It's alright. It's one of those funny things where knowing about it helps, but being able to admit to it helps even more. And like I've said in the past, I've long-ago come to the realization that not many people are able to relate to this kind of thing. Which, some might think that means it's an exercise in futility to speak about it. But if I don't, then no one is ever going to know anything. It's better to be somewhat misunderstood than to be completely misunderstood.
Really, this is less about loss and more about dissecting my experience so people have a better understanding of me. And maybe someone might ask the question that makes me go, "Huh, wonder why I never thought of that before?"
(As such, I've made an addendum to the thread title to better reflect my aim here.)
I honestly feel that my case is special in some kind of way, but I just can't quite place my finger on it. There's plenty of Cinderella Stories out there - that's proof that it's common enough. Maybe it's the way I've had the possibility of acceptance dangled in front of my face, provided I toe the line and become the automaton that was expected of me.
Or maybe it's that there's actually nothing really special about it, just not enough people are stepping forward.
Going off on a bit of a tangent here; I have tried therapy, but it felt like I wasn't quite connecting with the therapist. I know that this is one of those things where you have to find the "right" one and that doing so can require a lot of trial-and-error, but I think that part of my problem is that the right one isn't in the typical pool of professionals.
I learned through watching Brené Brown's TED Talk about vulnerability that there are therapists that specialize in dealing with professionals who are in and adjacent to their fields of study. And me being the kind of person I am? I'm probably going to need to find such a specialist.
BTW, if you've never listened to Brené Brown's TED talks, you oughta. Even if it's not your particular thing, she's absolutely hilarious. Barely even thirty seconds into this one she already has people laughing.
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_th...nerability
Really, this is less about loss and more about dissecting my experience so people have a better understanding of me. And maybe someone might ask the question that makes me go, "Huh, wonder why I never thought of that before?"
(As such, I've made an addendum to the thread title to better reflect my aim here.)
I honestly feel that my case is special in some kind of way, but I just can't quite place my finger on it. There's plenty of Cinderella Stories out there - that's proof that it's common enough. Maybe it's the way I've had the possibility of acceptance dangled in front of my face, provided I toe the line and become the automaton that was expected of me.
Or maybe it's that there's actually nothing really special about it, just not enough people are stepping forward.
Going off on a bit of a tangent here; I have tried therapy, but it felt like I wasn't quite connecting with the therapist. I know that this is one of those things where you have to find the "right" one and that doing so can require a lot of trial-and-error, but I think that part of my problem is that the right one isn't in the typical pool of professionals.
I learned through watching Brené Brown's TED Talk about vulnerability that there are therapists that specialize in dealing with professionals who are in and adjacent to their fields of study. And me being the kind of person I am? I'm probably going to need to find such a specialist.
BTW, if you've never listened to Brené Brown's TED talks, you oughta. Even if it's not your particular thing, she's absolutely hilarious. Barely even thirty seconds into this one she already has people laughing.
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_th...nerability