http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/ Wed, 03 Jun 2026 00:17:39 +0000 MyBB http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=15013 Tue, 12 May 2026 08:31:33 -0500 robkelk]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=15013 Chapter 1 of Gardening Leave is now posted to AO3.

The story is still in the process of being outlined, let alone written (it has a beginning and an ending; it just needs some middle), so I can't yet be sure how many chapters there will be. Definitely more than three chapters, though.]]> Chapter 1 of Gardening Leave is now posted to AO3.

The story is still in the process of being outlined, let alone written (it has a beginning and an ending; it just needs some middle), so I can't yet be sure how many chapters there will be. Definitely more than three chapters, though.]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=15007 Tue, 28 Apr 2026 07:46:52 -0500 Bob Schroeck]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=15007 Critic series of stories is now available here.]]> Critic series of stories is now available here.]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=15005 Tue, 21 Apr 2026 08:46:20 -0500 robkelk]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=15005 on AO3 and on the wiki.]]> on AO3 and on the wiki.]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=15003 Tue, 14 Apr 2026 07:16:50 -0500 robkelk]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=15003 This story can be read on AO3, or on the wiki]]> This story can be read on AO3, or on the wiki]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14993 Tue, 17 Mar 2026 11:38:30 -0500 robkelk]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14993
Chapter 1 of 5 vs 5, "The New Kids in Town", went up last week.

Chapter 2 of 5 vs 5, "Getting to Know You", went up today.


Yes, this is the story that I didn't finish before we rebooted the franchise...]]>
Chapter 1 of 5 vs 5, "The New Kids in Town", went up last week.

Chapter 2 of 5 vs 5, "Getting to Know You", went up today.


Yes, this is the story that I didn't finish before we rebooted the franchise...]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14989 Tue, 03 Mar 2026 05:19:28 -0500 Labster]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14989 This short story can be read on AO3

... and of course on the wiki too

... which I feel I should mention because AO3 was down most of yesterday.  All of our stories eventually make it to the wiki, but multi-chapter stories aren't moved into the public space until they're complete.]]> This short story can be read on AO3

... and of course on the wiki too

... which I feel I should mention because AO3 was down most of yesterday.  All of our stories eventually make it to the wiki, but multi-chapter stories aren't moved into the public space until they're complete.]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14988 Tue, 17 Feb 2026 08:02:21 -0500 robkelk]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14988 Chapter 1 of this story is now available on AO3.]]> Chapter 1 of this story is now available on AO3.]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14980 Wed, 28 Jan 2026 08:20:39 -0500 Bob Schroeck]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14980 Chapter 1 of this story is available on AO3.]]> Chapter 1 of this story is available on AO3.]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14975 Tue, 13 Jan 2026 08:34:19 -0500 robkelk]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14975 This story is available on AO3]]> This story is available on AO3]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14964 Sun, 28 Dec 2025 12:30:21 -0500 robkelk]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14964 New Year's Dreams
A KanriKyara story

---

Evernight Visitor
1:15 AM, January 1, 2017

It was when Harry noticed that he was surrounded by red crystal walls, of a shade much closer to magenta than to ruby and glowing faintly from within, that he first realized he was dreaming.

It was when Harry felt the unfortunately familiar touch of Voldemort's emotions that he realized just what kind of dream he was having. He focussed his attention, to remember as much as possible when he awoke.

He could feel Voldemort's dismissive sneer of superiority and his unformed eagerness as he was led through a hallway that seemed more grown than built, guided by a mountain of a man nearly as big as Hagrid. He was dressed in browns and greens, and unlike Hagrid his beard and hair were neatly trimmed. For all his size, he moved with a surprising grace and silence, and would glance at the wizard he escorted with obvious suspicion. Harry could see a powerful intelligence in his eyes, one that recognized the danger that Voldemort represented.

For his part, Voldemort dismissed the man as a subhuman half-breed for his size, unworthy of any true consideration. Once he took control here — and the Dark Lord had no doubt he would — he would commemorate the event by subjecting the brute to the Cruciatus and testing his endurance. The black, bone-faced creatures that inhabited this land were disappointingly unaffected by the curse, and Voldemort's desire to inflict pain had not been sated properly in some days — not since the village whose inhabitants had pointed him to the hidden borders of this dark land with its red sky.

Harry tried to sift as carefully as he could through Voldemort's thoughts for a sense of where he was, to no avail. All he could pick from the Dark Lord's mind were brief glimpses of lush green jungle, oppressively hot, and then a barren, broken landscape of black stone and red skies that looked like no place on Earth he was familiar with.

The hallway abruptly ended in a pair of great black doors that looked as crystalline as the walls. Voldemort's guide gave him one last, inscrutable look, then pushed them open; silently they swung wide to reveal what could only be a throne room. And in it...

Although Voldemort hid it perfectly, Harry could feel the Dark Lord's shock and disgust, and his own surprise. Upon a throne of even more crystal was a woman — but not a human woman. She was human-shaped, yes, but her skin and hair — the latter tied into a bun from which a half-dozen or so bound locks almost like dreadlocks sprung — were bone white. Her eyes were gleaming red against black sclera, a black diamond shape decorated her forehead, and a web of black veins spread across her face, almost artistic in its symmetry. She was dressed in what looked like a cross between a dress and wizard's robes, with a cutout that to Harry's discomfort showed off the valley of snow-white flesh between her breasts.

At her side was a... thing. It looked like a ball of glowing red glass partially covered with small plates of what appeared to be bone, sitting on a black base ringed with downward-pointing claws. Harry almost thought it was a decoration or device of some sort until he spotted the waving red tentacles, each tipped with a blade of more bone, hanging beneath it. It bobbed slowly up and down in the air, and Harry had the strangest sensation that it was looking at him. Not at Voldemort — at him.

Harry took some private delight that the woman studied Voldemort with the same kind of look Voldemort would turn on those he felt were beneath him — which was to say, everyone.

Voldemort also noticed this, and his ego and anger both began to boil.

"My lady? The lord Voldemort," the huge man rumbled in a tectonically deep voice.

"Thank you, Hazel," the woman said. Harry was surprised at how... pleasant she sounded. "You may go." It struck Harry that they weren't speaking English, but some other language. How he could understand it, he chalked up to dream logic — or was he somehow piggybacking on Voldemort's understanding?

Voldemort glanced at his escort, who nodded respectfully to her before backing out of the room and closing the doors behind him. Then he turned his gaze back to the woman who studied him as though he were nothing more than a curious insect. "Lord Voldemort?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, and Harry could feel his growing fury at what he perceived (probably correctly) as a lack of respect. "And what would you be lord of?"

"I am Lord of the Wizarding World, woman!" Voldemort snarled. That definitely hadn't been in English, so maybe he was borrowing Voldemort's knowledge of whatever language it was.

Harry spotted a flicker of irritation cross her face; he wondered if Voldemort had. "The Wizarding World?" she asked. "And where might that be?" She rose from her throne and glided across the room to come face-to-face with the Dark Lord. And "glide" was exactly the word for how she moved — if Harry hadn't seen the slight movement of her legs under her ankle-length skirt, he might have sworn she was on wheels. "Another universe, I would wager. You are no more a native of this... Earth than I am, and the very fact that I find you on my doorstep tells me that whatever power and resources you may have once possessed were left behind in the world you came from."

"Silence, woman!" Voldemort roared. "You will bow before me and hand over this castle to your rightful lord!" He brandished his wand, which the woman ignored. He'd never been the most patient or diplomatic of men in Harry's opinion, but Voldemort could be charming when he needed to be; this immediate escalation to demands and threats was new and different, as if Voldemort had completely lost the ability to be anything but angry.

"My rightful lord?" The woman smirked at Voldemort, which drove him to even higher levels of fury. "There is no such thing. You certainly aren't it — you are no more than a homeless wanderer with delusions of grandeur."

"I am Lord Voldemort, the greatest wizard history has ever seen!" he thundered. "I have defeated death, and no one can stand against me!"

The amusement on the woman's alien face was obvious to Harry — and to Voldemort. "You claim to be immortal?"

"I claim nothing! I am immortal!"

To both Voldemort and Harry's shock, she laughed. "You know nothing of immortality, little homunculus," she said. "What shred of a soul you have left to you is not even yet a century old." Her eyes flashed. "I have seen millennia come and go. I have been worshipped as a goddess by generations of humans." She sneered at him. "Your pretensions to superiority would be amusing were they not tedious. You will not make demands of me."

"So be it," Voldemort snarled, and raised his wand in a flash. "Avada kedavra!" he spat, and Harry felt the unclean miasma of his hatred as the green bolt of the killing curse shot across the few feet between the two to strike the woman cleanly in her chest.

Harry shared Voldemort's shock when the woman did not fall dead, but instead simply looked down at her unmarked breast and then back up at him. "Was that supposed to do something?" she asked, utterly unimpressed.

Voldemort didn't bother to reply. "Crucio!" he barked and again the spell struck her.

The woman merely rolled her eyes and sighed. "Tiresome," she said as if disappointed, and made a careless gesture. Voldemort found himself lifted into the air and rendered both silent and motionless.

"Arrogant fool," she continued. "You believe yourself immortal because you've managed to cling tenuously to the mortal realms after the death of your body, but I am truly immortal. Nothing short of an act of the gods themselves can end my life." She walked around the Dark Lord as she spoke, disappearing from Harry's view and reappearing once again. "You wield a pittance of power using a crutch and think yourself invincible." She snorted in obvious amusement. "You aren't," she added as she took the wand from his frozen hand. She examined it for a moment, then tossed it over her shoulder. The thing that hovered by her throne snapped out a slender red tentacle and snatched it out of the air.

"Now... what to do with you? You are quite unsuited to join my loyal servants." She tapped her chin with a fingertip while studying him, like a bug pinned to a board by an entomologist. "I know. I could always use another hound."

She made another careless gesture.

---

Harry woke abruptly. The echoes of Voldemort's screams as the tattered remains of his soul were ripped from his spell-born body still rang in his ears. He launched himself from his bed. Professor Dumbledore needs to know about this right now, he thought as drew on his shoes and robe.

---

The Once and Future Dreamer
1:27 AM, January 1, 2017

Harley was in a mall. Not in Pensacola; back home in Daytona Beach.

