This is...slightly off-topic for the boards. It should probably go to General, really - but it concerns a member (or members, depending on how you slice it) of the Legendary. And the content of this post is basically extracted from a rather lengthy discussion on our global channel.
I was asked to post this by Horned Dragon. If you're not aware, HD is a shared account (or collective). The players are JC, Mitch, and Steph.
A lot of you have already heard this, but for those who weren't online...
Understandably, the HD guys - and especially the HD girl - are somewhat pissed about this. Actually, that's probably an understatement.
Hence this thread.
This is for catharsis. Stress relief. A place to vent, and for us to express sympathy or support.
But the HD folks are particularly interested in suggestions. Suggestions about what, you ask? Well. Ideas and input.
Stuff to do to this ex-boyfriend.
I should note this is mostly a hypothetical intellectual exercise, mostly one verging on the fantastic, rather than actual courses of action. It's good to dream.
Okay, so. Everyone go.
-- Acyl
I was asked to post this by Horned Dragon. If you're not aware, HD is a shared account (or collective). The players are JC, Mitch, and Steph.
A lot of you have already heard this, but for those who weren't online...
Quote:Okay. So.
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: ECI*, Apoligies, tired, been comforting Steph most of the day, she's at her friends house now though.
[The Legendary] Atlantea: Comforting? What happened? (If I'm not butting in where I shouldn't)
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Nah, not at all, we feel like you guys, and girls, are good friends of ours. Steph's boyfriend dumped her.
(...)
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Stupid reason too...from what we gathered, Boyfriend thought "Our relationship isn't 'passionite' enough, so I'm going to see other girls to find the 'passion' I need"....We'd like to hurt him actually, and we don't want to purposely hurt alot of people..
(...)
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Agreed, Valles...Steph was -crushed-, in all the time we've known her she has -never- cried. -NEVER-. and he broguht her to tears...
(...)
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Ah hell...He called Steph on her cellphone...She's non to happy...
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Excsue us a moment, we need to stop Steph from killing him.
(...)
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Alright, back...I don't we've ever met anyone as stupid as this guy...
(...)
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: I mean, honestly, who the hell does -that- to a girl, and then call back spourting stuff about wanting to make up, and make-up their relasinship...she went -ballastic- when he suggested that they could put a bit more 'passion' into it...Ugh...
[The Legendary] Acyl: Did he at least try to apologise?
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: No! He says it was -her- fault! -HE- wanted the apology!
[The Legendary] Render: Um, what?
[The Legendary] Glalev: this is the first time I hear about this guy and I already want to kick his ass
Understandably, the HD guys - and especially the HD girl - are somewhat pissed about this. Actually, that's probably an understatement.
Hence this thread.
This is for catharsis. Stress relief. A place to vent, and for us to express sympathy or support.
But the HD folks are particularly interested in suggestions. Suggestions about what, you ask? Well. Ideas and input.
Stuff to do to this ex-boyfriend.
I should note this is mostly a hypothetical intellectual exercise, mostly one verging on the fantastic, rather than actual courses of action. It's good to dream.
Quote:On the other hand, more practical revenge is nice to think about too, even if it never actually comes to pass. Or will it?
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: We plan to return the favor by makeing him female in certain areas...
[The Legendary] Acyl: Contrary to popular belief, removal of testacles alone isn't enough. You need to create a new orifice, and then reattach the appropriate, er, stimulation nerves to the new areas of tissue.
[The Legendary] NorthFlayme: O_O
[The Legendary] valles: ^_^
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: ...Acyl, why do you know this?
[The Legendary] Render: It's self-evident. The better question would be, 'Acyl, why did you have to tell me that?'
[The Legendary] Acyl: Illustrative metaphor.
[The Legendary] Atlantea: Always useful, those.
(...)
[The Legendary] valles: And turning him into a castrati requires careful timing.
[The Legendary] valles: Eunuchs, OTOH, are simple.
[The Legendary] valles: Especially if survival is optional.
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: *Evil grin* That sounds good.
(...)
