This is hard
----
---
Having the closest Cage to the locker rooms granted me the privilege of a few minutes peace to rest on the bench in the centre of the room. I lay on my back, staring up at the buzzing lights flooding the room with sick pallid green light.
My mind was a whirl of emotion, a simmering cauldron that bubbled in my body. The tip of my tongue tickled on my lips, remembering the taste of Shinji. My chest pressed against the inside of my plugsuit, remembering the hard press of his body. My fist clenched remembered Asuka’s image teasing in the plug.
Of course she’s just jealous. She doesn’t even know she’s jealous.
I drew a breath.
It just reminded me why I’d made the right decision.
The locker-room door buzzed open. Asuka’s distinctive silhoutte stood framed by the lights behind.
I sat up as she marched forward, into my space.
Asuka stamped her foot on the bench between my legs, the shock travelling up my back. For a heartbeat, I feared for a part of my anatomy that I didn’t have anymore, before realizing it’d probably hurt just as much if she stood on me anyway.
She glared down at me, overhead lights forming a halo behind her glowing rust hair.
I stared back. The way she stood – I could probably get my foot up between her legs and really make her suffer. A hard polymer gusset between the legs saved blushes, but could really hurt if caught just wrong.
The idea that, maybe I shouldn’t have snapped at her crossed through my mind, but I had to defend myself.
“What?” I asked
Her face turned in disgust. “I get it.”
“What?”
“Why you’re really interested in Shinji.”
Because he’s one of the few masculine influences on my life that I interact with daily right at the moment where my mind had reached its point of inflection.
“He’s a boy,” I concluded for her. .
She shook her head, cocking her nose at a haughty angle, the princess looking down on the commoners. “Every man you ever date will introduce you to his friends as ‘my girlfriend, the former Evangelion pilot.’ You’ll never be anything but their greatest conquest. A trophy.”
A strange feeling washed over my body for a moment. I hadn’t even considered the possibility of ‘other men’. For a heartbeat, it lingered, before the image fully formed in my mind.
I hated it. With every fibre of my soul I knew I’d be so much more than some salaryman’s trophy and I hated her for even suggesting it. I hated everything about her for suugesting. It boiled up inside me, twisting my insides in disgust.
“Except for Shinji.” she concluded with a smirk.
“Projecting?” I shot back, pushing myself upright.
“As if,” she snorted with a toss of her hair. The smirk on her lips broadened “Some of us are just stronger than others. And of course the only reason he’s interested in the First is because he’s afraid he’ll be controlled by any sort of woman it would offend his masculine pride.”
She sniffed. I glared, pushing myself upright to feet. Rei entered the door behind Asuka, making her way quietly to her own locker. Asuka glanced at her a moment, incase Rei decided this one time to intervene. Ayanami didn’t obviously care.
“You two are perfect for each other.”
LCL dripped to the floor from her hair. Beads of sticky liquid streaked down her plugsuit, A single orange bead quivered on the end of her nostril.
I couldn’t let he get away with this. I stood legs apart, with my arms folded beneath by chest. To hell with this.
“And you’re fawning over Kaji because you know he’ll never call you on it.” I glared straight through her. “Because you need to prove you’re an adult, but you’re secretly afraid of what would happen if you had to follow through.”
For a heartbeat, she looked like she’d sat on a sparkplug
The slap to the face came as a surprise.
Neither of us expected me to punch back.
---
Neither of us expected to end up in Misato’s office, aching and bloodied. A dribble of blood left a trail on the top of Asuka’s lip. Her tongue licked at it. My hand pressed against my ribcage, guarding a tender spot given by the edge of a bench. Rei stood straight stiff, the pale skin on her cheek turning a deep purple
Misato glared at us from behind steepled hands, drawing slow breaths. A single spotlight shone over our shoulders, throwing harsh shadows across her face and sparking from her hostile eyes. Liquid reflections flowed across the surface of our plugsuits, picking out the sticky strands of congealed LCL veining around our arms and across our shoulders.
“I want to know who started it,” Misato said, her voice disturbingly calm. “I want to know who threw the first punch,”
“I don’t know,” Asuka lied, straight off the cuff.
“I don’t know,” I lied. Something bit through a rib
“Rei,” Misato smiled. It wasn’t her nice smile.
Ayanami glanced at the both of us. For a moment I dared hope some spark of camraderie had lit deep inside her.
