Lazy Bachelor Pizza Crust/Quickbread
Makes a crispy, relatively thick crust that you can really pile the toppings onto without losing half of them down the front of of your shirt, or for use as a flatbread for sandwiches etc. or if you're feeling particularly ambitious filled, folded, and oil fried as a pocketbread.
As usual I have written this as if instructing a complete beginner for the sake of folks who need a cooking thread the most; just bear with it if your skill level is higher.
Equipment:
Toaster- or full size oven capable of holding ay least a 8x10" or 9" square pan (~20x25cm or 23cm square)
baking pan of at least the listed size
2+ cup bowl or large measuring cup etc. to mix in. An ordinary bowl like you'd use for breakfast cereal should do unless it's particularly small.
A teaspoon or tablespoon sturdy enough not to bend when mixing stiff dough, or one to use for measuring and a wood or metal stirrer if you don't mind the extra thing to wash
small rolling pin or flat-sided glass bottle/jar such as a beer or soy sauce bottle or peanut butter jar, with any labels peeled off.
table fork
Note that one tablespoon is roughly equal to two teaspoons, and a heaping spoonful is usually around double to triple a level spoonful.
ingredients (not including pizza sauce/toppings):
6 heaping tablespoons white flour, plus 1-2 more later
1 level teaspoon baking powder (not baking soda) because yeast is a pain
1/2 to 1 level teaspoon salt depending on your taste for it
optional: If usiong dry scrambled egg mix powder, one heaping tablespoon
()later) approx 1 heaping tablespoon cornmeal, panko, or Corn Flakes cereal crushed into small crumbs.
Premix dry ingredients except cornmeal/crumbs with a slow and steady hand to avoid spilling or blowing them around and making more to clean
1 egg (if not using powder mix)
optional: dollop of olive oil somewhere between the size of the egg yolk and 1/2 total volume of egg (makes crust crisper but also crumbly at dry edges)
Optional: 1 tablespoon lemon juice + 1 teaspoon white sugar
Add a dollop of water to start mixing wet ingredients, pressing and folding with the convex side of the spoon. Keep adding more water until all the flour is wetted and the consistency is like soft clay, easy to spread out with the spoon but able to hold its shape when scraped into a ball. do so and add another tablespoon or two of flour beside the ball, then push it over onto the dry flour and shift it around until the outside surface is covered. There should still be dry flour in the bowl and handling the ball gently it won't stick to your fingers.
Turn on the oven and set the heat around 350 - 375°F (175 - 190°C).
Grab a handful of cornmeal or crumbs and sprinkle a thin layer over the bottom of the pan, to keep the crust from sticking. Place the dough ball in the middle of the pan and pat it flat-ish, then dump the remaining dry flour and bowl scrapings on top. roll out the dough to get a thin, even layer in the pan, adding a little more dry flour on top if it starts to stick to your roller. No need to worry about filling the corners perfectly, good enough is good enough.
Use a fork to poke many small holes into the surface of the dough to help with even cooking and sauce/topping retention (unless you're planning to try the oil frying trick.) you'll probably need to runn a finger along behind the fork lightly to keep it from pulling up the layer of dough, but it shouldn't stick to the fork in significant amounts.
Add your tomato sauce/cheese/olive oil/garlic powder/etc. as desired and bake for 20-30 minutes until it smells and looks done. Washing up while you wait is usually easy, only requiriing a bit of rubbing by hand under a running tap on the fork, spoon, and bowl, barely more than needed to clean the flour off your hands anyway. The baking pan may have some crumbs to dump out and/or a bit of excess olive oil to wipe off if you really go to town with it, but shouldn't need washing at all. If you're not fussy, you can just lick the cutlery and leave the bowl with a cover or inside a bread box/microwave/the oven after it cools/etc. to keep it from attracting rodents and bugs; any dough still clinging to it will be easy to scrape loose from glass, metal, or plastic after drying and can just be mixed into the next batch or thrown in the slopbucket.
For oil frying, you'll also need an iron pan big enough for the folded pocket, obviously, with a half inch or so of vegetable oil (not olive oil, it breaks down in the heat and makes the flavour too bitter for most palates) in it, and a spatula or two to place the pocket in the pann and turn it over when the first side is cooked, which usually takes 5-10 minutes. When it doubt, let it go a little longer - even when the surface gets a little dark and starts producing an overdone/burnt smell this dough tends to rise enough that it doesn't burn deeply and make a big difference to the taste unless you really leave it until it starts to smoke or have the heat way too high. I've found that the best way to tell the oil is hot enough without letting it start smoklng is to dribble a SMALL amount of water in before turning on the heat, when it stops boiling away put in the pocket and turn heat down from high to 60-70% and give the pocket a gentle nudge after a few seconds just to make sure it's not stuck to the bottom of the pan. Always turn the pocket over AWAY from yourself and any pets or spectators when trying this, as it's very easy to have it flop down and send a splash of scalding hot oil flying. Getting a burn on your arm is bad enough, shoulders or chest are miserable as clothes always seem to bind against it every time you move, and on the face or eyes it can cause permanent scarring or blindness.
For a unique dessert or breakfast pastry, try making the dough without olive oil or using vegetable oil instead, then spreading a layer of apple sauce and dusting it with cinnamon before baking and add lines of white icing "cheese" on top and allow them to melt, like on a sticky bun or hot cross buns. Something involving mixing strawberry, raspberry, amd/or a little bit of blueberry jam into the apple sauce first to turn it red could further the look of being pizza, but I haven't experimented along those lines as yet. Ritz cracker crumbs to dust the pan are also a possibility.
