It had been awhile since I had logged on to City of Heroes. I played that game and another called World of Warcraft. When I needed a change of pace from one, I'd pick the other up for awhile. This cycle usually lasted about 3-4 weeks at most. Recently I'd just come off an extended "grind" of WoW and needed to immerse myself in a world where you didn't need to worry so much about "gear" or "money" and where, if you really wanted to, you could lose yourself in a more classical "Good vs. Evil" mindset.
So, first things first, log on with Lora'Lai and see if anything in our base needed my attention, then I'd check on missions or see if anyone wanted to team.
I had just finished a mission in Crey's Folly and had flown Lora'Lai up to high altitude in Nova form. I wanted to get up from my chair and go get a drink and take care of... other things. I didn't want Lora to accidentally be too close to a mob spawn while I was up. And Bright Nova form costs nothing to hover, so I could leave her up in the sky safe while I took care of my real world stuff.
You know how they say that when a major life-changing event happens to you and the world around you, that your mind focuses and you remember lots of specific details about where you were and what was around you and what you were doing? Kennedy Assasination, Challenger, 9-11, Columbia, that sort of thing? Or maybe a car wreck? I remember very specifically what was going through my mind over 20 years ago when my car flipped over that railing (don't worry, it was going slowly and I was amazingly unhurt).
Well, I remember my knees creaking, that not-quite-painful crackling that always accompanied getting up from a prolonged sit-down. I remember my weight. I'd been significantly overweight for some years. (Thankfully not morbidly obese, just middle-age spare tire). I remember my eyesight and the glasses that I had just put back on after staring at the monitor from what would probably be considered too-close a range. I remembered that I'd wanted to get a shower and wash my hair that night because I'd been rushing that morning and had let it go for one day. I remember the cold, how the floor was significantly chilly though the air in the room was comfortably warm. (It was in the mid-30's outside).
I remember all of that. Very clearly. Because all of that vanished in the next moment and I've never had any of those specific sensations ever again, save for the temperature. What I _don't_ remember with clarity is the moment of the actual change itself.
I think it was the sensory change. When you are used to perceiving the world in one way with one set of sensory organs as the vast majority of beings in the universe do their whole lives, then trying to get a handle on even basic perceptions from an entirely different set of senses takes more than a little getting used to. Most beings never have this experience. We Kheldians do.
Thank ghu for Lai. That presence in the back of my mind was just as confused as me, but at least _she_ knew what things were supposed to look like and feel like. And nudged me in the right directions quickly enough that I didn't go mad.
Yes, I'm pretty certain, all things considered, that I'm not mad even now. Thank you very much.
How can I describe being Kheldian in Bright Nova form to someone who isn't one of us? It's very difficult, that's for sure. Metaphors have to suffice. Imagine not only being able to see sunlight or a light bulb or the pictures on your monitor, but being being able to _taste_ the energy? Or feel it's presence like a gentle breeze? All at the same time. I could faintly hear the murmer of countless radio and TV stations but I could also sense different textures to it all.
Mind you, none of this made any _sense_ at first. I was too confused to think. But eventually, with the help of my inner "voice" I gained enough presence of mind to concentrate on some things and block others out. I could tune my senses to the point where I could see and hear and feel the world around me much like I did before the change. But there was this sense of information about things that I was constantly aware of on a low level that I never knew before.
(Life itself emits a kind of energy, you know. and it kind of disturbed me, later, when I realized just how many small insects and other critters I could sense around me in the walls of my house, until I found out through experience that this is a perfectly normal state of affairs for the majority of human habitation.)
When I could start making sense of my own sensorium and how much things had REALLY changed, then I very quietly spent several minutes freaking out.
Despite every single bit of logic in the world, I was all of a sudden NOT HUMAN. I floated near the back wall of my room from the monitor. I didn't have arms or legs, but a two forked tail and tentacles.
What truly was disturbing to me on one level was how natural this state seemed to me, after a fashion.
My room was in disarray. Well - more so than usual at any rate. I must have flown around and bumped into a lot of things. Several wall scrolls lay draped where they had fallen off the walls. There were clothes scattered everywhere and not in their usual piles. A couple of my figurines were tipped over or sent to the floor. The ceiling fan was for some reason lying broken in the corner. Thank goodness it hadn't taken out the computer! But it had scattered the kibble around some.
I experimented with the tentacles for a bit. Yes, they do work as manipulating limbs. Not very strong ones, mind you. But they also serve as part of my sensory organs. Imagine if your inner ear was on the outside of your body and constantly "sampling" for balance... and for other things - like the energy fluxes all around. That's why they wave constantly. It's an unconscious thing to a Kheldian. As natural as breathing. But like breathing, you have some control over it.
Once I had control over myself and had adjusted, the first thought that came to mind was obvious. Could I change back? I thought about it and in thinking about it got the answer that yes I could. I wasn't just sensing energy after all, I WAS energy. Just in a different state than what I was used to. I just needed to change states. In Bright Nova form, I am solid. I can touch and be touched. but it's really just an energy pattern in my memory that I manifest in a semi-plasma state.
My base form, I knew, was human, and I was actually exerting just the barest sliver of my self to maintain the Bright Nova state as opposed to reverting.. Like keeping a muscle group in your arm or leg set a certain way. The natural inclination of the human body is after all, the "fetal" position. In Zero-gravity, that's what we revert to when we sleep.
So the trick, then, was just to "relax" that particular "muscle" and revert back! Simple!
So I did.
And that's when things got REALLY complicated...
