I was starting to think it wasn't going to happen this year, but the Omake Challenge was posted on Sunday.
I passed the test, BTW, despite writing quickly to avoid conflict with the INFANWRI20D. Here's the version with the judge's comments in green...
Team Lovely But Dangerous 2007 - Omake
It was a quiet afternoon, on a day like most others... until the Challenge summoning device switched itself on. 'That's odd,' I thought, then I realized that there hadn't yet been an Omake Challenge this year.
First to appear was Yomiko, with her nose buried in a copy of a book I didn't recognize. She looked up, smiled and nodded at me, and went back to reading.
Next was Sakura, who was wearing her school uniform and rollerblades. "Hello, Rob-san," she said with a smile.
"Hello, Sakura-chan. It's good to see you again."
Finally, Chisame appeared, laying on the floor and acting as if she was fighting for her life ... and naked from the waist up. Her skirt was the worse for wear, too. "Help! Get this thing -- Oh, thank the gods. Eek!" That last was when she realized I could see her body. She crossed her hands over her breasts (and I had to remind myself that she's only 14 years old - girls that age should not be that well-endowed) and blushed.
*hums to get his voice in tune*
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...
I turned around. Quickly. "Hello, Chisame-san. Would it be awkward to say it's good to see you again?"
"Why would it be awkward?" asked Sakura.
Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees and the moon up above...
Oh, dear. "Yomiko-san, you're a teacher. Please explain to Sakura-chan why both Chisame-san and I are uncomfortable."
"Why can't you do that, Rob-san?"
"Because I need to go to my bedroom closet right now. Blue plaid is going to clash horridly with those striped stockings, Chisame-san, but it's the only shirt I have that's thick enough to fully cover your chest..."
A few minutes later, I passed the shirt to Sakura, who took it to Chisame. Once Chisame was fully dressed, I re-joined the ladies. "I'm not upset that you saw my body, Rob-san. It's better than what was happening to me before I was brought here." She smiled.
Negima goes Lovecraftian?
Wow, but she's stacked... er, cute... when she smiles. She's cute when she smiles. No, she's 14 when she smiles. Damn it. Why'd she have to be a non-moe girl from a harem-comedy-lookalike world? "Thanks. I think."
"Do you have any idea why we're here this time?" asked Yomiko as she closed the book she had brought with her and picked up my copy of Pratchett's "The Last Hero".
"Not yet, no. I'll take a radio with us while we go shopping."
"Shopping? For what?" asked Chisame.
"Clothes. For you."
"Oh. Right."
But when we got to the mall, we discovered what the Challenge was. Rather, we discovered a side-effect of the Challenge - all the women's clothing stores were sold out of undergarments. Chisame asked the clerks why there'd been a run on bras and panties, and learned that a group of three men had been stealing women's undergarments. More exactly, the shortest of the three men had been stealing them ... right out from under their wearers' clothes.
What a haul! What a haul!
I asked her to get descriptions of the men while she bought a blouse or two, so she went back to the stores to ask while Sakura and I waited in the food court. Yomiko was in the mall's bookstore, running my credit card balance up.
Just as Sakura and I each finished off ice-cream cones, I spotted Chisame walking back to us. Then I looked up, while I wondered whether to ask whether the jiggle while she walked annoyed her. (She's only 14, I reminded myself. Again. Hindbrain, don't get me into that kind of trouble.)
"One of the girls my age said that they looked like they were really good cosplayers, for old guys. What did she mean by that?"
"There's an anime convention in town this weekend, Chisame-san. She probably thought they were getting ready for that."
"Oh. That would explain why she also complemented me on how much I look like one of the Negima schoolgirls." Chisame had changed into a top that closely resembled her shool uniform blouse while she was in the store. No bra, though... No. Bad thoughts. Don't go there. It doesn't matter how old she looks - she's 14.
Young girl, get out of my mind, my love for you is way out of line...
"She said they looked like Happosai, Roshi, and Jiraiya. I recognize the name 'Jiraiya' from the Naruto anime; he's a pervert martial arts teacher, I think. Do the other two names mean anything to you?"
I sighed. "Both of them are also pervert martial artists. We're going back home - I need to do some Internet research. Help me drag Yomiko out of the bookstore, please." (I lucked out - she'd only bought $500 worth of books when we got to her.)
Well, that's because nothing in Canada compares to Jinbocho...
Once we were home and Chisame was running her laptop off my line current, she ran a search on the local news websites for anything that matched the supposed culprits' usual activities while I did some Wikipedia research. (I'd never use that site for anything serious, but pop-culture references like the ones I needed were its specialty.) We pooled our findings after a quarter-hour.
"This is what they're like?" asked Yomiko.
"The dossiers understate their martial arts abilities. It's going to be nearly impossible to take them on in a pitched battle, the way we did that giant robot earlier this year."
Sakura held up the Fight Card. "Would this help?"
"It might, if you combined the Power Card with it. But I think that even using both cards together would only put you on par with Jiraiya or Roshi on a bad day. Maybe. I think you could probably use all of your attack cards and still not match Happosai's fighting abilities."
"Oh. Then how do we beat him?"
"Let me think about that." I turned to Chisame. "What have you got?"
"From the pattern of their activities, it looks like they're heading somewhate east of the city center. Does that help at all?" she asked.
"Oh, God ... they're headed to the part of town with all the nightclubs. On Hallowe'en."
"Hallowe'en?" asked Chisame and Sakura.
"In this part of the world, it's the night when it's acceptable to dress up as a fictional character, go out and have fun. They're going to blend in with the crowds until they show off their abilities." Then I realized what I was saying. "And so will you..."
A half-hour later, I was stuck in traffic downtown. Chisame stayed at my home, running support for us over the Internet and guiding us in roughly the right direction by tapping into the various CCTV feeds available online. (She wasn't a front-line fighter, and I didn't need the distractions my hormones were still throwing at me. Once again, I reminded myself that she's 14 years old.) Yomiko was in the passenger seat, and Sakura shared the back seat with a large suitcase filled with old newspapers.
Sakura spotted Jiraiya at the same time that I found a parking spot. By the time I had parked and paid, he was gone... but we heard more than a few screams of indignation from the direction he was headed. "Let's go."
As Sakura released her staff, Yomiko put a few layers of paper under my clothes. ('Always nice to have some armour,' I thought as it became as hard as rock. 'Just in case.') We took off in the direction of the screams.
"There they are!" yelled Sakura as she pointed at the trio of martial arts masters. They heard her and scattered.
"Wouldn't they have been more powerful togther than alone?" asked Yomiko.
Yomiko, don't give the opposition an idea...
"Each of them is powerful enough already," I replied. "Both of you, be on your guar--oof!" I fell forward, the wind knocked from my lungs.
Seemed you needed to follow your own advice...
"You hurt Rob-san!" cried Sakura.
"Well, he seems to know about us. I can't have him helping you, can I?" I think that was Roshi's voice, maybe.
As I regained my wits, I saw Yomiko keeping Roshi's (I was right) attention by throwing business cards at him. Sakura was saying something I couldn't quite make out through the ringing in my ears, but I heard the ending words: "Jump! Sword!"
"Don't kill him!" I yelled as Sakura's staff gained an edge.
She just leapt over me and Yomiko, landing directly in front of Roshi. The staff-turned-blade sliced down; he casually raised both hands to capture the weapon; and the sword went right through them and him.
"Oh my God..." I said in shock... then was shocked again to see Roshi was apparently unharmed. The onlookers realized the same thing and applauded; they must have thought we were street performers of some sort.
"I didn't hurt him, Rob-san," said Sakura as her staff returned to normal. "He's just out cold."
Out cold? From a direct sword blow? Then I remembered the episode where Sakura captured the Sword card, and what Kero-chan had said about it at the time - if the wielder willed it, the Sword would merely stun. "Don't scare me like that!"