"'Go buy some spark plugs, and then I'll help you tune your bike.' I can tune it myself, dad."

"You shouldn't talk to yourself out loud, kid," the guy behind the counter said.

Kid? Harley wondered before noticing the reflection in the counter jockey's eyes. No beard. I haven't seen that face in years.

Then there was a tug at Harley's sleeve. "Mister Waters?"

Mister? "Mr. Waters is my father. I'm Harley." Turning to look at whoever was holding the sleeve, Harley saw a kid. Preteen. Asian. With red eyes and blue-white hair.

"Mister Harley, please help me get to Pensacola Beach."

"That's all the way on the far end of the Panhandle, kid."

"We need to get there, even if it takes a lifetime." The little girl — and Harley was sure she was a girl, despite the unisex clothes and haircut that she wore — looked into Harley's eyes, with all the solemnity a preschooler could gather.

Strange thing for a kid to say. As the wind blew past them while they stood on a walkway near the city's namesake beach, Harley asked, "You got a name, kid?"

"Zero."

"Weird name." Then Harley noticed his beard was back. "Why'd you need to get to Pensacola, Zero?"

"To find myself. And you need to find yourself, too."

Then the penny dropped. White hair. Red eyes. Not Zero. Rei.

"I thought all the Ayanami clones shared a single soul," Harley said while looking over the railing at an Olympic-sized pool twenty feet below them.

"I thought that, too," chibi-Rei said before jumping off the edge of the ledge and making a perfect dive into the pool... which turned orange.

---

As Harley woke up to a dark bedroom, he thought, Maybe I am here to find myself. Rei certainly has changed since she moved in back in September. Have I?.

---

Silence and Song
2:09 AM, January 1, 2017

Rei Hino looked around, only to see a barren land and statues of her four closest comrades.

No, not statues. They were her teammates, but nobody was moving. And there was dust around their feet.

"Didn't we defeat the Silence?"

There was no reply.

Then she saw the other figures. Seven, lined up to face the seven Sailor Senshi.

Seven Senshi? she wondered. But she was carried by the wind so that she was removed from the line.

Yet there were still seven Senshi facing the others, including Sailor Chibimoon and Sailor Saturn. Usagi was not there; she was clearly visible at the shrine at the summit of Mount Fuji.

"Usagi is our luck," she heard from behind her in a chorus that reminded her somehow of sultry childlike bells. While Rei knew that she'd heard at least part of that voice before, she didn't know all of it. And she couldn't turn to see who had said that. She was too enraptured by the view from the window in front of her and her teammates - a view of her home back in Roppongi.

Then the window shattered, taking the scene with it, revealing a scene that was not the same despite being identical.

Rei knew that there was no place for her in that second Roppongi. She could see that she was already there.

Their opponents, still unmoving, could not take advantage of her distraction. But she couldn't move either.

As Fuji-san crumbled, Usagi stood beside Rei. In a voice that rang out like a whisper, she told their opponents, "Stuck in that same position; You deserve so much more."

Alas, Usagi was not one for singing.

And the others were not five for listening. With eyes closed and hands over their ears, they replied, "If you're here to make amends, just leave; Find yourself another dream to believe."

Usagi dropped to her knees, alone, crying at the lost chance. The chance for what, Rei wasn't certain... but the glow of the Ginzuishou told her softly, "They have lost their chance for Love and Justice."

Everyone left... but not everyone. Rei remained, with a crow perched on each of her outstretched arms, and so did Usagi. And there was no dust to be seen anywhere on the barren landscape.

Two of the others stayed as well. Two who had not cast her closest friend into despair. They both looked at Usagi, a picnic spread out on the grass between them and her.

They said nothing.

But their shadows, orange and purple, declared, "No more quiet in the corners of my soul, No more stories left untold; Even if it hurts, even if I fall, I’d rather lose than never live at all."

---

And, with the realization that those lyrics — and they were lyrics — would not be written for another decade, Rei awoke from her dream.

"No more quiet in the corners of my soul," she repeated to an empty bedroom. As she reached for the pen and paper that she kept beside her bed so that she could record what she remembered of her prophecy, she said, "If quiet means Silence, then they had to have been the Witches 5. But what were they quoting? And why did their shadows say it, and not them? Whoever they were. I'm already forgetting the dream."

Once she finished writing down what she remembered, she went back to sleep... but, if she dreamed again, she didn't remember it.

---

The Bearoness
5:01 AM, January 1, 2017

Tomo was back at her high school, walking through the lush gardens surrounding the campus. «Wait,» she thought, «Is this really my high school?» She stared up at the elegant, triangular school building. "Oh, right! I'm a baroness now!" she said, as if it explained everything. Of course nobility would go to fancier schools.

A tall, aristocratic looking girl with long French curls was passing by. «Ooh la la! She's also my type.»

The girl began to walk towards the fountain, where Tomo was sitting. "Sorry to make you wait."

"I didn't wait long," Tomo said, automatically. She thought, «How do you greet a rich girl again?», then spoke, "Gokigen yo!" She wondered if that was right, but then looked up to the sunset in the sky and realized a morning greeting wasn't right.

But if Tomo was meeting this girl in a place like this after school, then she decided it must be a romantic meeting. Then she suddenly remembered this was her girlfriend. Well, one of her girlfriends, anyway. Things like that happened at all-girl schools, after all. After the blonde joined Tomo sitting on the edge of the fountain, Tomo said, "Hey there, Ojou-chan. Did you miss me?"

"M-miss you? Why would one do such a thing?" Ojou dodged.

«So tsundere, so sexy.» Tomo scooted closer and said, "So there's nothing about me that you want?"

"Um, well..." the blonde blushed.

Tomo leaned in for a kiss, and Ojou closed her eyes. It was hot and sweet. Ojou's breasts pressed up against Tomo's, and Tomo could feel herself starting to get wet. Ojou began to get more aggressive, thrusting her leg between Tomo's.

Suddenly, from behind the trees, someone called out, "Hold it right there!" The girls froze in their embrace, as the other woman stepped out from cover, a hunting rifle aimed right at them.

The light shone off her glasses, and for a second Tomo was afraid the woman was Yomi. Or maybe she wanted the woman to be Yomi after all? She couldn't make up her mind, but it turned out the girl with the gun wasn't Yomi at all. "Tomo-sama, you almost became her next victim."

"Victim?" Tomo didn't exactly feel very victimized.

The new girl, Eiko, didn't flinch as she pointed her gun at the blonde, who was now standing a few feet away from Tomo. "She's not your girlfriend," the bespectacled girl said, "she's a bear!"

Tomo gave a blank stare. "Huh?"

— Shock! Kuma Shock! —

She looked back to Ojou, who had transformed into, well, mostly herself but with bear ears and kigurumi claws for hands. "Whoa." «Well... still my type, I guess.»

Ojou lamented, "I'm sorry that Tomo-sama has to see my secret."

"Step away from the bear! Before she eats you!"

Tomo said, "Um, that was kind of the plan."

"She's a bear," Eiko said. "A bear! You know, claws your back, always after honey, chases the birds and the bees."

"You know these are all metaphors, right?"

"Nevertheless, she must be taken to trial as an enemy of mankind. Move!" she ordered, her rifle prodding them up the spiral stairs to the top of the school. The stairs went up and up and up, and Tomo began to wonder how long the stairs would go on, because they seemed like they stretched on forever.

But as soon as she had that thought, she was already on top of the roof of the school. All of her classmates from her new high school were arranged around in a big circle. And at the center, tied up in the defendant's box, was Ojou-chan.

"Ladies of the jury," Eiko presented, "This bear was caught in the act, about to consume the lovely, pure-hearted maiden, our beloved Tomo-sama. For this crime, this utter failure to read the mood, we can only reach one result: guilty! So I will now hear your verdicts."

The verdict came down as one person after another in a line declared, "Crimibear," and the next "Crimibear," and another "Crimibear."

Tomo cried, "Objection! Doesn't the defendant get to speak?"

"What right does an animal who invaded our planet have? None."

"Eh?" Tomo didn't feel like an ace attorney now.

Eiko pushed her glasses back up her nose a bit, raised her rifle, and pointed it at the defendant. "I will now carry out the sentence on this crimibear."

Ojou whimpered.

Tomo had to do something. She couldn't let a single one of her girlfriends die, not even at the hands of that violent Yomi knock-off. «What would Usagi do? Probably something cool and wise,» she thought. «And I'm just a fool. Well, I know what fools do.»

Tomo rushed into the firing line, "Stop! Ojou is a good bear who did nothing wrong. Why can't we be together?"

"This is obstruction of justice!" She gripped the rifle tighter.

"You call this love and justice?"

The fake Yomi's mood darkened, "You really can't read the mood, can you? You're one of those girls who can't read the mood, aren't you? And not reading the mood, that's called evil. Isn't it time to exclude Tomo-kun for evil, everyone?" Eiko moved forward, and pushed the end of her rifle right against Tomo's heart.

Tomo didn't back away. "What? That's stupid. Wait, no, that's really dumb!" Tomo considered herself an expert in stupidity, but it always astonished her how stupid people could be when they were not even trying to be stupid. It was time to take these girls to school. Tomo school.

"I am Baroness Lady Tomo von Takino of the Moon Kingdom, and I will not forgive this! Tearing apart two maidens in love is just too cruel, even if one of them is a bear-girl. Everyone in this world has a right to love and beauty!"

The crowd of girls around the trial was clearly moved by Tomo's amazing and stunning speech. But Eiko was not. "How can you promise love and beauty to everyone? You're nothing but a fraud."

Tomo said, "Oh, I get it now." She pushed her body closer to Eiko, the barrel of the rifle pressed hard against her chest, and stared into Eiko's eyes. "I wasn't reading the mood. I'm sorry." And then she French kissed her too. Sure, Eiko was annoying, but she reminded her of someone else she liked. The crowd of girls went squee in the background, as Eiko kissed Tomo back.

"That wasn't... I mean..." Eiko stammered. She stammered a couple times before admitting, "I guess... we can have peace with the bears."

"All right, now we're talking!" Tomo sat down at a long shiny wooden table that was helpfully on top of the school roof, and began writing a peace treaty. Because she was a noblewoman Tomo knew this stuff really well and it didn't take all that long. Of course she mentioned rights to the strategic honey reserve because treaties always have things like that.

