Thinking about rewrites... - Printable Version +- Drunkard's Walk Forums (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums) +-- Forum: The Drunkard's Walk (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=21) +--- Forum: Drunkard's Walk VIII: Harry Potter and the Man from Otherearth (http://www.accessdenied-rms.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?fid=28) +--- Thread: Thinking about rewrites... (/showthread.php?tid=12831) Pages:
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Thinking about rewrites... - Bob Schroeck - 04-03-2018 So, a couple weeks back I found out that one of my coworkers is an avid reader of Harry Potter fanfic. She and I have traded some emails, and she's promised me a rundown on what she's already read from a list of recommendations I made for her, and what she hasn't. I very deliberately left Drunkard's Walk VIII off that list, partly from modesty and partly from not wanting to point her at a stalled story that will be some years yet before completion. However, last week I reread all of the released chapters from the perspective of a first-time reader of anything in the Walk and realized -- I bobbled Doug's introduction. DW8 completely assumes you already know who Doug is and what he's about. It doesn't even give as much info -- or hints -- as DW2 had at the same point in its story, and in DW2 I was very deliberately playing a tease-and-tidbit game with Doug's backstory. DW8, though, reveals almost nothing. I'm thinking I have to change that, if only to make the story more accessible to those coming to the Walk for the first time through it. So I'll be adding little bits here and there -- nothing huge or dramatic (I think), but definitely informative. And I'm starting a thread about it because I want to start a bit of a debate about the mistake, as I see it. And I admit, if anyone comes up with a good idea that I can use, I'm definitely going to steal it. And also just to alert people to the mistake so folks will be aware, and call me on it if I do it again. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - robkelk - 04-03-2018 Recaps are usually good. Long, drawn-out recaps aren't. I recall there's a spot or two in the story where Doug thinks that JKR's wizards and witches aren't very powerful. One of his comments to that effect might be a good spot to insert a quick (one- or two-sentence) description of how Doug's magegift works as a point of comparison, and then mention that he's aware of even more powerful mages back home. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Labster - 04-03-2018 So the first use of the word "Doug[las]" is in The Burrow, 45kB into the story. The second is in Hogsmeade, when Charlie introduces him to Professor McGonagall. This is ungood. Maybe have introduce himself to Charlie? He can spell things out to the reader that he's purposely hiding from the dragon rangers. Or you can always start with "Call me Douglas." That's a classic. Honestly I'm surprised I didn't notice it before either, but I guess we were all used to the tease-the-reader strategy, combined with the fact that Doug usually doesn't like to reveal much of his past for obvious reasons. Still, it's time to include some more backstory. I while back I wrote that post on EPU relating writing software to writing crossover fanfic. One of the things that always confuses me is how differently people react to changes. If software is broken, and someone fixes it with a patch, everyone is happy. If a story has a broken element and someone fixes it, people go "OMG those are supposed to be guns, not walkie talkies! Childhood ruined!1" I still remember going into a midnight showing of The Phantom Menace, during the scene where they explain midiclorians. And Tommy Salami turns to me and says, "They just ruined the Force." This is largely a group of writers in this community, so we probably aren't going to object to any changes. Writing is editing and refactoring. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Bob Schroeck - 04-04-2018 Labster Wrote:Or you can always start with "Call me Douglas." That's a classic.True, but that's how I started DW-S, more or less. However, changing the interrogation scene with Charlie to insert backstory is a perfect starting point. robkelk Wrote:I recall there's a spot or two in the story where Doug thinks that JKR's wizards and witches aren't very powerful. One of his comments to that effect might be a good spot to insert a quick (one- or two-sentence) description of how Doug's magegift works as a point of comparison, and then mention that he's aware of even more powerful mages back home.Maybe not his magegift, but definitely the guys back home. I could also throw in the bit about the efficiency of the WW version of the magegift, too... Thanks, guys. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Dartz - 04-04-2018 I might provide a dissenting voice. This is the 8th book in this cycle. I get the idea that it's supposed to make the Walk accessible to non Walkers who aren't familiar with it, but at the same time there're people who will have read most of the previous 'books in this story. I think Doug's world works better as something that builds through the entire cycle - it probably shouldn't explain who Doug is - jjust maybe make some sort of reference to 'If youve been reading these logs' to suggest that there is more story to consume elsewhere that explains this. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - hazard - 04-04-2018 It doesn't help that this book cycle is written out of order. But a summary introduction of Douglas Sangnoir would not be wrong; a certain degree of familiarity should be expected. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Shepherd - 04-04-2018 I'd note that a primary conceit of the Harry Potter series is Harry and his friends figuring out whatever big mystery crops up each year. So Doug coming across as a bit mysterious isn't really a problem. You've already got the Gryffindor group comparing notes on Doug as they try to understand the odd and amazing things he does, so use their PoV to slowly reveal more of Doug's past. I'd be happy if they only get a complete reveal towards the end of the Step, with Harry making the intuitive leap that 'Doug is a superhero from another world' and getting Doug's confirmation while Hermione squawks in outrace over such a nonsensical explanation actually being true. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Bob Schroeck - 04-04-2018 Oh, that leap-and-reveal is going to happen a lot faster than that -- within a couple of chapters, in fact, as Doug will be using his metatalent openly in front of the as-yet-unfounded D.A. before Christmas. I wasn't going to short-circuit that with a full reveal earlier, but I wanted at least to have the reader know his name and what he's doing on the Walk before the end of the first chapter. I handled it so much better in the first chapter of DW-S. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Labster - 04-04-2018 When they reach the Room of Requirement, you get a lot of backstory. I think it's fair to string things along until then. But Doug's name is an affordance, as is a basic description of his looks and clothing, and a mention of his motorcycle. You need to give readers basic information they'd get from the environment if they were present in person. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - InsaneTD - 04-05-2018 I think it's a bit of a fine line really. You don't want long time readers skipping paragraphs cause they are basically copy/pasted from previous books (I have actually read published series that did that and I often found myself skipping several paragraphs at a time). You want to give enough that new readers get the basic gist and hopefully interest them enough go looking for more, while not boring someone who's read everything previous. I think the fact it's a fanfiction crossover makes it a bit harder. You'll get people who'll be reading one of the stories cause it's crossed into their fandom so they'll want to start there and may not have an initial interest in reading more then the one story so you need to introduce the protagonist to them. All that said, I'm an amateur reader and this is just my 2 cents. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Skyfire2020 - 04-28-2018 Instead of a rewrite is there any scope for adding a prologue? I'm thinking of something like an expanded mini step. A safe world (Kiki's delivery service or similar) where Doug just spends a few days just trying gate songs and thinking of past events before stepping through the gate and right into chapter 1. In my mind I've got the "night of the doctor" mini episode. A five minute (approx) linking piece between stories rather than a rewrite. More a deleted/bonus scene rather than a director's cut if I'm not mixing my metaphors. Mark RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Bob Schroeck - 04-30-2018 Mm. Given that I already have a prologue on that story -- Ginny and Hermione doing something possibly unwise in a forest with drums and Shin'a'in chants -- I'm not quite sure how I'd make that flow. Plus, in an introspective passage from Doug's POV it would be hard to bring across some of the needed information naturally. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Bob Schroeck - 04-30-2018 So... how's this sound? Quote:I still had to answer questions, though -- the first of which RE: Thinking about rewrites... - robkelk - 04-30-2018 Looks good to me. (One bit of silliness: Quote:"Do you support the Dark Lord?""I'm not a big sports fan.") RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Labster - 04-30-2018 "Sorry, I'm a Manchester United man myself." :+1: LGTM. I don't have any complaints about that passage, it has Doug's name. And mutton! Quote:super-types like meOh, so he's starting to pick up the superhero terminology? RE: Thinking about rewrites... - DHBirr - 04-30-2018 (04-30-2018, 04:12 PM)Labster Wrote:Quote:super-types like meOh, so he's starting to pick up the superhero terminology? A scene in Chapter 2 reveals he's got a t-shirt with the Superman logo, so he's likely run into "the superhero terminology" enough to guess that it may be comprehensible in the HP world as well. Which, in fact, it wouldn't, except to Muggles and the Muggle-born; Charlie might have looked a bit bewildered at that remark, though Doug evidently didn't notice. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Bob Schroeck - 05-01-2018 That's as good an in-universe explanation as any; in all honesty, it was a deliberate choice on my part to quickly get across what he was to the reader. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Bob Schroeck - 05-03-2018 And I've gone ahead and updated the copy of the chapter on the website, so that's done with. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - robkelk - 05-03-2018 Bob, you've ruined me for reading fanfic. Quote:Show me the magic. C'mon. Show me the magic.I got this far and immediately thought of Bugs Bunny. "You're a sorcerer? C'mon, let me see you sorcer." (Or however the quote goes.) RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Bob Schroeck - 05-03-2018 That would make a great pull quote for one of the later chapters. ETA: Quote:Merlin: How do you do? My name is Merlin. I'm a sorcerer. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - ECSNorway - 05-04-2018 (05-03-2018, 07:00 PM)robkelk Wrote: Bob, you've ruined me for reading fanfic. Who was it that wrote a novel about a "sourceror", based around the gimmick that only certain types of people were able to create new types of magic / new spells / whatev? (Thus "source"-eror.) RE: Thinking about rewrites... - NifT - 05-04-2018 (05-04-2018, 01:19 PM)ECSNorway Wrote:(05-03-2018, 07:00 PM)robkelk Wrote: Bob, you've ruined me for reading fanfic. Terry Pratchett's Sourcery is what you're thinking of, I believe. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Norgarth - 05-05-2018 (05-04-2018, 02:32 PM)NifT Wrote:(05-04-2018, 01:19 PM)ECSNorway Wrote:(05-03-2018, 07:00 PM)robkelk Wrote: Bob, you've ruined me for reading fanfic. I believe the line went "The seventh son of a seventh son. A wizard squared. A Sourcerer." RE: Thinking about rewrites... - DHBirr - 05-05-2018 (05-05-2018, 01:04 PM)Norgarth Wrote:Almost. On the Discworld, they're big on eight as the mystical number, so the eighth son of an eighth son is a wizard ... and the eighth son of a wizard is a sourcerer, a source of magic rather than one who taps ambient magic. Somewhere in the text, it's specified that preventing these is one of the main reasons wizards are encouraged to be celibate.(05-04-2018, 02:32 PM)NifT Wrote:(05-04-2018, 01:19 PM)ECSNorway Wrote:(05-03-2018, 07:00 PM)robkelk Wrote: Bob, you've ruined me for reading fanfic. RE: Thinking about rewrites... - Norgarth - 05-05-2018 (05-05-2018, 02:41 PM)DHBirr Wrote:(05-05-2018, 01:04 PM)Norgarth Wrote:Almost. On the Discworld, they're big on eight as the mystical number, so the eighth son of an eighth son is a wizard ... and the eighth son of a wizard is a sourcerer, a source of magic rather than one who taps ambient magic. Somewhere in the text, it's specified that preventing these is one of the main reasons wizards are encouraged to be celibate.(05-04-2018, 02:32 PM)NifT Wrote:(05-04-2018, 01:19 PM)ECSNorway Wrote:(05-03-2018, 07:00 PM)robkelk Wrote: Bob, you've ruined me for reading fanfic. Ah yes, forgot that detail. |