Posts: 27,539
Threads: 2,267
Joined: Sep 2002
Reputation:
21
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
11-01-2017, 08:07 AM
I'm sorry, BA, my entire life is in slow motion right now for various reasons. (More major dental work this afternoon, yay.)
That said, I love the futon-cuddle scene. Oh, and the ohana element/theme. Once the girls really internalize the concept, it's going to come back to haunt them when they distance themselves from him later, I can see it. (If it were not for the fact that Doug must inevitably move on and leave someone behind, I'd've used ohana as a theme myself in DW.) I have to admit that I have some concerns about the earlier part being an info-dump, but I'm in the middle of reading a Potter fanfic that suffers horribly from it, so I might just be sensitized.
-- Bob
I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh, Clark Kent, Mary Sue, DJ Croft, Skysaber. I have been
called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more before the sun grows dim and cold....
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
11-01-2017, 11:20 PM
(10-31-2017, 06:29 PM)robkelk Wrote: Probably not.
The less-important comment first: If you've read my sidestories in There's Nothing Better, you'll know that I am jealous of Ben's sleeping arrangements.
The more-important comment: You might be trying to get too many things done before Ben wakes up. I'm not sure how quiet Usagi and Rei started out, but are they still whispering by the time Usagi wakes Ami? Mind you, I have no idea how deep a sleeper Makoto is, let alone Minako or Ben. I might be way off-base here.
Hoi! Write yer own SI!
They're supposed to be tiptoeing and whispering the whole time. I'll fix that in the next update.
And I would say they're all pretty much dead to the world at this point. Benjamin wasn't the only one riding the emotional rollercoaster, after all.
(11-01-2017, 08:07 AM)Bob Schroeck Wrote: I'm sorry, BA, my entire life is in slow motion right now for various reasons. (More major dental work this afternoon, yay.)
That said, I love the futon-cuddle scene. Oh, and the ohana element/theme. Once the girls really internalize the concept, it's going to come back to haunt them when they distance themselves from him later, I can see it. (If it were not for the fact that Doug must inevitably move on and leave someone behind, I'd've used ohana as a theme myself in DW.) I have to admit that I have some concerns about the earlier part being an info-dump, but I'm in the middle of reading a Potter fanfic that suffers horribly from it, so I might just be sensitized.
I'll take a look and see if I can make it seem like Ben is reflecting on the last few utterly tumultuous months of his life and what led to that turning point. You think that would help?
I apologise if this seems kinda short. It's just that I'm at work right now and using my phone to make this post.
Posts: 1,569
Threads: 20
Joined: Dec 2012
Reputation:
0
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
11-05-2017, 07:57 PM
sorry, will read over the next few days, the idea sounds interesting especially since i've only seen the first season or two of sailor moon
Wolf wins every fight but the one where he dies, fangs locked around the throat of his opponent.
Currently writing BROBd
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
11-09-2017, 02:59 PM
Getting my ass handed to me here. Roommate manage to total his car last night - a combination of rain and sudden onset of cold temperatures. He wasn't speeding, he just hit a very slick spot and his tires were too cold to get good traction. He's alright - his car kep him safe. He's just got a headache from the curtain airbags deploying.
But suffice to say, things just got a hell of a lot more complicated here.
Posts: 25,483
Threads: 2,060
Joined: Feb 2005
Reputation:
12
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
11-09-2017, 06:31 PM
Yeah - Real Life comes before our Rich Fantasy Lives.
(Headache or concussion? If he isn't sure, best to get looked at.)
--
Rob Kelk
Sticks and stones can break your bones,
But words can break your heart.
- unknown
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
11-09-2017, 11:15 PM
Headache brought on by the deployment of the curtain airbags. They knock his glasses clear off his face.
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
11-16-2017, 08:37 AM
Okay, so this last check I was able to purchase a license for Scrivener (Seriously, this software is fucking great!) so I can now work without worrying about expending any more trial period days.
Scrivener's cousin, Scrapple, on the other hand is gonna need to wait a bit. But I do intend to purchase the Scrapple license as well because Scrapple will be immensely useful in keeping track of the mess that is Dear Sweet Kami-Sama.
I'm not sure when the next chapter will be forthcoming, but rest assured that it is in the works.
Posts: 1,569
Threads: 20
Joined: Dec 2012
Reputation:
0
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
08-02-2018, 08:25 PM
Alright, stupid question time, the PDF downloads, are they all combined, or is each one a chapter?
Wolf wins every fight but the one where he dies, fangs locked around the throat of his opponent.