“Sorhyu slapped Nagato. Nagato punched Sorhyu. They kicked each other and fell on the bench. I attempted to intervene.” The fingers on her left hand touched against the mark on her cheek.
Rat.
Misato shook her head slowly “The two of you, fighting over a boy…”
My arms folded under my chest. “It wasn’t over a boy,” I said. A moment after the words left my mouth, I knew I’d fallen into the trap.
“Then why, why do I have three bleeding pilots in my office?”
“She said I would do indecent things with Kaji.”
Asuka beat me to it and I wasn’t going to let her push me over the cliff. “You know damn well what you said,” I shot back at her, anger fizzing back up inside my body..
“After you accused me of sleeping with him!” Her voice echoed off the walls
“STOP!” Misato’s voice shot through us like a nail, pinning us to the floor in front of
“One bad fall, one unlucky punch and one of you would be dead. Your job is to kill Angels, not each other. That is the sole reason you are here.”
“I didn’t think…” Asuka began
“No, neither of you did.”
Neither of us could move. We looked at each other, we looked at the visibly uncomfortable Rei standing rigid beside his. Her fists had clenched solid.
Misato stared through to the wall behind..
“Off-base housing is a privilege. One that’s now been revoked until you two can prove you can live together without taking lumps out of each other. Both of you will stay in quarters on base until further notice.
Fuck - I thought. Asuka smirked.
“I might actually get some sleep at night rather than listen to somebody flick….”
For a moment I nearly hit her. Misato’s voice beat me to it.
“Asuka. Zip it. You’re both in the one room.” she snapped. “And if I hear of even a single incident between either of you, you will both be replaced. There will be no more Second or Fourth Children anymore. Is that understood?”
Asuka’s mouth opened. Nothing came out.
“I want an answer. Both of you.”
“Yes Sir,” she said, her voice flattening.
I felt the spotlight of the moment fall on me. “Noriko…”
“Yes Sir,” I said, feeling like I’d been beaten, without
“Dismissed.” she said, her face holding its stern glare for a half second, before that sisterly smile returned. She turned it toward the traitor beside us.
“Rei, if you’ll stay, I’ll show you how to hide that bruise with makeup.”
-------
----
---
Having the closest Cage to the locker rooms granted me the privilege of a few minutes peace to rest on the bench in the centre of the room. I lay on my back, staring up at the buzzing lights flooding the room with sick pallid green light.
My mind was a whirl of emotion, a simmering cauldron that bubbled in my body. The tip of my tongue tickled on my lips, remembering the taste of Shinji. My chest pressed against the inside of my plugsuit, remembering the hard press of his body. My fist clenched remembered Asuka’s image teasing in the plug.
Of course she’s just jealous. She doesn’t even know she’s jealous.
I drew a breath.
It just reminded me why I’d made the right decision.
The locker-room door buzzed open. Asuka’s distinctive silhoutte stood framed by the lights behind.
I sat up as she marched forward, into my space.
Asuka stamped her foot on the bench between my legs, the shock travelling up my back. For a heartbeat, I feared for a part of my anatomy that I didn’t have anymore, before realizing it’d probably hurt just as much if she stood on me anyway.
She glared down at me, overhead lights forming a halo behind her glowing rust hair.
I stared back. The way she stood – I could probably get my foot up between her legs and really make her suffer. A hard polymer gusset between the legs saved blushes, but could really hurt if caught just wrong.
The idea that, maybe I shouldn’t have snapped at her crossed through my mind, but I had to defend myself.
“What?” I asked
Her face turned in disgust. “I get it.”
“What?”
“Why you’re really interested in Shinji.”
Because he’s one of the few masculine influences on my life that I interact with daily right at the moment where my mind had reached its point of inflection.
“He’s a boy,” I concluded for her. .
She shook her head, cocking her nose at a haughty angle, the princess looking down on the commoners. “Every man you ever date will introduce you to his friends as ‘my girlfriend, the former Evangelion pilot.’ You’ll never be anything but their greatest conquest. A trophy.”
A strange feeling washed over my body for a moment. I hadn’t even considered the possibility of ‘other men’. For a heartbeat, it lingered, before the image fully formed in my mind.
I hated it. With every fibre of my soul I knew I’d be so much more than some salaryman’s trophy and I hated her for even suggesting it. I hated everything about her for suugesting. It boiled up inside me, twisting my insides in disgust.
“Except for Shinji.” she concluded with a smirk.
“Projecting?” I shot back, pushing myself upright.
