My only comment is that the asides in the parentheses can break the flow up, costing the scene a little momentum and energy. Otherwise, the action is clear and easy to follow.
One thought that has occured to me while reading is that, while the program is going beyond control in some ways, it is still running normally in others. The OpFor are dying and respawning reliably, it seems. Ultimately, the program might perform a clean and normal shutdown if one of the prescribed victory conditions was achieved.
________________________________
--m(^0^)m-- Wot, no sig?
One thought that has occured to me while reading is that, while the program is going beyond control in some ways, it is still running normally in others. The OpFor are dying and respawning reliably, it seems. Ultimately, the program might perform a clean and normal shutdown if one of the prescribed victory conditions was achieved.
________________________________
--m(^0^)m-- Wot, no sig?