Currently writing BROBd
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
08-02-2018, 09:46 PM
They should be complete compilations. Download the latest posted file for the entire thing.
Posts: 7,393
Threads: 577
Joined: Apr 2003
Reputation:
5
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
08-02-2018, 11:26 PM
I did finally get around to reading the newer parts of this, but I don't think it's really my thing - a little too far on the fluffy side, and I always feel weird reading stories where the MC is named "Ben." Eh, it happens - one of the fundamental truisms of fiction is that you're not going to please everyone.
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
08-04-2018, 02:31 AM
Well, I'd been kinda trying to bumrush through the fluff so I can get to where everything goes to hell in a handbasket. Once I get to that point, I'll shift to a traditional en media res style where this fluff only comes up as brief flashbacks.
I've done this sort of thing before where I've written a scene or two as a sort of interim or introductory bit, and then cut them out entirely because all they really did was help me frame what was to come later on. But never on this kind of scale. Hopefully the second draft will look real good for it.
Also, I may just go ahead and change the MC's name anyhow, if only to keep things from being awkward.
Posts: 7,393
Threads: 577
Joined: Apr 2003
Reputation:
5
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
08-04-2018, 04:32 AM
Well, I won't say I'm not going to look in on it from time to time anyway, just, you know, probably won't be doing the thing with lots of quotes and nitpicks that takes hours to compile on a decent-length forum post and most of a day for something that matches an average novel chapter.
Posts: 3,278
Threads: 137
Joined: Sep 2002
Reputation:
2
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
02-11-2019, 10:23 AM
*parse, Parse Parse....*
As much as I hate to disturb Drogon... I am Sooooo out of date given my pointless (but now fixed) jousts with myBB board I could use a refresher here BA
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to rock the sky?
Thats' every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry!
NO QUARTER!
No Quarter by Echo's Children
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
02-11-2019, 03:06 PM
* Black Aeronaut goes blink-blink.
Errr. Okay.
Basic premise is straight-up SI into Sailor Moon universe. This brought about by being cheesed off with people doing body-builder depictions of Makoto, and me following it up with that I would totally date her if given half the chance.
On a lark, I plugged my DOB into Sailor Moon's timeline and discovered that I am about 3 months older than Hotaru.
And the wheels started turning.
Fun fact: I somehow manage to sneak up on occultist friends, and charms they gift me with tend to go missing or break within a month or two of keeping them. Pipe that into Sailor Moon and you have a magic disruptor.
Idea: Early Moon Empire did not like Magic Disruptors, or Voiders as they were called. Had a nasty tendency to erode the spells and charms that kept places like the Moon habitable. Earth Kingdom, however, welcomed them with open arms. The First Empress retaliates by creating a self-perpetuating spell that causes magically sensitive people to experience horror, fear, and outright terror upon sighting a voider.
Present time: Father used to be in Air Force as a highly skilled crypto tech. If he never got out, it would only have been a matter of time until he landed a billet in Japan. All Japan billets are long-term; 3 years minimum. Mandatory relocation for dependants.
The following is unlikely, but possible: a teacher at the base housing elementary school notices behavior that indicates abuse. Questions are asked, father's security clearances come into the picture. Drastic action is called for - simply sending them back state side is a non-starter: the crypto-tech billets are not easy to fill, especially in Japan.
Entire family is placed into psychiatric therapy. SI is tested thoroughly - Aspergers, ADHD, Audio Processing Disorder, and even a sleep disorder are all discovered. Appropriate medication is prescribed. However, intelligence testing reveals an incredible capacity to learn under the right conditions: fast paced, building on knowledge step-by-step, and with frequent reviews of previous lessons. A boarding school for English speaking children with a goal of attending a Japanese high school or college is perfect. The lessons are fast, almost frenetic in pacing, with constant 'knowledge checks' to keep them sharp.
Weekends permit exploration of the Ward the school is located in (Juuban). SI finds his way to the Hikawa Shrine, bumps into Usagi and company. Girls immediately twig to the fact that there is nothing better than a native speaker to help with their English homework.
SI, just as I usually did as a kid IRL, charms the bejesus out of them. The girls go ga-ga over him - he's so sweet and earnest and just downright adorable. (It's the eyes. It's always the eyes.)
An incident involving one of Rei's ofuda causes an uproar - they thought he set it on fire when he only unwittingly touched it and his voider abilities disrupted the stored magic badly enough that the tag incinerated itself. Suddenly, the part of the SI that is a hurt, terrified, and lonely boy is revealed. Maternal instincts are triggered HARD and SI slowly tells all.
