ROTFL: The comeback

[Ebony]

Manytales00 wrote:

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Ebony wrote:

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Shepherd wrote:

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"Solve a man's problems with violence, help him for a day. Teach a man to solve his problems with violence, help him for a
lifetime!" - Belkar, Order of the Stick #612 www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0612.html

I'm starting to think that, except for the Bagginses, all truly memorable halflings are sociopaths.

Bilbo was a Thief, An Old Successful Thief.




Frodo, on the other hand, was adopted.

Bilbo got lucky. So, did Frodo. And both of them were manifestly country gentlemen who did not go on Adventures. Gandalf had to chivvy Bilbo into having his,
and Frodo had to have his because of Bilbo.

All other halflings I've ever encountered (including Tasselhoff Burrfoot, who is really a kender) have had noted sociopathic tendencies. Perhaps it is
because they're protagonists/heroes, who are noted for having a certain streak of insanity, no matter what the species.
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[Wiregeek]

my brain is trying to put something together with this line of conversation and This Trope...
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[Shepherd]

"Any sufficiently analyzed magic is indistinguishable from science!"

- Agatha Heterodyne, Girl Genius 2008 Holiday Nonsense: "Cinderella", page 007 (www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php)
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"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[Black Aeronaut]

Jenova Silverstar wrote:

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Looking at Flonne's imaginative outfit, Hatake Kakashi giggled at how Naruto's life was starting to resemble one of his favorite literary works,
"Icha Icha: Touched by an Angel."

Too bad the only volume he had bothered to pack on this mission was the hardbound edition of "Icha Icha: Chained to a Radiator."

From Hell on Earth

Gah, I suddenly know where the reference to Chained to a Radiator is from. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0462200/

Blame my shipmates. *rolls eyes* Bunch of oversexed sailors.

[drakensis]

"You know the rules," said Genma. "Stop when I say stop, otherwise it goes on till someone dies or submits.
Simple."

Ryoga rolled his neck. "This is a man to man fight," he said. "Don't interfere."

Genma looked at Ryoga. He looked at Ranma, who looked and shrugged with a 'hey, nothing to with me' sort of
expression on her face. He looked back at Ryoga. "You might want to invest in a pair of glasses, kid," he said. "Just do what I say, yeah?
Easier on us both that way."

Ranma didn't much like the way Hiashi was talking but it didn't sound
like he was going to be chucking Hitomi off a roof or anything any time soon so it wasn't like it was time to break out the epic duel and daring escape
routine. Damn but it was easier to deal with things when it was some super-powered villain type causing trouble.

* * * * *

Hiashi turned back to his scroll with a sigh of irritation as the boy left. He
was absolutely insufferable in his arrogance and had the manners of an untamed monkey, but he was certainly a capable warrior and that made him useful.
Hinata was weak and he rather doubted that any sort of training would ever fix that, but Hanabi . . . Hanabi had potential, and if she could take the
boy's skills and use that knowledge to strengthen Jyuuken, well, it would make putting up with a thousand irritating, full of themselves children more
than worth the trouble.

Now if only he wasn't so tempted to try and wipe that arrogant smirk off
the brat's face.

Ranma strode out of his bedroom to the sight of a woman clad wearing a trenchcoat over an
extremely form-fitting bodysuit and mini-skirt standing over a somewhat baffled looking Mousse, who really should have known better than to get into a fight
without his glasses on, with a look on her face that could only possibly be described as deranged. Why did he always run into the crazy
ones?

"It's too early in the morning for this," decided Ranma, ignoring the woman
entirely and heading into the kitchenette to get some breakfast. "Way too damn early."

"Don't you ignore me, brat!"

Ranma saw the thrown knife coming from a mile off and simply batted it away with his free hand
as he poured himself a glass of milk. And then he swayed out of the way of another as he set about preparing himself some rice. "Would you cut that
out?" he asked. "I'll end up making an Akane meal if you keep distracting me like that."

"I don't know which is worse," grunted Ryoga as he finally made an appearance.
"Damned loudmouths."

"Come on then, kiddy," he said. "Time to go potty."

Ryoga said nothing and the weight everyone around him felt pressing them down into the ground was entirely
coincidental and, of course, nothing to do with him.

* * * * *

Watching the spiky-haired idiot slump to the ground in a shower of dust and chunks of wall was ridiculously
satisfying. Not as good as the times he'd managed to smack Ranma round, but good enough. Between the look on the bastard's face when he'd snapped
his shackles like they were twigs and the thud of skull on concrete, Ryoga was certainly feeling a lot less stressed. Nothing quite like beating the hell out
of an annoying idiot to brighten a day up.

