new quotelets

[Norgarth]

I'm an iccorigible punster, so don't incorrage me.
If Walmart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
When there's an emergency at the 911 office, what number do they call?
He's a sex object. He asks for sex and women object.
Where do homeless people have 95% of their accidents?
What did tornados hit before there were trailerparks?
When people lose weight, where does it go?
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
9 out of 10 doctors say that the 10th doctor should mellow out.
Do not believe anything is foolproof. People tend to underestimate the ingenuity of a complete fool.
Streakers *repant* your end is in sight.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Insanity doesn't run in my family, it stampedes!
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...
A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste
Why do they serilize the needles for leathal injections?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Christopher Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the Pooh.
I let my mind wander and it never came back.
Any program that runs right is obsolete.
Backup not found! A)bort, R)etry or P)anic?
C BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.
Computer possessed? Try DEVICE=C EXOR.SYS
Now there's a man who suffers from delusions of adaquacy.
Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.
Growing old is manditory. Growing up is optional.
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Parachute for sale. No strings attached.
Someone has to finish last in medical school, how do you know it's not your doctor?
The world ends tonight, weather permitting.
I was passing by a cornerstore and saw 2 signs in the window. The 1st said "Clerk can not open safe." the 2nd said "Help wanted."
If wine goes with fish, do grapes go with sushi?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
If someone plays the bagpipes well, how can you tell?
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
I once took a part in a major hollywood movie, but they made me give it back.
Last time I went to Kentucky Fried Chicken, I got a 10 piece. When I put it together it turned out to be a cat.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Canadian DOS prompt: EH?>
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
Light travels faster than sound, that is why some people appear bright until they speak.
The Duckbilled Platapus, proof that even God gets stoned every once in a while.
Don't you wish you could turn up the intelligence on your TV sometimes? They've got one dial marked brightness, but that don't work.
Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
It's always fun and games until someone loses an eye, then it's a sport.
If you shoot a mime to death ... is a silencer even necessary?
"I think we need to add some more chlorine to the genepool."__________________
I bet that if you cooked an elephant, you'd have a lot of leftovers.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin