[RFC] Being You is Deculture

[Black Aeronaut]

Thanks for the help, CD, I really appreciate that.

In regards to a couple of points...

I shook my head.  “I am special among all Micronians, Commander.  I am an interdimensional traveler from an alternate version of this universe.  I would be shocked if there were anyone here that could do this.”

I dunno, spiritia users are pretty bullshit... Probably still not quite the same thing, though.

Hah.  Pretty much.  But then, as far as I've seen, Spiritia has been used so far to alter mental states.  The 'flashiest' thing I've seen it do so far was at the end of Macross Zero where Shin's fighter goes after Sara.

How would Azonia know about flirty teasing and think it's fun when sexual relationships are unknown to the Zentran and Meltran?

Huh?  In reference to?

“Civilians... You mean those people from before?”

"What's a 'civilian?' Is it some kind of specialist technician?" I guess they might have met a one or two running th euniform shop, or on the way to it? You didn't mention it, though. If that's what you intended to have happen, maybe insert a line about Milia or one of her bookends asking about the meaning of all those uniform variations while they're passing through the public spaces? I vote for the latter, while Milia just shoots arch looks back at people gawking at their (presumably skimpy?) robes

I can do that.  Just didn't have the muse nudging me just so at the time.  The second draft will have this fleshed out a bit better.

“I have indeed.  My father, the British Ambassador to Japan, is quite keen on seeing this footage.  Mr. Grimm?  Tomorrow you’re to take Miss Lynn in her personal aircraft to Yokohama.  To the populace here, we will explain that she has special permission to see her family due to her celebrity status.

Why even tell anyone? Just have her go somewhere out of the way, put on a pilot's suit and helmet, and walk to the hangars.

Ah, I messed up.

Thing is, when Garrick and Minmei take off, it's in the midst of a massive carnival they're throwing on the deck of the Daedalus.  And the idea here would be that Minmei would be expected to put on a performance or two.  So, in light of that, they make a big deal out of her getting special permission to go visit family in Yokohama.  There'll still be a few people miffed, either because of the whole 'What right does she have!?' thing, or the fact they wanted to see her perform, or even both.  But those feelings will be largely quelled by the abundance of food, drink, and good times to be had.

So that will be something I'll need to do for the second draft as well.

“You got a lot of nerve saying such bold things to my face, boy.”

“I’m an American.  We’ve been pissing on tradition ever since we told the King of England where to shove it and how far.”

For someone trying to make a good impression on prospective inlaws, Garrick is being pretty damn rude. Even by American standards.

Minmei's Father, here, has adopted Japan's tendency towards xenophobia.  Once the word 'Gaijin' got dropped in the context it was used, all bets were off.  Granted, there are a lot of people in Japan that don't really mean much by using the word, but again, context matters.

And once I've been insulted in such a brazen and open manner, I am not the most polite person.  At all.

Garrick feels that the only person he really has to prove himself to here is Minmei.  And he's not wrong in this regard - once she's old enough there's not a damn thing they can do about it.  And he's not about to let her parents turn this into a Romeo and Juliet scenario.  Besides, Minmei herself doesn't like the treatment he's getting from her parents.  She had a feeling they'd be standoffish, but to start calling him a Gaijin like that right off the bat...

“And this is our Liaison to the CIA in America, Jack Ryan.”  I  couldn’t completely hide my surprise.

Shouldn't he be President by then?

Urgh.  Not as up to date on Tom Clancy novels.  I had the idea of doing this since I was already borrowing Edmund Duke from Starcraft.  I'll see what I can do about this.

Ryan nodded.  “It is doubtful.  The system was as of yet untested.  We had a lot of data that proved it would function,

I'd say "data that showed it should" here - it's not proven until you do in fact try it, unless you're a theoretical mathematician. Engineers? When you can do it several times in a row without more than expected maintenance, that's "tested" but you don't get to "proven" until it's been in service for at least a year, and preferably ten

Got it.  Thanks.  

“So... you won’t fight for me?”

“Fight for you?” I said.  “Against who?  Your family?  I’m pretty sure you were just about to tell your father where to shove it just earlier.”

"You're a person, not a prize to be won" trope averted, but tropes are not always bad. It plays into the dramatic tension here though, and Minmei clearly thinks that she does deserve to be treated like a prize worth fighting over so it probably wouldn't have the intended effect even if it was used.

Well, we DO shift back on this.  Garrick tells her later on,

"And by the way?  You said that I wasn’t fighting for you?  Congratulations: you just gave me an opponent."

In regards to the translation thing...  Yeah, I'm with Rob on this one.  Translation convention should apply in such a manner as well.  *Adds that to the fix list.*