[The Legendary] Atlantea: You could always use a variation on the "Die Hard 3" method of revenge.
[The Legendary] Atlantea: And no - I'm not talking abotu the part with all the guns.
[The Legendary] Atlantea: I'm talking about the part where the villain made the Bruce Willis' character wear a washboard sign that said "I hate (the "N" word)" and made him walk through Harlem.
(...)
[The Legendary] Jimmy Amp: that dude needs to be beaten severely about the face and neck... with a frozen carp
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: *Nod, nod* We've decided that we're going to make a list "Things to Do to This Guy", anyone that feels like inputting, fine with us...
[The Legendary] Glalev: My recommendation is, same as Jimmy's, but a mackerel instead
[The Legendary] Jimmy Amp: we can alternate between the carp and mackerel
[The Legendary] Acyl: Both at the same time. Blend the carp and mackerel so you have this gooey and messy pureed fish gunk.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Then freeze it solid.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Then use it as a melee weapon.
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: That sounds good. Let's go with that.
[The Legendary] Jimmy Amp: Frozen Fish paste as a weapon.... kinky
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Only..Let's add some blunt-edged icicles to it, eh?
[The Legendary] Jimmy Amp: wrap it in a bag of sharkskin
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: *Writeing all this down*
[The Legendary] Acyl: Eh, that's a lot of trouble...
[The Legendary] Jimmy Amp: don't forget the old 'bar of soap in a towel' trick... beat the hell out of him with a minimum of bruising
[The Legendary] Acyl: Butchers will sell you strange bits of meat very cheap. Like, you know, lotsa bone.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Or a pig's head.
[The Legendary] Acyl: That sorta thing.
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: He's gone from "Questioning Worth It" To "Worth It".
[The Legendary] Acyl: Well.
[The Legendary] Acyl: There is an old and venerable Singapore Army tradition that is technically, and very specifically, banned.
[The Legendary] Acyl: To be employed when one guy pisses off his mates.
[The Legendary] Acyl: See, it's like this.
[The Legendary] Acyl: ...it's called the Blanket Party, by the way.
[The Legendary] Acyl: You wait for the dude to sleep.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Then you ambush him, and cover him in a blanket. Blind, bundled up.
[The Legendary] Acyl: These scenarios are usually like 7-on-one, by the way.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Okay, now, so, you've got a dude who's blind and completely engulfed in blankets.
[The Legendary] Jimmy Amp: that's where the 'soap in a towel' comes from, the Blanket Party
[The Legendary] Acyl: Actually yeah, that's a variation.
[The Legendary] Acyl: The basic thing you do, tho, at this point...
[The Legendary] Jimmy Amp: yup :-)
[The Legendary] Acyl: Well, standard kit includes these wooden sticks.
[The Legendary] Acyl: They're fairly heavy and steel-capped at the end.
[The Legendary] Atlantea: Ouch.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Meant to put up basic shelters.
[The Legendary] Jimmy Amp: oooo, caning
[The Legendary] Acyl: But yes.
[The Legendary] Acyl: You just beat the -crap- out of the guy.
[The Legendary] Acyl: That said, the one time my section did this to one of our number...it -was- justified, by the way, though we gave in and stopped short when he pleaded...we all felt guilty, being basically decent folk...
[The Legendary] Acyl: One of the guys had this liquid chemical stuff called Deep Heat.
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: *Writeing this down*
[The Legendary] Acyl: I have no idea what the hell it's actually meant for...
[The Legendary] Acyl: But it gets VERY VERY WARM and burns like heck when in contact with skin.
[The Legendary] Acyl: The idea was to cap the blanket party with a deep heat enema...
Quote:What Atlantea (Logan Darklighter) said. He put it very, very well.
[The Legendary] valles: Hm. Read Bubblegum Avatar.
[The Legendary] Render: The 'not getting arrested' part is an important consideration in any revenge scheme.
[The Legendary] valles: Then dig up his E and snail-mail addresses.
[The Legendary] valles: Run a search for pr0n distributers, mail-in-catalog orders, etc.
