"The Martian Invasion"
Monday, September 12, 2016, 9:09 AM PDT
Venice Beach, California
Yay, the first day at work! I didn't think years of university would lead to job as an apartment manager. But just because the job isn't what I expected doesn't mean it's not worth doing. And who knows, maybe some cute ronin from room five will fall in love with me, like in Maison Ikkoku. Heh, I wish.
I drove up to the property in Venice Beach, and parked in the ground floor parking lot. The property was actually really close to the beach, maybe just a couple minute's walk way. Nice. I walked under the building to the small elevator, and waited for it to arrive.
It was a small elevator, and slow. Curiously, the floors were marked ⓪①②③, like a European elevator. I've long been convinced that all elevators must take the same amount of time to go from the top to the bottom of the building, regardless of how tall the building is. Union rules or something. This one sure wasn't breaking the pattern.
When the elevator opened up, I was greeted by a hispanic man, about my age and height, gathering up a few loose tools in the hall.
I wasted no time greeting him, "Hi, I'm Brent."
"Jorge. Nice to meet you."
"So, what's going on here? Looks like a major remodel."
"That was what was happening, until your guy bought the property. I'm just picking up the rest of the stuff before the next job."
"Wait, I've got tenants coming tomorrow. How many rooms are ready?"
He scratched his head. "Just the four over here," Jorge gestured to the north set of apartments on the first floor. "Avoid the south side, that still has some major plumbing problems."
Well, I thought my management account balance seemed a little too high for just running a place. "Oh boy. Please tell me you're available to continue fixing this place up."
"Sorry, man. I'm just maintenance for the Angeles Property Management company. I'll email you the general contractor we used, though. Might speed things along."
"Thanks. You're a lifesaver."
He gathered a few tools left in the building, and I received the big box o' keys which granted me dominion over my new realm. We shook hands, said goodbye.
And then I started exploring. Master key in hand, I started exploring the rooms. The first floor apartments, 1 to 4, all looked to be in pretty good shape. A bit of blue painter's tape on the windows, but nothing too bad. Working appliances. I selected apartment 1 for myself, because I might as well get the extra view. And I'm not a fan of having a window to the east, it wakes me up way too early. But an extra window to the west is just dandy.
As I made my way through the rest of the rooms, things were a little worse. Old appliances on the top floor, and no appliances at all on the middle floor. A cracked window in apartment 24. Down on the first floor in apartment 7, the wall was down to the studs and a damp, moldy smell pervaded the room. I cracked open a window -- there was nothing in here to steal anyway. Whoever bought this building for immediate housing had sure found a hell of a place.
Right below my room, on the ground floor, was a small room which held a few old garden tools. Under room 4, the next corner was a small storage room, mostly used by spiders at this point. A bit of an anticlimax for the grand tour, but at least I had rooms for the people coming tomorrow. The rest of the open space on the floor was devoted to parking cars.
From the outside of the apartment building, you could see three sets of blue balconies on each floor, with an extra-long semi-shared balcony for the middle rooms split in the middle by short walls. The north side faced a former street, but was now just a walkway that led straight to the beach. This "front" side had a brick facade -- and only a facade, because this is Southern California, not some geologically stable place where you can actually use bricks architecturally. However, all three of the other sides were a stucco painted an exciting beige. Even the south-side balconies were coated in a chipped beige paint. That's gonna have to be fixed. The beach climate is nice, but it's sure hard on buildings.
I looked over my instruction sheet to see what I had to get ready. Wait, I have to provide a furnished apartment by tomorrow? I get that this is supposed to be some kind of low-income housing, but I'm going to have to get some kind of furniture. I had to get moving. I unloaded my truck as fast as possible, and dragged the boxes into my room.
I proceeded to make for the nearest IKEA as fast as I could, while of course obeying all posted speed limits. Haha, just kidding about that last part. I passed a Costco on the way out -- that was going to be useful, but mail-order mattresses are just not going to cut it for tomorrow.
Once my truck and I filled up on furniture and Swedish meatballs, respectively, we made our way back to the apartment. The fun part of IKEA, of course, is the assembly. The mattresses would be delivered tomorrow morning, but in the meantime I had six HEMNESes to put together. The good news is that after one assembles a couple of them, one has it down pat. The rest of the beds fell together pretty fast, and with the final twist of an Allen wrench, I made my way back to the room I had chosen.
I was already dark, but I was able to at least start unboxing a few of my things. I set up my own bed, finally, and just about collapsed on it. I guessed a few minutes rest wouldn't hurt. And the next thing I knew, it was morning.
I woke up, dredged a shampoo bottle out of my box of toiletries, and dragged myself to the shower. I had to pick up my first residents at LAX at 10:15, and it was already 9:40. It's a good thing the airport is so close, or otherwise I'd be in hot water already. Hotter water than this shower, anyway. That's what happens with water heaters that don't get used, I reminded myself.
I finished getting dressed and headed downstairs toward my truck. I checked email on my phone, and it looks like I finally got a list of resident profiles from Funtom. Sweet, at least now I'll know who I'm looking for, I thought.
I was just about to read it, when a long black limousine pulled up to the complex. Six young women exited the vehicle, along with a white cat. Oh boy, cats. I hadn't thought about that much during the hiring process, but I'm really allergic to cats. Like, full nosebleed after a few minutes in the same room. I hope I'm not going to find myself unable to do the job on just the second day at work.