After that, he is family to them.
As things begin to look up, SI is the victim of a youma attack... it doesn't go as planned. Fight/Flight gets triggered. Flight is first attempted, but SI gets cornered. Terrified beyond rational thought, SI fights. Unknown to him, driven by terror and adrenaline, his voider ability surges and depowers the youma, making it vulnerable even to him.
SI is caught by Senshi bludgeoning a depowered youma with a rock. Still keyed up, he instantly sees past their glamour. He worries that they think he's a bad person. For the Senshi, the First Empress's Curse kicks in. Cue the screams of horror, outrage, and OMG KILL IT QUICK!
SI escapes while the Senshi try to reconcile what they saw with what they know. Queen Beryl senses an opportunity. She remembers the Voiders - the most effective weapon the Earth Kingdom had. Makes a personal appearance and tricks the SI into working for her, and provides him with non-magical Earth Kingdom Army Voider Armor - previously that of the Knight of Void, the most powerful of them all.
SI figures out that Beryl is the actual bad guy pretty quickly, and tries to rebel. But she's threatens the boy that his teachers, classmates, and family will all be killed if he doesn't cooperate.
Enter Tuxedo Kamen. Sight of Voider Armor triggers memories and he confronts the boy. Learns about the leverage Beryl has over him, then goes to the Senshi with what he has learned - he will need help to protect the boy's family and friends.
Mamoru takes the boy under his wing afterwards, tries to get the boy to live a normal life, but the damage has been done already. SI's psyche was already fragile to begin with. The Girls can't be near him until Luna and Artemis figure out how to dismantle the ancient curse. Dark dark thoughts that no child should ever be having are confronted.
Beryl makes a critical error in judgement. Has the boy taken to her lair while he is asleep - the only time he's really vulnerable. He wakes up despite the sleeping spell he's under (started dreaming and voider abilities started up again) and then proceeds to completely wreck shit, starting by accidentally dispelling the geas Beryl had on Jadeite.
They work together to do the same to the rest of the Shitenyou. By the time the Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen get there, everything is on fire, and Beryl has killed herself because the SI dispelled the geas Metallia had her under.
This early on, Metallia is still weak. And the SI is very VERY angry. A child with Asperger's Syndrome that has been abused and presented with a target that is vulnerable AND deserving hasn't even got a snowball's chance in hell. SI is worn out - sleeps for a few days - but the cartharsis has been very good for him.
The rest of the butterflied Season 1 is spent searching for the Rainbow Crystals, while Mamorou, the Shitenyou, the Senshi, and the SI all struggle to reconcile.
Changes to Season 2: SI is being barred from playing a role, though they're all literally powerless to stop him. Much grief is had over him getting involved. Chibi-Usa becomes a good friend. SI's relationship with the pink haired one provides a foil for Dark Lady - not only is she actually powerless, she has nothing but good memories of time spent with him.
Season 3: Hotaru enters the picture. SI dispels Mistress 9 from Hotaru and things butterfly from there. Uranus and Neptune freak out seeing The Messiah of Silence associating with The Knight of Void. Senshi, Tuxedo, Shitenyou, and Ayakashi Sisters all show up to tell them they came to the wrong fucking neighborhood. And then they all go ga-ga over the SI and Hotaru - it was like they were made for each other and the way they act around each other is ADORABLE! They quickly resolve that the best way to protect Hotaru is to keep her as close to the SI as possible. Wink-wink, nudge-nudge.
More arcs to come....
Posts: 8,933
Threads: 386
Joined: May 2006
Reputation:
3
RE: [RFC][Sailor Moon][SI] The Final Dream
02-13-2019, 10:16 AM
Okay, just an addendum for Season 3 - SI is most likely gonna convert the Witches 5 to their side. Not entirely sure how it would work out - I actually have to sit down and watch the whole thing.
Season 4... Definitely going to be turning the Amazon Quartet. Playing with the idea that they all 'follow the SI home' and wind up getting adopted by his family. Having been part of a circus, they're used to the nomadic lifestyle that a military family experiences.
As for the Trio... I have this weird idea that the SI does something funky to their magic - a sort of partial dispelling that ruins Zirconia's hold over them, reverts them back into their animal forms... but doesn't entirely revert their mind OR their powers. In doing this, the SI finds himself with a personal guard - one for land, one for sea, and one for air.
Being that this is a pretty cut and dry case of revenge/conquest by Nehelenia, SI is gonna call her out for being a cheap knock-off of a Bros. Grimm Fairy Tales villainess. Her reaction will be entertaining to say the least.
In Season 5, Hotaru will start to distance herself from the SI because she is starting to have memories of her past resurface... in particular, those she has of the last Knight of Void, of whom she was a lover.
In the distant past, just before the collapse of the Moon Empire and Earth Kingdom, Queen Serenity sent her most feared warrior to see for herself if the love between her daughter and Prince Endymion was true. So the Prince sicced his most potent piece on her... And after a very short kerfuffle, he takes her out to lunch and then they fall hopelessly in love with each other.
It's not known for certain yet, but it's likely that the SI is a very distant, but direct descendant of that man. But, the trouble with Voiders is that not only are they unable to enjoy enhanced life spans, they also do not reincarnate. This is why, for Voiders, death is very important. They know it is unavoidable and inevitable for them, so they built a culture of living life to the utmost, but also celebrating one's death because they've moved on to whatever waits on the other side. Earth Kingdom citizens think of them as the bravest of adventurers for this reason. The voiders themselves called it The Final Dream.
Hotaru starts remembering all of this, and sees the faint echoes in the SI. And being reminded of her one-time lover, knowing that he never reincarnated, she feels that it is wrong to love the SI, that she's somehow betraying that memory.
While Hotaru slowly pushes the SI away, the story carries on, culminating into the confrontation at the Galaxy Cauldron. The SI just plain RIPS into Sailor Cosmos, demanding to know, if she truly is Usagi's descendant, then SURELY she's heard his story? About how he is fated to die no matter what anyone does, and he's only got THIS ONE SHOT at life, and he has to make it count!
And she wants to cut that short!?
Yeah. It gets ugly.
Once it's all said and done, everyone is back on Earth, taking some time off from everything just to decompress and find themselves again. THe SI tries to rekindle things with Hotaru, but she shuts him down. Heartbroken, the SI goes back to his family, and everyone else tries to figure what the hell just happened.
THe SI had become a very important person to them, after all. He had been making plans to stay there in Japan just to be close to them, His Tribe, His Gente, His 'Ohana. While it wasn't as though they circled around him, he definitely had enough push and pull to change their orbits entirely. And then suddenly he turned away from it all.
All eyes turn to Hotaru and she in turn finds herself ostracised. Only her guardians, Michiru and Haruka talk with her anymore, and even they are gravely disappointed in her. Once they got past their fear, the SI had his own effect on their lives. Haruka found him to be an apt pupil as he was fascinated by all things mechanical, and Michiru had been teaching him to play violin ever since he expressed an interest.
Her only other friend was Chibi-usa, and even there, the SI was a very sore topic for them - one they avoided at all costs.
Years go by. They grow up.
The SI has not been idle. Stories of a person in darkly colored body armor surface now and then, foiling plots. The Oklahoma City Bombing stopped before it could happen. A fully restrained Eric Robert Rudolph is delivered, pipe bombs in hand, to the authorities. Benjamin Nathaniel Smith's shooting spree is ended the day it started. The One Plane from the September 11th Attacks managed to land safely, the terrorists taken alive, and thoroughly interrogated.
Terrorism was not his only focus. Wildfires were contained as massive fire breaks suddenly appeared. People are rescued from flooded rivers, buildings collapsed by earthquakes, and deadly winds and storm surges from hurricanes.
And in Afghanistan, a mysterious samaritan foils ambushes on coalition convoys, stops suicide bombers, and defuses IEDs.
This is where Season 6 picks up. Hotaru and Chibi-usa had finally had it out, and her friend finally made her see reason. Yes, the SI is not her lover from the past, but the past is past and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Not even Setsuna. It was no excuse to push him away, not when all the others were saying that this was a destined pairing. Venus had proclaimed it. Mars had read their fortunes. And Serenity could feel it deep inside.
And so, Hotaru comes to the war-torn land as Sailor Saturn, to help right wrongs, and to bring the SI back home with her. But he's changed so much. He's so hard, so cold, and so sharp. He's like a piece of obsidian, with everything else chipped away to leave an edge that was keener that a surgeon's scalpel. But like Obsidian, Hotaru sees that he is so very fragile, and that she needs to be careful or else he will break.
In the meantime, an ancient Earth Kingdom artifact had been uncovered - a treasure that had been the very peak of Voider technology. Had it come earlier, it may very well have been the thing to stop their destruction at the hands of of self-styled Queen Beryl.
A fermion inverter - essentially an anti-matter generator.
It becomes a race against time as the SI and Hotaru try to track the device down, because no matter whose hands it winds up in, it could very well end all life on the planet.
And this time there will be nothing left to start over again.
|