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The Prologue And Chapter One...

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The Prologue And Chapter One...
classicdrogn Offline
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#28
07-11-2012, 08:09 AM
A small quibble on phrasing - in the scene with Voldilox his gaze is said to be laden with "cruelty and predation," which seems a bit awkward and possibly technically incorrect. Might I suggest "predatory cruelty" as a more streamlined wording?
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
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Messages In This Thread
The Prologue And Chapter One... - by Bob Schroeck - 07-07-2012, 01:19 AM
[No subject] - by Pyeknu - 07-07-2012, 03:34 AM
[No subject] - by Dartz - 07-07-2012, 04:32 AM
[No subject] - by Norgarth - 07-07-2012, 04:43 AM
[No subject] - by Black Aeronaut - 07-07-2012, 05:25 AM
[No subject] - by Jorlem - 07-07-2012, 08:34 AM
[No subject] - by Honorbridge - 07-07-2012, 09:26 AM
[No subject] - by Jorlem - 07-07-2012, 09:34 AM
[No subject] - by DHBirr - 07-07-2012, 03:38 PM
[No subject] - by Star Ranger4 - 07-07-2012, 05:08 PM
[No subject] - by Disruptor - 07-07-2012, 10:50 PM
[No subject] - by Norgarth - 07-08-2012, 08:07 AM
[No subject] - by Disruptor - 07-08-2012, 09:57 AM
[No subject] - by robkelk - 07-08-2012, 02:52 PM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 07-09-2012, 03:23 PM
[No subject] - by Pyeknu - 07-09-2012, 03:31 PM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 07-09-2012, 03:35 PM
[No subject] - by Pyeknu - 07-09-2012, 09:01 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 07-09-2012, 11:49 PM
[No subject] - by DHBirr - 07-10-2012, 12:52 AM
[No subject] - by Jorlem - 07-10-2012, 05:03 AM
[No subject] - by Sofaspud - 07-10-2012, 06:36 AM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 07-10-2012, 03:28 PM
[No subject] - by Pyeknu - 07-10-2012, 04:20 PM
[No subject] - by ECSNorway - 07-10-2012, 11:35 PM
[No subject] - by Pyeknu - 07-11-2012, 12:24 AM
[No subject] - by Jorlem - 07-11-2012, 01:34 AM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 07-11-2012, 08:09 AM
[No subject] - by Acyl - 07-12-2012, 11:09 AM
[No subject] - by Zojojojo - 07-12-2012, 03:44 PM
[No subject] - by ECSNorway - 07-12-2012, 10:34 PM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 07-13-2012, 03:25 PM
[No subject] - by bmull - 07-13-2012, 04:10 PM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 07-13-2012, 07:36 PM
[No subject] - by Ebony - 07-13-2012, 10:41 PM
[No subject] - by DHBirr - 07-14-2012, 12:31 AM
[No subject] - by paladindythe - 07-14-2012, 08:01 AM
[No subject] - by Black Aeronaut - 07-14-2012, 09:05 PM
[No subject] - by HoagieOfDoom - 07-15-2012, 12:43 AM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 07-15-2012, 03:41 AM
[No subject] - by Jinx999 - 07-18-2012, 08:22 PM
[No subject] - by Black Aeronaut - 07-20-2012, 01:38 AM
[No subject] - by Ebony - 07-20-2012, 04:02 PM
[No subject] - by Terrace - 07-20-2012, 04:09 PM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 07-20-2012, 05:02 PM
[No subject] - by Terrace - 07-20-2012, 07:37 PM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 07-21-2012, 04:40 AM
[No subject] - by Terrace - 07-21-2012, 05:05 AM
[No subject] - by Disruptor - 07-21-2012, 11:57 AM
[No subject] - by Proginoskes - 07-21-2012, 08:17 PM
[No subject] - by robkelk - 07-22-2012, 04:48 AM
[No subject] - by Star Ranger4 - 07-22-2012, 07:37 AM
[No subject] - by robkelk - 07-22-2012, 03:51 PM
[No subject] - by Shepherd - 07-22-2012, 07:04 PM
[No subject] - by Salvage - 07-29-2012, 05:04 PM
[No subject] - by Herr Bad Moon - 12-07-2012, 09:04 PM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 12-08-2012, 12:57 AM
[No subject] - by DHBirr - 03-08-2014, 09:45 AM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 03-08-2014, 11:06 PM

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