That train of thought got interrupted when I glanced up to the girls. "Wait a sec... those dresses..." They were all dressed like the characters from an anime called Aria. It was like an almost perfect cosplay -- actually a little too perfect. I adjusted my glasses, but it didn't change my assessment.
As the limo driver removed their meagre travelling bags from the trunk of their car, I stepped forward to meet them all.
The tall blonde approached me first, and gave me the once over. I was 33 years old, an inch over six foot, and more than an inch overweight. I had hair somewhere between brown and dirty blonde, and a couple inches of red sideburns on each side. I wore shorts and a Hawaiian shirt emblazoned with hibiscus flowers, perfect for this warm, sunny autumn day.
She greeted me cheerfully, "Good morning, I assume you're our new apartment manager?"
"Sure am! I'm Brent Laabs, nice to meet you."
"I'm Alicia Florence."
"I noticed, but who are you really?" I asked the cosplayer.
She giggled, following up with, "Prima Undine Alicia Florence of Neo Venezia. Some call me Snow White, but really I'm simply Alicia. Thank you for taking us in!"
"Oh boy." For some things, the only proper response is the Sam Beckett one, and this was definitely one of those moments. These were definitely not cosplayers. They were all too in character -- Aika's energetic motion, Alice with her unamused face, Alicia's grace, Akira's lovely charm, Akari's open-mouthed stare, and Athena's easy strength with the luggage. And oops, she dropped a bag. Their big blue-eyed cat tried dragging the duffel, to no avail. Yeah, I knew every one of these people straight from the television screen. These were somehow, someway, the real thing.
I snapped out of my reverie. No matter what the situation was, I had a job to do, and I can figure it all out later. No wonder they posted this job for anime fans, sheesh.
Akari said, "Thank you so much for the ride!"
"No, it was my pleasure." The driver was probably about age 20, a tall skinny white kid with short brown hair.
I was supposed to pick them up, so I offered, "Did you need money for the fare?"
"Don't worry about it. I have a free hour because of a late flight, and I got to spend it with these ladies. That's payment enough." He reached inside, and pulled out a card that he handed to Akari. "If you ever need a ride somewhere, let me know, okay?"
Akari got a big smile on her face, her pink lips just about reaching her pink hair. "Thanks again, Mr. Driver!"
I introduced myself to the rest of my new tenants. They introduced themselves to me, too, but that step was just perfunctory, because I already knew who they were. It felt so weird, but at the same time, made everything easier. I wouldn't have to memorize new names, and I already had an idea of what they'd want as tenants.
Akira approached me, and brought up the most obvious desire of these women, "Thanks for your hospitality, but I think there's been a mixup up in our arrangements. We wanted to go to Venezia in Italia, and we got sent to Venice in California."
"Oh that's…" I had to suppress my laugh, because that was really the wrong signal to send right now. "That's really too bad. I think I can understand why you'd rather be there." Since they were all gondoliers in their story, set in a replica of Venezia on Mars, that was an easy assumption. "I'll tell you what. Let me send an email to my boss, and let me see if I can get it straightened out for you."
At about this time, a truck pulled up into our alley, bearing the blue and yellow branding of Ikea. "Good news everyone," I announced, "it looks like your mattresses are here, so you have something to sleep on."
"Good. That flight was too loooong!" Alice yawned.
Once I directed the delivery men on where to take the mattresses, I gathered the gondoliers, and we walked up the stairs to the first floor.
"Sorry, I wish I had more time to get your rooms settled and nice, but I just started work yesterday. Since there are only four livable apartments, and I'm in one of them, you'll have to take three right here. There are two bedrooms in each one, so I think you should have enough privacy.
"Meh. I guess that's an upgrade. C'mon, Athena, let's take this one."
"Mmm," Athena agreed.
Aika stepped up to the blonde, her hands clasped together, "Alicia, would you —"
She was cut short by her teacher, Akari, grabbing her by the ear. "No betraying Himeya by fraternizing with a rival company!"
Alicia smiled with her left hand on her cheek. "Ara ara ara."
And so room assignments went entirely predictably. The gondoliers of Aria company took the larger number 4 on the corner, likely because everyone was going to visit them anyway. And because technically, three people would be living there.
Wearing a uniform with blue markings were Alicia Florence: cute, fair, placid, and bearing a long blonde braid. Her junior Akari Mizunashi, a native of Japan and protagonist of Aria possessed pink twintails an energetic demeanor. And the last tenant was President Aria, the bulky white tomcat with lucky blue eyes. This constituted the entire staff of Aria Company, the smallest of Neo Venezia's gondola companies.
Apartment 3 went to the undines of Himeya, Akira E. Ferrari and Aika S. Granzchesta. They wore white dresses with dark red highlights and a small cap. Akira was tall, dark, and handsome, with long chestnut brown hair and fair skin. Slightly shorter than her senpai, Aika's short raven hair framed a pleasant round face with a near permanent smile.
Finally, No. 2 was occupied by the Orange Planet team, still wearing their uniforms stroked with an orange pattern. Leading the group was the dusky-skinned, silver-haired Athena Glory. The teenage green-haired rowing prodigy, Alice Carroll, was relatively stoked to be upgrading her relationship with Athena from roommates to flatmates, despite her low-key manner.
