META: y'know, this kind of bloggish posting just *begs* for reader response. So gimme a minute to get into character, here.... ![[Image: happy.gif]](http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/happy.gif)
Dear Jon (no jokes, please), as a Scot (not a Dane, I want to make that clear up front (what do you lot have against Danes, anyway? I've always found them to be nice people)) who just recently returned to his ordinary workaday life from a mindbending vacation tour through the untamed, uncharted wildnernesses of the various Fen 'nations,' I have one thing to say first: WHY DIDN'T YOU WRITE THIS THREE WEEKS AGO?!?!?
Sorry, had to vent a bit.
Still, after my own experience, I feel confident in saying that the bulk of your recommendations are the kind of common-sensical axioms that no person of even modest intelligence should have to be told about, but most of us do anyway. Fortunately for myself, I am an experienced international traveller on Earth (speaking of which, I'd like to offer my apologies as an Earth-dweller for my fellow Earth-dwelling blowhard (must have been a Yank of some sort, obviously) who opened your article), I found myself well-served by applying normal Polite International Traveler rules and walking more softly than normal (which was certainly made easier by the lower gravity maintained in so many Fen habitats![[Image: smile.gif]](http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif)
.
Still, I feel motivated to jot down a few detailed bullet points regarding your rules list.
#1: Always good advice in general. But some guidance to how to contact the nearest consulate (or equivalent), for travelers in distress, would be well-added here. I realize such things are rare within Fen borders, but surely there must be some "professional roving diplomats" among the endless supply of cheerfully free-market mercenary Fen, licensed to act as consular contacts in areas deprived of typical diplomatic channels....
#2: Works both ways. I will admit to nearly reaching the end of my patience with individuals who kept cracking "beam me up" jokes at me after hearing my Glasgwegian accent. I realize most of them were probably in good fun, or even trying to invite me into friendly discourse, but at least a few were definitely laughing behind their glitter-soaked costume sleeves at the "dumb tourist." I *have* seen enough Star Trek to realize when I am being thusly mocked, thank you.
#3: Unfortunately, Frommer's has yet to publish any such guides. Then again, perhaps there is an opportunity here....
#4: In any unfamiliar culture, one should always be circumspect about approaching, eying, or speaking of local individuals in a context that is sexual, or might be interpreted as such. OTOH, let us be honest -- for individuals who place themselves so openly on display, they must be at least expecting, if not inviting, some frankly and openly appreciating glances, if nothing else. I *tried* not to stare, my word upon it, but... sometimes I was simply too shocked not to. Even so, I attempted to at least not make a drooling arse of myself. By my calculation, the instances where I was caught staring or just looking resulted in 3 cold stares, 4 measuring looks, 8 "mission accomplished" giggle-wriggles, and one rather exotic proposition (which, and responses to same, I would suggest well warrant an additional entry in your guide. Did I accept said proposition? A gentleman never reveals these things).
#5: In fact, I have such a quarterly report to deliver Thursday next, and frankly I feel that the presence of some of the Fen I met on my travels would liven things up immeasurably. So please, everyone, feel free to drop by. But, ah... please don't mention *I* invited you, eh? My corporate masters have had their senses of humor, irony, drama, and ridiculous surgically amputated (do you think Sector General might have a cure for this condition), and once you lot are all back flitting untouchably among the stars, I'll still be stuck within easy reach of their wounded vanity, and vengeance demanded by same.
#6: I could NOT agree more! As nice (or at least non-hostile) as the cast majority of Fen in encountered in my travels were, one must keep in mind that much of Fen space is still an untamed frontier, and not nearly as safe as a stroll down to the chemist's, or driving one's lorry down to Edinburgh.
Speaking of that pickup, Jon... might it have been, perhaps, seven months ago? A rotund German tourist of rather florid complexion? If so, I believe I may actually know the gentleman in question (small world-- er, solar system, eh?).
#7: Utter agreement. Now that I've done it once, I feel far better prepared to take the plunge again, this time better prepared (I'm going to bring my own towel). I expect my second foray will involved a much higher fun/gaffe ratio (now if I can just find that magical formula which makes catgirls and sailor ladies receptive....).
