Once again, the cast list for this sidestory is subject to change; for instance, it's not certain that Slayers will actually be one of the Steps.
(Edit, 3/13/04. Some of this material has been updated and reposted over in the other GGG thread; I've deleted it here to avoid confusion.)
-- Bob
"You're nuts, b'wana, if you think I'm going to do a HerveVillachez impression," his companion muttered just loud enough tocarry across the floor.Skuld backed up a step, her bug-squashing mallet appearing in herhand. "What are you?"The man frowned. "That's an interesting question. And an evenlonger story. For now, you seem to be aboard my ship, anddespite being stowaways of a sort, hospitality's indicated."Skuld's hands tightened in their grip. "That's not what Imeant," she shrilled. "You're not human! What are you?"The others in the group came closer together hearing that,tension evident in their attitude.The black-haired woman grabbed his arm. "Remember, she's aPower, boss. Be careful." The capitalization of the word wasevident in her voice."Questions. All right then. You're aboard the private starshipCalypso. I'm the owner." He waved at the woman by his side."This is Minerva, my personal assistant and general factotum. Myname is Ed. I bear you no ill will at present, but I *would*like to know why you're on my ship, and if you have any hostileintentions towards it, myself, or my assistant." He directed hisattention at Skuld. "As for what I am, given that this is *my*ship, shouldn't I be asking *you* that question, lass?"
-------
"But I digress.Someone's seen fit to choose my -- no, _our_ next destination forme, and given your arrival, I'd have to have the strength of asaint to avoid jumping to the obvious conclusion.""Someone's trying to make us go where _they_ want us to?" askedLisa. "Is it an invitation? Or a trap?"Delandra pursed her lips. "Or is it both?""Doesn't matter, you know."Everyone turned to look Lina Inverse. "It doesn't," sherepeated. "Unless we go, we won't find out." She pointed at Ed."And if he's right, that's just what someone wants."Minerva's quiet voice now took their attention. "Make your choice, adventurous Stranger; Strike the bell and bide the danger, Or wonder, til it drives you mad, What would have followed if you had.""C.S. Lewis," replied Skuld softly. "One of Father's favorites.""Somehow I'm not surprised," Ed said softly. A faraway look grewin his eyes for a moment; then he jerked himself back to thecurrent moment. "Now, ladies, I've introduced myself. It's onlyfair you do the same.""Why should we bother?" Skuld growled. "You already seem to knowwho we are."Ed shrugged. "Yes and no. I know who some of you are, but notthe rest of you.""And *snerk* how d'you *crunch* know that *chomp* much?" Linaasked without looking up from her plate."Because we've read or watched your adventures," Minerva replied.The table froze."What?"Ed smiled. "It's called 'transfictionality'. Some of you arethe subject of fiction -- books, movies or TV shows -- in otheruniverses."An unreadable expression passed over Willow's face, then shenodded. "I've heard of it," she said softly.
-------
Lisa and Skuld wandered around the cluttered cargo bay,occasionally opening boxes at random and peeking inside."Hey, look at this!""What is it?""A Teletubby/English English/Teletubby dictionary.""Ewww! Hey, there's something over here... 'Dr. Englebert'sMutation Creme'?""Uhh... Skuld?""What?""There's a tiny little pyramid over here.""So?""The eye in its capstone is watching us.""It's just an optical illusion.""But it just winked at me.""Ignore it.""A Succubus Barbie and an Incubus Ken?""You've GOT to be kidding...""Nope... Hey, this is interesting! Look at this, Skuld. It's apolice report, with conclusive and damning evidence that Mr.Boddy was in fact murdered by the Sicilian Mafia, and ColonelMustard was set up to take the fall." Lisa flipped through thepages thoughtfully. "I always thought it was Ms. Scarlet,myself.""There's a case of military-grade squelch oil over here. Squelchoil?""Hey, Skuld, what's a 'Nerf Nuke'?""I don't know. But this looks interesting." She held up a smallbook. "Pocket Universes for Dummies. It says a coupon for afree kit is included." The young goddess looked at it with anexpression of temptation written all over her face, thenreluctantly replaced it in the worn cardboard box she'd found itin.Lisa held up what appeared to be a Moebius strip made of gold,with ebony lettering down the center of the strip. "It says 'SeeOther Side'.""Oh, now THIS is crass.""What?""A Winnie-the-Pooh fusion bomb. Doesn't appear to be armed,though.""Wonder if there's a Tigger trigger for it?""Nope, but there's a crate of Frog grenades next to it.""Frog grenades?""That's what the label says. But what's really scary is this boxon top of the crate.""Oh?""It's labeled 