First off, thanks both SR4 and Sirrocco for your comments.
SR4, your corrections and suggestions have gone onto the master copy that I have on my computer. If there was a decent way of sharing it, I'd upload it. I'm typing it up in Rich Text and give it a quick sanity+spell check in word before posting it here.
Two points I'd like to quickly clear up, and get some further feedback on if possible:
"Findsman" (the term Findsman is the nearest English word) are a mix of of native guides, sonars, sensors, those fish finder gizmos, navigators, astropaths, and pilots all rolled into one. One could stand on the beach in Sydney and tell you the weather in Paris, while another could feel the beating of the the butterfly's wings in the Amazon, while another could give you the weather forecast for Io (all of Io) and that's only a part of their skill set. But they have to learn those skills, and there's no free rides on the Elexis. So [Name] has to earn their keep.
Are "Findsman" the pilots cum navigators? Not exactly. The very first jump of the season, on the most simplest of situation, they tell the pilot leaving point A, to fly to this location, transition to here, wait for this period, shift NOW!, transition to here, and the gas is over there and moving that way.
I was trying to give the impression that in all the "known" "intelligent" universe for this stage of the story, that "Findsman" are considered rare talents. They are not sufficient "Findsman" on the ground for the Elexis to have 2. While that would be nice, only the BIG explorer ships and maybe the Large Warships use multiple "Findsman". (There is a line further down about Findsman being considered Neutral parties and being respected as such.) And while the ships are so big, they are also compact, so they can only support a certain number of crew. [Susan] and her apprentice are taking up two slots, much to the Captain's annoyance. Normally only one crew space is allocated. When [Susan] goes down for sleep/meal/etc they use various sensors and electronic backups supplemented with dumb-AIs. But they are nowhere as good as a "Findsman".
Also where I have stuff in [these] it is where I substituted a word but really wanted to put some neat sounding alien or foreign word in, but drew a blank. I'm currently running about 20 names and places behind.
That bit in question I put in as I needed an excuse to put a non-"greenhorn" on the pole. Why? As I was typing it out, Draek said that Jason ended up on the pole as a punishment. Great! I went and scribbled that down in my notebook, but when I asked Draek punishment for what... I got nothing... so I had to try put some sort of foreshadow/link in. That's my attempt at build a reason for it later. This story is written from Draek's standpoint... so I suppose if I put it that crew made the greenhorns think that they had to know where the traps were, it would probably make more sense - an bit of a hazing and foreshadowing of whats to come.
Sirrocco
I agree the inner story is better then the outer quote bit. The wrapper was suppose to be "Bad-ass Long-coat Boast" "Link" then story. The boast is very close the the ingame bio to the CoH character of the same name. Each of those titles has a complete story (with a bit of a twist to it) attached to it. For example in this one, he's not the Commander, nor does he have the epic weapon. This is one of his earlier adventures.
There were parts just came on to me that strongly as Dialog that there was no other way to record it, but I'm hoping to get most of the way through it with almost no dialog. Only towards the end should it become absolutely necessary.
I'm was hoping to have some more typed up towards the end of this week but have hit this little thing called Real Life. There will be more probably mid-next week.
SR4, your corrections and suggestions have gone onto the master copy that I have on my computer. If there was a decent way of sharing it, I'd upload it. I'm typing it up in Rich Text and give it a quick sanity+spell check in word before posting it here.
Two points I'd like to quickly clear up, and get some further feedback on if possible:
Quote:Its unclear if the 'Finders' are also the pilots cum navigators. IfAn excellent and valid point.
they are, the apprentice finder, even if a greenhorn, is in a really bad
spot as what happens if [susan] needs relief and her apprentice has
been run into the ground? Also it should be split their, not split
there
"Findsman" (the term Findsman is the nearest English word) are a mix of of native guides, sonars, sensors, those fish finder gizmos, navigators, astropaths, and pilots all rolled into one. One could stand on the beach in Sydney and tell you the weather in Paris, while another could feel the beating of the the butterfly's wings in the Amazon, while another could give you the weather forecast for Io (all of Io) and that's only a part of their skill set. But they have to learn those skills, and there's no free rides on the Elexis. So [Name] has to earn their keep.
Are "Findsman" the pilots cum navigators? Not exactly. The very first jump of the season, on the most simplest of situation, they tell the pilot leaving point A, to fly to this location, transition to here, wait for this period, shift NOW!, transition to here, and the gas is over there and moving that way.
I was trying to give the impression that in all the "known" "intelligent" universe for this stage of the story, that "Findsman" are considered rare talents. They are not sufficient "Findsman" on the ground for the Elexis to have 2. While that would be nice, only the BIG explorer ships and maybe the Large Warships use multiple "Findsman". (There is a line further down about Findsman being considered Neutral parties and being respected as such.) And while the ships are so big, they are also compact, so they can only support a certain number of crew. [Susan] and her apprentice are taking up two slots, much to the Captain's annoyance. Normally only one crew space is allocated. When [Susan] goes down for sleep/meal/etc they use various sensors and electronic backups supplemented with dumb-AIs. But they are nowhere as good as a "Findsman".
Also where I have stuff in [these] it is where I substituted a word but really wanted to put some neat sounding alien or foreign word in, but drew a blank. I'm currently running about 20 names and places behind.
Quote:Also, as the captain is the one in overall command and the one steering,This is sorta true. *grins* There is no where to hide in writing. I know the part you're referring to. It was put in by me as I was typing up my notebook. It's mildly frustrating at times. I'm typing up my notebook near the beginning of the story, writing it down in the notebook near the middle, while listing to the character in my head dictate/act it out towards the end of the story. Keeping it all straight requires a bit of patience.
it would be he, not the deckhands who would be keeping track of where
and in what order the traps were laid. given what you describe is so
similar to what is depicted on "Deadliest Catch", the deckhands would be
up to their green horns in working the traps proper while the captain
or Finder is at the helm. Ergo the pilot at the wheel would be
responsible for marking the traps as they've got access to the ships
navigation gear while the deckhands do not.
That bit in question I put in as I needed an excuse to put a non-"greenhorn" on the pole. Why? As I was typing it out, Draek said that Jason ended up on the pole as a punishment. Great! I went and scribbled that down in my notebook, but when I asked Draek punishment for what... I got nothing... so I had to try put some sort of foreshadow/link in. That's my attempt at build a reason for it later. This story is written from Draek's standpoint... so I suppose if I put it that crew made the greenhorns think that they had to know where the traps were, it would probably make more sense - an bit of a hazing and foreshadowing of whats to come.
Sirrocco
I agree the inner story is better then the outer quote bit. The wrapper was suppose to be "Bad-ass Long-coat Boast" "Link" then story. The boast is very close the the ingame bio to the CoH character of the same name. Each of those titles has a complete story (with a bit of a twist to it) attached to it. For example in this one, he's not the Commander, nor does he have the epic weapon. This is one of his earlier adventures.
There were parts just came on to me that strongly as Dialog that there was no other way to record it, but I'm hoping to get most of the way through it with almost no dialog. Only towards the end should it become absolutely necessary.
I'm was hoping to have some more typed up towards the end of this week but have hit this little thing called Real Life. There will be more probably mid-next week.