[RFC] Being You is Deculture

[Black Aeronaut]

Oh, you know I've been waiting for this. Now it's finally here, and to celebrate I shall show my love by nitpicking it to death!

Oh, thank you soooo much. As you've probably seen it's in dire need of it. :p

Super Dimensional Fortress Macross

This one was in dialogue so it can be excused easily enough, but the title is usually romanized as "Dimension" with no -al, for that extra Engrish appeal.

Fixed, though later when not referring directly to the anime, Garrick and others will use 'Dimensional' because you can only push Engrish so far in real life. (The reconstruction was a multi-national effort, which means the Lingua Franca of Macross Island would probably be English, with at strong presence of Japanese and Tagalog.)

Or, I could play it off like I'd been around all along. Besides, if I had a feeling that there was a passport in one of my cargo pockets that would help solidify any and all claims of citizenship.

should get rid of the "if"

ARGH.

That was actually a remnant of the original version of this story that I missed. We're probably gonna see a few more of these. But anyhow, consider this fixed as well.

Tap-tap-tap-tap...tap...tap...tap-tap-tap.

While I can see what you meant, this would probably be better rendered as tap-tap-tap tap ... tap ... tap tap-tap-tap, both for clarity and to avoid getting auto-filtered out on sites that cull URLs like FFn. I don't know if you plan on posting there, but with the way things have been going I wouldn't put it past tapasuck either.

Fixed.

"I don't think that's gonna be an issue for a while. With just the three of us in this big space I think our oxygen supply will last a while. Besides, this space was open to vacuum earlier. I think the life support systems in this area are working just fine if the air pressure was maintained.

I suggest "The life support systems in this area must be working just fine since air pressure was restored." Again, dialogue, your SI character, but it makes more sense that way. During the arrival event, you could also mention pain in Garrik's ears from the sudden pressure drop, and hope that they won't burst because being deaf would suck even if it would be temporary until Katherine healed him back up.

Fixed, though I don't think I need to go as far as that. As big as the hole was, even a space that big would have depressurized fairly quickly if it was sealed off from the rest of the ship.

In return, I learned about Hikaru’s family, which operated a flying circus. I knew about the circus, but I just didn't know what all that entailed.
Parachutists, wing walkers, aerobatics, hot air balloons, antique planes... it was basically an airshow on crack. It sounded like a complete blast.

You've either got an extra carriage return in there, or are missing one. Also I agree, I want to see the Ichijyo Flying Circus too. Landing with them would make an interesting insertion point pre-series, while getting into the first episode mess could be justified by one of the parents-uncle-pseudo-adopters-whatever-I-forget telling the SI to shadow Hikaru's plane to South Ataria Island for the event to keep him from pulling some damn fool stunt like he always does... with about the results you'd expect.

Hmmm. Not seeing it on my end... Might be because the original document is single spaced with indents, but the indents don't copy over so I have to double-space them here in the forums. :p

As for the flying circus... I'd like to, but that'd be quite a few characters I'd have to pull out of my ass who we would likely not see very much of later on. -_-;

"Damn. Okay, let's try the next one." The last two had been something that looked like giant pistols and then the space suits mentioned earlier. Both useless to us because we couldn't even lift the things.

Shouldn't Garrick be able to budge them along if he needed to, maybe prop one up somewhere to fire if needed? He would of course not want to show that off, but might include it in the narration. With the way the things are shaped, it might even be possible to just roll them along on their side like a wheel, at which point even Minmei could probably provide meaningful amounts of help in directing it. Hooray for simple machines!

... that might even be intentional, since the Protoculture were human-sized and even the Zentran may be micloned if it's needed for some reason, like cleaning the cosmoline out of the crannies on a space gun that's been in storage for a few dozen thousands of years.

Errrr.... Got a picture of one?

Besides, Garrick would know that they are, without any doubt, within friendly territory. Besides, if he were to find himself in a situation where he'd need more gun that what he has on hand, then he'd just jump into his C-Space and drag Hikaru and Minmei with him. :p

With the food issue resolved, all that left was water. I fixed it by carving a small hole in a fresh water pipe in the nearby corridor with my file. That gave us drinking and washing water. We weren't worried about flooding since it all seemed to drain away somewhere. Hopefully it wasn't messing anything up.

We used Hikaru's parachute to pitch a tent. It was my idea to make pitch it against the big window so we could sleep by the stars. The window was a bit cool, but not freezing. By the second day I found a way to control the light level in the room and that really added to the effect.