[The Legendary] valles: Fear the power of SPAM!
[The Legendary] Atlantea: Ah... now THERE is something viable!
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Hey! We can do what Valles said.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Signing his real-world address up for free subscriptions and ads of everything you can get is also viable.
[The Legendary] Atlantea: Oh! Now THAT's A CLASSIC!!!
[The Legendary] valles: Distribute his phone number in company with, um, the suggestion of unsavory practices.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Advertising his telephone number, home and mobile, in a singles ad is also possible.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Yes.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Gay man seeks companionship.
[The Legendary] Atlantea: And he'll have to explain to the new beau why he's getting subscrptions to Gay magazines.
[The Legendary] valles:
[The Legendary] valles: Glad I could help. ^_^
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Note To Selves: Never Prank Acyl, he'll get revenge.
[The Legendary] Atlantea: Heh heh
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Note To Selves: Never Prank Valles either...
[The Legendary] valles: I Know How To Do Research.
[The Legendary] valles: Given that, imagination is unneccessary.
[The Legendary] Render: I'm not sure it's actually illegal to send someone catalogues you think they might be interested in. After all, he wants 'passion' right? It's not -my- fault these companies share mailing info with each other and don't take a hint, officer!
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: *Shudders*
[The Legendary] Acyl: Hmm.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Do you know his -work- phone number?
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Yep.
[The Legendary] valles: Oooooooh.
[The Legendary] valles: That's diabolical.
(...)
[The Legendary] Render: *cough* As the voice of paranoia... (I won't say 'reason') I would like to point out that even if it's untraceable, to you, he may wonder who would be mad at him.
[The Legendary] Acyl: I was about to say.
[The Legendary] Acyl: He may blame it on Steph.
[The Legendary] Atlantea: Hmmm... wait a suitable amount of time to put plans into effect?
[The Legendary] Discord-chan: So wait a few months. '.'
(...)
[The Legendary] valles: I'd research the exact laws on each of these aspects of the plan ahead of time, anyway.
[The Legendary] Render: More to the point, you don't want him harrassing Steph.
(...)
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: Ah, That's what we'll be asking Cindy tommrow..Borrowing Bolo the Destroyer...
(...)
[The Legendary] Acyl: Signing his email account up for all sorts of crap is probably gonna be relatively untracable tho.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Especially if you don't do it from home, but from a 'net cafe somewhere.
[The Legendary] valles: Ain't modern technology wonderful?
[The Legendary] Render: *nods to Atlantea* If she's in on it, zing him, probably be the end of it, and a good stress relief.
[The Legendary] valles: Pay for the cafe in cash, though.
[The Legendary] Atlantea: I think you'd have to ask Steph that.
[The Legendary] Discord-chan: Or do it through onion routing. '.'
[The Legendary] Atlantea: Not ANY of us have the right to make that call.
[The Legendary] Acyl: Yeah. If I were to do this, I'd sign his email and phone numbers up on /websites/ that deal in that kinda crap...
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: *Both looks like they're thinking very hard*
[The Legendary] Acyl: And do it from a 'net cafe, where I paid for my time in cash.
[The Legendary] valles: Onion what?
[The Legendary] Discord-chan: I can't really explain it well. Just do a google search for "the onion router", it's pretty cool.
[The Legendary] Atlantea: I'd basically talk to Steph when you think it's appropriate and convenient. Explain that you and friends had a few ideas for a wee bit of payback. Ask her straight up if he's worth it.
[The Legendary] Horned Dragon: *Nod, nod*
[The Legendary] Atlantea: Be sure to let her know that the payback is relatively harmless in itself. But will inconvenience him. Frustrate him. But nothing more.
[The Legendary] valles: Give details. ^_^
[The Legendary] Atlantea: Yeah, even if she says "no", it may amuse her to think that we thought of all of this. ^_^
[The Legendary] valles: 'xactly!
[The Legendary] Atlantea: That alone might make it worth it. I'd rather see her smile and laugh at his expense.
Okay, so. Everyone go.
-- Acyl