an accident that damages my truck?"

"Then I will also see to it that it is of no matter."

I raised an eyebrow. "That sounds too good to be true. What's the catch?"

"Ah, you have a sharp mind, good sir. In this case, I would have you work for my people until you're of an age to retire... And given all the good you can do with such a magnificent machine, I imagine that your retirement would be very comfortable indeed."

"And if I change my mind?"

He gave me a somewhat smug little smile. "You won't. My homeland is a place of great bounty and plentiful beam. And the woman-folk there are all quite pleasant... each in their own ways, anyhow."

My eyebrows crawled to the top of my hairline. "Hold the phone, you're trying to bribe me with girls!?"

"Oh? Am I mistaken? Perhaps you have other preferences. It's not so strange."

"Not that!" I cried out. "I mean that other bit makes it sound like you're a human trafficker!"

He blinked at me in confusion. "A what now?"

I sighed. Simple folk. Simple terms. "You deal in slaves!"

"Oh, no! Great maker forbid it! While others may do such things, I assure you that my followers are not of that mindset. The person must be free to live their own life on their own terms."

I frowned at that. While it was a nice sounding platitude... "You haven't happened to have read a book called The Fountainhead, have you?"

"Should I have?" he asked in confusion.

"Don't," I said flatly. "It espouses platitudes similar to what you were talking about, but at the cost of exploiting others in the process. They claim that this 'Objectivist Philosophy' does not promote such things, but the logic does not follow. To follow those teachings, you must exploit others unfairly."

"Oh, I see. That is dreadful. Worry not, good sir. For while my followers are of the merchant's mindset, we follow a path of benefiting each other in our dealings - mutual enrichment through commerce and trade."

"So, capitalism with a socialist slant. I can get behind that. But here's the final question: how do I know that everything you've told me isn't some fantasy?"

He then smiled cunningly at me. "Fantasy, you say? When you live in such a world with such incredible wonders?" He then laughed softly in spite of himself. "I would imagine that my homeland would seem to be a fantasy land to you. But I assure you, it is very much real."

"Well, we have a saying that seeing is believing."

"Is that so? Then perhaps I shall show you, then..."

And then suddenly I was no longer in Texas.

It looked and felt like Texas.

But gone were the rest stop and the freeway. Gone were the wheel noise of hundreds of cars and trucks moving at 85 miles per hour. Gone was the faint hint of diesel exhaust.

In it's place, rolling hills covered with vibrantly green oak forest. Clear blue skies - like one of Texas's Frog Stranglers had blown through - as far as the eye can see. And a simple, lonely, dusty two-track trail, carving it's way through the hills.

The only things that remained were myself, my truck and trailer, and the strange man.

I looked around, my heart beginning to race as the excitement and anxiety built up in my chest.

"Where are we?" I breathed out.

"In a world like the one you were in before, but different. Here, technology has not advanced much because magic fulfills most of the needs of the common people. Here, we Gods walk the Earth and take great care of our young ones. Here is a world where you can make real and honest change."

"You're not kidding, are you." It wasn't a question, and he only smiled smugly at me reply.

I went and sat down on a nearby rock and out my head between my knees and simply focused on breathing and getting my mind in order. After what seemed like hours, though, I finally felt myself begin to settle once more, and I addressed the man without moving from my spot.

"Why me?"

"Why not?" he replied.

I sighed. "Okay, not the best question to ask. Better question: Why at all?"

"Why at all indeed. I am a God of Commerce and Trade. Every time people here make a fair deal with each other, they are doing so with my commandments to my faithful in mind. As a result, this country is one of the better ones to reside in. However..."

"However?" I asked.

"The people here have stagnated. There is no innovation because they see no need for it. This land is prosperous... but it is not what your people have aimed to become."

"My people are selfish, greedy, and arrogant backstabbers who desire nothing more that to live in some fantasy world of kings and serfs."

"Not all of them. Some of them dream of better things. You are one of them. You dream of going to far off lands. You are Ishmael. "I am tormented with an everlasting itch for things remote. I love to sail forbidden seas, and land on barbarous coasts." Though you love your home, you also desire to see what is out there. What is strange and unknown. To learn and innovate. To bring people to a higher understanding and spread prosperity.

"Believe it or not, these are essential traits of the merchant man. Without exploring the unknown, you will never find and develop new markets and new opportunities. You will never spread the prosperity that I so wish for my people to have."

"Okay then. So, that answers why at all and why me. Now, do you honestly think that I can do this? If this world is as primitive as I think you're implying, then I will not have the materials to maintain my truck."

The God smiled at me. "I already told you this will not be an issue. I have blessed your wonderful machine to be resistant to the wiles of entropy. It will be many decades until something will need to be fixed. And you, for that matter, will have that same boon."

"Your health will be seen to, huh?"

The God smiled. "You should look at yourself in the mirror."

That took me aback as I recalled a saying, when a God laughs, you run as fast as you can. I went to look at myself in one of Scrappy's sideview mirrors and I could not believe what I saw.

"I'm a kid again!?"

"You are of the age of eighteen - the age at which young men are permitted to go out into the world to make their livings. Although I should mention that they are usually well cared for despite that."

"Doting families?" I asked.

The God grinned. "In a manner of speaking, yes."

I sighed. "Okay, this is going way beyond just transporting goods or even fomenting development. You've got an angle you're working."

"You're not wrong, for certain. I will tell you this much: just be the person you are now - a good man that will help others in need. One who believes in fair trade and equal value. One who is unafraid to stand up for what he believes in."

"I don't know about that last part."

"I know. Your past has been a hurtful one." I gave the God a glare as he went on. "I do not blame you for your anxieties. They are not of your own making. They're the work of a man who had no idea what to do with a dreamer like you. But I know that had things been different... I know that your mother was likened unto the Moon - demure, sweet, gentle, and beautiful; that your father likened unto the Sun - bold, strong, brilliant, and intense. Had things been different, you would have been the beautifully shining morning star between then, becoming a beacon for others to home in on."

"Had things been different," I spat out with resentment.

"I know. The past is the past, my good sir. But here? You can start again. You can prove yourself in a world that is unfettered by preconceptions of education - where people care about raw ability and the goodness of their hearts. With this, you can make waves that will bring about great and wonderful change in this world - change that is long overdue in coming."

"There will be people that resist that change."

"Some. However, once others see how it can benefit their lives, the majority will embrace it."

I sighed at that. "So. I'm in some Isekai story, huh?"

"Isekai, what on... OH!" And with that, the God laughed mirthfully, but in a way that I knew did not mean bad news for me. "You are quite the genre-savvy one! That will be of great assistance to you here."

I then reassessed my thoughts about him laughing. I was fucked.

"hooo boy."

The God chuckled once more, then said in a kindly tone, "Do not fret so, my good sir. You will find that this world is quite agreeable with you, even though you will run into troubles at times. In the face of your intellect and your heart, they will not be insurmountable to you."

"Troubles, huh?"

"Don't worry about that for now. You will have plenty of time to steel yourself for what is to come. For now... Follow this trail. It will lead you to the city of Saint Antonius. You will find it familiar in some ways, and there will be plenty of work there waiting for you."

"And what about my belongings?" I asked. "I can't just dump them in the street."

"You're a resourceful man, my good sir. Consider this my first testing of your abilities as my agent in this world. Impress me, good sir."

He disappeared and I sighed. There was nothing more left for me except to jump into Scrappy and start driving.

Man, the rental company was gonna be upset about not getting their trailer back. But as far as I was concerned, they could just suck it. Here, it was as good as mine and as soon as I could, I would set to removing their livery from its aluminum skin.

---

I drove carefully over the trail. While it was well packed, it was still rough and primitive. And if this really was Texas only but through a mirror... then I knew this trail would become impassible once the rains came.

And come they will. I could see bluebonnets, painted brush, and the myriad of other Texas wild flowers carpeting the meadows and glades that I passed through with a riot of colors. This was Texas Springtime in full swing, which meant the thundershowers came quickly and frequently in these parts. At one point I startled some roosting birds into the air, and in turn sent up a massive flock that curtained the sky for several minutes until they all settled once more, now inured to the unique sound of my truck.

And then I met my first locals.]]>
Here I am, supposed to be working on a bunch of other shit.

AND I GOT AN IDEA FOR AN ORIGINAL ISEKAI STORY THAT WON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

I blame https://writeordie.com/ for this. Dr. Wicked truly lives up to his name.

Anyhow, here. Tear it up, guys. Keep in mind that I wrote this on a web app that promotes sheer word output above all else. There's been minimal editing done on this.

Basic premise comes from the writing prompt, "What if the truck that killed you came to the next world with you? IN ANOTHER WORLD WITH TRUCK-KUN!" Except my expy doesn't get nailed with a truck...

I saw him, just an ordinary fellow looking at the trucks at a rest stop.

Oh, me? Nothing special - just a rest break. I was driving cross-country for a move that I honestly didn't want to make.

But the guy there seemed a little odd. Not in the way he dressed or anything, though it seemed slightly antiquated with his wide brimmed hat and heavy duster coat. It was in how he gazed at the tractor-trailer rigs in awe. They shouldn't be that interesting.

Should they?

At the moment, I saw another semi-truck pulling into the rest stop. There was only one available space left, and the guy in the duster coat was standing right in it. The driver would never see him until it was too late!

"HEY! WATCH IT WATCH IT!" I cried out as I ran over to him and pulled the guy out of harm's way. He was perplexed by my actions until the semi-truck rolled past us with only scant feet to spare.

I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Dude, you gotta be careful standing out here. Truck drivers don't always have the best viewing angles."

"Thank you, kindly, stranger!" said the young man - he was definitely youthful - he couldn't have been any older than eighteen. "Forgive me for my absent mindedness. Where I'm from, I've never seen such vehicles as these!"

I blinked at that. "You haven't?"

"Oh no. Our own forms of conveyance are much smaller and very much simpler."

What kind of podunk back-water did this guy come from?

He then continued, "If the merchants in my land had such vehicles, I could only imagine the prosperity it would bring. But I fear they might be too big."

I blinked again. Too big? Podunk Backwater wasn't cutting it. Was this dude Amish on Rumspringa or something?

But me being me, I was a helpful soul, so instead of exclaiming on his apparent experience, I pointed out my own truck - a modest little Mazda B-series using the third-generation Ford Ranger body, complete with a simple camper shell and a 5x10 two-axle enclosed rental trailer.

"Why not something like my truck. It's got plenty of cargo space, and it can even tow a trailer, too."

"Oh my! Why, that is a wonderful machine you have there," he said as he walked towards it.

Scrappy was my pride and joy. I had taken great pains in keeping the truck repaired and maintained because it had literally saved my life once. At a time when I was homeless, Scrappy's cargo bed with it's basic camper shell gave me a place of shelter and storage. I kept food in coolers, cooked on a camping stove, and slept in a cot in the back of my faithful and dependable little truck.

"I can tell that you place a great deal of love and trust in this vehicle." said the Man.

"You could?"

"Indeed. It's a well worn device. But it's still in great shape. Very much like a good pair of old trousers. And this device on the back... I can tell that it fulfills some kind of function with the way it's meant to slide in and out, but I cannot for the life of me suss it out."

He was talking about the brake actuator on the trailer's tongue. The trailer in question was an older 5x10ft van-trailer model from a popular rental company well known for its reliable trucks and trailers.

"It's called a surge brake," I explained. "When I use the brakes to slow my truck, the momentum of this trailer and it's load causes it to press up against the hitch. When that happens, a cylinder filled with oil is compressed, and pushes the fluid through steel tubes into the brake cylinders on all four wheels of this trailer. It's so effective that I hardly even notice that I have the trailer."

"Truly? This is indeed a wondrous device you have, good sir! Perhaps I should invite you to my homeland. It would be a blessing if you could provide services in transporting goods there."

I blinked at that. "Is that a job offer?" I asked.

The man smiled at me. "And if it is as such?"

"I would ask what it would pay."

The young man nodded sagely. "A fair question. Monetarily, I would not be compensating you. That will be up to the people whose goods you are transporting. However, I will personally see to it that your health is maintained and that your vehicle will never have need of repairs."

I blinked again. "A health plan and a maintenance plan? And what if there is an accident that damages my truck?"

"Then I will also see to it that it is of no matter."

I raised an eyebrow. "That sounds too good to be true. What's the catch?"

"Ah, you have a sharp mind, good sir. In this case, I would have you work for my people until you're of an age to retire... And given all the good you can do with such a magnificent machine, I imagine that your retirement would be very comfortable indeed."

"And if I change my mind?"

He gave me a somewhat smug little smile. "You won't. My homeland is a place of great bounty and plentiful beam. And the woman-folk there are all quite pleasant... each in their own ways, anyhow."

My eyebrows crawled to the top of my hairline. "Hold the phone, you're trying to bribe me with girls!?"