Eiko sat down and signed the treaty with an elegant fountain pen, followed with Ojou applying a big hanko that left an impression like a bear print in red. Everyone around cheered the new era of peace!

"Thank you Tomo-sama, we couldn't have done it without you," Eiko told her.

And Ojou came over with those gorgeous curls and cute little bear ears, "My people and I owe you everything, Tomo. How can I ever repay you?"

Tomo smiled, "Well... I have an idea."

Just then, another girl came up to her. A little bit shorter than Tomo, with pale skin, and with glasses as round as her black bear ears, she spoke with a soft voice. "Tomo, can I speak with you? Alone?"

"Sure! What's up?"

She gestured with her paw to follow.

She led Tomo through the door into the stairwell, but it didn't lead in inside the school at all. Instead, Tomo found herself on a brightly-lit mountaintop. In front of her was a massive crater lake filled with deep, deep blue water. And all around the lake were jagged little peaks, covered with patches of snow. Tomo glanced behind, and saw the other mountains and valleys below, carpeted in lush forest, and spotted the village with the white castle.

The girl stood to her left, next to a shrine. Tomo wasn't sure how she knew it was a shrine, because she had never seen a building like it before, but she knew. It looked like the crystal was growing out of the wood. She would have kept taking in the sights, but the other girl spoke.

"Are you really from the Moon Kingdom?"

"Yeah, Baroness Tomo Takino of Ameno Uzume."

"I heard it was lost, long ago."

"Yeah, it was. There was some reincarnation involved, but yeah, they're real. We're real. They're back."

"Oh, thank Heaven!" Her search was finally over. She wasn't sure at first, but dreams are always a funny business, where people work out things about themselves. But she could feel Tomo's fear when she stepped in front of the gun, and knew what kind of person she was. Her breathy voice sounded like it had steel behind it, "Please, you have to have to help my planet!"

"Who are you?" Tomo asked.

The girl withdrew a honey dipper from the pocket of her school uniform jacket, inexplicably decorated in gems with bands of pink and gold along the dipping end. She shouted, "Kumaria Planet Power, make up!" She was surrounded by pink light; her clothes faded away and she was briefly nude. Another uniform materialized on her body: a sailor suit in white with pale yellow, and a big ribbon of Tyrian purple tied in a bow at her breast. Beneath her dark round ears, star-shaped barettes decorated her hair.

"You're... you're —"

"Sailor Kumaria, pretty guardian of the forest planet, sailor-suited soldier of love and fidelity."

"Wow!" Tomo was impressed by all sailor senshi, but she knew she couldn't just sit around dazed by the beauty. As the Moon Kingdom's number one ambassador extraordinaire, she would never sit still at a time like this. She would make... small talk! "Your planet is beautiful."

"Mmm. Lilywhite Shrine is one of my favorite places." Sailor Kumaria's tone changed, her voice soft but firm, like Ami-chan, "But all of this is at risk. Please, if the old alliance still means anything, please help save our world!"

Tomo didn't know anything about an alliance, but she couldn't imagine her boss Usagi refusing a plea like that. "Of course we will help! What do you need?"

Parts of the scenery began to fade into white, as the mountains evaporated into mist, then the lake vanished, too. Tomo began to feel like she was shaking back and forth.

Kumaria pleaded, "No, not yet! Please come to the forest planet, before—"

---

The light flooded into Tomo's eyes so fast she immediately closed them again.

"Come on Tomo! You're the one who wanted to do the first sunrise this year." Yomi shook Tomo's bed once more.

Tomo mumbled, groggily, "But I have to save the bears..."

"Get up!"

The fog in Tomo's mind cleared, "All right, getting up."

As she dressed, she pieced together part of her dreams. She thought it was cool she got to be on Mt. Fuji for the good omen, but sad that the sexy part didn't have time to get good. All in all: four stars, would dream again.

---

They waited for the sunrise in the rooftop garden, on one of the wooden benches, as the twilight ever so slowly gave way. Brent emerged from the stairwell, and came over to greet them.

"He wears pants," Yomi said.

"You've seen me wear pants before." He did wear shorts a lot, though.

"Have I?"

"Not that I recall," Tomo added.

Brent rubbed his hands together, "It's too cold."

"Eh, this is nothin'," Tomo dismissed him. "It doesn't even snow here."

Brent asked, "So did you have any New Year's dreams? You guys are kind of famous for it."

Tomo hopped on the question first, "Yeah, my dream was great. It turns out I'm even more awesome than I thought. Go me!"

Yomi said, "I don't even want to know."

"But it turns out Brent is wrong."

"I'm what?" Brent muttered.

Tomo continued, "You make a terrible attorney, Yomi."

"Don't want to hear it."

"This is gonna be a great year!"]]> New Year's Dreams
A KanriKyara story

---

Evernight Visitor
1:15 AM, January 1, 2017

It was when Harry noticed that he was surrounded by red crystal walls, of a shade much closer to magenta than to ruby and glowing faintly from within, that he first realized he was dreaming.

It was when Harry felt the unfortunately familiar touch of Voldemort's emotions that he realized just what kind of dream he was having. He focussed his attention, to remember as much as possible when he awoke.

He could feel Voldemort's dismissive sneer of superiority and his unformed eagerness as he was led through a hallway that seemed more grown than built, guided by a mountain of a man nearly as big as Hagrid. He was dressed in browns and greens, and unlike Hagrid his beard and hair were neatly trimmed. For all his size, he moved with a surprising grace and silence, and would glance at the wizard he escorted with obvious suspicion. Harry could see a powerful intelligence in his eyes, one that recognized the danger that Voldemort represented.

For his part, Voldemort dismissed the man as a subhuman half-breed for his size, unworthy of any true consideration. Once he took control here — and the Dark Lord had no doubt he would — he would commemorate the event by subjecting the brute to the Cruciatus and testing his endurance. The black, bone-faced creatures that inhabited this land were disappointingly unaffected by the curse, and Voldemort's desire to inflict pain had not been sated properly in some days — not since the village whose inhabitants had pointed him to the hidden borders of this dark land with its red sky.

Harry tried to sift as carefully as he could through Voldemort's thoughts for a sense of where he was, to no avail. All he could pick from the Dark Lord's mind were brief glimpses of lush green jungle, oppressively hot, and then a barren, broken landscape of black stone and red skies that looked like no place on Earth he was familiar with.

The hallway abruptly ended in a pair of great black doors that looked as crystalline as the walls. Voldemort's guide gave him one last, inscrutable look, then pushed them open; silently they swung wide to reveal what could only be a throne room. And in it...

Although Voldemort hid it perfectly, Harry could feel the Dark Lord's shock and disgust, and his own surprise. Upon a throne of even more crystal was a woman — but not a human woman. She was human-shaped, yes, but her skin and hair — the latter tied into a bun from which a half-dozen or so bound locks almost like dreadlocks sprung — were bone white. Her eyes were gleaming red against black sclera, a black diamond shape decorated her forehead, and a web of black veins spread across her face, almost artistic in its symmetry. She was dressed in what looked like a cross between a dress and wizard's robes, with a cutout that to Harry's discomfort showed off the valley of snow-white flesh between her breasts.

At her side was a... thing. It looked like a ball of glowing red glass partially covered with small plates of what appeared to be bone, sitting on a black base ringed with downward-pointing claws. Harry almost thought it was a decoration or device of some sort until he spotted the waving red tentacles, each tipped with a blade of more bone, hanging beneath it. It bobbed slowly up and down in the air, and Harry had the strangest sensation that it was looking at him. Not at Voldemort — at him.

Harry took some private delight that the woman studied Voldemort with the same kind of look Voldemort would turn on those he felt were beneath him — which was to say, everyone.

Voldemort also noticed this, and his ego and anger both began to boil.

"My lady? The lord Voldemort," the huge man rumbled in a tectonically deep voice.

"Thank you, Hazel," the woman said. Harry was surprised at how... pleasant she sounded. "You may go." It struck Harry that they weren't speaking English, but some other language. How he could understand it, he chalked up to dream logic — or was he somehow piggybacking on Voldemort's understanding?

Voldemort glanced at his escort, who nodded respectfully to her before backing out of the room and closing the doors behind him. Then he turned his gaze back to the woman who studied him as though he were nothing more than a curious insect. "Lord Voldemort?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, and Harry could feel his growing fury at what he perceived (probably correctly) as a lack of respect. "And what would you be lord of?"

"I am Lord of the Wizarding World, woman!" Voldemort snarled. That definitely hadn't been in English, so maybe he was borrowing Voldemort's knowledge of whatever language it was.

Harry spotted a flicker of irritation cross her face; he wondered if Voldemort had. "The Wizarding World?" she asked. "And where might that be?" She rose from her throne and glided across the room to come face-to-face with the Dark Lord. And "glide" was exactly the word for how she moved — if Harry hadn't seen the slight movement of her legs under her ankle-length skirt, he might have sworn she was on wheels. "Another universe, I would wager. You are no more a native of this... Earth than I am, and the very fact that I find you on my doorstep tells me that whatever power and resources you may have once possessed were left behind in the world you came from."

"Silence, woman!" Voldemort roared. "You will bow before me and hand over this castle to your rightful lord!" He brandished his wand, which the woman ignored. He'd never been the most patient or diplomatic of men in Harry's opinion, but Voldemort could be charming when he needed to be; this immediate escalation to demands and threats was new and different, as if Voldemort had completely lost the ability to be anything but angry.

"My rightful lord?" The woman smirked at Voldemort, which drove him to even higher levels of fury. "There is no such thing. You certainly aren't it — you are no more than a homeless wanderer with delusions of grandeur."

"I am Lord Voldemort, the greatest wizard history has ever seen!" he thundered. "I have defeated death, and no one can stand against me!"

The amusement on the woman's alien face was obvious to Harry — and to Voldemort. "You claim to be immortal?"

"I claim nothing! I am immortal!"

To both Voldemort and Harry's shock, she laughed. "You know nothing of immortality, little homunculus," she said. "What shred of a soul you have left to you is not even yet a century old." Her eyes flashed. "I have seen millennia come and go. I have been worshipped as a goddess by generations of humans." She sneered at him. "Your pretensions to superiority would be amusing were they not tedious. You will not make demands of me."