Later on when the SDF-1 was about to dickpunch Kamujin's cruiser with an assault ship full of destroids, the shoulder joint shorted out and locked up. Good job breaking it hero! In the meantime, though, you have an extra "pitch" in there.

Of course, you do actually address the first part a few lines later. Spoil my joke, why don't you? Grr.

Snrk. Keep in mind, Hikaru and Minmei originally busted open AN ENTIRE FREAKING PIPE.

Garrick, instead, carves a small slit into one using a diamond file. Big difference, I think. :p

And I fixed the repeated word.

So while utterly bland tasting, Zentraedi ration bars are probably top-shelf stuff otherwise.

That just means you use the little bottle of hot sauce! Poke around in the locker some more, it's not a rat-pack without one, and a single bottle should be enough to supply an entire restaurant for a year. The Macross might even get permitted to loiter in the American southwest for a while if you can bribe them with alien hot sauce strong enough for a man fifteen feet tall!

Snrk. Maybe in the omake...

"Hah! Kid, this is entirely different. For one thing, you're going to be a pilot, which means you'll get a little more leeway around here. Of course, rank does help, but around here people tend to advance fast."

sould cut the first "around here," though again, it's dialogue.

Actually, that's the actual line from the HG English dubs. :p

I'll review the conversation from the original Japanese version and see if I should tweak it to make it fit better.

Roy sighed. "Okay, I guess that's all I'm gonna get out of you for now. But really Hikaru, think about it. Even if you do fix your racer it's not like you'll be able to fly it around out here."

I get what you mean, (fly it around) (out here) but it would probably be better without the "around."

Again, same as above. :p

Then there was the bonus factor in that I knew what was coming. For sure, there was the butterfly affect and temporal momentum, but I wasn't going to give it too much thought.

effect

Fixed.

I hate politics because it means picking your battles wisely... and I've never been the best at that, let me tell you. When confronted I'm a hot-head at worst and litigious at best, as we've already seen. But for some reason... I don't know why, but Captain Global, for some reason, let's shit like that slide.

The doubled "for some reason" works as repetition for emphasis, but I shall smite thee if you do not eradicate the apostrophe in that "lets" used as "allows" rather than "let us."

Snrk. All fixed. I swear my brain acts like auto correct when I'm typing fast enough. :p

"This isn't over."

Well I certainly hope not! And yes, while Reba West did the role no justice, original Minnei is at worst a cute girl with a lovely voice and a typically teenage entitled attitude, not the shrieking harpy of fanon and memes.

I still liked Claudia better, though, and Milia or any of her kids during appropriate age ranges are the gold standard.

I think that in reality, Minmei is a lot less 'entitled' than her Americanized HG version seems. I mean, think about it - she's a Chinese national raised in Japan. If anything, the cutesy behavior she puts on is probably her version of fully fledged teenage rebellion!

One of the interesting little derailments I will perform is that Lynn Kaifun (Lynn Kyle in Robotech) will not be coming to the SDF-1. Garrick will be chosen to be the one to fly Minmei to Yokohama, and when Kaifun tries to bully his way in... Well, Garrick will have several things to say about that!

"Look, I simply cannot take him with me and I will explain why. First of all, I shall reiterate a critically important and already stated fact: Your daughter is not supposed to be here! This is little visit is completely clandestine, and Captain Global is only allowing it because of how special Minmei is.

"Secondly, I've done my homework. Kaifun openly supported the anti-unification faction - and it doesn't matter how he dresses it up, those people were terrorists, plain and simple. And yes, I am allowed to do that. I'm a paygrade O-3 line-officer of the UN Spacy. This is my operation. I went through your entire family's records the day before I was to come here so I could be absolutely certain that you can be trusted.

"Finally, my orders were to bring her here, and then bring her back. No more, no less. I am not about to jeopardize my career over some snot-nosed kid who supports terrorists in the name of peace! He is not going, and if he tries to report us to the authorities here then your daughter will not be released into your custody. Instead she is going to be detained, then returned to the Macross, and I seriously doubt they'll let you see her in the meantime, because according to the UN: We. Do. Not. Exist. We all died at Macross Island six months ago. And they are gonna do whatever they can to make sure that everyone keeps thinking that."

It will not only bar a nuisance from coming into their lives, but also reiterate how dicey the situation is.

Thoughts?