From a so-called "dark Harry" fic that's so incredibly bad that it's actually funny:
Edit2: Okay. Strike that -- it's deliberate. I figured that out well before this quote:
Quote:Edit: The worst part is that I'm not sure it's deliberate...
"Yes, I do know, rather foolish decision on the part of Dumbledore's to put my most hated enemy with Muggles," said Voldemort. "Personally, I would have given him a nice clean death but..."
"Then, he killed a group of children that tormented him when he was in Muggle primary school my lord," said Wormtail looking like something bad was going to happen. "Then there was the thing with Lucius Malfoy, and then just last night, he killed Draco Malfoy. He tried to do Snape..."
"Rephrase your choice of words Wormtail, that last phrase gave me the chills," said Voldemort shuddering at the very thought of those two doing anything like that.
"I apologize my lord, he tried to jerk Snape off out of..." said Wormtail.
"Not like that either," said Voldemort. "I'm warning you Wormtail; don't make me put you under the Cruciatias."
"Well, he had Snape by the balls and he nearly blew..."
"CRUCIO!" yelled Voldemort. He could not take any more of the dirty, gutter minded thoughts at Harry Potter and Severus Snape that was going through his mind. Not that there was anything wrong with that but Snape was just disgusting and could have been Potter's father. "Get to the point Wormtail and stop putting images of Potter and Snape doing something unnatural in my head."
Edit2: Okay. Strike that -- it's deliberate. I figured that out well before this quote:
Quote:-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.
Wormtail, I ask you what the hell are these things on my chest! screamed Voldemort.
Well My Lord, they are breasts, said Wormtail.
The hell, what did you do to me? asked Voldemort. He had vaguely heard of the female body part known as breasts but had never really touched one. His pursuits of evil had left little time for such activities. That and his liberal uses of Horcruxes had made him sterile and unable to shall we say rise to the occasion.