'anti-personnel mimes'.""Weird.""Not as weird as this.""What is it?""Well, from the looks of them, and the marble they're made of,I'd say they were the arms broken from the Venus De Milo, exceptthat each hand has six fingers." The young goddess blinked."And one hand's making an obscene gesture!" she added inoffended tones.Lisa laughed. "You'll like this one, Skuld." She lifted up a small sack of powder. "Dehydrated gasoline -- just add water.""Forget that and help me close this crate full of cavorite. It'strying to float away."Lisa moved to aid her. Together they managed to close the boxbefore they lost any of the small greenish-grey chunks of metal.Then Lisa smiled as she spotted the contents of a small shippingcrate labled Rieder Optik, Schweiggerstr. 9, Lichenhof-Apotheke,Nurnberg, Bavaria. "I thought rose-colored glasses were only ametaphor.""I wouldn't wear any of them, if I were you," said Skuldsuspiciously, as she sat down on a small olive-drab 55-gallonplastic barrel with an orange and black sticker down one sidereading "DANGER: Mil-Spec Prop Wash. Do NOT Open." Behind herwas a crate which showed signs of frequent opening and re-nailing. Stencilled on its side was the faded legend, "Devices,Plot, Improbable, 1 Gross. Steffler-McGuffin Industries. DO NOTOPEN WITHOUT PROPER PROTECTIVE GEAR."There was a small cough behind them, from the direction of thecompanionway. "Actually, you should both be in your cabins,ladies. While I'm quite agreeable about offering transportationto folks in need, it's rather impolite to be picking through myluggage.""EEEP!"Edward looked at them mildly from his position near the mainhatch. "Nothing personal, ladies. It's just a matter ofprinciple. You wouldn't want ME snooping through YOUR property,would you?"The two young women blushed violently.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
(Edit, 3/13/04. Some of this material has been updated and reposted over in the other GGG thread; I've deleted it here to avoid confusion.)
-- Bob
"You're nuts, b'wana, if you think I'm going to do a HerveVillachez impression," his companion muttered just loud enough tocarry across the floor.Skuld backed up a step, her bug-squashing mallet appearing in herhand. "What are you?"The man frowned. "That's an interesting question. And an evenlonger story. For now, you seem to be aboard my ship, anddespite being stowaways of a sort, hospitality's indicated."Skuld's hands tightened in their grip. "That's not what Imeant," she shrilled. "You're not human! What are you?"The others in the group came closer together hearing that,tension evident in their attitude.The black-haired woman grabbed his arm. "Remember, she's aPower, boss. Be careful." The capitalization of the word wasevident in her voice."Questions. All right then. You're aboard the private starshipCalypso. I'm the owner." He waved at the woman by his side."This is Minerva, my personal assistant and general factotum. Myname is Ed. I bear you no ill will at present, but I *would*like to know why you're on my ship, and if you have any hostileintentions towards it, myself, or my assistant." He directed hisattention at Skuld. "As for what I am, given that this is *my*ship, shouldn't I be asking *you* that question, lass?"
-------
"But I digress.Someone's seen fit to choose my -- no, _our_ next destination forme, and given your arrival, I'd have to have the strength of asaint to avoid jumping to the obvious conclusion.""Someone's trying to make us go where _they_ want us to?" askedLisa. "Is it an invitation? Or a trap?"Delandra pursed her lips. "Or is it both?""Doesn't matter, you know."Everyone turned to look Lina Inverse. "It doesn't," sherepeated. "Unless we go, we won't find out." She pointed at Ed."And if he's right, that's just what someone wants."Minerva's quiet voice now took their attention. "Make your choice, adventurous Stranger; Strike the bell and bide the danger, Or wonder, til it drives you mad, What would have followed if you had.""C.S. Lewis," replied Skuld softly. "One of Father's favorites.""Somehow I'm not surprised," Ed said softly. A faraway look grewin his eyes for a moment; then he jerked himself back to thecurrent moment. "Now, ladies, I've introduced myself. It's onlyfair you do the same.""Why should we bother?" Skuld growled. "You already seem to knowwho we are."Ed shrugged. "Yes and no. I know who some of you are, but notthe rest of you.""And *snerk* how d'you *crunch* know that *chomp* much?" Linaasked without looking up from her plate."Because we've read or watched your adventures," Minerva replied.The table froze."What?"Ed smiled. "It's called 'transfictionality'. Some of you arethe subject of fiction -- books, movies or TV shows -- in otheruniverses."An unreadable expression passed over Willow's face, then shenodded. "I've heard of it," she said softly.