Just great, I thought, all names beginning with "A". That's gonna be confusing to remember, even if I do recognize all of these anime characters. All these people. That's going to take a while to get used to, being real people and not characters. Sheesh. Will wonders ever cease?
I walked into each room as they were throwing the sheets on their beds, and handed out keys to my new tenants. Hopefully, not for long, because they really would be more happy in Italy. I sent an email to the company about resettlement, and hoped for the best.
I spent the time getting utilities sorted for each apartment, moving over accounts. I assumed that we'd be needing to pay for everyone's Internet, which is cheaper anyway. And now, I just had to sort out what to do with six anime girls, a somewhat thornier proposition. Thankfully, it turned out that they were mostly able to sort out themselves.
The first to wake was Akira, who still looked a little groggy when she knocked on my door in the early afternoon. "Oh, hi. I thought you'd be asleep for a lot longer."
"Just following the advice we always give our customers: Sleep only three hours after your flight, and then you won't have jet lag the next day."
"Oh, I didn't know that. Thanks. Well, come on in."
She entered, and sat down in my computer chair -- not that I had many choices of where to sit, yet. "Any news on Venezia?"
My computer was set up, but there was no internet hookup yet, and wouldn't be until Friday. So I pulled up my phone, and saw this email:
"Man, what a dick," I whined. "Looks like you all are stuck here." I handed my phone to Akira.
She read the device. "What the hell did you say to him?" she glowered at me.
I scrolled up to my email.
"Huh. He seemed so charming in person."
"Yeah. I'll give you that much."
"All the best guys are total jerks," Akira concluded.
I thought about this logic and shrugged; that only earned me another angry face.
Aika peeked through my apartment's open door, took a look at Akira's glare, and started backing away stealthily. Not stealthily enough.
"Aika!" Akira growled.
"Yes!"
"Go round up everyone else."
She scooted off as fast as she could, and soon I could faintly hear her knocking on the other apartment doors.
Akira, for her part, mainly grumbled to herself for the next five minutes, leaning onto the hand against her chin. She asked me a few questions about whether I had enough money to buy them all necessities, clothing, and furniture, which I answered in the affirmative. The budget might not be able to afford the kind of rococo stuff they had in Neo Venezia, but it would do.
Thinking about my budget, I noticed I also got a reply on my other question from yesterday -- it looks like the former and now renewed general contractor would have a crew back to work on Monday. It looked like my company could be a little heartless, but at least they were efficient. I would, of course, direct the improvements.
Aika strolled back into the apartment, this time accompanied by Alicia and Akari. A minute later Athena led Alice in by the hand. Alice still had droopy eyes, and her hair was something of a green tangle.
Alice yawned. "This place is terrible. I can't even find the bidet!"
Akari picked up, "Oh right, I was wondering about the bidets, Mr. Manager!"
"Uhm…. Americans uh…" I stumbled.
"Hey, listen up!" Saved by Akira, whose face had just now shifted towards a calm smile. "Our apartment manager, Brent, has confirmed to me that we are not going to be able to move to Venezia. But we should have plenty of time and money to make this place comfortable. And from there, we can work our way towards moving to Italia. Or whatever we want to do with our lives.
"Sorry about that, everyone. I guess you're all stuck with me," I apologized.
Akari automatically offered, "Please take good care of us, Mr. Manager!"
"I'll try my best!"
Aika asked, "How are we supposed to work? As undines?"
Athena piped up, "Are there even canals here?"
I fielded this one, "A few canals, but not really… not really the same as in Venice in Italy. In Venezia."
"Well, that's worth a try. I wonder if there's any competition?" Alicia said sweetly.
I just shrugged.
"Feh, like any competition stands a chance against the three Water Fairies of Neo Venezia!" Aika boasted.
"She's got you there," Akira told Alicia, who just giggled.
I interjected, "Wait, let's step back a sec: how are you even going to get a gondola here?"
"Oh, that's no problem. Mr. Butler said that he would send us gondolas, as soon as he can buy them," Akari elucidated. I made a mental note to figure out who Mr. Butler was, and thank him for being such a nice guy.
"Ok, that's really nice." I followed up with, "Can I ask how you got here? You seem like you're a long way from home."
Akari said, "I know, you don't meet time travelers every day."
"You're time travelers?" I asked. So that's what the story is? "We're time travelers" is probably the worst cover story they could think of -- unless they actually believed it?
The girls looked around at each other with tilted eyebrows, not sure what to say. Alice eventually got frustrated that no one was answering, and decided to respond, "We were all undines in Neo Venezia, on the planet Aqua. So, Akari was going around the city looking for a giant cat, but instead she got seven tickets for the Galaxy Express. And then this giant train came into the city in the middle of the night, and we rode on it into the sky along with all the cats. Then all these lights appeared in outer space, and the train took a giant jolt and I almost fell over. We landed on Earth after that, and then the giant cat Cait Sith told Akari that we had to stay here."
The longer Alice's story went on, the more nervous Aika looked. Perhaps the others were trepidatious too, but Aika always wears her heart on her sleeve. And if the story was bullshit, she would have performed tsukkomi on Alice by now, if the manga was right. "Wow, that sounds really exciting. Well, I hope Cait Sith was right, and you all enjoy yourselves in our time."
