Okay, A New Version...

[Morganite]

A possible suggestion for the general guidelines: "Pick a tense to use for your narration and stick to it." This is something I have trouble with myself, so I know how jarring it can be. I'll write down a scene at work one day and do it in present tense, I'll write another scene somewhere else later and use past tense, and when I finally get both typed in and read them together... gah! (Not that I'm sure how I end up writing scenes in present tense, since I don't think it works well, but it happens.)
The "have a clue where you are going" might also help in the resist-overzealous-reviewers department. If making a change a review suggests breaks your long-term vision, then either there's something wrong with the vision or with the review. And I'd recommend to anyone to go with their vision in such a case, since they're more likely to enjoy what writing it, which tends to make for more enjoyable reading to me.

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Do it yourself, or recruit a friend.

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Or better yet, do both. Like I said before, I think there's things that outside proofreaders won't catch.

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Never interrupt the narrative to insert a parenthetical "author's note", though -- and for the love of god if you actually have to do it for some reason, don't preface such a thing with the phrase "author's note".

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I'm not bothered so much by marking something as an author's note, but good lord, at least don't interrupt a sentence for a note. Like the second paragraph in the example, it still isn't really good, but it doesn't totally disrupt the flow either.

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ExpoSpeak

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A technique I've become rather fond of for this sort of thing is from Stephen R. Donaldson's "Gap" novels. Sometimes between chapters there'd be a couple pages describing some interesting bit of technology or politics in the setting, a bit like what an encyclopedia article or report written by someone in that world would look like. I've tried doing this a few times in my own writing; sometimes there are things that would either be interesting or helpful that there's no good way to explain in narrative. (Often because I'd like the audience to know something long before the characters who know it are willing to tell anyone else.)
Of course, the trick to making this work is that the "supplemental information" has to be *interesting*.

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One way you can do this is the classic device of "In Media Res" -- loosely translated, "starting right in the middle of things". Make your first scene something that happens, chronologically, half-way through the plot

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Personally, I *hate* this one, just from seeing it screwed up too often in otherwise good stories. Not only do they have to keep things interesting without directly showing what happened before, but then they eventually have to go back and show it. It seems to be very hard to manage flashbacks of any length well.
I have to join in and say that Ranma doesn't seem like a good example of a series really fixed to one time, but then I admit it's another thing I'm pretty relaxed about. The only time it'd really bother me is if a change in the timeframe caused an unusual change in a character. Really, I'd say about the same things apply to HP. The setting basically works as about any reasonably contemporary period of time; I'm not sure it would ever even make any difference unless there were some external political events poking their noses into the story. (Which probably isn't a good idea anyway.)

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Shinji owns an S-DAT player with a magnetic tape and not an MP3 player with memory sticks for a reason.

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Seems like kind of a weird example. Shinji doesn't need to not be using an mp3 player for any other reason than he just hasn't bought one. (See: NXE?) (I was upset when the car I got recently had a cd player and not a tape deck... the longer audio tapes can hold more music than a cd can.)

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This rule, like all other, is double-edged. Once you establish the rules you must follow them to their logical conclusion. If you say that, to steal an example, a sci-fi setting involves putting people into cryogenic suspension for intersteallr flight you have established that such a thing exists. Then you must allow it to be used for other purposes. A severely wounded character, for example, could be put in suspension until appropriate medical attention is available. If they don't, there had better be a good reason (for example, the suspension chambers are destroyed or unavailable).

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Sometimes there's no good way to set things up for specific cases like that though. In some settings, for instance, if a person was seriously injured, then putting them into suspension (or maybe the thawing out process) wouldn't accomplish anything but to finish them off. There wouldn't really be any in-character reason for someone to explain that if everyone there should already know it.
-Morgan has run out of things to say..."I have no interest in ordinary humans. If there are any aliens, time travelers, or espers here, come sleep with me."
---From "The Ecchi of Haruhi Suzumiya"
-----(Not really)