"So be it," Voldemort snarled, and raised his wand in a flash. "Avada kedavra!" he spat, and Harry felt the unclean miasma of his hatred as the green bolt of the killing curse shot across the few feet between the two to strike the woman cleanly in her chest.

Harry shared Voldemort's shock when the woman did not fall dead, but instead simply looked down at her unmarked breast and then back up at him. "Was that supposed to do something?" she asked, utterly unimpressed.

Voldemort didn't bother to reply. "Crucio!" he barked and again the spell struck her.

The woman merely rolled her eyes and sighed. "Tiresome," she said as if disappointed, and made a careless gesture. Voldemort found himself lifted into the air and rendered both silent and motionless.

"Arrogant fool," she continued. "You believe yourself immortal because you've managed to cling tenuously to the mortal realms after the death of your body, but I am truly immortal. Nothing short of an act of the gods themselves can end my life." She walked around the Dark Lord as she spoke, disappearing from Harry's view and reappearing once again. "You wield a pittance of power using a crutch and think yourself invincible." She snorted in obvious amusement. "You aren't," she added as she took the wand from his frozen hand. She examined it for a moment, then tossed it over her shoulder. The thing that hovered by her throne snapped out a slender red tentacle and snatched it out of the air.

"Now... what to do with you? You are quite unsuited to join my loyal servants." She tapped her chin with a fingertip while studying him, like a bug pinned to a board by an entomologist. "I know. I could always use another hound."

She made another careless gesture.

---

Harry woke abruptly. The echoes of Voldemort's screams as the tattered remains of his soul were ripped from his spell-born body still rang in his ears. He launched himself from his bed. Professor Dumbledore needs to know about this right now, he thought as drew on his shoes and robe.

---

The Once and Future Dreamer
1:27 AM, January 1, 2017

Harley was in a mall. Not in Pensacola; back home in Daytona Beach.

"'Go buy some spark plugs, and then I'll help you tune your bike.' I can tune it myself, dad."

"You shouldn't talk to yourself out loud, kid," the guy behind the counter said.

Kid? Harley wondered before noticing the reflection in the counter jockey's eyes. No beard. I haven't seen that face in years.

Then there was a tug at Harley's sleeve. "Mister Waters?"

Mister? "Mr. Waters is my father. I'm Harley." Turning to look at whoever was holding the sleeve, Harley saw a kid. Preteen. Asian. With red eyes and blue-white hair.

"Mister Harley, please help me get to Pensacola Beach."

"That's all the way on the far end of the Panhandle, kid."

"We need to get there, even if it takes a lifetime." The little girl — and Harley was sure she was a girl, despite the unisex clothes and haircut that she wore — looked into Harley's eyes, with all the solemnity a preschooler could gather.

Strange thing for a kid to say. As the wind blew past them while they stood on a walkway near the city's namesake beach, Harley asked, "You got a name, kid?"

"Zero."

"Weird name." Then Harley noticed his beard was back. "Why'd you need to get to Pensacola, Zero?"

"To find myself. And you need to find yourself, too."

Then the penny dropped. White hair. Red eyes. Not Zero. Rei.

"I thought all the Ayanami clones shared a single soul," Harley said while looking over the railing at an Olympic-sized pool twenty feet below them.

"I thought that, too," chibi-Rei said before jumping off the edge of the ledge and making a perfect dive into the pool... which turned orange.

---

As Harley woke up to a dark bedroom, he thought, Maybe I am here to find myself. Rei certainly has changed since she moved in back in September. Have I?.

---

Silence and Song
2:09 AM, January 1, 2017

Rei Hino looked around, only to see a barren land and statues of her four closest comrades.

No, not statues. They were her teammates, but nobody was moving. And there was dust around their feet.

"Didn't we defeat the Silence?"

There was no reply.

Then she saw the other figures. Seven, lined up to face the seven Sailor Senshi.

Seven Senshi? she wondered. But she was carried by the wind so that she was removed from the line.

Yet there were still seven Senshi facing the others, including Sailor Chibimoon and Sailor Saturn. Usagi was not there; she was clearly visible at the shrine at the summit of Mount Fuji.

"Usagi is our luck," she heard from behind her in a chorus that reminded her somehow of sultry childlike bells. While Rei knew that she'd heard at least part of that voice before, she didn't know all of it. And she couldn't turn to see who had said that. She was too enraptured by the view from the window in front of her and her teammates - a view of her home back in Roppongi.

Then the window shattered, taking the scene with it, revealing a scene that was not the same despite being identical.

Rei knew that there was no place for her in that second Roppongi. She could see that she was already there.

Their opponents, still unmoving, could not take advantage of her distraction. But she couldn't move either.

As Fuji-san crumbled, Usagi stood beside Rei. In a voice that rang out like a whisper, she told their opponents, "Stuck in that same position; You deserve so much more."

Alas, Usagi was not one for singing.

And the others were not five for listening. With eyes closed and hands over their ears, they replied, "If you're here to make amends, just leave; Find yourself another dream to believe."

Usagi dropped to her knees, alone, crying at the lost chance. The chance for what, Rei wasn't certain... but the glow of the Ginzuishou told her softly, "They have lost their chance for Love and Justice."

Everyone left... but not everyone. Rei remained, with a crow perched on each of her outstretched arms, and so did Usagi. And there was no dust to be seen anywhere on the barren landscape.

Two of the others stayed as well. Two who had not cast her closest friend into despair. They both looked at Usagi, a picnic spread out on the grass between them and her.

They said nothing.

But their shadows, orange and purple, declared, "No more quiet in the corners of my soul, No more stories left untold; Even if it hurts, even if I fall, I’d rather lose than never live at all."

---

And, with the realization that those lyrics — and they were lyrics — would not be written for another decade, Rei awoke from her dream.

"No more quiet in the corners of my soul," she repeated to an empty bedroom. As she reached for the pen and paper that she kept beside her bed so that she could record what she remembered of her prophecy, she said, "If quiet means Silence, then they had to have been the Witches 5. But what were they quoting? And why did their shadows say it, and not them? Whoever they were. I'm already forgetting the dream."

Once she finished writing down what she remembered, she went back to sleep... but, if she dreamed again, she didn't remember it.

---

The Bearoness
5:01 AM, January 1, 2017

Tomo was back at her high school, walking through the lush gardens surrounding the campus. «Wait,» she thought, «Is this really my high school?» She stared up at the elegant, triangular school building. "Oh, right! I'm a baroness now!" she said, as if it explained everything. Of course nobility would go to fancier schools.

A tall, aristocratic looking girl with long French curls was passing by. «Ooh la la! She's also my type.»

The girl began to walk towards the fountain, where Tomo was sitting. "Sorry to make you wait."

"I didn't wait long," Tomo said, automatically. She thought, «How do you greet a rich girl again?», then spoke, "Gokigen yo!" She wondered if that was right, but then looked up to the sunset in the sky and realized a morning greeting wasn't right.

But if Tomo was meeting this girl in a place like this after school, then she decided it must be a romantic meeting. Then she suddenly remembered this was her girlfriend. Well, one of her girlfriends, anyway. Things like that happened at all-girl schools, after all. After the blonde joined Tomo sitting on the edge of the fountain, Tomo said, "Hey there, Ojou-chan. Did you miss me?"

"M-miss you? Why would one do such a thing?" Ojou dodged.

«So tsundere, so sexy.» Tomo scooted closer and said, "So there's nothing about me that you want?"

"Um, well..." the blonde blushed.

Tomo leaned in for a kiss, and Ojou closed her eyes. It was hot and sweet. Ojou's breasts pressed up against Tomo's, and Tomo could feel herself starting to get wet. Ojou began to get more aggressive, thrusting her leg between Tomo's.

Suddenly, from behind the trees, someone called out, "Hold it right there!" The girls froze in their embrace, as the other woman stepped out from cover, a hunting rifle aimed right at them.

The light shone off her glasses, and for a second Tomo was afraid the woman was Yomi. Or maybe she wanted the woman to be Yomi after all? She couldn't make up her mind, but it turned out the girl with the gun wasn't Yomi at all. "Tomo-sama, you almost became her next victim."

"Victim?" Tomo didn't exactly feel very victimized.

The new girl, Eiko, didn't flinch as she pointed her gun at the blonde, who was now standing a few feet away from Tomo. "She's not your girlfriend," the bespectacled girl said, "she's a bear!"

Tomo gave a blank stare. "Huh?"

— Shock! Kuma Shock! —

She looked back to Ojou, who had transformed into, well, mostly herself but with bear ears and kigurumi claws for hands. "Whoa." «Well... still my type, I guess.»

Ojou lamented, "I'm sorry that Tomo-sama has to see my secret."

"Step away from the bear! Before she eats you!"

Tomo said, "Um, that was kind of the plan."

"She's a bear," Eiko said. "A bear! You know, claws your back, always after honey, chases the birds and the bees."

"You know these are all metaphors, right?"

"Nevertheless, she must be taken to trial as an enemy of mankind. Move!" she ordered, her rifle prodding them up the spiral stairs to the top of the school. The stairs went up and up and up, and Tomo began to wonder how long the stairs would go on, because they seemed like they stretched on forever.

But as soon as she had that thought, she was already on top of the roof of the school. All of her classmates from her new high school were arranged around in a big circle. And at the center, tied up in the defendant's box, was Ojou-chan.

"Ladies of the jury," Eiko presented, "This bear was caught in the act, about to consume the lovely, pure-hearted maiden, our beloved Tomo-sama. For this crime, this utter failure to read the mood, we can only reach one result: guilty! So I will now hear your verdicts."

The verdict came down as one person after another in a line declared, "Crimibear," and the next "Crimibear," and another "Crimibear."

Tomo cried, "Objection! Doesn't the defendant get to speak?"

"What right does an animal who invaded our planet have? None."

"Eh?" Tomo didn't feel like an ace attorney now.

Eiko pushed her glasses back up her nose a bit, raised her rifle, and pointed it at the defendant. "I will now carry out the sentence on this crimibear."

Ojou whimpered.

