ROFL Beethoven, and tell Tchaikovsky the news

[Shepherd]

Jesus approached through the gaping hole in the wall, walking past the broken piping without regard for the arc of rushing water blasting from the twisted steel. The rushing fountain bent impossibly around him, the water refusing to land upon the messiah's skin as the Israelite passed into the room proper.The Swarmlord's feet shifted, the psychic glow that danced around its horned skull flaring in intensity. Moka was forgotten completely as the alien faced this new threat, sensing an unprecedented level of danger.
"Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone," Jesus said solemnly, his pity-filled gaze locked on the luminescent eyes of the monstrous alien.
CRACK! Jesus' hand suddenly grabbed onto the concrete foundation of the wall, his fingers sinking into the stone as if it were mere communion crackers.
"That means I go first," the son of God said.

and

'See? You didn't listen to me and here we are again, watching helplessly as some puny human takes care of business,' Evil Moka complained.
'That's the son of God,' Moka noted in her head, watching as Jesus kicked away a defending bonesword and then backflipped away as two more came at him from either side.
'My point is that we could be fighting aliens and saving the day and being awesome RIGHT NOW, but instead we're having our shapely butt saved again. Don't you think we should start being a little more active in our survival?'
'I think we should start going to mass on Sundays,' Moka thought back, her eyes locked on the titanic battle that was unfolding before her.
"HYAH!" Jesus once again clapped his hands down on a bonesword that had been stabbed at him, his sandals dragging across the floor as he was pushed back by the might of the alien monstrosity.
"Love your enemies!" the Messiah shouted, "bless them that curse you! Do good to them that hate you! Pray for them that use you!"
Jesus jumped up, landing on the back of the bonesword before dashing straight toward the snarling alien.
"LOVE KNUCKLE!" He shouted, slamming a fist into the Swarmlord's head that sent the alien reeling.
"BLESSINGS OF PAIN!" Jesus started raining blows on the monstrosity, which was too close to use its massive swords to any useful effect. The Messiah's fists were like thunderbolts upon the Tyranid's armor, and where His fists struck chitin and bones alike split apart.
"ROUNDHOUSE OF GOOD!" His sandal smashed into the alien's chest carapace with a sharp crack, like a hammer splitting ceramic, and the son of God backflipped into the air as his enemy staggered painfully.
"PRAYER BEAM ALPHA!" He shouted, holding his forearms in the shape of a cross as holy light swallowed the Israelite and infused him with righteous power.

www.fanfiction.net/s/8084013/4/Big-Huma ... ter-School
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV