A selection of genuine jokes from the 41st millenium

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Do not think heretical thoughts.
If you think heretical thoughts, do not speak heretical words.
If you think heretical thoughts and speak heretical words, do not write heretical sermons.
If you think heretical thoughts and speak heretical worlds and write heretical sermons, do not make heretical signs. 
If you think heretical thoughts, speak heretical words, write heretical sermons and make heretical signs…. 

Do not be surprised.
 
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Three men share a cell in a magistratum catechiser station.  The first asked the second why he’s been arrested. 

“Because I criticised Cardinal Gideon,” says the second. 

“What a coincidence,” says the first. “I spoke out in favour of Cardinal Gideon.” 

They turn to the third man, sitting quietly in his penitent’s vestments. 

“I’m Cardinal Gideon,” he says.
 
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Four Guardsmen on leave share a hotel room. Amasec and Lho sticks are found. The night grows long and loud as, fuelled by alcoholic courage, three of the men start to tell Heretical jokes. The Fourth, aghast and fearful of his soul, hatches a plan to save himself .

Unnoticed, he quietly calls the room servitor, requesting tea in room Traxis-Minoris-Three.
He joins the trio once more, and leans in to a bowl of Sorlens Viridians sat in the centre of the table.

“Explicator, please arrange for tea in room Traxis-Minoris-Three”

The trio are amused by the joke, up until the door opens. A deathly silence falls, as a pale-skinned servitor delivers for cups of recaff tea.

Our pious Guardsman sleeps soundly and peacefully.

He awakens to silence. His three friends are gone. In a panic, he hurries to hotel reception. An Enforcer is waiting for him.

“Where’re the lads?” he asked.

“Your comrades have been arrested for Heresy.” Says the Enforcer, gravely

“But what about me?” he asks in the smallest voice.

The Enforcer smiled. “The Explicator was amused by your prank.”

----

Two Magistrati are taking a break:

"So, I hear you collect Heretical Jokes?"
"Yes, I do!"
"How many do you have?"
"Two Servitor Colony's worth"

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Two Magistrati are taking a break from their duties:

What's so funny?
I just heard the funniest joke.
Can you tell me?
I can't. I condemned a heretic to the pyre for it.

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A man stands condemned to the pyres for telling heretical jokes.
His hands are bound to the stave.
The staves is doused in fresh promethium.
The hour of his judgement before the Throne draws near.
Only the match remains to be struck
His eyes dart around, glancing at his fellow condemned. The lost, the damned, the despairing.
Suddenly he recognises the figure tied to stake beside him -  The very Magistrator who condemned him to pyre.
"Magistrator?" He says, surprised. "What are you doing here?"
The dim light of recognition sparks in the Magistrator's eyes.
"You know," he says sadly, "someone told me the funniest heretical joke once...."

---

Two Priests are discussing ecumenical matters.

I see you've condemned Carpenter Titus to Servitude Imperpetua?
I sent him to investigate a crack in the refectory timbers and he came back babbling heresies about how the entire rotten church needed to be torn down.

---

What's the difference between an Adept and a Servitor?
At least the servitor can claim to have once had an imagination.

---

Two condemned heretics share a cell in a Magistrati Oubliette.

"So, what are you in for?" Asks the first

"I was caught using bags of 'Blessed fragments of Cadia' as gravel to make rockrete," says the second with a sigh.

"What a coincidence," says the first with a smile. "I was caught passing off ordinary bags of rockrete gravel as Blessed fragments of Cadia."


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--- In the Grim Darkness of the far Future - sometimes you have to laugh.

Old thread is here.

Just thought that I'd share with you that Glassdoor uses public data to add your name and other personal information to your account, so you should probably deactivate your account.  Not delete your account; there's no option for you to be able to remove all PII from their website (cries in American)

If you don't know why this is bad: Glassdoor is a website designed to collect anonymous reviews of employers, so that people can get an honest idea of how it is to work there.  Linking any personal information means that people can lose their jobs.  But they developed this whole other site called Fishbowl to connect people, which needs your real name, and decided that you have to have the same account for both services, and if they can get your real name from any other service, they should go ahead and automatically add it to make it easy on you.

In any case, you should now consider Glassdoor fully compromised.  You will have to add personal information in order to get to the page to deactivate your account, such as your birthday and real name, but they don't have to be your real real name.  Lots of folks born on 1970-01-01 I'd think.

We're going to be having a general election at some pint before next February. It has to happen because requires by the constitution. And whomever is helming the Titanic that is Fine Gael is going to lose it spectacularly. An implosion that'll make Oceangate seem like a 'pop' in the ocean. It seems to me then that Varadkar has decided it's time to go down with the ship like the Captain of the Costa Concordia.

His legacy includes being Irelands first openly classist Taoiseach. Overseeing the continued successful inflation of housing prices into stratospheric unaffordability. Gutting of frontline military, healthcare and policing services to the point where the State can maybe get one ship to sail. And the creation of a rent-seeking economy that has seen one of the States primary export be well-trained and motivated people who just can't take the sense of being utterly leeched of life anymore.

And, begrudgingly, significant successes in navigating the waters of Brexit and the first few months of Covid.

It seems the final straw was the utter lack of a bloodbath over the Ides of March. Not even You, Brutus?.

There isn't even a fart of a squabble to take over. That seat's fucking glowing radioactive, ready to burn the next poor arse to sit on it to a crisp. Malcador had an easier time on the Golden Throne. The next election will be bloodbath enough. It doesn't matter how great the economy is on paper, everyone's fucking misereable, the gloom-times are getting gloomier and maybe Bertie had the right idea all those years about what we should go do about it. Nobody sane will touch it, lest their career be tainted forever.

I don't give a fuck. I'm voting Social Democrats. They'll never win anything but I can't bring myself to vote for the others.

Quote: Macross Is Coming to Disney+, With Some Major Caveats
For the first time in the West a singular platform will become the streaming home of the legendary anime franchise—albeit with some frustrating absences.

The USA gets a four-day work week ... which is likely to die in committee somewhere.

Canada gets legalization of marijuana ... but we actually got that passed.

This shows something about where our two countries' priorities are. I'm just not sure what it shows...

So I was just poking at Google's Gemini tonight, and asked it about a couple writing projects. It surprised me by knowing about Fenspace:

   

And it had a surprising grasp of at least the broad strokes:

   

Sith Lord Sentinel from SW5E - Darth Tzael





Wanted to show off - which do you think is best?

A day late, but...


Happy Pi Day to you
Three point onferone nine two
six five three five eight ni-yen
seven ni-yen three two

That's to sixteen digits
the pi don't stop 'cause it's
an irrational number
so around here it fits

So have some piii~~

One chamber in the government of the country that takes pride in free enterprise -- the USA -- has passed a bill forcing somebody in another country to sell a business or stop doing business in the USA.

Yes, there's a law in China saying companies based there have to give data to the government. The only difference between that law and the one in the USA is that the Chinese government doesn't need a warrant.

Oh, look: somebody who used to be in the cabinet is thinking of buying that company. It must be nice to be able to have your political buddies force a competitor to put their business on the market.

Meanwhile, no news as to whether China will force Coca-Cola to sell off its Chinese operations in retaliation.