Now, to go through those pockets and see about getting some answers. It would be kinda disappointing.
He'd have to find someone else to beat for answers . . . it would just be terrible.

And there they were! Ah-ha! He was a genius! Take that Ranma! Now . . . uh, he just had to get back into the
exam hall without them realising he'd cheated.

Damn.

"I'm the best!" proclaimed Ranma. "Well, the crazy woman keeps saying there are loads of crazy guys who
could tear me apart but I reckon she's just getting spun up because I beat her so easily."

The girl raised an eyebrow. "You defeated a jounin?" she asked. "I'm impressed."

"Ah, it's nothing. Most ninja are just soft. Bounce a boulder off them and they won't get back up.
Wusses."

"But it is Konoha's number one technician, Copycat Kakashi's, sole original technique. It is a technique for assassination.
The speed of the stab and the amount of chakra behind it allow the technique to penetrate almost any defence. Because of the concentration of chakra and the
speed of the movement, it produces a sound like a thousand birds are running towards you."

Ranma snorted. "So you guys assassinate a lot of blind people, huh?"

"What?"

"Well, look at it," said Ranma. "You'd have to be blind, deaf, and dumb to not see it coming a mile off. Hey, it might
be effective, but assassination? Come on."

Davros untitled Ranma/Naruto fic
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[WengFook]

I think the testosterone for all the Ranma characters has been turned up to eleven in that one, but its still a very entertaining read
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[ECSNorway]

Naruto hopped out of the water and patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get the mangekyo sharingan one of these days. If I have to find you a new best friend to kill, I’ll do it.”

Sasuke looked at him speculatively. “Well, it’d probably be easier to find a new friend to murder than it would be to kill you.”

Naruto smiled sunnily. “My life hangs in the balance of my badassness versus your pathetic inability to relate to people. A lesser man might be worried.”

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3745099/28/People_Lie
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Norgarth]

At a Chapters bookstore yesterday and they have tables covered in books of various types stacked on them (1 theme per table). Most of these tables have a sign
indicating what that theme is. One table had a sign reading "GOT ANGST?" with "Teen Books" underneath in smaller letters.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Bob Schroeck]

Hermione woke them up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning, proving that she was indeed sadistic enough to be the daughter of dentists.

From http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4536005/20/Oh_God_Not_Again]Oh God Not Again!, chapter 20.
-- Bob
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Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[yesilmavi]

ryouga vs. aliens

On a distant world, far away from the Earth...

"Where the hell am I?" snarled Ryoga as he continued to walk
through the wilderness.

A hissing noise caught his attention, and he turned to glare at
the things that were following him.

"Don't you ever give up?" he snarled.

The things hissed at him, there were about a dozen of them. They
were eight feet tall, with black skin and no eyes. One of them opened
its jaws, revealing another set inside that slid outward
threateningly.

Ryoga snorted and put up his fists. "I don't have all day you
know."

The things charged him in a swarm, and he screamed in rage as he
met them.

A moment later, a loud chorus of screeching noises sounded, and
the things scurried away in terror. Ryoga was standing unharmed and
glaring at them as they ran.

"Don't come back this time!" he called after them as he shook his
fist in the air. "Stupid things, like giant ants or something." He
continued on his way, trying to find his way into Nerima once again.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/216310/15/Insertion by carrotglace

[katreus]

Babylon 5 Mantra: Ivanova is always right.

"On your trip back, I'd like you to take the time to learn the Babylon 5 mantra: Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore
Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is God. And, if this ever happens again, Ivanova will PERSONALLY RIP YOUR LUNGS OUT. Babylon Control out."

-Season 1, Ep. 18

Babylon 5 Survival Rules: Do not piss off Ivanova.


"And as far as I'm concerned, the transport tubes can wait UNTIL THE SUN EXPLODES. And if you're not happy with the seating arrangements, I will
personally order your seats to be moved outside, down the hall, across the station, and into the fusion reactor. Am I absolutely, perfectly, clear on
this?"


-Season 2, ep. 1

[yesilmavi]

naruto

“It wasn’t that much of a drain, you just fell asleep because you’ve never experienced steady drain of that level before and you instinctively reacted to stop the flow,” Hiashi said, “And it seems you’ve awakened a variation of my clan’s bloodline.”

“Wait, I’ve got a bloodline?” Naruto said in a shocked voice, “Are you my daddy?”