Aika breathed a sigh of relief at not being judged a crazy person. "I'm glad you understand our situation. Does it happen all the time or something? People from another planet?"
"Not as far as I know. But I'm pretty sure I can believe you all."
Alice remarked, "Maybe you should be a little more skeptical."
"Hoheee?" Akari uttered.
Alicia laughed. "It all sounds like a good long-term plan, Akira. But the first thing we need is --" She paused; everyone else filled the silence:
"Groceries"
"Clothing"
"Music"
"Toiletries"
"Make-up"
"I was going to say lunch."
Alicia's idea won out, even though the other needs were great too. After insisting that they try out the local cuisine, we walked to a Mexican restaurant on the beach. Walking with six people in white uniform dresses made me feel a little bit like a cult leader. I suppose my Hawaiian shirt and shorts would probably dissuade most people of that idea. But hey, Venice is a weird town anyway -- why not just embrace the weirdness, or so I thought.
We ordered an assortment of tacos, enchiladas, chile rellenos, and tamales, and munched on some chips and salsa while the meal was being prepared.
Akari warned, "I think this salsa has soap in it."
"Oh, that's the cilantro. The green stuff." I had a bite. "Yep, definitely."
"What are you guys talking about? It doesn't taste like soap at all," Aika said.
"It does to me," Alicia said.
"Really?"
"It's a genetic thing," I explained, "Some of us just taste the world differently."
"Ah!"
"You'll get used to it if you eat enough Mexican food around here. I still don't like the taste, but I'm used to it."
Akari enjoyed the rest of her food, but she did pick all of the cilantro off of her pastor tacos.
After that, it was off to the mall. I had to make two trips, because there was no way I can fit seven people in my truck. I worried a bit about introducing these women to our ancient fashion trends and archaic products, but they took to shopping like a duck takes to water. They handled everything from groceries to clothing with ease, with only the occasional question about what something did.
Except with me doing all of the buying. In that way, I suppose it was like most of the other times I took women shopping. At least this time I had a company card to expense everything to. I started rifling through all of the receipts, trying to get a sense of how much money we spent.
Alicia noticed me with her deep blue eyes. "Are we going over budget?"
"I don't think so. I've just got to keep track of everything."
"I see. Would you like some help with that? I run a business, or well, I used to run one."
"That would really help out. I accept your kind offer of assistance."
The receipt pile only got worse by as the afternoon rolled into the evening -- as did my attention span for shopping -- but I held my stiff upper lip and carried on, what what. By the end of the evening, the girls had all doffed their work uniforms in favor of outfits they had bought:
Athena wore a simple white shirt and a killer pair of skinny jeans. A brown skinned beauty like her didn't need to do that much to be gorgeous.
Alice had assembled a schoolgirl chic style, with a green plaid skirt, yellow blouse, and matching jacket. Sadly, there were no knee-high stockings, and no, I'm definitely not checking out sixteen-year olds.
Akira wore a modern dress, sleeveless with broad black shoulder straps on top. It had wide vertical black and white stripes descending from below the bust to knee level. She definitely had the most fashion sense of this crew.
Alicia had donned a sundress with a sunflower print and an open neckline. Around her neck she wore a gold chain with a small locket, but I'm pretty sure that was new, and not yet a keepsake.
Aika's image was somewhat less wholesome than that, with a bright red spaghetti-strap top just short enough to show a bit of midriff. I suppose it's always appropriate for Italians to wear spaghetti straps, right? Below that was a set of torn blue jeans of the sort that costs at least ten dollars per rip, held up by a red vinyl belt.
Her friend Akari wore a frilly, baby blue blouse with a navy blue pleated skirt, white socks, and sneakers. Nothing too fancy, but the colors were the perfect compliment to her pink hair.
And finally, President Aria wore a child-sized Panama hat with a white band.
Accompanying these women, I no longer looked like the leader of the Undine Cult, but I did look like the luckiest guy around. Of course, looks wouldn't tell you I had spent the last few hours shopping for clothes, pretending to like clothes shopping. I decided I had to find out if my company offered hazard pay for circumstances such as these.
I seem to have avoided at least one hazard, though -- I had spent a lot of time around Aria, and hadn't had any kind of allergic episode. I'm not sure if Mars cats are different, or it's because he never seems to lick himself, but he never triggered my cat allergy.
As we loaded the back of my white pickup with bags and bags from boutiques and department stores, Athena cried, "Oh my God!", and pointed towards the eastern sky.
Everyone glanced upwards, and we saw the nearly full moon hovering above the city lights. "The Moon is giant!" Alice observed.
Alicia said, "And it's lighting up everything!"
"Mmm-hmmmm!" Akari beamed. "I missed you, Mr. Moon!"
"So you see the Man in the Moon? I would have put you down for the rabbit making mochi."
"Mr. Manager, I can see both!"
The native Aquans were all still staring at the sky, transfixed by the floating white orb in the sky.
"I think they're moonstruck."
"So am I. It feels so familiar, but so strange." Akari paused, then added, "I'm glad I got to share this feeling of wonder with my friends. It feels good to be back."
Alice warned, "The Moon is like super giant! Is that even safe?"
Monday, September 12, 2016, 9:09 AM PDT
Venice Beach, California
Yay, the first day at work! I didn't think years of university would lead to job as an apartment manager. But just because the job isn't what I expected doesn't mean it's not worth doing. And who knows, maybe some cute ronin from room five will fall in love with me, like in Maison Ikkoku. Heh, I wish.
