Well done; I can't wait to see the epic conclusion. And a complete schmuck? Not at all.
Meanwhile, there were a few word choice errors, mostly toward the end:
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Meanwhile, there were a few word choice errors, mostly toward the end:
Quote:had me pass it on the Tenchi.Should be "on to Tenchi".
Quote:the training had born fruit"Borne" is really the word you want here -- very similar, related words so the error is understandable.
Quote:“CEASE HER!”Unless Funaho is ordering her immediate death in a strange way, you want "sieze" here.
Quote:She won't be anymore trouble"Any more" -- "anymore" means "any longer" or "ever again", more or less.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.