Tomo had to do something. She couldn't let a single one of her girlfriends die, not even at the hands of that violent Yomi knock-off. «What would Usagi do? Probably something cool and wise,» she thought. «And I'm just a fool. Well, I know what fools do.»

Tomo rushed into the firing line, "Stop! Ojou is a good bear who did nothing wrong. Why can't we be together?"

"This is obstruction of justice!" She gripped the rifle tighter.

"You call this love and justice?"

The fake Yomi's mood darkened, "You really can't read the mood, can you? You're one of those girls who can't read the mood, aren't you? And not reading the mood, that's called evil. Isn't it time to exclude Tomo-kun for evil, everyone?" Eiko moved forward, and pushed the end of her rifle right against Tomo's heart.

Tomo didn't back away. "What? That's stupid. Wait, no, that's really dumb!" Tomo considered herself an expert in stupidity, but it always astonished her how stupid people could be when they were not even trying to be stupid. It was time to take these girls to school. Tomo school.

"I am Baroness Lady Tomo von Takino of the Moon Kingdom, and I will not forgive this! Tearing apart two maidens in love is just too cruel, even if one of them is a bear-girl. Everyone in this world has a right to love and beauty!"

The crowd of girls around the trial was clearly moved by Tomo's amazing and stunning speech. But Eiko was not. "How can you promise love and beauty to everyone? You're nothing but a fraud."

Tomo said, "Oh, I get it now." She pushed her body closer to Eiko, the barrel of the rifle pressed hard against her chest, and stared into Eiko's eyes. "I wasn't reading the mood. I'm sorry." And then she French kissed her too. Sure, Eiko was annoying, but she reminded her of someone else she liked. The crowd of girls went squee in the background, as Eiko kissed Tomo back.

"That wasn't... I mean..." Eiko stammered. She stammered a couple times before admitting, "I guess... we can have peace with the bears."

"All right, now we're talking!" Tomo sat down at a long shiny wooden table that was helpfully on top of the school roof, and began writing a peace treaty. Because she was a noblewoman Tomo knew this stuff really well and it didn't take all that long. Of course she mentioned rights to the strategic honey reserve because treaties always have things like that.

Eiko sat down and signed the treaty with an elegant fountain pen, followed with Ojou applying a big hanko that left an impression like a bear print in red. Everyone around cheered the new era of peace!

"Thank you Tomo-sama, we couldn't have done it without you," Eiko told her.

And Ojou came over with those gorgeous curls and cute little bear ears, "My people and I owe you everything, Tomo. How can I ever repay you?"

Tomo smiled, "Well... I have an idea."

Just then, another girl came up to her. A little bit shorter than Tomo, with pale skin, and with glasses as round as her black bear ears, she spoke with a soft voice. "Tomo, can I speak with you? Alone?"

"Sure! What's up?"

She gestured with her paw to follow.

She led Tomo through the door into the stairwell, but it didn't lead in inside the school at all. Instead, Tomo found herself on a brightly-lit mountaintop. In front of her was a massive crater lake filled with deep, deep blue water. And all around the lake were jagged little peaks, covered with patches of snow. Tomo glanced behind, and saw the other mountains and valleys below, carpeted in lush forest, and spotted the village with the white castle.

The girl stood to her left, next to a shrine. Tomo wasn't sure how she knew it was a shrine, because she had never seen a building like it before, but she knew. It looked like the crystal was growing out of the wood. She would have kept taking in the sights, but the other girl spoke.

"Are you really from the Moon Kingdom?"

"Yeah, Baroness Tomo Takino of Ameno Uzume."

"I heard it was lost, long ago."

"Yeah, it was. There was some reincarnation involved, but yeah, they're real. We're real. They're back."

"Oh, thank Heaven!" Her search was finally over. She wasn't sure at first, but dreams are always a funny business, where people work out things about themselves. But she could feel Tomo's fear when she stepped in front of the gun, and knew what kind of person she was. Her breathy voice sounded like it had steel behind it, "Please, you have to have to help my planet!"

"Who are you?" Tomo asked.

The girl withdrew a honey dipper from the pocket of her school uniform jacket, inexplicably decorated in gems with bands of pink and gold along the dipping end. She shouted, "Kumaria Planet Power, make up!" She was surrounded by pink light; her clothes faded away and she was briefly nude. Another uniform materialized on her body: a sailor suit in white with pale yellow, and a big ribbon of Tyrian purple tied in a bow at her breast. Beneath her dark round ears, star-shaped barettes decorated her hair.

"You're... you're —"

"Sailor Kumaria, pretty guardian of the forest planet, sailor-suited soldier of love and fidelity."

"Wow!" Tomo was impressed by all sailor senshi, but she knew she couldn't just sit around dazed by the beauty. As the Moon Kingdom's number one ambassador extraordinaire, she would never sit still at a time like this. She would make... small talk! "Your planet is beautiful."

"Mmm. Lilywhite Shrine is one of my favorite places." Sailor Kumaria's tone changed, her voice soft but firm, like Ami-chan, "But all of this is at risk. Please, if the old alliance still means anything, please help save our world!"

Tomo didn't know anything about an alliance, but she couldn't imagine her boss Usagi refusing a plea like that. "Of course we will help! What do you need?"

Parts of the scenery began to fade into white, as the mountains evaporated into mist, then the lake vanished, too. Tomo began to feel like she was shaking back and forth.

Kumaria pleaded, "No, not yet! Please come to the forest planet, before—"

---

The light flooded into Tomo's eyes so fast she immediately closed them again.

"Come on Tomo! You're the one who wanted to do the first sunrise this year." Yomi shook Tomo's bed once more.

Tomo mumbled, groggily, "But I have to save the bears..."

"Get up!"

The fog in Tomo's mind cleared, "All right, getting up."

As she dressed, she pieced together part of her dreams. She thought it was cool she got to be on Mt. Fuji for the good omen, but sad that the sexy part didn't have time to get good. All in all: four stars, would dream again.

---

They waited for the sunrise in the rooftop garden, on one of the wooden benches, as the twilight ever so slowly gave way. Brent emerged from the stairwell, and came over to greet them.

"He wears pants," Yomi said.

"You've seen me wear pants before." He did wear shorts a lot, though.

"Have I?"

"Not that I recall," Tomo added.

Brent rubbed his hands together, "It's too cold."

"Eh, this is nothin'," Tomo dismissed him. "It doesn't even snow here."

Brent asked, "So did you have any New Year's dreams? You guys are kind of famous for it."

Tomo hopped on the question first, "Yeah, my dream was great. It turns out I'm even more awesome than I thought. Go me!"

Yomi said, "I don't even want to know."

"But it turns out Brent is wrong."

"I'm what?" Brent muttered.

Tomo continued, "You make a terrible attorney, Yomi."

"Don't want to hear it."

"This is gonna be a great year!"]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14954 Tue, 16 Dec 2025 09:44:44 -0500 robkelk]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14954
Chapter 1 (of 2) is available on AO3.]]>
Chapter 1 (of 2) is available on AO3.]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14943 Tue, 25 Nov 2025 08:36:50 -0500 Bob Schroeck]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14943 This story is available on AO3.]]> This story is available on AO3.]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14939 Tue, 11 Nov 2025 06:19:18 -0500 robkelk]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14939 This story contains formatting that cannot be duplicated in BBCode. Please read it on AO3.]]> This story contains formatting that cannot be duplicated in BBCode. Please read it on AO3.]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14928 Tue, 14 Oct 2025 09:14:52 -0500 robkelk]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14928 This story is available on AO3]]> This story is available on AO3]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14914 Tue, 16 Sep 2025 07:02:57 -0500 robkelk]]> http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/showthread.php?tid=14914 Diary of a Montreal Shopping Trip
By Brent Laabs
Chapter 1: Ante Meridiem


Montréal, QC, Canada
Sunday, September 25, 2016


Artoria Pendragon, summoned to be Shirou Emiya's Saber, was up on the roof training for a war she dearly wished for, but was indefinitely delayed. A Grail War couldn't happen, not with the wyrd placed upon herself and the other servants, not here.

But now she was stuck here, with no battles to worry about, no goals to meet, no quests to seek and pursue. No peasants to assign to fields, no patricians to cozy up to, no armies to feed. No friends to talk to, but that wasn't a new state of affairs. Not since she lost those two. It wouldn't make sense to befriend those she might one day need to kill, if it ever started up again, and then find herself unable to do it.

So she found herself stuck in her own thoughts. To keep herself from going mad, raking herself across the coals of the past, or bracing against phantom winds of the future, she focused on being in the present, on establishing something that resembled her old routine.

So she stood atop the apartment's flat roof under the morning sunshine, and swung a found wooden broom handle through the cool breeze to quiet her mind. It wasn't working particularly well, though you couldn't tell that by looking at her. But with a real, living body rather than a magical construct, at least she was getting good exercise.

She didn't use her own sword, since she didn't want to reveal it — or anything about it, not even its weight – to the nearby prying eyes. Which she was sure there were. Indeed, Archer had spent the last couple of minutes watching her cut imaginary targets with a stick. She presumed he was investigating her, and pretended not to notice. But his reasons were much simpler than that, though Saber wouldn't have believed them: he looked at her out of admiration, along with good helping of the normal reasons for the male gaze.

After a few moments passed, he said, "Saber! The manager is looking for you."

"Oh?"

"She wants to take us shopping for new clothing today, remember? You're coming, right? Everyone else is." Archer asked.

She turned towards the tall, prematurely gray-haired man, thinking about her answer. Artoria was a veteran of the past Grail War, so it did make some sense to join, if only to to scope out her competition. Any clothes would do, but she could certainly do with more than those on her back. "Of course."

"Good. We're leaving in an hour. Just enough time for you to get ready," he said, right before he hopped back down into the apartment's courtyard.

How impertinent, she thought, a Servant is always ready! And then she took stock of herself, smelled under her own arm, and decided that she needed a shower. Servants with magical construct bodies might be ready at a moment's notice, but in this universe she had a real human body, and it came with its own positives and negatives.

A moment later, Saber followed with her own leap into the courtyard. Cassiopée Bright, the apartment manager, caught sight of her out of the corner of her eye, muttering, "Tabernac!" The shock wouldn't last, though. Over the next few weeks, she got accustomed to a certain resident leaping three stories like it was a totally normal thing to do, and would barely gave it a second thought.

