Superman returns - like a boomerang to the back of the skull

[Rev Dark]

Okay – So I am so very, very, late in reviewing this one; I just picked up a copy used for $3.00 and after viewing, I fear that I paid too much.
Bryan, Bryan, Bryan, what the hell were you thinking?
Given the opportunity, budget and talents available to you, I was sort of hoping that you could come up with… well… something. Anything!
Now, let’s go with the basic premise. Superman sods off to parts unknown without telling anybody; this bit of behavior is odd as, according to the plainly obvious plot point, prior to his departure he had been slinging the super-schlong in Lois Lane’s um…. Editorial capacity. Either that or while beating upon the super meat in a moment of caped onanism his super-swimmers blasted through the ceiling and descended upon Metropolis like squiggling, caped, rain, impregnating women from the suburbs to the slums and it is just coincidence that Lois ended up as just one lucky recipient of the alien money shot.
I know – neither makes a whole lot of sense, welcome to this movie.
Lex Luthor is back too, and despite as good a performance as the material allows, Kevin Spacey is let down by the writers/director. Okay, that is an understatement. Spacey/Luthor is held down by the writer/director in a scene that is one ‘Squeal like a piggie’ away from being Deliverance. We are reacquainted with Luthor as he plays the ‘Zero Mostel’ role in The Producers, seducing a wealthy octogenarian into signing over her vast riches to him. Nice play there Lex; did you close your eyes and think of the science? In a world populated by the Savings and Loans scandal, Enron, shady bond issues, the best plan the smartest man in the world can come up with is the blue-haired bouncy-bouncy, followed by a will signing? I kept looking for Gene Wilder and a musical number.
So now rich and powerful, Lex and his crew of thugs and molls (Okay moll singular) are off to Antarctica to locate the Fortress of Solitude; steal Kryptonian crystals – which have the same basic rules as those in Gremlins – don’t get the bastards wet; to create a new continent, steal technology, rule the world, etc. Once more the writers treat the bald braniac like his awesome mental prowess is that of a slack-jawed drool monkey as he creates his kryptonite continent, rather than spending the time researching the weapons he would need to defend it. (Three guys with bats could stop Lex’s plan, let alone Special Forces, the SAS, or any member of the Street Fighter cast – including the goofy – or goofier – ones.)
Oh, and Superman has a son by Lois Lane (as alluded to earlier) who is small, sickly, etc; which might as well be a neon sign that he is going to unleash awesome Kryptonian whoop-arse at some point in the movie. Which he does. Then forgets how to do it…and… it’s just not worth it. Kat Bosworth as Lois Lane, brings to this movie what a bacon, lettuce, tomato sandwich brings to a Bar Mitzvah buffet table; the feeling that someone is pretty unclear on the concept. Gone is the spunky reporter, replaced by a fretting mommy, whining employee and all around yippy yuppie bell-end. Again, I would blame the writers as much as the actress, but….urgh.. it was just a bad performance all around.
The actors portraying Perry White and Jimmy Olsen turn in credible performance with the limited screen time they have; they are the lucky ones, the writers didn’t have anything for them to do, so they are left largely unscathed by the carnage wreaked upon the others.
Okay – epic scale wise, Superman does bust out a few super-tricks and engage in a few large scale set pieces with planes, trains and automobiles, but without a truly credible foe to face off against it never feels particularly super. This is a film in dire need of a ‘Kneel before Zod!’ moment, as the bumbling Luthor caricature doesn’t feel like a threat; and the dangers faced by the super-simpleton feel more contrived than a round of spontaneous applause for Dick Cheney.
So, if you haven’t seen this film, I simple cannot recommend it, it is not even interesting enough as a train wreck to warrant watching.
Cheers,
Shayne

[Jinx999]

Why don't you stop beating around the bush and say what you really think of it. :-)

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

I don't know if this will help --
--okay, that's a lie, I know it won't in the least --
--but this is technically a sequel to Superman II, so the thing is that thanks to the amnesia kiss, Lois has absolutely no idea she ever slept with Superman.
Way to go, Clark.  *golfclaps*
I don't know why people liked Superman II.  It had some good lines, but that's just not enough.
--Sam
"Wow.  Clark's fortress melts."

[Logan Darklighter]

One of the most interesting things I bought last year was a DVD of Superman II: The Donner cut.
Donner either filmed or planned out many scenes of Superman II before he was sacked and they brought Richard Lester.
As the entry in Wiki says -

Unlike many "special edition" and "director's cuts" released over the years, Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut is a very different film, despite both versions following roughly the same storyline. As much as half of the film contains never-before seen material filmed by Donner, including 15 minutes of Marlon Brando scenes as Superman's father Jor-El as well as numerous new Christopher Reeve and Margot Kidder scenes. Some of this "new" material has appeared in earlier extended television cuts. Some of the existing scenes were also replaced with alternate takes or footage from different camera angles. There are also several newly-filmed shots and many new visual effects. Richard Donner is credited as director of the film instead of Richard Lester. More than half of Lester's footage filmed for Superman II has been removed from the film and replaced with Donner footage shot during the original principal photography from 1977. Certain footage filmed by Richard Lester remains in sequences that were not shot by Donner (due to the halt in production for this film) for purposes of story cohesion. As a result, approximately 83% of the footage in the film is Donner's footage.