-------
Lisa and Skuld wandered around the cluttered cargo bay,occasionally opening boxes at random and peeking inside."Hey, look at this!""What is it?""A Teletubby/English English/Teletubby dictionary.""Ewww! Hey, there's something over here... 'Dr. Englebert'sMutation Creme'?""Uhh... Skuld?""What?""There's a tiny little pyramid over here.""So?""The eye in its capstone is watching us.""It's just an optical illusion.""But it just winked at me.""Ignore it.""A Succubus Barbie and an Incubus Ken?""You've GOT to be kidding...""Nope... Hey, this is interesting! Look at this, Skuld. It's apolice report, with conclusive and damning evidence that Mr.Boddy was in fact murdered by the Sicilian Mafia, and ColonelMustard was set up to take the fall." Lisa flipped through thepages thoughtfully. "I always thought it was Ms. Scarlet,myself.""There's a case of military-grade squelch oil over here. Squelchoil?""Hey, Skuld, what's a 'Nerf Nuke'?""I don't know. But this looks interesting." She held up a smallbook. "Pocket Universes for Dummies. It says a coupon for afree kit is included." The young goddess looked at it with anexpression of temptation written all over her face, thenreluctantly replaced it in the worn cardboard box she'd found itin.Lisa held up what appeared to be a Moebius strip made of gold,with ebony lettering down the center of the strip. "It says 'SeeOther Side'.""Oh, now THIS is crass.""What?""A Winnie-the-Pooh fusion bomb. Doesn't appear to be armed,though.""Wonder if there's a Tigger trigger for it?""Nope, but there's a crate of Frog grenades next to it.""Frog grenades?""That's what the label says. But what's really scary is this boxon top of the crate.""Oh?""It's labeled 'anti-personnel mimes'.""Weird.""Not as weird as this.""What is it?""Well, from the looks of them, and the marble they're made of,I'd say they were the arms broken from the Venus De Milo, exceptthat each hand has six fingers." The young goddess blinked."And one hand's making an obscene gesture!" she added inoffended tones.Lisa laughed. "You'll like this one, Skuld." She lifted up a small sack of powder. "Dehydrated gasoline -- just add water.""Forget that and help me close this crate full of cavorite. It'strying to float away."Lisa moved to aid her. Together they managed to close the boxbefore they lost any of the small greenish-grey chunks of metal.Then Lisa smiled as she spotted the contents of a small shippingcrate labled Rieder Optik, Schweiggerstr. 9, Lichenhof-Apotheke,Nurnberg, Bavaria. "I thought rose-colored glasses were only ametaphor.""I wouldn't wear any of them, if I were you," said Skuldsuspiciously, as she sat down on a small olive-drab 55-gallonplastic barrel with an orange and black sticker down one sidereading "DANGER: Mil-Spec Prop Wash. Do NOT Open." Behind herwas a crate which showed signs of frequent opening and re-nailing. Stencilled on its side was the faded legend, "Devices,Plot, Improbable, 1 Gross. Steffler-McGuffin Industries. DO NOTOPEN WITHOUT PROPER PROTECTIVE GEAR."There was a small cough behind them, from the direction of thecompanionway. "Actually, you should both be in your cabins,ladies. While I'm quite agreeable about offering transportationto folks in need, it's rather impolite to be picking through myluggage.""EEEP!"Edward looked at them mildly from his position near the mainhatch. "Nothing personal, ladies. It's just a matter ofprinciple. You wouldn't want ME snooping through YOUR property,would you?"The two young women blushed violently.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.