---

At the appointed time, everyone assembled, and walked the half-kilometre or so down-slope to an entrance to Montreal's Underground City, a network of tunnels connecting buildings and shops. Collectively, they form one of the world's largest shopping malls, with an ever-changing design aesthetic depending on which building they were under.

The tunnels are a lifeline for the city in the cold winter months, but on a cool but pleasant morning like this one, no one really minded being outside. It was a good deal warmer than the winter in Japan the participants of the Grail War had just left behind — if slightly disconcerting to see the leaves of maple trees just starting to fall, for a second time in a row.

"RÉZO, the Red Mall," said Shirou, as he rode the escalator down.

"No," corrected Cassiopée, "RÉSO the underground mall. Though a lot of the shops are actually above ground. Anyway, I know a few boutiques where we can start out, but I want you all to be on the lookout for new clothing. Especially you, Archer, you look like a cosplayer in that coat."

"She's wearing a flashy red coat too," Archer muttered.

Rin countered, "But mine is fashionable."

"Just so. Though you won't need it inside."

Inside were a host of stores, selling clothing, linens, electronics, jewellery, beauty products, and food, on different levels, above and below ground. The corridors were wide and mostly straight, with the underground passageways intended to provide for foot traffic over a long distance, connected to multiple metro stations. Rin had visited the shops crowded beneath Shinjuku Station, but those were best described as "a twisty maze of little passages", not like these walkways.

The servants were the most impressed by the building, having never visited any indoor shopping malls before. Even the idea of pre-made clothing in particular sizes was novel, but it made the whole affair much more fun. Instead of relying on the skills of one's tailor, one could just try on the outfits to see how they looked. True to her word, Cassiopée led them to some of her favourite places.

The problem was that many of her favourite places were a bit too expensive for the group's budget, allotted by Funtom for Cassiopée to manage. That was no matter, as trying a garment out was free. Sakura, in particular, seemed to enjoy using Rider as a dress-up doll. The outfits Sakura chose for her were all over the map — formal gowns, riding leather, punk chic — the only common thread was that Rider had the figure to pull them off, where Sakura's short, flat frame meant that she had to stick to simpler, more covered up outfits. Which was fine for the upcoming winter.

Saber, fortunately, had Shirou Emiya as a master, and the men spent the lion's share of the morning in various menswear sections, and not dressing her up. Saber tried picking out her own wardrobe, but it didn't really bring her the joy it did the other girls, and she didn't really trust her own taste. Of course, Rin and Cassiopée picked up the slack, and dispatched Artoria to a changing room to try out various outfits for their approval.

After trying on a few dresses that didn't quite fit, Saber stepped out of the changing room, wearing a royal blue evening gown, high-cut and backless save for two straps, with a cutout below the breasts and plenty of space for necklaces above.

"Wow, you sure clean up nice!" Rin remarked.

"Whoa. I'm going to have to work a little to compete with that," Medea commented.

"Are you sure this is appropriate dress for me? Perhaps a simple tunic or two would suffice until we resume battle—"

"No good! Saber, you need to keep up with modern fashion or you'll let everyone else get ahead. Not that I'm helping you in the Grail War, understand? I just can't have you looking like a fashion victim."

Caster noted, "As Heraclitus said, 'Everything changes, nothing stands still'."

Artoria relented, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."[1]

"Rome?" Medea asked, "Where's that? Good quote, though."[2]

Cassiopée split off from the men — who, unsurprisingly, needed the most help — to check on the women. "C'est magnifique, Sabre! I see I'm not truly needed over here. But alas, I think you should concentrate on everyday wear. And something a little warmer than that, with winter just around the corner."

"Hey! That looks too good on her to leave it on the rack." Rin protested.

Cassiopée tugged at Artoria's sleeve, and glanced at the tag. After a moment of thinking, she pronounced, "Of course, it would be a crime for her not to take it home. Carry on!"

Medea instantly picked up a dark violet velvet dress off a rack, and carried it into a dressing room in her attempt to outclass Saber. Something about that woman reminded her of Morgan — on second thought, most everything about that woman reminded her of Morgan.

Rider seemed relatively uninterested in going that route, instead asking, "What do people wear now when riding horses?"

Rin led her over to the jeans section, populated with long trousers made of a durable weave called denim predominantly in blue. After a bit of back and forth, Rin managed to convince Rider to purchase some form-fitting jeans with rips already included in between the seams and joints, ultimately with the words, "Just trust me!"

Saber selected some jeans that looked more practical and brand new, that had been richly and uniformly dyed with woad.[3] She knew that hardly anyone rode horses in this future era, but as a king she should have the option to be a cavalier, and that obviously meant not wearing garments that could belong to a pauper. Even if the ripped jeans were more expensive, and somehow more fashionable, Saber's dignity was worth more.

Sakura seemed to favour dignity as well, as all of the outfits she chose seemed quite conservative and feminine, or so Saber thought, based on her own observations from the previous Grail War, for what little they were worth. Of course, with winter coming, it made sense to cover up, but on the other hand, Sakura had no problem dressing up Rider in all sorts of showy costumes. Well, that was perhaps not so odd for a girl of her age. People never really change, even across the millennia.

Saber was quite right that Sakura had body issues, but as she learned later, quite wrong about the reason for them.

The party moved on to a different building, passing through the hallways below ground to reach a smaller boutique clothing store, on Cassiopée's recommendation.

Kuzuki-sensei trudged behind Caster, dutifully holding all of her purchases. Shirou saw this, so he offered Artoria, "Can I take your bags?"

"No, thank you. I can take your bags if you like," Saber offered in return.

"A girl shouldn't have to carry everything, Saber. I can carry them—"

"I am your servant, you should rely on me instead."

Another voice chimed in, "Here you go, I thought you were never going to ask," Rin said while jamming her purchases into Shirou's hands.

"Thanks, senpai!" Sakura smiled as she placed another set of plastic bags of clothing into his unsuspecting hands. "You're a gentleman."

He eventually shook off the dumbfounded look from his face, and returned her smile. "So it turned out this way, huh? No problem." At this, Archer just tsked at Shirou. "What?" he asked with a bit of irritation.

"Oh nothing. Perhaps you want to carry my clothes as well?" Archer suggested innocently.

"Oh come on, do it yourself!"

Once they found the store, Cassiopée realized that there was nothing in there for the men, and decided to lead them on a ways further to a bigger department store, leaving the women behind. They were too absorbed in the fashion to pay much notice to her absence.

"How about this coat, Saber? Doesn't it look très chic?" Rin held it up in front of her chest, so she could see it reflected in the store's full-length mirror: a white wool coat, piped with sea green trim and large, shiny gold buttons.

She thought about it, and supposed that it was flattering on her. More flattering than it would be on Rin herself, with her darker hair and complexion. And somehow less feminine than Rin's wardrobe. The whole morning was proof of Rin's fashion sense.

Artoria had no idea of the local fashion sense, but it didn't matter too much. She liked it. She stared at the mirror and, with the smallest of smiles, decided, "This will be acceptable."

"Oooh, high praise!" Rin teased. It was high praise from Saber, after all. "Let's find a few dresses to match."

Cassiopée, "And she'll need a winter coat; that one will only be warm enough for the autumn."

Certainly, if there were a Grail War of fashion, Rin and Cassiopée would be battling it out, and they'd all be left in the dust. Just like war, fashion is eternal, and some people are just better at it.

If Artoria had had some knowledge of local fashion provided by the Grail's magic that summoned her, it was lost to her now. All of that synthetic knowledge was lost. She could figure out some things from gift of language that had been bestowed upon her. She had seen Cassiopée pay for some items with a small card, which she somehow knew as called a credit card. And she knew that "credit" was a loan taken from a "bank", and banks were something of a treasury. She could learn just from following the threads of words in her head.

Fashion, however, was opaque to such methods. People looked somewhat different than what she remembered of Japan, but not so different as to feel like a different era. Honestly it was so weird that there was so little difference between dress on the other side of the world — men's styles in particular seemed remarkably uniform.

And yet, there were still ways for the men to fail. When they left to rejoin the men, they found they should perhaps not be left to their own devices. "Now we need to find Kuzuki-sen–" Rin paused, and raised her voice, "Hey Emiya, put that back. It's not going to work. No, not you Archer... actually yes, you too, both of you are hopeless."

---

On the bottom level of the Centre Eaton, the tunnel opened up into a food court. Now, this wasn't the type of court that Artoria was expecting, having no courtiers or lord. It resembled, more than anything, the chaotic scene surrounding the food wagons on market day, where commoners would gather to partake in a warm meal before returning to field or farm. But it did resemble a court in one important way: it was a place where people of many cultures would come and feast together.

From one of the side entrances, a young man with a high forehead and glasses called out, "Cassiopée!"

"Ah, Grahame! Glad you could make it!" They met and shared a quick peck on the lips. "You need to shave!"

"I only made it because your text woke me up. No, I'm fine, I just needed to catch up on sleep a bit." The past week had been spent in crunch — in fact, pretty much every week was 'crunch time' these days, as their game crawled its way through development hell.

"My love, they need to take better care of you."

"I can't argue with that. It looks like you're faring better than me at work."

Cassiopée related, "Oh, it has its challenges, but shopping has been rewarding so far." She reached into her bag, pulling up an article, "I found this lovely two-piece–"

"Save it, I'd much prefer to see you wearing it first."

She grinned, "All right!" then turned from her spouse to face everyone else. "Okay, there are a lot of choices here, so everyone can pick out something they like. Let's meet back up in a few minutes." She handed a few bills out to everyone, enough for them to pay for their own food, and went off with Grahame to pick up some pad Thai.

Saber was, at this point, more confused than she had been all day. The paper money was odd, sure, but money had been around in different forms since before civilization, and it was clearly marked in value.

No, it was all of these unknown options. The amount of choice here was bewildering. There was Italian food — they seemed to be as crazy about tomatoes now as they had been about garum back in the old days. The Greek restaurant had foods that Medea didn't appear to recognize, like gyros. And places that were even further out, like Thai, Korean, or Mexican, whoever those people were. Artoria knew that India and China existed, but had no idea what people actually ate there, aside from a few spices. The Chinese food seemed somewhat like the food she saw in Japan, based on the rice, at least.

And none of them claimed to be a British food place, which wasn't terribly surprising.

Variety like this, she had never been offered in any court before. "Does anything sound good to you, Saber?" Shirou asked. He seemed to realize that she was at a loss.

"Whatever you think is best. Perhaps... something simple."

"Simple, huh? I'll try my best."

"I will remain here, and secure us proper seating." She did just that, walking around the centre of the court until she found a large, circular table which could host the entire group. She sat down to claim it, and found herself in a metal chair which wobbled unevenly with her weight — un siège petit périlleux. She moved to another chair.

Cassiopée and Grahame soon joined her, with container of noodles that smelled spicy, though Saber thought she caught a hint of something that smelled a little like garum in there too. Caster, Rider and Soichirou tried the lamb gyros, which Caster quite enjoyed, but Rider felt lacked some authenticity as Greek food. Sakura had one of her cravings for raw meat, and picked up a mix of sushi and sashimi. Rin and Archer were feeling more adventurous, and tried out some tacos. Rin liked them well enough, but Archer made an offhand remark, "Well, I guess we can't expect too much, this far north."

With no meshiya offering simple Japanese food, Shirou decided to go with sandwich shop fare, picking up couple of sandwiches and bags of potato chips for each of them. "Which do you want, turkey or ham?"

"Hmm. Ham, please." She would only find out later that he had in fact managed to bring her modern-day British cuisine. She took a bite, and found the ham shared the bread with cheese, fresh vegetables, and a tangy mustard. Not bad. Many of the foods on their table today used bread to allow one to hold the food cleanly, which she thought was a pretty neat invention. She aped Shirou as he opened his small bag of crisps, and tried it. Ooh, salty, crunchy, starchy!

Then she noticed that Shirou's bag of chips bore the writing "sour cream and onion" Why those foods?

Shirou noticed her staring, so he explained, "I didn't know what flavour you wanted, so I just got plain ones for you."

"There are flavours?"

"Here, try one." She took the thin slice of potato from his hand, and placed it in her mouth. It was like the first one, but with a bit of milkiness, and a kick of onion. She liked onions. Very nice!

Sakura saw this, stared at his little bag of chips, and then gave Emiya the puppy dog eyes. "You too?" he said.

"Ahwwn," she intoned, her mouth open. He deposited a potato chip therein, much like a priest with a communion wafer.

Rin said, "So this is what you get up to without Sensei at your meals, Emiya-kun?"

"I mean..."

"Eh?"

Shirou offered, "You want one too?"'

"Flirt." She turned her face away, to the other end of the table. The view didn't get much better though.

Caster said, "Aren't you going to offer me a bite of yours, darling?"

"We both have the same thing," Souichirou replied, confused.

"So?" He didn't react, so Medea pressed on, pita in hand, "Here, I'll give you a bite of mine first, and we'll be even!"

Rin expected better of her high school teacher, so she called across the table, "Missus Manager, can you please do something about hormone central over here?"

Cassiopée replied simply, "Honestly, I doubt it."

---

---

1. BL: This quote is attributed to St. Ambrose, which should make it old enough for Saber to have known. We're assuming that Artoria comes from sub-Roman Britain, c. 500, rather than the time of high chivalry c. 1100.
   
2. BL: The Argonauts sailed before the Trojan war, a few centuries before "ab urbe condita" reckoning. Even if you accept the theory that Romulus was Aeneas's grandson, Rome would still be founded two or three generations after Medea's time, c. 1150 BC. That said, the archaeology indicates still earlier settlement, most continuously on the Capitoline Hill — but still only amounting to an unremarkable backwater set of hilltop villages outside of the Greek sphere.
   
3. BL: Britons were once known to paint their skins with woad, mixed from a dye which makes the same pigment as indigo. Today, the same dye, produced synthetically, is mainly used to dye blue jeans.
   

]]> Diary of a Montreal Shopping Trip
By Brent Laabs
Chapter 1: Ante Meridiem


Montréal, QC, Canada
Sunday, September 25, 2016


Artoria Pendragon, summoned to be Shirou Emiya's Saber, was up on the roof training for a war she dearly wished for, but was indefinitely delayed. A Grail War couldn't happen, not with the wyrd placed upon herself and the other servants, not here.

But now she was stuck here, with no battles to worry about, no goals to meet, no quests to seek and pursue. No peasants to assign to fields, no patricians to cozy up to, no armies to feed. No friends to talk to, but that wasn't a new state of affairs. Not since she lost those two. It wouldn't make sense to befriend those she might one day need to kill, if it ever started up again, and then find herself unable to do it.

So she found herself stuck in her own thoughts. To keep herself from going mad, raking herself across the coals of the past, or bracing against phantom winds of the future, she focused on being in the present, on establishing something that resembled her old routine.

So she stood atop the apartment's flat roof under the morning sunshine, and swung a found wooden broom handle through the cool breeze to quiet her mind. It wasn't working particularly well, though you couldn't tell that by looking at her. But with a real, living body rather than a magical construct, at least she was getting good exercise.

She didn't use her own sword, since she didn't want to reveal it — or anything about it, not even its weight – to the nearby prying eyes. Which she was sure there were. Indeed, Archer had spent the last couple of minutes watching her cut imaginary targets with a stick. She presumed he was investigating her, and pretended not to notice. But his reasons were much simpler than that, though Saber wouldn't have believed them: he looked at her out of admiration, along with good helping of the normal reasons for the male gaze.

After a few moments passed, he said, "Saber! The manager is looking for you."

"Oh?"

"She wants to take us shopping for new clothing today, remember? You're coming, right? Everyone else is." Archer asked.

She turned towards the tall, prematurely gray-haired man, thinking about her answer. Artoria was a veteran of the past Grail War, so it did make some sense to join, if only to to scope out her competition. Any clothes would do, but she could certainly do with more than those on her back. "Of course."

"Good. We're leaving in an hour. Just enough time for you to get ready," he said, right before he hopped back down into the apartment's courtyard.

How impertinent, she thought, a Servant is always ready! And then she took stock of herself, smelled under her own arm, and decided that she needed a shower. Servants with magical construct bodies might be ready at a moment's notice, but in this universe she had a real human body, and it came with its own positives and negatives.

A moment later, Saber followed with her own leap into the courtyard. Cassiopée Bright, the apartment manager, caught sight of her out of the corner of her eye, muttering, "Tabernac!" The shock wouldn't last, though. Over the next few weeks, she got accustomed to a certain resident leaping three stories like it was a totally normal thing to do, and would barely gave it a second thought.

---

At the appointed time, everyone assembled, and walked the half-kilometre or so down-slope to an entrance to Montreal's Underground City, a network of tunnels connecting buildings and shops. Collectively, they form one of the world's largest shopping malls, with an ever-changing design aesthetic depending on which building they were under.

The tunnels are a lifeline for the city in the cold winter months, but on a cool but pleasant morning like this one, no one really minded being outside. It was a good deal warmer than the winter in Japan the participants of the Grail War had just left behind — if slightly disconcerting to see the leaves of maple trees just starting to fall, for a second time in a row.

"RÉZO, the Red Mall," said Shirou, as he rode the escalator down.

"No," corrected Cassiopée, "RÉSO the underground mall. Though a lot of the shops are actually above ground. Anyway, I know a few boutiques where we can start out, but I want you all to be on the lookout for new clothing. Especially you, Archer, you look like a cosplayer in that coat."

"She's wearing a flashy red coat too," Archer muttered.

Rin countered, "But mine is fashionable."

"Just so. Though you won't need it inside."

Inside were a host of stores, selling clothing, linens, electronics, jewellery, beauty products, and food, on different levels, above and below ground. The corridors were wide and mostly straight, with the underground passageways intended to provide for foot traffic over a long distance, connected to multiple metro stations. Rin had visited the shops crowded beneath Shinjuku Station, but those were best described as "a twisty maze of little passages", not like these walkways.

The servants were the most impressed by the building, having never visited any indoor shopping malls before. Even the idea of pre-made clothing in particular sizes was novel, but it made the whole affair much more fun. Instead of relying on the skills of one's tailor, one could just try on the outfits to see how they looked. True to her word, Cassiopée led them to some of her favourite places.

The problem was that many of her favourite places were a bit too expensive for the group's budget, allotted by Funtom for Cassiopée to manage. That was no matter, as trying a garment out was free. Sakura, in particular, seemed to enjoy using Rider as a dress-up doll. The outfits Sakura chose for her were all over the map — formal gowns, riding leather, punk chic — the only common thread was that Rider had the figure to pull them off, where Sakura's short, flat frame meant that she had to stick to simpler, more covered up outfits. Which was fine for the upcoming winter.

Saber, fortunately, had Shirou Emiya as a master, and the men spent the lion's share of the morning in various menswear sections, and not dressing her up. Saber tried picking out her own wardrobe, but it didn't really bring her the joy it did the other girls, and she didn't really trust her own taste. Of course, Rin and Cassiopée picked up the slack, and dispatched Artoria to a changing room to try out various outfits for their approval.

After trying on a few dresses that didn't quite fit, Saber stepped out of the changing room, wearing a royal blue evening gown, high-cut and backless save for two straps, with a cutout below the breasts and plenty of space for necklaces above.

"Wow, you sure clean up nice!" Rin remarked.

"Whoa. I'm going to have to work a little to compete with that," Medea commented.

"Are you sure this is appropriate dress for me? Perhaps a simple tunic or two would suffice until we resume battle—"

"No good! Saber, you need to keep up with modern fashion or you'll let everyone else get ahead. Not that I'm helping you in the Grail War, understand? I just can't have you looking like a fashion victim."

Caster noted, "As Heraclitus said, 'Everything changes, nothing stands still'."

Artoria relented, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."[1]

"Rome?" Medea asked, "Where's that? Good quote, though."[2]

Cassiopée split off from the men — who, unsurprisingly, needed the most help — to check on the women. "C'est magnifique, Sabre! I see I'm not truly needed over here. But alas, I think you should concentrate on everyday wear. And something a little warmer than that, with winter just around the corner."

"Hey! That looks too good on her to leave it on the rack." Rin protested.

Cassiopée tugged at Artoria's sleeve, and glanced at the tag. After a moment of thinking, she pronounced, "Of course, it would be a crime for her not to take it home. Carry on!"