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4862774/2/K ... Fools_Gold

[DHBirr]

"You totally did!"
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Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[drakensis]

"...Anyway, it's not exactly my job description but of all the ways to make you different from who you used to be,
I think the way that'd make you happiest is to be with Sen. He's a Dragon-Blooded, which is definitely not something Xilanada did in the First Age.
I'm trying to make things happen for you both, for his sake because he's an old student, for yours because you've got a good heart, and for
Creation's sake... so that demons don't come and eat us all."

"You're so dramatic," Xilanada said, rolling her eyes.

"Actually... no. That's what this warrant's about." E'lial pointed his finger at the paper.
"Sometime today, there's a strong likelihood of serious demonic incursion in this city and... well, you're the strongest magnet for that kind of
thing right now."

"You're really not kidding," Xilanada said, watching the sincerity on the Sidereal's
face.

"Nope. Now, Runic Isolation, my apprentice... he thinks you should get back with your Lunar. As long as she stays a
woman anyway, because that would mitigate the paradox problem even better. Of course, Runic Isolation's young. He still thinks girl on girl action is the
best thing to ever happen around him." E'lial sighed and shook his head in mock disgust.

Xilanada

have I mentioned to anyone I really like Exalted?
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Norgarth]

"I will accept that much." Quatre replied calmly. "And I want one of the older work shuttles prepped and ready to leave on very short
notice too. I have a feeling this is going to take us all back into space. I don't think we should be depending on public transportation if it does. I
want the load on the shuttle to consist of survival supplies, including lots of water. We may have to pretend to be war junk for a while, I don't want to
get too hungry or thirsty doing it. Oh, include a wide variety of games too. You don't know what terror is until you've been cooped up in a small
space with a bored Duo Maxwell and an irritable Wu Fei Chang."

The Maganac vice-commander grinned. He'd met the long-haired American space colonist. He liked the boy, but a birthday party for a dozen six year olds
on sugar highs had less stray energy than Maxwell did. He could only imagine what being trapped on a small shuttle with him would be like. He'd also met
the Chinese Preventer and could easily picture the disaster of forcing the one into close proximity with the other. Yes, he would definitely include many
forms of diversion.

from Crossing Barriers chapter 2, a gundam based fic
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Bob Schroeck]

“Well come on, then, and meet the boys,” replied the Australian, as he
headed towards a booth filled with similarly-dressed wizards. Harry
ended his call to Wally with a quick request for Steve to call back once
he’d arrived at the Rookery, then followed along with Roger.
“Took you long enough, Bruce!” whined one of the men sitting within the
booth.
“Sod off, Bruce.” The wizard replied, as he slipped the tray filled with
beer cans onto the table, pointed towards Roger, and added, “Gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce you to a man from Pommeyland named Bruce.”
“G’day Bruce,” the wizards all replied.
The wizard then turned towards the Boy-Who-Lived and said, “And this
here, mates, is none other than Harry Potter.”
“Go on! Give us the good oil!”
“Yes, yes, it’s true, or else he wouldn’t be rooting New-Bruce’s shiralee.”
“Hey! Who said that I’m…rooting?”
“Harry Potter, Bruce. Harry Potter, Bruce. Harry Potter, Bruce…that
fella’s my best mate Bruce, and that daggy bastard over there…his name
is Bruce.”
“G’day.”
“Is your name not Bruce, then?” one of them asked Harry.
The Queen’s Wizard shook his head as Roger broke out into a wide grin.
“Yes, yes…I know, that's going to cause a little confusion.”
“Good that you see it…mind if we call you Bruce to keep it clear?”
Harry smiled and nodded his head. “No worries.”
“Right then,” stated one of the boothed Bruces. “Have a seat and we’ll
start the faculty meeting.”
Roger smiled. “Of the philosophy department at the University of Walamaloo?”
“How’d you guess, New-Bruce?” the Aussie asked. “But first I'd like to
ask the padre for a prayer.”
A different Bruce held a hand over the tray of beer cans and said, “Oh
Lord, we beseech Thee, Amen!!”
“Amen!”
Somebody named Bruce called out, “Crack tubes!” and everyone opened a can.
Harry was in the middle of a long draw on his beer when his Art Club
badge vibrated. He quickly pulled his lips away from the can when he
glanced down…then relaxed a bit when he realized that it was Steve who
was calling, rather than the Queen (whose “ray” was right next door).
“Alright, there, New-Bruce-too?” asked one of the Australians.
“No worries,” Harry replied. “Just a bit of business to attend to. So
are you lot really are heading towards Britain?”
“That’s the plan, New-Bruce-too,” replied Head-Bruce. “Her Majesty the
Queen asked the Prime Minister for some assistance…we hear are going to
be ‘Advisors,’ while you sort out your squabbles.”
“She asked your Muggle Prime Minister to send Magical Advisors?”
Bruce shrugged. “A bit more casual about secrecy issues Down Under.”
All of the Bruces nodded, and intoned, “Australia, Australia, Australia,
we love you, Amen!”
“Crack tubes!”
“But they’re already cracked, Bruce.”
“Oh, bugger, so they are. Drink up then, and Bruce…your shout, mate.”
“Is not…I bought the round before you…it’s Bruce’s shout.”
“I’ll buy,” Roger offered.
“Oh, no, New-Bruce, can’t have that…not allowed in the Rules.”
“What Rules?”
“Rule Six.”
“But Bruce, there is no rule six!”
Roger snorted. “Rule seven then?”
One of the Bruces automatically called back, “No Poofters!…Oh, blast!”
All of the other Aussie Aurors laughed, and pulled the Bruce who had
responded to his feet.
“Cultural sensitivity training,” Head-Bruce explained, as the respondent
headed towards the bar. “Not allowed to call the natives and homosexuals
like we used to.”
“So how is that training?” Roger asked.
“Well, it’s positive reinforcement, you see,” Head-Bruce replied. “Every
time one of the boys calls a homosexual a ‘hoofter-with-a-p’, he has to
buy the next round.”
Roger laughed. “Wouldn’t that be negative reinforcement?”
New-Bruce shook his head. “Nothing negative about getting a beer out of
it, is there?”
Harry smiled and added, “Sounds like a good excuse to drink.”
“Now, New-Bruce-too…are you implying that we need a good excuse to drink?”
Harry snorted. “No, never…especially since it’s…what time is it back in
Australia right now?”
Head-Bruce shrugged and smiled. “It’s always tinny time, mate.”
Something then caught his eye and he looked passed Roger’s shoulder.
“Aw, Cris’sake…there goes the bloody neighborhood.”
Harry turned his head, and spied six bare-chested warrior-sorcerers
enter the bar.
“You got a problem with Maori, Bruce?”
“No, no…just a bit of friendly rivalry with our Kiwi colleagues.”
“Hey Bruce,” one of the others called out. “Isn’t it time for something
completely different?”
“Why so it is,” Head-Bruce stated.
“So what’s something completely different?” Roger asked with a grin of
anticipation.
“A man with a tape recorder up his nose,” replied Head-Bruce.
The Aussie proceeded to tilt his head to one side and stick an index
finger up his left nostril. Whatever magic that was hidden within his
nose started to broadcast a recording of a brass band playing the
Australian national anthem, and all of the Bruces began to sing
along…with gusto and raised tins.
But as Harry didn’t know the words to “Waltzing Matilda”, he used this
distraction to pop back to London.

-- from Muggle Summer, chapter 67
-- Bob
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Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[K sai]

What the bloody hell was that? (points up)

Did Harry Potter take the left at Albuquerque and end up on Ecks Ecks Ecks Ecks?

[Star Ranger4]

Kids today. No knowlege, respect nor appreciation for the classics.

Its the Bruce sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus, not that it will help... I've found that anytime you have to explain a joke...
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by Echo's Children

[Necratoid]

To be fair, it does kill that joke. However, it also opens up the person to related jokes in the future. There was actually a point where you wouldn't
have gotten that joke either.

[Black Aeronaut]

At least he tried. I caught his reference to Disc World. (^^)

[Shay Guy]

Even I recognized that, and I've never seen the sketch.

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Pronounced "shy guy."

[K sai]

...What we have here, my good fellows, is circumlocutory humor...

Mr Prattchet Esq. was evidently thinking of Monty and Robert da Bruce when he wrote the scenes with the Ecksian Wizards in The University in Buggrup (next to
the Opera house that looks like an open box of tissues)...

[Bob Schroeck]

I should also note that for an extra added layer of surreality in that chapter of Muggle Summer, the encounter with the Australian Wizards takes place in a Star Wars theme restaurant modeled after the Mos Eisley cantina, located in a Wizarding travel hub in Scandinavia.
-- Bob
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Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Black Aeronaut]

O_o; Just how much comedic reference can ya pack into a single scene? Is there some kinda record!?

[Epsilon]

blackaeronaut wrote:

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O_o; Just how much comedic reference can ya pack into a single scene? Is there some kinda record!?

Yes, it is currently held by Erfworld.

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Epsilon