Makes a crispy, relatively thick crust that you can really pile the toppings onto without losing half of them down the front of of your shirt, or for use as a flatbread for sandwiches etc. or if you're feeling particularly ambitious filled, folded, and oil fried as a pocketbread.
As usual I have written this as if instructing a complete beginner for the sake of folks who need a cooking thread the most; just bear with it if your skill level is higher.
Equipment:
Toaster- or full size oven capable of holding ay least a 8x10" or 9" square pan (~20x25cm or 23cm square)
baking pan of at least the listed size
2+ cup bowl or large measuring cup etc. to mix in. An ordinary bowl like you'd use for breakfast cereal should do unless it's particularly small.
A teaspoon or tablespoon sturdy enough not to bend when mixing stiff dough, or one to use for measuring and a wood or metal stirrer if you don't mind the extra thing to wash
small rolling pin or flat-sided glass bottle/jar such as a beer or soy sauce bottle or peanut butter jar, with any labels peeled off.
table fork
Note that one tablespoon is roughly equal to two teaspoons, and a heaping spoonful is usually around double to triple a level spoonful.
ingredients (not including pizza sauce/toppings):
6 heaping tablespoons white flour, plus 1-2 more later
1 level teaspoon baking powder (not baking soda) because yeast is a pain
1/2 to 1 level teaspoon salt depending on your taste for it
optional: If usiong dry scrambled egg mix powder, one heaping tablespoon
()later) approx 1 heaping tablespoon cornmeal, panko, or Corn Flakes cereal crushed into small crumbs.
Premix dry ingredients except cornmeal/crumbs with a slow and steady hand to avoid spilling or blowing them around and making more to clean
1 egg (if not using powder mix)
optional: dollop of olive oil somewhere between the size of the egg yolk and 1/2 total volume of egg (makes crust crisper but also crumbly at dry edges)
Optional: 1 tablespoon lemon juice + 1 teaspoon white sugar
Add a dollop of water to start mixing wet ingredients, pressing and folding with the convex side of the spoon. Keep adding more water until all the flour is wetted and the consistency is like soft clay, easy to spread out with the spoon but able to hold its shape when scraped into a ball. do so and add another tablespoon or two of flour beside the ball, then push it over onto the dry flour and shift it around until the outside surface is covered. There should still be dry flour in the bowl and handling the ball gently it won't stick to your fingers.
Turn on the oven and set the heat around 350 - 375°F (175 - 190°C).
Grab a handful of cornmeal or crumbs and sprinkle a thin layer over the bottom of the pan, to keep the crust from sticking. Place the dough ball in the middle of the pan and pat it flat-ish, then dump the remaining dry flour and bowl scrapings on top. roll out the dough to get a thin, even layer in the pan, adding a little more dry flour on top if it starts to stick to your roller. No need to worry about filling the corners perfectly, good enough is good enough.
Use a fork to poke many small holes into the surface of the dough to help with even cooking and sauce/topping retention (unless you're planning to try the oil frying trick.) you'll probably need to runn a finger along behind the fork lightly to keep it from pulling up the layer of dough, but it shouldn't stick to the fork in significant amounts.
Add your tomato sauce/cheese/olive oil/garlic powder/etc. as desired and bake for 20-30 minutes until it smells and looks done. Washing up while you wait is usually easy, only requiriing a bit of rubbing by hand under a running tap on the fork, spoon, and bowl, barely more than needed to clean the flour off your hands anyway. The baking pan may have some crumbs to dump out and/or a bit of excess olive oil to wipe off if you really go to town with it, but shouldn't need washing at all. If you're not fussy, you can just lick the cutlery and leave the bowl with a cover or inside a bread box/microwave/the oven after it cools/etc. to keep it from attracting rodents and bugs; any dough still clinging to it will be easy to scrape loose from glass, metal, or plastic after drying and can just be mixed into the next batch or thrown in the slopbucket.
For oil frying, you'll also need an iron pan big enough for the folded pocket, obviously, with a half inch or so of vegetable oil (not olive oil, it breaks down in the heat and makes the flavour too bitter for most palates) in it, and a spatula or two to place the pocket in the pann and turn it over when the first side is cooked, which usually takes 5-10 minutes. When it doubt, let it go a little longer - even when the surface gets a little dark and starts producing an overdone/burnt smell this dough tends to rise enough that it doesn't burn deeply and make a big difference to the taste unless you really leave it until it starts to smoke or have the heat way too high. I've found that the best way to tell the oil is hot enough without letting it start smoklng is to dribble a SMALL amount of water in before turning on the heat, when it stops boiling away put in the pocket and turn heat down from high to 60-70% and give the pocket a gentle nudge after a few seconds just to make sure it's not stuck to the bottom of the pan. Always turn the pocket over AWAY from yourself and any pets or spectators when trying this, as it's very easy to have it flop down and send a splash of scalding hot oil flying. Getting a burn on your arm is bad enough, shoulders or chest are miserable as clothes always seem to bind against it every time you move, and on the face or eyes it can cause permanent scarring or blindness.
For a unique dessert or breakfast pastry, try making the dough without olive oil or using vegetable oil instead, then spreading a layer of apple sauce and dusting it with cinnamon before baking and add lines of white icing "cheese" on top and allow them to melt, like on a sticky bun or hot cross buns. Something involving mixing strawberry, raspberry, amd/or a little bit of blueberry jam into the apple sauce first to turn it red could further the look of being pizza, but I haven't experimented along those lines as yet. Ritz cracker crumbs to dust the pan are also a possibility.
--
noli esse culus
noli esse culus