Medea instantly picked up a dark violet velvet dress off a rack, and carried it into a dressing room in her attempt to outclass Saber. Something about that woman reminded her of Morgan — on second thought, most everything about that woman reminded her of Morgan.

Rider seemed relatively uninterested in going that route, instead asking, "What do people wear now when riding horses?"

Rin led her over to the jeans section, populated with long trousers made of a durable weave called denim predominantly in blue. After a bit of back and forth, Rin managed to convince Rider to purchase some form-fitting jeans with rips already included in between the seams and joints, ultimately with the words, "Just trust me!"

Saber selected some jeans that looked more practical and brand new, that had been richly and uniformly dyed with woad.[3] She knew that hardly anyone rode horses in this future era, but as a king she should have the option to be a cavalier, and that obviously meant not wearing garments that could belong to a pauper. Even if the ripped jeans were more expensive, and somehow more fashionable, Saber's dignity was worth more.

Sakura seemed to favour dignity as well, as all of the outfits she chose seemed quite conservative and feminine, or so Saber thought, based on her own observations from the previous Grail War, for what little they were worth. Of course, with winter coming, it made sense to cover up, but on the other hand, Sakura had no problem dressing up Rider in all sorts of showy costumes. Well, that was perhaps not so odd for a girl of her age. People never really change, even across the millennia.

Saber was quite right that Sakura had body issues, but as she learned later, quite wrong about the reason for them.

The party moved on to a different building, passing through the hallways below ground to reach a smaller boutique clothing store, on Cassiopée's recommendation.

Kuzuki-sensei trudged behind Caster, dutifully holding all of her purchases. Shirou saw this, so he offered Artoria, "Can I take your bags?"

"No, thank you. I can take your bags if you like," Saber offered in return.

"A girl shouldn't have to carry everything, Saber. I can carry them—"

"I am your servant, you should rely on me instead."

Another voice chimed in, "Here you go, I thought you were never going to ask," Rin said while jamming her purchases into Shirou's hands.

"Thanks, senpai!" Sakura smiled as she placed another set of plastic bags of clothing into his unsuspecting hands. "You're a gentleman."

He eventually shook off the dumbfounded look from his face, and returned her smile. "So it turned out this way, huh? No problem." At this, Archer just tsked at Shirou. "What?" he asked with a bit of irritation.

"Oh nothing. Perhaps you want to carry my clothes as well?" Archer suggested innocently.

"Oh come on, do it yourself!"

Once they found the store, Cassiopée realized that there was nothing in there for the men, and decided to lead them on a ways further to a bigger department store, leaving the women behind. They were too absorbed in the fashion to pay much notice to her absence.

"How about this coat, Saber? Doesn't it look très chic?" Rin held it up in front of her chest, so she could see it reflected in the store's full-length mirror: a white wool coat, piped with sea green trim and large, shiny gold buttons.

She thought about it, and supposed that it was flattering on her. More flattering than it would be on Rin herself, with her darker hair and complexion. And somehow less feminine than Rin's wardrobe. The whole morning was proof of Rin's fashion sense.

Artoria had no idea of the local fashion sense, but it didn't matter too much. She liked it. She stared at the mirror and, with the smallest of smiles, decided, "This will be acceptable."

"Oooh, high praise!" Rin teased. It was high praise from Saber, after all. "Let's find a few dresses to match."

Cassiopée, "And she'll need a winter coat; that one will only be warm enough for the autumn."

Certainly, if there were a Grail War of fashion, Rin and Cassiopée would be battling it out, and they'd all be left in the dust. Just like war, fashion is eternal, and some people are just better at it.

If Artoria had had some knowledge of local fashion provided by the Grail's magic that summoned her, it was lost to her now. All of that synthetic knowledge was lost. She could figure out some things from gift of language that had been bestowed upon her. She had seen Cassiopée pay for some items with a small card, which she somehow knew as called a credit card. And she knew that "credit" was a loan taken from a "bank", and banks were something of a treasury. She could learn just from following the threads of words in her head.

Fashion, however, was opaque to such methods. People looked somewhat different than what she remembered of Japan, but not so different as to feel like a different era. Honestly it was so weird that there was so little difference between dress on the other side of the world — men's styles in particular seemed remarkably uniform.

And yet, there were still ways for the men to fail. When they left to rejoin the men, they found they should perhaps not be left to their own devices. "Now we need to find Kuzuki-sen–" Rin paused, and raised her voice, "Hey Emiya, put that back. It's not going to work. No, not you Archer... actually yes, you too, both of you are hopeless."

---

On the bottom level of the Centre Eaton, the tunnel opened up into a food court. Now, this wasn't the type of court that Artoria was expecting, having no courtiers or lord. It resembled, more than anything, the chaotic scene surrounding the food wagons on market day, where commoners would gather to partake in a warm meal before returning to field or farm. But it did resemble a court in one important way: it was a place where people of many cultures would come and feast together.

From one of the side entrances, a young man with a high forehead and glasses called out, "Cassiopée!"

"Ah, Grahame! Glad you could make it!" They met and shared a quick peck on the lips. "You need to shave!"

"I only made it because your text woke me up. No, I'm fine, I just needed to catch up on sleep a bit." The past week had been spent in crunch — in fact, pretty much every week was 'crunch time' these days, as their game crawled its way through development hell.

"My love, they need to take better care of you."

"I can't argue with that. It looks like you're faring better than me at work."

Cassiopée related, "Oh, it has its challenges, but shopping has been rewarding so far." She reached into her bag, pulling up an article, "I found this lovely two-piece–"

"Save it, I'd much prefer to see you wearing it first."

She grinned, "All right!" then turned from her spouse to face everyone else. "Okay, there are a lot of choices here, so everyone can pick out something they like. Let's meet back up in a few minutes." She handed a few bills out to everyone, enough for them to pay for their own food, and went off with Grahame to pick up some pad Thai.

Saber was, at this point, more confused than she had been all day. The paper money was odd, sure, but money had been around in different forms since before civilization, and it was clearly marked in value.

No, it was all of these unknown options. The amount of choice here was bewildering. There was Italian food — they seemed to be as crazy about tomatoes now as they had been about garum back in the old days. The Greek restaurant had foods that Medea didn't appear to recognize, like gyros. And places that were even further out, like Thai, Korean, or Mexican, whoever those people were. Artoria knew that India and China existed, but had no idea what people actually ate there, aside from a few spices. The Chinese food seemed somewhat like the food she saw in Japan, based on the rice, at least.

And none of them claimed to be a British food place, which wasn't terribly surprising.

Variety like this, she had never been offered in any court before. "Does anything sound good to you, Saber?" Shirou asked. He seemed to realize that she was at a loss.

"Whatever you think is best. Perhaps... something simple."

"Simple, huh? I'll try my best."

"I will remain here, and secure us proper seating." She did just that, walking around the centre of the court until she found a large, circular table which could host the entire group. She sat down to claim it, and found herself in a metal chair which wobbled unevenly with her weight — un siège petit périlleux. She moved to another chair.

Cassiopée and Grahame soon joined her, with container of noodles that smelled spicy, though Saber thought she caught a hint of something that smelled a little like garum in there too. Caster, Rider and Soichirou tried the lamb gyros, which Caster quite enjoyed, but Rider felt lacked some authenticity as Greek food. Sakura had one of her cravings for raw meat, and picked up a mix of sushi and sashimi. Rin and Archer were feeling more adventurous, and tried out some tacos. Rin liked them well enough, but Archer made an offhand remark, "Well, I guess we can't expect too much, this far north."

With no meshiya offering simple Japanese food, Shirou decided to go with sandwich shop fare, picking up couple of sandwiches and bags of potato chips for each of them. "Which do you want, turkey or ham?"

"Hmm. Ham, please." She would only find out later that he had in fact managed to bring her modern-day British cuisine. She took a bite, and found the ham shared the bread with cheese, fresh vegetables, and a tangy mustard. Not bad. Many of the foods on their table today used bread to allow one to hold the food cleanly, which she thought was a pretty neat invention. She aped Shirou as he opened his small bag of crisps, and tried it. Ooh, salty, crunchy, starchy!

Then she noticed that Shirou's bag of chips bore the writing "sour cream and onion" Why those foods?

Shirou noticed her staring, so he explained, "I didn't know what flavour you wanted, so I just got plain ones for you."

"There are flavours?"

"Here, try one." She took the thin slice of potato from his hand, and placed it in her mouth. It was like the first one, but with a bit of milkiness, and a kick of onion. She liked onions. Very nice!

Sakura saw this, stared at his little bag of chips, and then gave Emiya the puppy dog eyes. "You too?" he said.

"Ahwwn," she intoned, her mouth open. He deposited a potato chip therein, much like a priest with a communion wafer.

Rin said, "So this is what you get up to without Sensei at your meals, Emiya-kun?"

"I mean..."

"Eh?"

Shirou offered, "You want one too?"'

"Flirt." She turned her face away, to the other end of the table. The view didn't get much better though.

Caster said, "Aren't you going to offer me a bite of yours, darling?"

"We both have the same thing," Souichirou replied, confused.

"So?" He didn't react, so Medea pressed on, pita in hand, "Here, I'll give you a bite of mine first, and we'll be even!"

Rin expected better of her high school teacher, so she called across the table, "Missus Manager, can you please do something about hormone central over here?"

Cassiopée replied simply, "Honestly, I doubt it."

---

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1. BL: This quote is attributed to St. Ambrose, which should make it old enough for Saber to have known. We're assuming that Artoria comes from sub-Roman Britain, c. 500, rather than the time of high chivalry c. 1100.
   
2. BL: The Argonauts sailed before the Trojan war, a few centuries before "ab urbe condita" reckoning. Even if you accept the theory that Romulus was Aeneas's grandson, Rome would still be founded two or three generations after Medea's time, c. 1150 BC. That said, the archaeology indicates still earlier settlement, most continuously on the Capitoline Hill — but still only amounting to an unremarkable backwater set of hilltop villages outside of the Greek sphere.
   
3. BL: Britons were once known to paint their skins with woad, mixed from a dye which makes the same pigment as indigo. Today, the same dye, produced synthetically, is mainly used to dye blue jeans.
   

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