"Oh? Am I mistaken? Perhaps you have other preferences. It's not so strange."

"Not that!" I cried out. "I mean that other bit makes it sound like you're a human trafficker!"

He blinked at me in confusion. "A what now?"

I sighed. Simple folk. Simple terms. "You deal in slaves!"

"Oh, no! Great maker forbid it! While others may do such things, I assure you that my followers are not of that mindset. The person must be free to live their own life on their own terms."

I frowned at that. While it was a nice sounding platitude... "You haven't happened to have read a book called The Fountainhead, have you?"

"Should I have?" he asked in confusion.

"Don't," I said flatly. "It espouses platitudes similar to what you were talking about, but at the cost of exploiting others in the process. They claim that this 'Objectivist Philosophy' does not promote such things, but the logic does not follow. To follow those teachings, you must exploit others unfairly."

"Oh, I see. That is dreadful. Worry not, good sir. For while my followers are of the merchant's mindset, we follow a path of benefiting each other in our dealings - mutual enrichment through commerce and trade."

"So, capitalism with a socialist slant. I can get behind that. But here's the final question: how do I know that everything you've told me isn't some fantasy?"

He then smiled cunningly at me. "Fantasy, you say? When you live in such a world with such incredible wonders?" He then laughed softly in spite of himself. "I would imagine that my homeland would seem to be a fantasy land to you. But I assure you, it is very much real."

"Well, we have a saying that seeing is believing."

"Is that so? Then perhaps I shall show you, then..."

And then suddenly I was no longer in Texas.

It looked and felt like Texas.

But gone were the rest stop and the freeway. Gone were the wheel noise of hundreds of cars and trucks moving at 85 miles per hour. Gone was the faint hint of diesel exhaust.

In it's place, rolling hills covered with vibrantly green oak forest. Clear blue skies - like one of Texas's Frog Stranglers had blown through - as far as the eye can see. And a simple, lonely, dusty two-track trail, carving it's way through the hills.

The only things that remained were myself, my truck and trailer, and the strange man.

I looked around, my heart beginning to race as the excitement and anxiety built up in my chest.

"Where are we?" I breathed out.

"In a world like the one you were in before, but different. Here, technology has not advanced much because magic fulfills most of the needs of the common people. Here, we Gods walk the Earth and take great care of our young ones. Here is a world where you can make real and honest change."

"You're not kidding, are you." It wasn't a question, and he only smiled smugly at me reply.

I went and sat down on a nearby rock and out my head between my knees and simply focused on breathing and getting my mind in order. After what seemed like hours, though, I finally felt myself begin to settle once more, and I addressed the man without moving from my spot.

"Why me?"

"Why not?" he replied.

I sighed. "Okay, not the best question to ask. Better question: Why at all?"

"Why at all indeed. I am a God of Commerce and Trade. Every time people here make a fair deal with each other, they are doing so with my commandments to my faithful in mind. As a result, this country is one of the better ones to reside in. However..."

"However?" I asked.

"The people here have stagnated. There is no innovation because they see no need for it. This land is prosperous... but it is not what your people have aimed to become."

"My people are selfish, greedy, and arrogant backstabbers who desire nothing more that to live in some fantasy world of kings and serfs."

"Not all of them. Some of them dream of better things. You are one of them. You dream of going to far off lands. You are Ishmael. "I am tormented with an everlasting itch for things remote. I love to sail forbidden seas, and land on barbarous coasts." Though you love your home, you also desire to see what is out there. What is strange and unknown. To learn and innovate. To bring people to a higher understanding and spread prosperity.

"Believe it or not, these are essential traits of the merchant man. Without exploring the unknown, you will never find and develop new markets and new opportunities. You will never spread the prosperity that I so wish for my people to have."

"Okay then. So, that answers why at all and why me. Now, do you honestly think that I can do this? If this world is as primitive as I think you're implying, then I will not have the materials to maintain my truck."

The God smiled at me. "I already told you this will not be an issue. I have blessed your wonderful machine to be resistant to the wiles of entropy. It will be many decades until something will need to be fixed. And you, for that matter, will have that same boon."

"Your health will be seen to, huh?"

The God smiled. "You should look at yourself in the mirror."

That took me aback as I recalled a saying, when a God laughs, you run as fast as you can. I went to look at myself in one of Scrappy's sideview mirrors and I could not believe what I saw.

"I'm a kid again!?"