I drove up to the property in Venice Beach, and parked in the ground floor parking lot. The property was actually really close to the beach, maybe just a couple minute's walk way. Nice. I walked under the building to the small elevator, and waited for it to arrive.
It was a small elevator, and slow. Curiously, the floors were marked ⓪①②③, like a European elevator. I've long been convinced that all elevators must take the same amount of time to go from the top to the bottom of the building, regardless of how tall the building is. Union rules or something. This one sure wasn't breaking the pattern.
When the elevator opened up, I was greeted by a hispanic man, about my age and height, gathering up a few loose tools in the hall.
I wasted no time greeting him, "Hi, I'm Brent."
"Jorge. Nice to meet you."
"So, what's going on here? Looks like a major remodel."
"That was what was happening, until your guy bought the property. I'm just picking up the rest of the stuff before the next job."
"Wait, I've got tenants coming tomorrow. How many rooms are ready?"
He scratched his head. "Just the four over here," Jorge gestured to the north set of apartments on the first floor. "Avoid the south side, that still has some major plumbing problems."
Well, I thought my management account balance seemed a little too high for just running a place. "Oh boy. Please tell me you're available to continue fixing this place up."
"Sorry, man. I'm just maintenance for the Angeles Property Management company. I'll email you the general contractor we used, though. Might speed things along."
"Thanks. You're a lifesaver."
He gathered a few tools left in the building, and I received the big box o' keys which granted me dominion over my new realm. We shook hands, said goodbye.
And then I started exploring. Master key in hand, I started exploring the rooms. The first floor apartments, 1 to 4, all looked to be in pretty good shape. A bit of blue painter's tape on the windows, but nothing too bad. Working appliances. I selected apartment 1 for myself, because I might as well get the extra view. And I'm not a fan of having a window to the east, it wakes me up way too early. But an extra window to the west is just dandy.
As I made my way through the rest of the rooms, things were a little worse. Old appliances on the top floor, and no appliances at all on the middle floor. A cracked window in apartment 24. Down on the first floor in apartment 7, the wall was down to the studs and a damp, moldy smell pervaded the room. I cracked open a window -- there was nothing in here to steal anyway. Whoever bought this building for immediate housing had sure found a hell of a place.
Right below my room, on the ground floor, was a small room which held a few old garden tools. Under room 4, the next corner was a small storage room, mostly used by spiders at this point. A bit of an anticlimax for the grand tour, but at least I had rooms for the people coming tomorrow. The rest of the open space on the floor was devoted to parking cars.
From the outside of the apartment building, you could see three sets of blue balconies on each floor, with an extra-long semi-shared balcony for the middle rooms split in the middle by short walls. The north side faced a former street, but was now just a walkway that led straight to the beach. This "front" side had a brick facade -- and only a facade, because this is Southern California, not some geologically stable place where you can actually use bricks architecturally. However, all three of the other sides were a stucco painted an exciting beige. Even the south-side balconies were coated in a chipped beige paint. That's gonna have to be fixed. The beach climate is nice, but it's sure hard on buildings.
I looked over my instruction sheet to see what I had to get ready. Wait, I have to provide a furnished apartment by tomorrow? I get that this is supposed to be some kind of low-income housing, but I'm going to have to get some kind of furniture. I had to get moving. I unloaded my truck as fast as possible, and dragged the boxes into my room.
I proceeded to make for the nearest IKEA as fast as I could, while of course obeying all posted speed limits. Haha, just kidding about that last part. I passed a Costco on the way out -- that was going to be useful, but mail-order mattresses are just not going to cut it for tomorrow.
Once my truck and I filled up on furniture and Swedish meatballs, respectively, we made our way back to the apartment. The fun part of IKEA, of course, is the assembly. The mattresses would be delivered tomorrow morning, but in the meantime I had six HEMNESes to put together. The good news is that after one assembles a couple of them, one has it down pat. The rest of the beds fell together pretty fast, and with the final twist of an Allen wrench, I made my way back to the room I had chosen.
I was already dark, but I was able to at least start unboxing a few of my things. I set up my own bed, finally, and just about collapsed on it. I guessed a few minutes rest wouldn't hurt. And the next thing I knew, it was morning.
I woke up, dredged a shampoo bottle out of my box of toiletries, and dragged myself to the shower. I had to pick up my first residents at LAX at 10:15, and it was already 9:40. It's a good thing the airport is so close, or otherwise I'd be in hot water already. Hotter water than this shower, anyway. That's what happens with water heaters that don't get used, I reminded myself.
I finished getting dressed and headed downstairs toward my truck. I checked email on my phone, and it looks like I finally got a list of resident profiles from Funtom. Sweet, at least now I'll know who I'm looking for, I thought.
I was just about to read it, when a long black limousine pulled up to the complex. Six young women exited the vehicle, along with a white cat. Oh boy, cats. I hadn't thought about that much during the hiring process, but I'm really allergic to cats. Like, full nosebleed after a few minutes in the same room. I hope I'm not going to find myself unable to do the job on just the second day at work.
That train of thought got interrupted when I glanced up to the girls. "Wait a sec... those dresses..." They were all dressed like the characters from an anime called Aria. It was like an almost perfect cosplay -- actually a little too perfect. I adjusted my glasses, but it didn't change my assessment.