"I'm sorry..." Sakura started to cry.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you, Sakura. Please don't cry..."
Then I was flat on my back again. "What kind of person makes a little girl cry? Especially a cute one like her?"
Who was that? Then I remembered - Happosai's weakness (okay, one of Happosai's weaknesses) was a soft spot for innocent children. The fact that he enjoyed corrupting them with his "training" was beside the point; we had an "in", if Sakura played along. Which she would without realizing it, because she truly was an innocent.
"Please don't hurt Rob-san! He was just worried about Roshi-san."
"So he yelled at you?" asked Happosai as a stray newspaper blew down the street and stopped on his foot. "Why? Is he your teacher, or your father?"
"No, he's just a friend of mine," answered Sakura as another newspaper drifted down the street.
"Just a friend, huh? Some friend, if he yells at you in a public place... and what is with all these newspapers?" he asked as one wrapped around his other foot.
Then the newspapers wrapped around his feet grabbed the pavement, while all of the loose paper around Happosai formed a ball with him in the middle.
"I thought those were your doing," I remarked as Yomiko walked up to us. "Ottawa usually isn't that untidy. Sakura-chan, this won't hold Happosai for long..." Indeed, his battle aura was already charring the papers.
"I understand." She smiled as she got out another card. "Sleep!" And two seconds later, Happosai and Roshi were snoring.
"Not bad," I heard from behind me.
We all turned. "Jiraiya, I assume. I'm happy you like our combat ability."
"Actually, I was talking about the lady's figure."
Yomiko blushed.
I became angry. "She's not something for you to ogle or fantasize about! She's a person, just like you or me! Keep your sexist thoughts to yourself! If I can do that, so can you!"
"You're not keeping your thoughts to yourself with that outburst."
My cellphone buzzed to let me know I had an incoming text message, distracting me for a moment. Jiraiya took advantage of my inattention, and I was flat on my back. Again. As I blacked out, I heard Sakura shout "Fight! Power!"
When I regained consciousness, Jiraiya was out cold and slightly charred. "You... beat him... in a fight?"
Then I saw that Sakura had a bruise on her left hand. "No. He was stronger than me. Yomiko-sensei distracted him while I used Thunder to knock him out."
(to Jiraiya)
You've been thunderstruuuuuuuck!
"That had to have hurt him." I sat up.
"But he hurt you!"
"That's no reason to be like him... but... Thank you for caring about me."
Then I remembered why I was distracted in the first place. I checked my cellphone to find two text messages. The first read "Are you talking about Yomiko-san or me?", while the second read "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have distracted you." Neither were signed, but the only person I knew who ever sent me text messages was Chisame.
"I'm going to drop you two off before we get back to my place, okay?" I said.
"Why?" asked Sakura.
Instead of answering, I turned to Yomiko. "Yomiko-san, do you know enough about Hallowe'en to introduce Sakura-chan to the concept of 'trick or treat'?" She just smiled and formed a bag out of the last of her paper.
While they were off having fun and I had the car to myself, I started and deleted a half-dozen different text messages. Finally, I replied to Chisame's first message with "Both of you, but it's only just an idle thought. Really."
Her reply was immediate. "Good. Thx." And then she sent me another message. "Maybe different in a few years?"
Oh boy. I sent back, "Maybe in a decade, if you're still interested."
There was no reply.
When I got home, I discovered that the Challenge summoning device had already sent the ladies back home. There was an unfinished, unsent message on my computer, though. All it said was "Hope I"
I realized that I had to put a lot of thought into whether I wanted to call her back for next New Year's... and, more importantly, whether I should.
-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
Quote:Of course, I chose the same team, only advancing Chisame's appearance to the most recent scanlated manga, chapter 191. Partly because there has been more story told, and partly because it gives a perfect setup for the story.