"You are of the age of eighteen - the age at which young men are permitted to go out into the world to make their livings. Although I should mention that they are usually well cared for despite that."

"Doting families?" I asked.

The God grinned. "In a manner of speaking, yes."

I sighed. "Okay, this is going way beyond just transporting goods or even fomenting development. You've got an angle you're working."

"You're not wrong, for certain. I will tell you this much: just be the person you are now - a good man that will help others in need. One who believes in fair trade and equal value. One who is unafraid to stand up for what he believes in."

"I don't know about that last part."

"I know. Your past has been a hurtful one." I gave the God a glare as he went on. "I do not blame you for your anxieties. They are not of your own making. They're the work of a man who had no idea what to do with a dreamer like you. But I know that had things been different... I know that your mother was likened unto the Moon - demure, sweet, gentle, and beautiful; that your father likened unto the Sun - bold, strong, brilliant, and intense. Had things been different, you would have been the beautifully shining morning star between then, becoming a beacon for others to home in on."

"Had things been different," I spat out with resentment.

"I know. The past is the past, my good sir. But here? You can start again. You can prove yourself in a world that is unfettered by preconceptions of education - where people care about raw ability and the goodness of their hearts. With this, you can make waves that will bring about great and wonderful change in this world - change that is long overdue in coming."

"There will be people that resist that change."

"Some. However, once others see how it can benefit their lives, the majority will embrace it."

I sighed at that. "So. I'm in some Isekai story, huh?"

"Isekai, what on... OH!" And with that, the God laughed mirthfully, but in a way that I knew did not mean bad news for me. "You are quite the genre-savvy one! That will be of great assistance to you here."

I then reassessed my thoughts about him laughing. I was fucked.

"hooo boy."

The God chuckled once more, then said in a kindly tone, "Do not fret so, my good sir. You will find that this world is quite agreeable with you, even though you will run into troubles at times. In the face of your intellect and your heart, they will not be insurmountable to you."

"Troubles, huh?"

"Don't worry about that for now. You will have plenty of time to steel yourself for what is to come. For now... Follow this trail. It will lead you to the city of Saint Antonius. You will find it familiar in some ways, and there will be plenty of work there waiting for you."

"And what about my belongings?" I asked. "I can't just dump them in the street."

"You're a resourceful man, my good sir. Consider this my first testing of your abilities as my agent in this world. Impress me, good sir."

He disappeared and I sighed. There was nothing more left for me except to jump into Scrappy and start driving.

Man, the rental company was gonna be upset about not getting their trailer back. But as far as I was concerned, they could just suck it. Here, it was as good as mine and as soon as I could, I would set to removing their livery from its aluminum skin.

---

I drove carefully over the trail. While it was well packed, it was still rough and primitive. And if this really was Texas only but through a mirror... then I knew this trail would become impassible once the rains came.

And come they will. I could see bluebonnets, painted brush, and the myriad of other Texas wild flowers carpeting the meadows and glades that I passed through with a riot of colors. This was Texas Springtime in full swing, which meant the thundershowers came quickly and frequently in these parts. At one point I startled some roosting birds into the air, and in turn sent up a massive flock that curtained the sky for several minutes until they all settled once more, now inured to the unique sound of my truck.

And then I met my first locals.]]> <![CDATA[[split] [OOC][Info][Plot][RFC] Wish List! - Ben's character-specific ideas]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14410 Fri, 13 Sep 2019 13:29:46 -0500 Black Aeronaut]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14410
And suddenly I realized there's some characters that would fit our setting like a glove. Though we run the risk of explodicating a town. :V

Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid.

EDIT:
OMFG, I just realized something. Imagine Saitama the One Punch Man next to Kobayashi as something kinda nuts happens. They'd both have that same "dead fish eyes" expression.

Inspired by this classic meme and the fact that Kobayashi has a tendency to make the same face when confronted by something that does not quite fit in the framework of what's "Normal".

[Image: a49.jpg]

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And suddenly I realized there's some characters that would fit our setting like a glove. Though we run the risk of explodicating a town. :V

Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid.

EDIT:
OMFG, I just realized something. Imagine Saitama the One Punch Man next to Kobayashi as something kinda nuts happens. They'd both have that same "dead fish eyes" expression.

Inspired by this classic meme and the fact that Kobayashi has a tendency to make the same face when confronted by something that does not quite fit in the framework of what's "Normal".

[Image: a49.jpg]

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