Hokay. Some improvements have been made, others left to make. Fortunately, again, this is *mostly* about window-dressing on the backstory rather than on any actual problems with the character Going down the list.
- For handwavium to grow, you have to feed it something. You talk about this at the end, but leave it out of the beginning (unless you put the 'wavium in the fridge with a comic book). It can be leftovers. It can be beer. It can be anything that's at least a little organic, actually, but it has to be something. Different strains require different things. Generally this is physical stuff. Having it feed on paper and ink is fine. Given that, thes stuff that's written *could* reasonably have an influence (not control, but influence) on what it did when you put it to work. Handwavium consuming stuff conserves mass - if it finds something unpalatable, it won't eat it, but if it does eat it, the result will be the same mass as the initial.
- Painting the vehicle on the inside is not enough. Its justifiable for a biomod, given the efficiency of lungs, but for devices you need to apply the goop directly to them, and they'll each develop a quirk or few.
- If the truck was at a junk auction, how did you buy it months later? Not that this would be impossible, just not necessarily trivial - especially with the issues that Fen have getting into and out of the US.
- Writing issue - your first paragraph seems to disagree pretty directly ith your fourth.
- Handwavium does not reshape stuff. If you put in banks of computers and handwave them, they may act like they've been updated to the 21st century, but they won't *look* like it. It doesn't move stuff, shift stuff, or restructure stuff. It just changes the function of what's there.
- You talk about a significant dirtside organization. How? It's plausible that, given time, you could build a fairly large organization of space-based Fen out of "ain't it cool" and "I wanna be like *you* when I grow up", but by and large, the people you can draw in that way *are* in space. Given that, the only real impact you're going to be able to have on the ground is going to be through money, one way or the other. How are your characters going to become rich like that? It's a worthy goal, mind you, but I just don't see it happening with the resources you've got on the table. Fenspace is largely run on a shoestring budget.
- You haven't yet mentioned any significant vehicle or equipment quirks.
- It really is *much* easier to justify "I have a friend who's a really good trying-to-be-professional artist, and was willing to put on a nifty mural for pizza, cool points, and a favor or two." than it is to justify "The handwavium made my mural look good." Incidentally, "crash space" works really well as an appropriate favor for starving artists.
- For handwavium to grow, you have to feed it something. You talk about this at the end, but leave it out of the beginning (unless you put the 'wavium in the fridge with a comic book). It can be leftovers. It can be beer. It can be anything that's at least a little organic, actually, but it has to be something. Different strains require different things. Generally this is physical stuff. Having it feed on paper and ink is fine. Given that, thes stuff that's written *could* reasonably have an influence (not control, but influence) on what it did when you put it to work. Handwavium consuming stuff conserves mass - if it finds something unpalatable, it won't eat it, but if it does eat it, the result will be the same mass as the initial.
- Painting the vehicle on the inside is not enough. Its justifiable for a biomod, given the efficiency of lungs, but for devices you need to apply the goop directly to them, and they'll each develop a quirk or few.
- If the truck was at a junk auction, how did you buy it months later? Not that this would be impossible, just not necessarily trivial - especially with the issues that Fen have getting into and out of the US.
- Writing issue - your first paragraph seems to disagree pretty directly ith your fourth.
- Handwavium does not reshape stuff. If you put in banks of computers and handwave them, they may act like they've been updated to the 21st century, but they won't *look* like it. It doesn't move stuff, shift stuff, or restructure stuff. It just changes the function of what's there.
- You talk about a significant dirtside organization. How? It's plausible that, given time, you could build a fairly large organization of space-based Fen out of "ain't it cool" and "I wanna be like *you* when I grow up", but by and large, the people you can draw in that way *are* in space. Given that, the only real impact you're going to be able to have on the ground is going to be through money, one way or the other. How are your characters going to become rich like that? It's a worthy goal, mind you, but I just don't see it happening with the resources you've got on the table. Fenspace is largely run on a shoestring budget.
- You haven't yet mentioned any significant vehicle or equipment quirks.
- It really is *much* easier to justify "I have a friend who's a really good trying-to-be-professional artist, and was willing to put on a nifty mural for pizza, cool points, and a favor or two." than it is to justify "The handwavium made my mural look good." Incidentally, "crash space" works really well as an appropriate favor for starving artists.