This time, you must pick 3 female characters from anime and/or manga to help out with who you're facing. Someone has released Happosai from Ranma 1/2, Roshi from Dragonball/Z/GT, and Jiraiya from Naruto, that's right Team Pervy Sages.![[Image: wink.gif]](http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/wink.gif)
They're running amok in whatever city you're in, and you must deal with it, as the FBI, CIA, et. al. are busy with the real criminals.
I passed the test, BTW, despite writing quickly to avoid conflict with the INFANWRI20D. Here's the version with the judge's comments in green...
Team Lovely But Dangerous 2007 - Omake
It was a quiet afternoon, on a day like most others... until the Challenge summoning device switched itself on. 'That's odd,' I thought, then I realized that there hadn't yet been an Omake Challenge this year.
First to appear was Yomiko, with her nose buried in a copy of a book I didn't recognize. She looked up, smiled and nodded at me, and went back to reading.
Next was Sakura, who was wearing her school uniform and rollerblades. "Hello, Rob-san," she said with a smile.
"Hello, Sakura-chan. It's good to see you again."
Finally, Chisame appeared, laying on the floor and acting as if she was fighting for her life ... and naked from the waist up. Her skirt was the worse for wear, too. "Help! Get this thing -- Oh, thank the gods. Eek!" That last was when she realized I could see her body. She crossed her hands over her breasts (and I had to remind myself that she's only 14 years old - girls that age should not be that well-endowed) and blushed.
*hums to get his voice in tune*
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...
I turned around. Quickly. "Hello, Chisame-san. Would it be awkward to say it's good to see you again?"
"Why would it be awkward?" asked Sakura.
Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees and the moon up above...
Oh, dear. "Yomiko-san, you're a teacher. Please explain to Sakura-chan why both Chisame-san and I are uncomfortable."
"Why can't you do that, Rob-san?"
"Because I need to go to my bedroom closet right now. Blue plaid is going to clash horridly with those striped stockings, Chisame-san, but it's the only shirt I have that's thick enough to fully cover your chest..."
A few minutes later, I passed the shirt to Sakura, who took it to Chisame. Once Chisame was fully dressed, I re-joined the ladies. "I'm not upset that you saw my body, Rob-san. It's better than what was happening to me before I was brought here." She smiled.
Negima goes Lovecraftian?
Wow, but she's stacked... er, cute... when she smiles. She's cute when she smiles. No, she's 14 when she smiles. Damn it. Why'd she have to be a non-moe girl from a harem-comedy-lookalike world? "Thanks. I think."
"Do you have any idea why we're here this time?" asked Yomiko as she closed the book she had brought with her and picked up my copy of Pratchett's "The Last Hero".
"Not yet, no. I'll take a radio with us while we go shopping."
"Shopping? For what?" asked Chisame.
"Clothes. For you."
"Oh. Right."
But when we got to the mall, we discovered what the Challenge was. Rather, we discovered a side-effect of the Challenge - all the women's clothing stores were sold out of undergarments. Chisame asked the clerks why there'd been a run on bras and panties, and learned that a group of three men had been stealing women's undergarments. More exactly, the shortest of the three men had been stealing them ... right out from under their wearers' clothes.
What a haul! What a haul!
I asked her to get descriptions of the men while she bought a blouse or two, so she went back to the stores to ask while Sakura and I waited in the food court. Yomiko was in the mall's bookstore, running my credit card balance up.
Just as Sakura and I each finished off ice-cream cones, I spotted Chisame walking back to us. Then I looked up, while I wondered whether to ask whether the jiggle while she walked annoyed her. (She's only 14, I reminded myself. Again. Hindbrain, don't get me into that kind of trouble.)
"One of the girls my age said that they looked like they were really good cosplayers, for old guys. What did she mean by that?"
"There's an anime convention in town this weekend, Chisame-san. She probably thought they were getting ready for that."
"Oh. That would explain why she also complemented me on how much I look like one of the Negima schoolgirls." Chisame had changed into a top that closely resembled her shool uniform blouse while she was in the store. No bra, though... No. Bad thoughts. Don't go there. It doesn't matter how old she looks - she's 14.
Young girl, get out of my mind, my love for you is way out of line...
"She said they looked like Happosai, Roshi, and Jiraiya. I recognize the name 'Jiraiya' from the Naruto anime; he's a pervert martial arts teacher, I think. Do the other two names mean anything to you?"
I sighed. "Both of them are also pervert martial artists. We're going back home - I need to do some Internet research. Help me drag Yomiko out of the bookstore, please." (I lucked out - she'd only bought $500 worth of books when we got to her.)
Well, that's because nothing in Canada compares to Jinbocho...
Once we were home and Chisame was running her laptop off my line current, she ran a search on the local news websites for anything that matched the supposed culprits' usual activities while I did some Wikipedia research. (I'd never use that site for anything serious, but pop-culture references like the ones I needed were its specialty.) We pooled our findings after a quarter-hour.
"This is what they're like?" asked Yomiko.
"The dossiers understate their martial arts abilities. It's going to be nearly impossible to take them on in a pitched battle, the way we did that giant robot earlier this year."
Sakura held up the Fight Card. "Would this help?"
"It might, if you combined the Power Card with it. But I think that even using both cards together would only put you on par with Jiraiya or Roshi on a bad day. Maybe. I think you could probably use all of your attack cards and still not match Happosai's fighting abilities."
"Oh. Then how do we beat him?"
"Let me think about that." I turned to Chisame. "What have you got?"
"From the pattern of their activities, it looks like they're heading somewhate east of the city center. Does that help at all?" she asked.
"Oh, God ... they're headed to the part of town with all the nightclubs. On Hallowe'en."
"Hallowe'en?" asked Chisame and Sakura.
"In this part of the world, it's the night when it's acceptable to dress up as a fictional character, go out and have fun. They're going to blend in with the crowds until they show off their abilities." Then I realized what I was saying. "And so will you..."
A half-hour later, I was stuck in traffic downtown. Chisame stayed at my home, running support for us over the Internet and guiding us in roughly the right direction by tapping into the various CCTV feeds available online. (She wasn't a front-line fighter, and I didn't need the distractions my hormones were still throwing at me. Once again, I reminded myself that she's 14 years old.) Yomiko was in the passenger seat, and Sakura shared the back seat with a large suitcase filled with old newspapers.
Sakura spotted Jiraiya at the same time that I found a parking spot. By the time I had parked and paid, he was gone... but we heard more than a few screams of indignation from the direction he was headed. "Let's go."
As Sakura released her staff, Yomiko put a few layers of paper under my clothes. ('Always nice to have some armour,' I thought as it became as hard as rock. 'Just in case.') We took off in the direction of the screams.
"There they are!" yelled Sakura as she pointed at the trio of martial arts masters. They heard her and scattered.
"Wouldn't they have been more powerful togther than alone?" asked Yomiko.
Yomiko, don't give the opposition an idea...
"Each of them is powerful enough already," I replied. "Both of you, be on your guar--oof!" I fell forward, the wind knocked from my lungs.
Seemed you needed to follow your own advice...
"You hurt Rob-san!" cried Sakura.
"Well, he seems to know about us. I can't have him helping you, can I?" I think that was Roshi's voice, maybe.
As I regained my wits, I saw Yomiko keeping Roshi's (I was right) attention by throwing business cards at him. Sakura was saying something I couldn't quite make out through the ringing in my ears, but I heard the ending words: "Jump! Sword!"
"Don't kill him!" I yelled as Sakura's staff gained an edge.
She just leapt over me and Yomiko, landing directly in front of Roshi. The staff-turned-blade sliced down; he casually raised both hands to capture the weapon; and the sword went right through them and him.
"Oh my God..." I said in shock... then was shocked again to see Roshi was apparently unharmed. The onlookers realized the same thing and applauded; they must have thought we were street performers of some sort.