As the limo driver removed their meagre travelling bags from the trunk of their car, I stepped forward to meet them all.
The tall blonde approached me first, and gave me the once over. I was 33 years old, an inch over six foot, and more than an inch overweight. I had hair somewhere between brown and dirty blonde, and a couple inches of red sideburns on each side. I wore shorts and a Hawaiian shirt emblazoned with hibiscus flowers, perfect for this warm, sunny autumn day.
She greeted me cheerfully, "Good morning, I assume you're our new apartment manager?"
"Sure am! I'm Brent Laabs, nice to meet you."
"I'm Alicia Florence."
"I noticed, but who are you really?" I asked the cosplayer.
She giggled, following up with, "Prima Undine Alicia Florence of Neo Venezia. Some call me Snow White, but really I'm simply Alicia. Thank you for taking us in!"
"Oh boy." For some things, the only proper response is the Sam Beckett one, and this was definitely one of those moments. These were definitely not cosplayers. They were all too in character -- Aika's energetic motion, Alice with her unamused face, Alicia's grace, Akira's lovely charm, Akari's open-mouthed stare, and Athena's easy strength with the luggage. And oops, she dropped a bag. Their big blue-eyed cat tried dragging the duffel, to no avail. Yeah, I knew every one of these people straight from the television screen. These were somehow, someway, the real thing.
I snapped out of my reverie. No matter what the situation was, I had a job to do, and I can figure it all out later. No wonder they posted this job for anime fans, sheesh.
Akari said, "Thank you so much for the ride!"
"No, it was my pleasure." The driver was probably about age 20, a tall skinny white kid with short brown hair.
I was supposed to pick them up, so I offered, "Did you need money for the fare?"
"Don't worry about it. I have a free hour because of a late flight, and I got to spend it with these ladies. That's payment enough." He reached inside, and pulled out a card that he handed to Akari. "If you ever need a ride somewhere, let me know, okay?"
Akari got a big smile on her face, her pink lips just about reaching her pink hair. "Thanks again, Mr. Driver!"
I introduced myself to the rest of my new tenants. They introduced themselves to me, too, but that step was just perfunctory, because I already knew who they were. It felt so weird, but at the same time, made everything easier. I wouldn't have to memorize new names, and I already had an idea of what they'd want as tenants.
Akira approached me, and brought up the most obvious desire of these women, "Thanks for your hospitality, but I think there's been a mixup up in our arrangements. We wanted to go to Venezia in Italia, and we got sent to Venice in California."
"Oh that's…" I had to suppress my laugh, because that was really the wrong signal to send right now. "That's really too bad. I think I can understand why you'd rather be there." Since they were all gondoliers in their story, set in a replica of Venezia on Mars, that was an easy assumption. "I'll tell you what. Let me send an email to my boss, and let me see if I can get it straightened out for you."
At about this time, a truck pulled up into our alley, bearing the blue and yellow branding of Ikea. "Good news everyone," I announced, "it looks like your mattresses are here, so you have something to sleep on."
"Good. That flight was too loooong!" Alice yawned.
Once I directed the delivery men on where to take the mattresses, I gathered the gondoliers, and we walked up the stairs to the first floor.
"Sorry, I wish I had more time to get your rooms settled and nice, but I just started work yesterday. Since there are only four livable apartments, and I'm in one of them, you'll have to take three right here. There are two bedrooms in each one, so I think you should have enough privacy.
"Meh. I guess that's an upgrade. C'mon, Athena, let's take this one."
"Mmm," Athena agreed.
Aika stepped up to the blonde, her hands clasped together, "Alicia, would you —"
She was cut short by her teacher, Akari, grabbing her by the ear. "No betraying Himeya by fraternizing with a rival company!"
Alicia smiled with her left hand on her cheek. "Ara ara ara."
And so room assignments went entirely predictably. The gondoliers of Aria company took the larger number 4 on the corner, likely because everyone was going to visit them anyway. And because technically, three people would be living there.
Wearing a uniform with blue markings were Alicia Florence: cute, fair, placid, and bearing a long blonde braid. Her junior Akari Mizunashi, a native of Japan and protagonist of Aria possessed pink twintails an energetic demeanor. And the last tenant was President Aria, the bulky white tomcat with lucky blue eyes. This constituted the entire staff of Aria Company, the smallest of Neo Venezia's gondola companies.
Apartment 3 went to the undines of Himeya, Akira E. Ferrari and Aika S. Granzchesta. They wore white dresses with dark red highlights and a small cap. Akira was tall, dark, and handsome, with long chestnut brown hair and fair skin. Slightly shorter than her senpai, Aika's short raven hair framed a pleasant round face with a near permanent smile.
Finally, No. 2 was occupied by the Orange Planet team, still wearing their uniforms stroked with an orange pattern. Leading the group was the dusky-skinned, silver-haired Athena Glory. The teenage green-haired rowing prodigy, Alice Carroll, was relatively stoked to be upgrading her relationship with Athena from roommates to flatmates, despite her low-key manner.
Just great, I thought, all names beginning with "A". That's gonna be confusing to remember, even if I do recognize all of these anime characters. All these people. That's going to take a while to get used to, being real people and not characters. Sheesh. Will wonders ever cease?