Dear Jon (no jokes, please), as a Scot (not a Dane, I want to make that clear up front (what do you lot have against Danes, anyway? I've always found them to be nice people)) who just recently returned to his ordinary workaday life from a mindbending vacation tour through the untamed, uncharted wildnernesses of the various Fen 'nations,' I have one thing to say first: WHY DIDN'T YOU WRITE THIS THREE WEEKS AGO?!?!?
Sorry, had to vent a bit.
Still, after my own experience, I feel confident in saying that the bulk of your recommendations are the kind of common-sensical axioms that no person of even modest intelligence should have to be told about, but most of us do anyway. Fortunately for myself, I am an experienced international traveller on Earth (speaking of which, I'd like to offer my apologies as an Earth-dweller for my fellow Earth-dwelling blowhard (must have been a Yank of some sort, obviously) who opened your article), I found myself well-served by applying normal Polite International Traveler rules and walking more softly than normal (which was certainly made easier by the lower gravity maintained in so many Fen habitats
.Still, I feel motivated to jot down a few detailed bullet points regarding your rules list.
#1: Always good advice in general. But some guidance to how to contact the nearest consulate (or equivalent), for travelers in distress, would be well-added here. I realize such things are rare within Fen borders, but surely there must be some "professional roving diplomats" among the endless supply of cheerfully free-market mercenary Fen, licensed to act as consular contacts in areas deprived of typical diplomatic channels....
#2: Works both ways. I will admit to nearly reaching the end of my patience with individuals who kept cracking "beam me up" jokes at me after hearing my Glasgwegian accent. I realize most of them were probably in good fun, or even trying to invite me into friendly discourse, but at least a few were definitely laughing behind their glitter-soaked costume sleeves at the "dumb tourist." I *have* seen enough Star Trek to realize when I am being thusly mocked, thank you.
#3: Unfortunately, Frommer's has yet to publish any such guides. Then again, perhaps there is an opportunity here....
#4: In any unfamiliar culture, one should always be circumspect about approaching, eying, or speaking of local individuals in a context that is sexual, or might be interpreted as such. OTOH, let us be honest -- for individuals who place themselves so openly on display, they must be at least expecting, if not inviting, some frankly and openly appreciating glances, if nothing else. I *tried* not to stare, my word upon it, but... sometimes I was simply too shocked not to. Even so, I attempted to at least not make a drooling arse of myself. By my calculation, the instances where I was caught staring or just looking resulted in 3 cold stares, 4 measuring looks, 8 "mission accomplished" giggle-wriggles, and one rather exotic proposition (which, and responses to same, I would suggest well warrant an additional entry in your guide. Did I accept said proposition? A gentleman never reveals these things).
#5: In fact, I have such a quarterly report to deliver Thursday next, and frankly I feel that the presence of some of the Fen I met on my travels would liven things up immeasurably. So please, everyone, feel free to drop by. But, ah... please don't mention *I* invited you, eh? My corporate masters have had their senses of humor, irony, drama, and ridiculous surgically amputated (do you think Sector General might have a cure for this condition), and once you lot are all back flitting untouchably among the stars, I'll still be stuck within easy reach of their wounded vanity, and vengeance demanded by same.
#6: I could NOT agree more! As nice (or at least non-hostile) as the cast majority of Fen in encountered in my travels were, one must keep in mind that much of Fen space is still an untamed frontier, and not nearly as safe as a stroll down to the chemist's, or driving one's lorry down to Edinburgh.
Speaking of that pickup, Jon... might it have been, perhaps, seven months ago? A rotund German tourist of rather florid complexion? If so, I believe I may actually know the gentleman in question (small world-- er, solar system, eh?).
#7: Utter agreement. Now that I've done it once, I feel far better prepared to take the plunge again, this time better prepared (I'm going to bring my own towel). I expect my second foray will involved a much higher fun/gaffe ratio (now if I can just find that magical formula which makes catgirls and sailor ladies receptive....).