"I didn't hurt him, Rob-san," said Sakura as her staff returned to normal. "He's just out cold."
Out cold? From a direct sword blow? Then I remembered the episode where Sakura captured the Sword card, and what Kero-chan had said about it at the time - if the wielder willed it, the Sword would merely stun. "Don't scare me like that!"
"I'm sorry..." Sakura started to cry.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you, Sakura. Please don't cry..."
Then I was flat on my back again. "What kind of person makes a little girl cry? Especially a cute one like her?"
Who was that? Then I remembered - Happosai's weakness (okay, one of Happosai's weaknesses) was a soft spot for innocent children. The fact that he enjoyed corrupting them with his "training" was beside the point; we had an "in", if Sakura played along. Which she would without realizing it, because she truly was an innocent.
"Please don't hurt Rob-san! He was just worried about Roshi-san."
"So he yelled at you?" asked Happosai as a stray newspaper blew down the street and stopped on his foot. "Why? Is he your teacher, or your father?"
"No, he's just a friend of mine," answered Sakura as another newspaper drifted down the street.
"Just a friend, huh? Some friend, if he yells at you in a public place... and what is with all these newspapers?" he asked as one wrapped around his other foot.
Then the newspapers wrapped around his feet grabbed the pavement, while all of the loose paper around Happosai formed a ball with him in the middle.
"I thought those were your doing," I remarked as Yomiko walked up to us. "Ottawa usually isn't that untidy. Sakura-chan, this won't hold Happosai for long..." Indeed, his battle aura was already charring the papers.
"I understand." She smiled as she got out another card. "Sleep!" And two seconds later, Happosai and Roshi were snoring.
"Not bad," I heard from behind me.
We all turned. "Jiraiya, I assume. I'm happy you like our combat ability."
"Actually, I was talking about the lady's figure."
Yomiko blushed.
I became angry. "She's not something for you to ogle or fantasize about! She's a person, just like you or me! Keep your sexist thoughts to yourself! If I can do that, so can you!"
"You're not keeping your thoughts to yourself with that outburst."
My cellphone buzzed to let me know I had an incoming text message, distracting me for a moment. Jiraiya took advantage of my inattention, and I was flat on my back. Again. As I blacked out, I heard Sakura shout "Fight! Power!"
When I regained consciousness, Jiraiya was out cold and slightly charred. "You... beat him... in a fight?"
Then I saw that Sakura had a bruise on her left hand. "No. He was stronger than me. Yomiko-sensei distracted him while I used Thunder to knock him out."
(to Jiraiya)
You've been thunderstruuuuuuuck!
"That had to have hurt him." I sat up.
"But he hurt you!"
"That's no reason to be like him... but... Thank you for caring about me."
Then I remembered why I was distracted in the first place. I checked my cellphone to find two text messages. The first read "Are you talking about Yomiko-san or me?", while the second read "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have distracted you." Neither were signed, but the only person I knew who ever sent me text messages was Chisame.
"I'm going to drop you two off before we get back to my place, okay?" I said.
"Why?" asked Sakura.
Instead of answering, I turned to Yomiko. "Yomiko-san, do you know enough about Hallowe'en to introduce Sakura-chan to the concept of 'trick or treat'?" She just smiled and formed a bag out of the last of her paper.
While they were off having fun and I had the car to myself, I started and deleted a half-dozen different text messages. Finally, I replied to Chisame's first message with "Both of you, but it's only just an idle thought. Really."
Her reply was immediate. "Good. Thx." And then she sent me another message. "Maybe different in a few years?"
Oh boy. I sent back, "Maybe in a decade, if you're still interested."
There was no reply.
When I got home, I discovered that the Challenge summoning device had already sent the ladies back home. There was an unfinished, unsent message on my computer, though. All it said was "Hope I"
I realized that I had to put a lot of thought into whether I wanted to call her back for next New Year's... and, more importantly, whether I should.
-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012