-Logan
-----------------
"This kind of thing tends invariably to devolve into the kind of "No, Nakajima, THIS is true power!!" argument that only really works if you're yelling it from the cockpit of a giant robot . . ."
-----------------
So, first things first, log on with Lora'Lai and see if anything in our base needed my attention, then I'd check on missions or see if anyone wanted to team.
I had just finished a mission in Crey's Folly and had flown Lora'Lai up to high altitude in Nova form. I wanted to get up from my chair and go get a drink and take care of... other things. I didn't want Lora to accidentally be too close to a mob spawn while I was up. And Bright Nova form costs nothing to hover, so I could leave her up in the sky safe while I took care of my real world stuff.
You know how they say that when a major life-changing event happens to you and the world around you, that your mind focuses and you remember lots of specific details about where you were and what was around you and what you were doing? Kennedy Assasination, Challenger, 9-11, Columbia, that sort of thing? Or maybe a car wreck? I remember very specifically what was going through my mind over 20 years ago when my car flipped over that railing (don't worry, it was going slowly and I was amazingly unhurt).
Well, I remember my knees creaking, that not-quite-painful crackling that always accompanied getting up from a prolonged sit-down. I remember my weight. I'd been significantly overweight for some years. (Thankfully not morbidly obese, just middle-age spare tire). I remember my eyesight and the glasses that I had just put back on after staring at the monitor from what would probably be considered too-close a range. I remembered that I'd wanted to get a shower and wash my hair that night because I'd been rushing that morning and had let it go for one day. I remember the cold, how the floor was significantly chilly though the air in the room was comfortably warm. (It was in the mid-30's outside).
I remember all of that. Very clearly. Because all of that vanished in the next moment and I've never had any of those specific sensations ever again, save for the temperature. What I _don't_ remember with clarity is the moment of the actual change itself.
I think it was the sensory change. When you are used to perceiving the world in one way with one set of sensory organs as the vast majority of beings in the universe do their whole lives, then trying to get a handle on even basic perceptions from an entirely different set of senses takes more than a little getting used to. Most beings never have this experience. We Kheldians do.
Thank ghu for Lai. That presence in the back of my mind was just as confused as me, but at least _she_ knew what things were supposed to look like and feel like. And nudged me in the right directions quickly enough that I didn't go mad.
Yes, I'm pretty certain, all things considered, that I'm not mad even now. Thank you very much.
How can I describe being Kheldian in Bright Nova form to someone who isn't one of us? It's very difficult, that's for sure. Metaphors have to suffice. Imagine not only being able to see sunlight or a light bulb or the pictures on your monitor, but being being able to _taste_ the energy? Or feel it's presence like a gentle breeze? All at the same time. I could faintly hear the murmer of countless radio and TV stations but I could also sense different textures to it all.
Mind you, none of this made any _sense_ at first. I was too confused to think. But eventually, with the help of my inner "voice" I gained enough presence of mind to concentrate on some things and block others out. I could tune my senses to the point where I could see and hear and feel the world around me much like I did before the change. But there was this sense of information about things that I was constantly aware of on a low level that I never knew before.
(Life itself emits a kind of energy, you know. and it kind of disturbed me, later, when I realized just how many small insects and other critters I could sense around me in the walls of my house, until I found out through experience that this is a perfectly normal state of affairs for the majority of human habitation.)
When I could start making sense of my own sensorium and how much things had REALLY changed, then I very quietly spent several minutes freaking out.
Despite every single bit of logic in the world, I was all of a sudden NOT HUMAN. I floated near the back wall of my room from the monitor. I didn't have arms or legs, but a two forked tail and tentacles.
What truly was disturbing to me on one level was how natural this state seemed to me, after a fashion.
My room was in disarray. Well - more so than usual at any rate. I must have flown around and bumped into a lot of things. Several wall scrolls lay draped where they had fallen off the walls. There were clothes scattered everywhere and not in their usual piles. A couple of my figurines were tipped over or sent to the floor. The ceiling fan was for some reason lying broken in the corner. Thank goodness it hadn't taken out the computer! But it had scattered the kibble around some.
I experimented with the tentacles for a bit. Yes, they do work as manipulating limbs. Not very strong ones, mind you. But they also serve as part of my sensory organs. Imagine if your inner ear was on the outside of your body and constantly "sampling" for balance... and for other things - like the energy fluxes all around. That's why they wave constantly. It's an unconscious thing to a Kheldian. As natural as breathing. But like breathing, you have some control over it.
Once I had control over myself and had adjusted, the first thought that came to mind was obvious. Could I change back? I thought about it and in thinking about it got the answer that yes I could. I wasn't just sensing energy after all, I WAS energy. Just in a different state than what I was used to. I just needed to change states. In Bright Nova form, I am solid. I can touch and be touched. but it's really just an energy pattern in my memory that I manifest in a semi-plasma state.
My base form, I knew, was human, and I was actually exerting just the barest sliver of my self to maintain the Bright Nova state as opposed to reverting.. Like keeping a muscle group in your arm or leg set a certain way. The natural inclination of the human body is after all, the "fetal" position. In Zero-gravity, that's what we revert to when we sleep.
So the trick, then, was just to "relax" that particular "muscle" and revert back! Simple!
So I did.
And that's when things got REALLY complicated...
-Logan
-----------------
"This kind of thing tends invariably to devolve into the kind of "No, Nakajima, THIS is true power!!" argument that only really works if you're yelling it from the cockpit of a giant robot . . ."
-----------------