“As if,” she snorted with a toss of her hair. The smirk on her lips broadened “Some of us are just stronger than others. And of course the only reason he’s interested in the First is because he’s afraid he’ll be controlled by any sort of woman it would offend his masculine pride.”
She sniffed. I glared, pushing myself upright to feet. Rei entered the door behind Asuka, making her way quietly to her own locker. Asuka glanced at her a moment, incase Rei decided this one time to intervene. Ayanami didn’t obviously care.
“You two are perfect for each other.”
LCL dripped to the floor from her hair. Beads of sticky liquid streaked down her plugsuit, A single orange bead quivered on the end of her nostril.
I couldn’t let he get away with this. I stood legs apart, with my arms folded beneath by chest. To hell with this.
“And you’re fawning over Kaji because you know he’ll never call you on it.” I glared straight through her. “Because you need to prove you’re an adult, but you’re secretly afraid of what would happen if you had to follow through.”
For a heartbeat, she looked like she’d sat on a sparkplug
The slap to the face came as a surprise.
Neither of us expected me to punch back.
---
Neither of us expected to end up in Misato’s office, aching and bloodied. A dribble of blood left a trail on the top of Asuka’s lip. Her tongue licked at it. My hand pressed against my ribcage, guarding a tender spot given by the edge of a bench. Rei stood straight stiff, the pale skin on her cheek turning a deep purple
Misato glared at us from behind steepled hands, drawing slow breaths. A single spotlight shone over our shoulders, throwing harsh shadows across her face and sparking from her hostile eyes. Liquid reflections flowed across the surface of our plugsuits, picking out the sticky strands of congealed LCL veining around our arms and across our shoulders.
“I want to know who started it,” Misato said, her voice disturbingly calm. “I want to know who threw the first punch,”
“I don’t know,” Asuka lied, straight off the cuff.
“I don’t know,” I lied. Something bit through a rib
“Rei,” Misato smiled. It wasn’t her nice smile.
Ayanami glanced at the both of us. For a moment I dared hope some spark of camraderie had lit deep inside her.
“Sorhyu slapped Nagato. Nagato punched Sorhyu. They kicked each other and fell on the bench. I attempted to intervene.” The fingers on her left hand touched against the mark on her cheek.
Rat.
Misato shook her head slowly “The two of you, fighting over a boy…”
My arms folded under my chest. “It wasn’t over a boy,” I said. A moment after the words left my mouth, I knew I’d fallen into the trap.
“Then why, why do I have three bleeding pilots in my office?”
“She said I would do indecent things with Kaji.”
Asuka beat me to it and I wasn’t going to let her push me over the cliff. “You know damn well what you said,” I shot back at her, anger fizzing back up inside my body..
“After you accused me of sleeping with him!” Her voice echoed off the walls
“STOP!” Misato’s voice shot through us like a nail, pinning us to the floor in front of
“One bad fall, one unlucky punch and one of you would be dead. Your job is to kill Angels, not each other. That is the sole reason you are here.”
“I didn’t think…” Asuka began
“No, neither of you did.”
Neither of us could move. We looked at each other, we looked at the visibly uncomfortable Rei standing rigid beside his. Her fists had clenched solid.
Misato stared through to the wall behind..
“Off-base housing is a privilege. One that’s now been revoked until you two can prove you can live together without taking lumps out of each other. Both of you will stay in quarters on base until further notice.
Fuck - I thought. Asuka smirked.
“I might actually get some sleep at night rather than listen to somebody flick….”
For a moment I nearly hit her. Misato’s voice beat me to it.
“Asuka. Zip it. You’re both in the one room.” she snapped. “And if I hear of even a single incident between either of you, you will both be replaced. There will be no more Second or Fourth Children anymore. Is that understood?”
Asuka’s mouth opened. Nothing came out.
“I want an answer. Both of you.”
“Yes Sir,” she said, her voice flattening.
I felt the spotlight of the moment fall on me. “Noriko…”
“Yes Sir,” I said, feeling like I’d been beaten, without
“Dismissed.” she said, her face holding its stern glare for a half second, before that sisterly smile returned. She turned it toward the traitor beside us.
“Rei, if you’ll stay, I’ll show you how to hide that bruise with makeup.”
-------
Oh sweet meteor of death
Fall upon us.
Deliver us in fire
To Peace everlasting.
Fall upon us.
Deliver us in fire
To Peace everlasting.