So you get interesting things like the the reveal of Superman being Clark by Lois being COMPLETELY different -

Niagara Falls bungalow interiors; Lois fires a handgun at Clark, who admits his true identity, then Lois reveals that she used a blank cartridge. This scene was never filmed, but one of the original Donner-directed Kidder screen tests, which played out this scene with Reeve, is used. This can be made out by Clark's distinctly different hairstyle and glasses, and slimmer physique. Close-ups from one of Reeve's tests, in which he played the same scenes with Holly Palance as Lois, are edited in. Lester's sequence featuring Clark burning his hand in the fireplace has been deleted.

And more significantly in regards to Superman Returns -

Fortress of Solitude Interiors: Jor-El warns Superman of the dangers of falling in love. Superman gives up his powers and becomes a mortal. Lois appears in this scene wearing only Superman's shirt and socks. Of note is that Lois is never viewed in close-up in this scene. It remains unclear whether this was an editing choice, or whether the close-up was lost/destroyed or never filmed by Donner. Lester's re-shoot of this scene is scrapped entirely. There are none of the special effects "stripping" Superman's face away layer by layer, or of his Superman costume fading away and leaving him, in civilian clothing. In Donner's footage, he wears civilian clothing throughout the scene (even briefly flying across the Fortress in them), and the process in the molecular chamber is visually uneventful. In Lester's footage, there was a clear difference in lighting effects between the chamber as it originally worked (intense red light inside the chamber only) and after Superman reconfigured it (red light all over the Fortress). In Donner's footage, there is less of a noticeable difference, as red lighting is all around in both scenes. Significantly (especially with respect to Superman Returns), Lois and Superman make love before he loses his super-powers, opposite of the original version's sequence of events. This new edited scene has now caused major fan controversy over the Donner cut.

One of the most important elements - indeed, one of my FAVORITE bits from the Donner version is this -

A bruised Clark arrives at the Fortress of Solitude and screams for his
father, after which he discovers the green crystal which he uses to
reactivate the Fortress. Jor-El appears (both in his normal disembodied
head form and in full corporeal form), and 'dies' in order to restore
his son's powers. The full meaning of Jor-El's somewhat cryptic
statement in Superman, that "The son becomes the father and the
father becomes the son", finally becomes clear.

The above scene seems a bit more than that dry explanation. But I don't know how else to put it. But it's GOOD.
And finally -

 Outside the Fortress, Lois and Superman agree to end their relationship. This Donner footage has only ever been seen in rare extended television cuts, and here is trimmed and re-edited. The kiss scene was also featured on the back of the theatrical Superman II DVD case which was released in 2000.

  Superman takes a weeping Lois home, where Superman says a final goodbye to Lois. This Donner footage has only ever been seen in rare extended television cuts. Only the end shot where Superman leaves the roof was shown in Lester's Superman II.

  Superman turns back time to reverse the devastation of the planet by the super-villains, re-imprison them in the Phantom Zone, resurrect the destroyed Fortress of Solitude (not shown in film), and wipe Lois' memory of Superman's secret identity. Part of this sequence was used as the ending for Donner's first Superman film, but no replacement scene was written. Includes previously unseen footage of Jackie Cooper as Perry White brushing his teeth.

  Although the "turning back time" sequence appears to be a rehash of the original film's ending, the original plan was to have a cliff-hanger ending on Superman and, as Donner notes in the DVD special, have the turning-back-time sequence conclude Superman II. (Lester concluded II with the "kiss of forgetting"; in the DVD extras Michael Thau states that Creative Consultant Tom Mankiewicz believed "Clark should never kiss Lois, only Superman should kiss Lois").

It was very weird seeing the turning back time thing in the SECOND film. Had to remind myself that this was the way Donner had originally intended it. With the first film ending on the cliffhanger of the Supervillains release from the Phantom Zone.
In many ways it's a tighter story. Most slapstick elements from the Lester version are gone.
All in all, I think Superman Returns is much more a sequel to THIS version of Superman II than the original.

[khagler]

My impression was that Superman Returns was a remake of the first Christopher Reeve Superman movie. All the details are different, but it's the same basic story.

[Bob Schroeck]

Huh. I'm going to have to find a copy of the Donner cut now; I want to see that.
-- Bob
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Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Foxboy]

Also available on BluRay I spotted it in my local Best Buy but passed it up for a Tom and Jerry Collection to keep my nephew occupied for Babysitting
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll