You Might be a Redneck If ... (May edition)
... no one is wearing sleeves in your wedding photos.... the mud in your yard extends half-way across the front room.... you have reserved parking at Arby's.... raccoons skip your trash can.... you've ever used jumper cables to start your washing machine.... you were born with a spork in your mouth.... everyone in your family portrait is holding a weapon.... you've given ammunition as a Mother's Day gift.... you've stared into a lava lamp for over half a day.... you get a job at the dollar store for the employee discount.... you carry cigarettes, a cell phone, and car keys in your bra.... your first question upon being told you have three months to live is "Will I miss the Daytona 500?"... the smoking section is whichever one you are sitting in.... the collar on your dog costs more than what you're wearing.... "jiggle the handle" is written in sharpie on your toilet.... the last time you moved your car, you and two neighbors were pushing it.... you don't stop arguing with your wife while answering the front door.... you use Wite-Out to do a French manicure.... you inherited a collection of stolen road signs.... you text more than you talk. (this is more of a 'You might be a modern teenager if...')... your underwear is older than your wife.... you always stop to inspect roadkill.... you have the macaroni and cheese cooking instructions memorized.... you check your lottery numbers daily but have never checked your credit score.... your wife calls you "daddy" but your kids don't.... you framed your public urination citation.
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"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
... no one is wearing sleeves in your wedding photos.... the mud in your yard extends half-way across the front room.... you have reserved parking at Arby's.... raccoons skip your trash can.... you've ever used jumper cables to start your washing machine.... you were born with a spork in your mouth.... everyone in your family portrait is holding a weapon.... you've given ammunition as a Mother's Day gift.... you've stared into a lava lamp for over half a day.... you get a job at the dollar store for the employee discount.... you carry cigarettes, a cell phone, and car keys in your bra.... your first question upon being told you have three months to live is "Will I miss the Daytona 500?"... the smoking section is whichever one you are sitting in.... the collar on your dog costs more than what you're wearing.... "jiggle the handle" is written in sharpie on your toilet.... the last time you moved your car, you and two neighbors were pushing it.... you don't stop arguing with your wife while answering the front door.... you use Wite-Out to do a French manicure.... you inherited a collection of stolen road signs.... you text more than you talk. (this is more of a 'You might be a modern teenager if...')... your underwear is older than your wife.... you always stop to inspect roadkill.... you have the macaroni and cheese cooking instructions memorized.... you check your lottery numbers daily but have never checked your credit score.... your wife calls you "daddy" but your kids don't.... you framed your public urination citation.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin