I heard a rather loud banging on my door.
"Kanrinnin-san, Kanrinnin-saaaan!"
I paused the DVR, hopped out of my chair, and walked over to the door. I really hoped nothing was wrong in this old building, because it's not fun finding a plumber at 9 PM. My grandfather was a plumber by trade, but if genetics is right, that means I'm only 25% plumber. Which is just not enough.
"Oh hi... everyone." The entire cast of Azumanga Daioh, sans teachers, was in front of my door. Including an actual wildcat. Just great. "What seems to be the problem?"
Kagura glanced at Yomi, who only returned the words, "Your idea, Red."
Kagura took a deep breath. "Why can I speak English so well? I never used to be able to talk this well. Why does Osaka's Kansai accent sound like the American South in English? It's all so strange."
"Well, that's... complicated." I mean, I had a guess, but I didn't really know how to break it to them.
Yomi asserted, "More to the point: How did coming to this world change us? I don't buy the timeslip story; there's something subtly different about this world. And why would some aristocrat decide to house us all for free so fast? Just look out the door, and you can see some beach bums with worse luck than we've had. So why are we so important?"
Yikes. "Well, you had better all come inside." I guess it was time to give the girls "The Talk". I hadn't expected to be able to hide it for very long, but really -- Koyomi is scary-smart. The girls of Aria still hadn't figured out this much in two weeks of living here, much less three days. "Nothing gets by you, Mizuhara, does it."
She just smiled and took a seat on my couch.
"OK, I don't really understand it myself, but I know a few facts you're missing. I think you're right about being from a different universe, or something. There's no record of a real person named Mizuhara Koyomi living in the Tokyo Metro Area in 2003. Or of that of your friends or teachers."
"Real person?" asked Chiyo.
"Yeah, and I don't mean you're not real people, sorry, I'm screwing this up. There is, however, a fictional record of your life. You all are the starring characters of a manga and anime called Azumanga Daioh. Only a few of us even know that you're in this world. Most everyone thinks you're completely fictional."
There was a moment of stunned silence from the assembled young women, finally broken by Tomo. "At least we got an anime series." And then everyone started talking all at once.
Having waded through various unanswerable existential questions, we finally got to the important question, posed by Kaorin: "What the hell is 'Azumanga Daioh' supposed to mean?"
"Something like 'Azuma's manga for Daioh magazine'. The author is Kiyohiko Azuma. What? Don't give me that look. It's not even bad compared to some of the light novel titles these days, some of them are like fifty words long."
"So if I'm getting this straight, our real father is this Azuma guy who wrote us all?"
A sultry Tomo teased, "Don't worry Kaorin, we're not sisters by blood."
"Wha! What!" Kaori turned a bright shade of red and started waving her arms rapidly. "That's not what I meant!"
I chuckled, but took back control of the conversation anyway. "Osaka, Chiyo: you'll understand what Tomo meant when you're older. Anyway, I don't know if Azuma-sensei is your father, or if you existed in a different universe than mine -- and Azuma-sensei only channeled his knowledge of your world into storytelling. Maybe true creativity only comes from God, and we can only tell stories that He has already created."
"But looping back to the anime: why does Osaka speak with perfect English in a Southern accent?" Yomi asked. "How does that make sense unless we come from the anime?"
"Why are y'all so worried about little ol' me?"
"I have a whole lifetime of memories; I don't think a TV show or manga could describe everything that is me." Sakaki always keeps her cool, on screen or in reality.
"I don't think you have that much to worry about, Yomi. You're all great girls, and real enough to me." And, I thought, the problem with our kind of mind -- me and Yomi -- is that one never knows when to stop asking questions without easy answers.
Kagura had a question. "So what kind of anime is it? I mean, it doesn't show us doing, well... you know."
"Don't worry, there's a minimum of fanservice." I added jazz hands for emphasis. "Just the lives of seven ordinary high school girls. Come on, let's go watch an episode in the common room. It'll be natsukashii for all of you to see your first year of high school again, I'm sure. Heck, I wish I had an anime of my school life, it'd be way better than a yearbook."
We made our way across the hall, and I hooked up my laptop to the flat-panel TV. Everyone sat down to watch, some on the floor because I still didn't have enough furniture yet -- yet another thing I had to fix. After 24 minutes of laughs and smiles, the melodious "Raspberry Heaven" began to play. Everyone was in much better spirits now.
Chiyo spoke first, "It's so weird to see myself as a cartoon. I mean I'm not 2D, but that girl looks so much like me, living my life."
Kagura asked, "Hey, when do I get to be in it?"
"Episode 3, I think. You're still in the other class, right?"
"Oh yeah, that's right."
Tomo asked, "So if we're all in the anime, who's the most popular character?"
"Oh, that," I said. "Well, the most popular would have to be Osaka."
"WHAT???!?!" was the near-unanimous response, with the remaining response being, "But Sakaki-san is the coolest!" Geez, I gotta be careful answering Tomo's questions, so many cans of worms.
With the politeness of a Southern belle, Osaka laughed. "He he he, some girls got it."
Most everyone wondered back to their rooms to consider everything they'd learned tonight. At least they were in good enough spirits now to consider instead of worry. And for that, I really needed to thank the person who was still lurking around, examining all of the knicknacks in my room. "Tomo, seriously, thanks for defusing that situation. I mean, I have no idea how to handle things like this."
"Yeah, well if you can't understand something, you gotta make a joke out of it. Until you do understand. Or not."
"Sorry to turn your world upside down. You are now sailor senshi, and the cake is a lie. Heavy stuff."
"The cake is a lie?"
"Man, when did Portal come out? You missed out on so much pop culture, girl."
"Omigosh, I really did!" Tomo realized. "So. I have 15 years of manga to catch up on. Any recommendations? Is Inuyasha still going?"
"Heh, no, she finally finished that one. But One Piece is still going strong!"
"Oh man, really? Awesome."
"Yeah, I never got into that one."
"You should, it's pretty good. Or at least it was. So what anime has there been that I have to see?"
"Right, what would I watch if I had been cryogenically frozen for 15 years, so that I don't miss out on the great anime of the future?!"
"Baaka."
"Oh right!" I remembered her taste in anime from the show. "Tomo, you need to watch The Woman Called Fujiko Mine. Like, right now."
"Maji de?!" Tomo's eyes turned into giant twinkles.
"C'mon, let's stop everything but our beating hearts and go watch it."
"I have no idea what that means but I am so in!"
Tomo plopped down on my couch, and I queued up the first episode of the newish Lupin III spinoff. It was only as I sat down beside her that I thought, that maybe inviting a girl I had met three days ago to my room to watch an anime containing this many bare breasts was not the brightest idea. But Tomo was already enraptured by the first frames nonetheless. Maybe this would all work out OK.
"Kanrinnin-san, Kanrinnin-saaaan!"
I paused the DVR, hopped out of my chair, and walked over to the door. I really hoped nothing was wrong in this old building, because it's not fun finding a plumber at 9 PM. My grandfather was a plumber by trade, but if genetics is right, that means I'm only 25% plumber. Which is just not enough.
"Oh hi... everyone." The entire cast of Azumanga Daioh, sans teachers, was in front of my door. Including an actual wildcat. Just great. "What seems to be the problem?"
Kagura glanced at Yomi, who only returned the words, "Your idea, Red."
Kagura took a deep breath. "Why can I speak English so well? I never used to be able to talk this well. Why does Osaka's Kansai accent sound like the American South in English? It's all so strange."
"Well, that's... complicated." I mean, I had a guess, but I didn't really know how to break it to them.
Yomi asserted, "More to the point: How did coming to this world change us? I don't buy the timeslip story; there's something subtly different about this world. And why would some aristocrat decide to house us all for free so fast? Just look out the door, and you can see some beach bums with worse luck than we've had. So why are we so important?"
Yikes. "Well, you had better all come inside." I guess it was time to give the girls "The Talk". I hadn't expected to be able to hide it for very long, but really -- Koyomi is scary-smart. The girls of Aria still hadn't figured out this much in two weeks of living here, much less three days. "Nothing gets by you, Mizuhara, does it."
She just smiled and took a seat on my couch.
"OK, I don't really understand it myself, but I know a few facts you're missing. I think you're right about being from a different universe, or something. There's no record of a real person named Mizuhara Koyomi living in the Tokyo Metro Area in 2003. Or of that of your friends or teachers."
"Real person?" asked Chiyo.
"Yeah, and I don't mean you're not real people, sorry, I'm screwing this up. There is, however, a fictional record of your life. You all are the starring characters of a manga and anime called Azumanga Daioh. Only a few of us even know that you're in this world. Most everyone thinks you're completely fictional."
There was a moment of stunned silence from the assembled young women, finally broken by Tomo. "At least we got an anime series." And then everyone started talking all at once.
Having waded through various unanswerable existential questions, we finally got to the important question, posed by Kaorin: "What the hell is 'Azumanga Daioh' supposed to mean?"
"Something like 'Azuma's manga for Daioh magazine'. The author is Kiyohiko Azuma. What? Don't give me that look. It's not even bad compared to some of the light novel titles these days, some of them are like fifty words long."
"So if I'm getting this straight, our real father is this Azuma guy who wrote us all?"
A sultry Tomo teased, "Don't worry Kaorin, we're not sisters by blood."
"Wha! What!" Kaori turned a bright shade of red and started waving her arms rapidly. "That's not what I meant!"
I chuckled, but took back control of the conversation anyway. "Osaka, Chiyo: you'll understand what Tomo meant when you're older. Anyway, I don't know if Azuma-sensei is your father, or if you existed in a different universe than mine -- and Azuma-sensei only channeled his knowledge of your world into storytelling. Maybe true creativity only comes from God, and we can only tell stories that He has already created."
"But looping back to the anime: why does Osaka speak with perfect English in a Southern accent?" Yomi asked. "How does that make sense unless we come from the anime?"
"Why are y'all so worried about little ol' me?"
"I have a whole lifetime of memories; I don't think a TV show or manga could describe everything that is me." Sakaki always keeps her cool, on screen or in reality.
"I don't think you have that much to worry about, Yomi. You're all great girls, and real enough to me." And, I thought, the problem with our kind of mind -- me and Yomi -- is that one never knows when to stop asking questions without easy answers.
Kagura had a question. "So what kind of anime is it? I mean, it doesn't show us doing, well... you know."
"Don't worry, there's a minimum of fanservice." I added jazz hands for emphasis. "Just the lives of seven ordinary high school girls. Come on, let's go watch an episode in the common room. It'll be natsukashii for all of you to see your first year of high school again, I'm sure. Heck, I wish I had an anime of my school life, it'd be way better than a yearbook."
We made our way across the hall, and I hooked up my laptop to the flat-panel TV. Everyone sat down to watch, some on the floor because I still didn't have enough furniture yet -- yet another thing I had to fix. After 24 minutes of laughs and smiles, the melodious "Raspberry Heaven" began to play. Everyone was in much better spirits now.
Chiyo spoke first, "It's so weird to see myself as a cartoon. I mean I'm not 2D, but that girl looks so much like me, living my life."
Kagura asked, "Hey, when do I get to be in it?"
"Episode 3, I think. You're still in the other class, right?"
"Oh yeah, that's right."
Tomo asked, "So if we're all in the anime, who's the most popular character?"
"Oh, that," I said. "Well, the most popular would have to be Osaka."
"WHAT???!?!" was the near-unanimous response, with the remaining response being, "But Sakaki-san is the coolest!" Geez, I gotta be careful answering Tomo's questions, so many cans of worms.
With the politeness of a Southern belle, Osaka laughed. "He he he, some girls got it."
Most everyone wondered back to their rooms to consider everything they'd learned tonight. At least they were in good enough spirits now to consider instead of worry. And for that, I really needed to thank the person who was still lurking around, examining all of the knicknacks in my room. "Tomo, seriously, thanks for defusing that situation. I mean, I have no idea how to handle things like this."
"Yeah, well if you can't understand something, you gotta make a joke out of it. Until you do understand. Or not."
"Sorry to turn your world upside down. You are now sailor senshi, and the cake is a lie. Heavy stuff."
"The cake is a lie?"
"Man, when did Portal come out? You missed out on so much pop culture, girl."
"Omigosh, I really did!" Tomo realized. "So. I have 15 years of manga to catch up on. Any recommendations? Is Inuyasha still going?"
"Heh, no, she finally finished that one. But One Piece is still going strong!"
"Oh man, really? Awesome."
"Yeah, I never got into that one."
"You should, it's pretty good. Or at least it was. So what anime has there been that I have to see?"
"Right, what would I watch if I had been cryogenically frozen for 15 years, so that I don't miss out on the great anime of the future?!"
"Baaka."
"Oh right!" I remembered her taste in anime from the show. "Tomo, you need to watch The Woman Called Fujiko Mine. Like, right now."
"Maji de?!" Tomo's eyes turned into giant twinkles.
"C'mon, let's stop everything but our beating hearts and go watch it."
"I have no idea what that means but I am so in!"
Tomo plopped down on my couch, and I queued up the first episode of the newish Lupin III spinoff. It was only as I sat down beside her that I thought, that maybe inviting a girl I had met three days ago to my room to watch an anime containing this many bare breasts was not the brightest idea. But Tomo was already enraptured by the first frames nonetheless. Maybe this would all work out OK.
"Kitto daijoubu da yo." - Sakura Kinomoto