I walked into each room as they were throwing the sheets on their beds, and handed out keys to my new tenants. Hopefully, not for long, because they really would be more happy in Italy. I sent an email to the company about resettlement, and hoped for the best.
I spent the time getting utilities sorted for each apartment, moving over accounts. I assumed that we'd be needing to pay for everyone's Internet, which is cheaper anyway. And now, I just had to sort out what to do with six anime girls, a somewhat thornier proposition. Thankfully, it turned out that they were mostly able to sort out themselves.
The first to wake was Akira, who still looked a little groggy when she knocked on my door in the early afternoon. "Oh, hi. I thought you'd be asleep for a lot longer."
"Just following the advice we always give our customers: Sleep only three hours after your flight, and then you won't have jet lag the next day."
"Oh, I didn't know that. Thanks. Well, come on in."
She entered, and sat down in my computer chair -- not that I had many choices of where to sit, yet. "Any news on Venezia?"
My computer was set up, but there was no internet hookup yet, and wouldn't be until Friday. So I pulled up my phone, and saw this email:
Quote:We're deeply sorry, but Funtom Property Management cannot provide resettlement services to Venezia. Housing Arrivals there would be prohibitively expensive at this point. Your residents specifically asked for Venice, and that is what we took great pains to provide to them. Perhaps you can advise your residents to be careful what they wish for.
Sebastian Michaelis
COO, Funtom Property Management
"Man, what a dick," I whined. "Looks like you all are stuck here." I handed my phone to Akira.
She read the device. "What the hell did you say to him?" she glowered at me.
I scrolled up to my email.
"Huh. He seemed so charming in person."
"Yeah. I'll give you that much."
"All the best guys are total jerks," Akira concluded.
I thought about this logic and shrugged; that only earned me another angry face.
Aika peeked through my apartment's open door, took a look at Akira's glare, and started backing away stealthily. Not stealthily enough.
"Aika!" Akira growled.
"Yes!"
"Go round up everyone else."
She scooted off as fast as she could, and soon I could faintly hear her knocking on the other apartment doors.
Akira, for her part, mainly grumbled to herself for the next five minutes, leaning onto the hand against her chin. She asked me a few questions about whether I had enough money to buy them all necessities, clothing, and furniture, which I answered in the affirmative. The budget might not be able to afford the kind of rococo stuff they had in Neo Venezia, but it would do.
Thinking about my budget, I noticed I also got a reply on my other question from yesterday -- it looks like the former and now renewed general contractor would have a crew back to work on Monday. It looked like my company could be a little heartless, but at least they were efficient. I would, of course, direct the improvements.
Aika strolled back into the apartment, this time accompanied by Alicia and Akari. A minute later Athena led Alice in by the hand. Alice still had droopy eyes, and her hair was something of a green tangle.
Alice yawned. "This place is terrible. I can't even find the bidet!"
Akari picked up, "Oh right, I was wondering about the bidets, Mr. Manager!"
"Uhm…. Americans uh…" I stumbled.
"Hey, listen up!" Saved by Akira, whose face had just now shifted towards a calm smile. "Our apartment manager, Brent, has confirmed to me that we are not going to be able to move to Venezia. But we should have plenty of time and money to make this place comfortable. And from there, we can work our way towards moving to Italia. Or whatever we want to do with our lives.
"Sorry about that, everyone. I guess you're all stuck with me," I apologized.
Akari automatically offered, "Please take good care of us, Mr. Manager!"
"I'll try my best!"
Aika asked, "How are we supposed to work? As undines?"
Athena piped up, "Are there even canals here?"
I fielded this one, "A few canals, but not really… not really the same as in Venice in Italy. In Venezia."
"Well, that's worth a try. I wonder if there's any competition?" Alicia said sweetly.
I just shrugged.
"Feh, like any competition stands a chance against the three Water Fairies of Neo Venezia!" Aika boasted.
"She's got you there," Akira told Alicia, who just giggled.
I interjected, "Wait, let's step back a sec: how are you even going to get a gondola here?"
"Oh, that's no problem. Mr. Butler said that he would send us gondolas, as soon as he can buy them," Akari elucidated. I made a mental note to figure out who Mr. Butler was, and thank him for being such a nice guy.
"Ok, that's really nice." I followed up with, "Can I ask how you got here? You seem like you're a long way from home."
Akari said, "I know, you don't meet time travelers every day."
"You're time travelers?" I asked. So that's what the story is? "We're time travelers" is probably the worst cover story they could think of -- unless they actually believed it?
The girls looked around at each other with tilted eyebrows, not sure what to say. Alice eventually got frustrated that no one was answering, and decided to respond, "We were all undines in Neo Venezia, on the planet Aqua. So, Akari was going around the city looking for a giant cat, but instead she got seven tickets for the Galaxy Express. And then this giant train came into the city in the middle of the night, and we rode on it into the sky along with all the cats. Then all these lights appeared in outer space, and the train took a giant jolt and I almost fell over. We landed on Earth after that, and then the giant cat Cait Sith told Akari that we had to stay here."
The longer Alice's story went on, the more nervous Aika looked. Perhaps the others were trepidatious too, but Aika always wears her heart on her sleeve. And if the story was bullshit, she would have performed tsukkomi on Alice by now, if the manga was right. "Wow, that sounds really exciting. Well, I hope Cait Sith was right, and you all enjoy yourselves in our time."
Aika breathed a sigh of relief at not being judged a crazy person. "I'm glad you understand our situation. Does it happen all the time or something? People from another planet?"
"Not as far as I know. But I'm pretty sure I can believe you all."
Alice remarked, "Maybe you should be a little more skeptical."
"Hoheee?" Akari uttered.
Alicia laughed. "It all sounds like a good long-term plan, Akira. But the first thing we need is --" She paused; everyone else filled the silence:
"Groceries"
"Clothing"
"Music"
"Toiletries"
"Make-up"
"I was going to say lunch."
Alicia's idea won out, even though the other needs were great too. After insisting that they try out the local cuisine, we walked to a Mexican restaurant on the beach. Walking with six people in white uniform dresses made me feel a little bit like a cult leader. I suppose my Hawaiian shirt and shorts would probably dissuade most people of that idea. But hey, Venice is a weird town anyway -- why not just embrace the weirdness, or so I thought.
We ordered an assortment of tacos, enchiladas, chile rellenos, and tamales, and munched on some chips and salsa while the meal was being prepared.
Akari warned, "I think this salsa has soap in it."
"Oh, that's the cilantro. The green stuff." I had a bite. "Yep, definitely."
"What are you guys talking about? It doesn't taste like soap at all," Aika said.
"It does to me," Alicia said.
"Really?"
"It's a genetic thing," I explained, "Some of us just taste the world differently."
"Ah!"
"You'll get used to it if you eat enough Mexican food around here. I still don't like the taste, but I'm used to it."
Akari enjoyed the rest of her food, but she did pick all of the cilantro off of her pastor tacos.
After that, it was off to the mall. I had to make two trips, because there was no way I can fit seven people in my truck. I worried a bit about introducing these women to our ancient fashion trends and archaic products, but they took to shopping like a duck takes to water. They handled everything from groceries to clothing with ease, with only the occasional question about what something did.
Except with me doing all of the buying. In that way, I suppose it was like most of the other times I took women shopping. At least this time I had a company card to expense everything to. I started rifling through all of the receipts, trying to get a sense of how much money we spent.
Alicia noticed me with her deep blue eyes. "Are we going over budget?"
"I don't think so. I've just got to keep track of everything."
"I see. Would you like some help with that? I run a business, or well, I used to run one."
"That would really help out. I accept your kind offer of assistance."
The receipt pile only got worse by as the afternoon rolled into the evening -- as did my attention span for shopping -- but I held my stiff upper lip and carried on, what what. By the end of the evening, the girls had all doffed their work uniforms in favor of outfits they had bought:
Athena wore a simple white shirt and a killer pair of skinny jeans. A brown skinned beauty like her didn't need to do that much to be gorgeous.
Alice had assembled a schoolgirl chic style, with a green plaid skirt, yellow blouse, and matching jacket. Sadly, there were no knee-high stockings, and no, I'm definitely not checking out sixteen-year olds.
Akira wore a modern dress, sleeveless with broad black shoulder straps on top. It had wide vertical black and white stripes descending from below the bust to knee level. She definitely had the most fashion sense of this crew.
Alicia had donned a sundress with a sunflower print and an open neckline. Around her neck she wore a gold chain with a small locket, but I'm pretty sure that was new, and not yet a keepsake.
Aika's image was somewhat less wholesome than that, with a bright red spaghetti-strap top just short enough to show a bit of midriff. I suppose it's always appropriate for Italians to wear spaghetti straps, right? Below that was a set of torn blue jeans of the sort that costs at least ten dollars per rip, held up by a red vinyl belt.
Her friend Akari wore a frilly, baby blue blouse with a navy blue pleated skirt, white socks, and sneakers. Nothing too fancy, but the colors were the perfect compliment to her pink hair.
And finally, President Aria wore a child-sized Panama hat with a white band.
Accompanying these women, I no longer looked like the leader of the Undine Cult, but I did look like the luckiest guy around. Of course, looks wouldn't tell you I had spent the last few hours shopping for clothes, pretending to like clothes shopping. I decided I had to find out if my company offered hazard pay for circumstances such as these.
I seem to have avoided at least one hazard, though -- I had spent a lot of time around Aria, and hadn't had any kind of allergic episode. I'm not sure if Mars cats are different, or it's because he never seems to lick himself, but he never triggered my cat allergy.
As we loaded the back of my white pickup with bags and bags from boutiques and department stores, Athena cried, "Oh my God!", and pointed towards the eastern sky.
Everyone glanced upwards, and we saw the nearly full moon hovering above the city lights. "The Moon is giant!" Alice observed.
Alicia said, "And it's lighting up everything!"
"Mmm-hmmmm!" Akari beamed. "I missed you, Mr. Moon!"
"So you see the Man in the Moon? I would have put you down for the rabbit making mochi."
"Mr. Manager, I can see both!"
The native Aquans were all still staring at the sky, transfixed by the floating white orb in the sky.
"I think they're moonstruck."
"So am I. It feels so familiar, but so strange." Akari paused, then added, "I'm glad I got to share this feeling of wonder with my friends. It feels good to be back."
Alice warned, "The Moon is like super giant! Is that even safe?"
"Kitto daijoubu da yo." - Sakura Kinomoto